Laces and Lace
Page 160

His brows came together. “Why the hell not?”
“Because if I have a girl, she’ll get cancer like Mom and I did.”
“Okay, I got you,” he said with a nod, but she didn’t miss the pain on his face. He was older when their mother had died, but he’d loved her as much as Lacey did. They didn’t talk much about their mother because usually it ended with the both of them in tears. “But Mom had you.”
“She didn’t know that I would get it.”
“Yeah, because she couldn’t predict the future and neither can you.”
“But she didn’t even know about the cancer.”
“Yeah, she did,” Grady said with a nod. “She had a scare when she was younger, but she said it didn’t keep her from living her life. She only had one life, and she was going to make it the best she could ever imagine.”
Lacey’s chest ached as tears gushed down her face. “She never told me that.”
“Yeah, she did, I remember. You were young, though. Like four. She said that she would never change having us because we made her life worth living.”
“Oh,” she responded, wiping at her face as her chest ached. Why hadn’t she remembered that?
“But it’s not only that you only have this one life, it’s the fact that you can’t predict the future. What if your daughter doesn’t get it? You are putting a diagnosis on a person who isn’t even here. Plus, what does this have to do with Karson? Is he forcing you to have a kid or something?”
She shook her head as a tear rolled down her face. “No, he wouldn’t do that. He said the same thing you did, but I know how much he wants a kid. He loves me, and he’ll let go of wanting a child just so I’ll be happy. But then what if one day he decides I’m not enough?”
Grady shook his head. “That’s dumb. He wouldn’t do that.”
“You can’t guarantee that.”
“And you can’t guarantee that your daughter would have cancer,” Grady pointed out and Lacey promptly shut her mouth. “I carry the gene too, Lacey. Did I allow it to keep me from living my life?”
“You had boys.”
“But I didn’t know that in advance. I wanted kids so I had them, and now I pray that they don’t go through what our mother went through. But I wouldn’t change having them. Or this next one.”
She swallowed passed the lump in her throat but couldn’t look at him. She couldn’t imagine him not having Flynn and Zander. He was a wonderful father.
“You are trying to predict the future, and that’s not fair to him or you. Why can’t you two just enjoy life, see where it takes you?”
He had a point, but she wouldn’t admit that. Shaking her head, she said, “While that is a big part of why I want to end it—”
“You don’t want to end it. You think you do, but I can see it on your face. That’s the last thing you want. You want to be with him because he makes you happy, but you are scared, and you are going to regret that,” he said sharply, sitting up and crossing his arms. “Live for you, Lacey. Do what makes you happy.”
“I want to,” she said as more tears streamed down her face. “But it’s not only that I don’t think I’m enough, it’s that everyone hates him and he’s always gone and then all this shit with girls can pop up, and I don’t want to do that again. I did it with Ethan, and I just don’t think I’m meant to be a hockey wife.”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Hockey is in your blood. Stop making excuses. It’s not attractive. If you want to be with the guy, be with him and everything else will work out.”
“That’s what he said,” she said softly and Grady nodded.
“Because he’s right,” he added. “And who cares if Rachel or Dad or Sabrina likes him? It matters if you like him, if he makes you happy.”
“But what you guys think matters.”
“It shouldn’t. At the end of the day, we are all going to be too concerned with our own lives to be what you need. He’s what you need,” he said and Lacey agreed. She didn’t want to worry about what other people thought, but it was so hard when they were constantly putting him down and cheering for their marriage to fail.
“I just hate how no one supports us except you, and everyone is practically rooting for us to fail,” she said sadly, her heart breaking inside her chest. “I just want to have my family, and I want Karson, and I want it to work. I want the support, the love from my family, and it’s like I can’t have both.”
“And that’s not fair, but it won’t change,” he said as she looked up, wiping her tears. As she met her brother’s gray eyes, he said, “I need to tell you something, Lacey.”
“What?”
“I know you might get mad, but you have to remember, I didn’t want you to hurt anymore.”
Her heart picked in speed as he held her gaze. “What?”
Clearing his throat, he ran his hand through his sandy blond hair, his bicep flexing as he sucked in a deep breath. “Dad has this obsession with you. After he lost Mom, all he had left of her was you. I mean, you are spitting image of her, and you are the closest thing to her.”
She never realized that, but it made sense, and dread filled her gut as she watched her brother shift uncomfortably in his seat.