When I was done speaking I felt his body had gone still again, stone still.
And silent.
Then he asked quietly, “Nightmare?”
“Nightmare,” I replied firmly.
Ty didn’t move.
By a miracle, I held it together.
Then he moved but it was to rest his chin on my shoulder and I closed my eyes because I needed him to go, go, go so I could fall apart again on my own.
Then he said, “Your nightmare, mama, was my dream.”
My heart clenched.
He kept going. “Never had a home until you gave me one.”
My breath started sticking.
“Never had anyone give to me the way you gave to me.”
My breath stopped sticking and clogged.
“Never thought of findin’ a woman who I wanted to have my baby.”
Oh God.
“Never had light in my life, never, not once, I lived wild but I didn’t burn bright until you shined your light on me.”
Oh God.
“Whacked, f**kin’ insane, but, at night, you curled in front of me, didn’t mind I did that time that wasn’t mine ‘cause it meant I walked out to you.”
He had to stop. He had to.
He didn’t.
“Your nightmare,” he whispered, turned his head and against my neck he finished, “my dream.”
Then he kissed my neck, gave me one last squeeze of his long, strong, powerful arms then he let me go, shifted back, got to his feet and I heard his footsteps walking away.
When I couldn’t hear them anymore I opened my eyes and saw sea.
I didn’t move for a long time and anyone studying me from the huge, cement patio with rusted lounge chairs would think I was lost in my thoughts not sitting in the sand with rivers of salt flowing down my face.
When the tears were spent, I let the breeze dry my cheeks until they felt scratchy and tight.
Then I got up and wandered up the beach, up the stairs to the patio and to my room. I needed to call Bessie in hers and talk about dinner. I didn’t eat much but she’d wait even if I picked at my food while she ate hers and I knew this because that’s what she’d been doing for weeks.
I dug my key out of my back pocket, put it in the lock, twisted it and walked into my room. The sun was setting but it was still light. When the door closed behind me, I couldn’t see anything because the drapes were pulled.
I flipped the switch, took two steps into the room then froze and stared at the bed.
A pile of rolled bills of cash sat in the center of my bed next to four, distinctive-colored boxes.
My eyes darted around the room, half expecting Ty to walk out of the bathroom, pop out from behind a curtain.
The other half, f**k me, f**k me, f**k me, was hoping.
He didn’t walk out of the bathroom and he certainly didn’t pop out from behind a curtain.
And because he didn’t, my legs gave out from under me, I sunk again to my ass, shoved my face between my knees and cried f**king more f**king rivers of f**king salt.
??
Chapter Fifteen
Eleven Hours
Three weeks later…
My cell ringing woke me up.
I rolled, grabbed it from the nightstand, looked at the display and it said, “Ella Calling”.
I blinked, groggy, confused, it had to be the middle of the night.
Why was Ella calling?
Shit. This couldn’t be good.
I flipped it open and put it to my ear. “Ella, honey, what’s up? Is everything okay?”
Silence then, soft, gentle, trembling, “Oh baby.”
My heart skipped then stuttered to a halt, I shot up to sitting in the bed, the phone pressed tight to my ear.
“Ella?” I called when she said no more.
Now my voice was trembling.
“Lexie, precious…” she trailed off and again said no more.
“Ella,” now my body was trembling, “what’s happened? Is it Honey?”
Silence then, so soft it was near a coo, “No, baby, it’s Ty.”
My body stopped trembling because it had started shaking.
“What’s Ty?” I whispered.
I heard her draw in a deep breath then, “Got a call from a man named Julius.”
Oh God. Oh no. Oh God no.
“Told me Ty was out in that fancy car of his, goin’ too fast…”
Oh God. Oh no. Oh God no!
“Lost control, wasn’t wearin’ a seatbelt.”
He didn’t. Ty didn’t. I’d nag him and he’d do it but I had to nag him.
Live wild, mama.
I closed my eyes.
Oh God.
Oh no.
Oh f**king God, no.
“Lexie, baby, you there?”
No. No. I wasn’t. I wasn’t anywhere. I was lost. Totally lost. More lost even than the lost I’d been for a month and a half.
Lost forever.
“Yes,” I lied, opening my eyes.
“He… he…” another audible breath, “he’s alive, precious, but they say he’s not gonna last long. This Julius man said that maybe you’d wanna see him before he… he…” another audible breath while my body shook the bed and my throat burned so bad I knew it would never feel normal again, “passes. But he said there isn’t a lot of time.”
Suddenly full of energy, I threw back the covers and jumped out of bed. “Where is he?”
“County hospital outside Carnal.”
“I’ll get the first flight,” I announced, glad for the first time I had fifty thousand dollars of my husband’s money.
My husband’s money.
My husband.
My throat constricted, cutting off my air.
I forced saliva down it and doing it f**king hurt. But it worked; I could again breathe though I was doing it shallowly.
“Did he give you a number?” I asked.
“Yes, baby,” she answered.
“Can you…” I grabbed my suitcase and tossed it on the bed. “Can you… will you, when I get my flight, will you talk to him for me?”
I couldn’t talk to Julius. I couldn’t connect, even over the phone, with anything that belonged to Ty.
I couldn’t.
“Anything, Lexie,” Ella whispered.
“Thank you, honey,” I whispered back then stopped dead, froze and I couldn’t stop it, it hit me, no controlling it, it was too strong, the feeling overwhelmed me and the sob tore out of my throat, the sound so loud, it filled the room, reverberating, bouncing back and beating into me like fists.
“Baby,” Ella cooed in my ear. “Get your suitcase, get your clothes,” she guided me. “Pack. I’ll call Bessie. She’ll call for tickets. Just get yourself packed. That’s all you have to do. Bessie’ll take care of you.”
And silent.
Then he asked quietly, “Nightmare?”
“Nightmare,” I replied firmly.
Ty didn’t move.
By a miracle, I held it together.
Then he moved but it was to rest his chin on my shoulder and I closed my eyes because I needed him to go, go, go so I could fall apart again on my own.
Then he said, “Your nightmare, mama, was my dream.”
My heart clenched.
He kept going. “Never had a home until you gave me one.”
My breath started sticking.
“Never had anyone give to me the way you gave to me.”
My breath stopped sticking and clogged.
“Never thought of findin’ a woman who I wanted to have my baby.”
Oh God.
“Never had light in my life, never, not once, I lived wild but I didn’t burn bright until you shined your light on me.”
Oh God.
“Whacked, f**kin’ insane, but, at night, you curled in front of me, didn’t mind I did that time that wasn’t mine ‘cause it meant I walked out to you.”
He had to stop. He had to.
He didn’t.
“Your nightmare,” he whispered, turned his head and against my neck he finished, “my dream.”
Then he kissed my neck, gave me one last squeeze of his long, strong, powerful arms then he let me go, shifted back, got to his feet and I heard his footsteps walking away.
When I couldn’t hear them anymore I opened my eyes and saw sea.
I didn’t move for a long time and anyone studying me from the huge, cement patio with rusted lounge chairs would think I was lost in my thoughts not sitting in the sand with rivers of salt flowing down my face.
When the tears were spent, I let the breeze dry my cheeks until they felt scratchy and tight.
Then I got up and wandered up the beach, up the stairs to the patio and to my room. I needed to call Bessie in hers and talk about dinner. I didn’t eat much but she’d wait even if I picked at my food while she ate hers and I knew this because that’s what she’d been doing for weeks.
I dug my key out of my back pocket, put it in the lock, twisted it and walked into my room. The sun was setting but it was still light. When the door closed behind me, I couldn’t see anything because the drapes were pulled.
I flipped the switch, took two steps into the room then froze and stared at the bed.
A pile of rolled bills of cash sat in the center of my bed next to four, distinctive-colored boxes.
My eyes darted around the room, half expecting Ty to walk out of the bathroom, pop out from behind a curtain.
The other half, f**k me, f**k me, f**k me, was hoping.
He didn’t walk out of the bathroom and he certainly didn’t pop out from behind a curtain.
And because he didn’t, my legs gave out from under me, I sunk again to my ass, shoved my face between my knees and cried f**king more f**king rivers of f**king salt.
??
Chapter Fifteen
Eleven Hours
Three weeks later…
My cell ringing woke me up.
I rolled, grabbed it from the nightstand, looked at the display and it said, “Ella Calling”.
I blinked, groggy, confused, it had to be the middle of the night.
Why was Ella calling?
Shit. This couldn’t be good.
I flipped it open and put it to my ear. “Ella, honey, what’s up? Is everything okay?”
Silence then, soft, gentle, trembling, “Oh baby.”
My heart skipped then stuttered to a halt, I shot up to sitting in the bed, the phone pressed tight to my ear.
“Ella?” I called when she said no more.
Now my voice was trembling.
“Lexie, precious…” she trailed off and again said no more.
“Ella,” now my body was trembling, “what’s happened? Is it Honey?”
Silence then, so soft it was near a coo, “No, baby, it’s Ty.”
My body stopped trembling because it had started shaking.
“What’s Ty?” I whispered.
I heard her draw in a deep breath then, “Got a call from a man named Julius.”
Oh God. Oh no. Oh God no.
“Told me Ty was out in that fancy car of his, goin’ too fast…”
Oh God. Oh no. Oh God no!
“Lost control, wasn’t wearin’ a seatbelt.”
He didn’t. Ty didn’t. I’d nag him and he’d do it but I had to nag him.
Live wild, mama.
I closed my eyes.
Oh God.
Oh no.
Oh f**king God, no.
“Lexie, baby, you there?”
No. No. I wasn’t. I wasn’t anywhere. I was lost. Totally lost. More lost even than the lost I’d been for a month and a half.
Lost forever.
“Yes,” I lied, opening my eyes.
“He… he…” another audible breath, “he’s alive, precious, but they say he’s not gonna last long. This Julius man said that maybe you’d wanna see him before he… he…” another audible breath while my body shook the bed and my throat burned so bad I knew it would never feel normal again, “passes. But he said there isn’t a lot of time.”
Suddenly full of energy, I threw back the covers and jumped out of bed. “Where is he?”
“County hospital outside Carnal.”
“I’ll get the first flight,” I announced, glad for the first time I had fifty thousand dollars of my husband’s money.
My husband’s money.
My husband.
My throat constricted, cutting off my air.
I forced saliva down it and doing it f**king hurt. But it worked; I could again breathe though I was doing it shallowly.
“Did he give you a number?” I asked.
“Yes, baby,” she answered.
“Can you…” I grabbed my suitcase and tossed it on the bed. “Can you… will you, when I get my flight, will you talk to him for me?”
I couldn’t talk to Julius. I couldn’t connect, even over the phone, with anything that belonged to Ty.
I couldn’t.
“Anything, Lexie,” Ella whispered.
“Thank you, honey,” I whispered back then stopped dead, froze and I couldn’t stop it, it hit me, no controlling it, it was too strong, the feeling overwhelmed me and the sob tore out of my throat, the sound so loud, it filled the room, reverberating, bouncing back and beating into me like fists.
“Baby,” Ella cooed in my ear. “Get your suitcase, get your clothes,” she guided me. “Pack. I’ll call Bessie. She’ll call for tickets. Just get yourself packed. That’s all you have to do. Bessie’ll take care of you.”
