Life After Taylah
Page 33
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“I saw you out there with him, so I’m asking—are you into him?”
“I like Keanu. He’s a great surfer and he’s somewhat of an idol to me . . .”
“That’s not what I’m askin’,” he hisses. “I’m askin’ if you want him.”
Anger boils in my chest. “Jesus, Nate, what business is it of yours, anyway?” I snap. “You’ve made it very clear that this friendship means a whole lot of nothing to you. I don’t understand what you want from me.”
He lets go of the pole he was holding onto and storms over, taking hold of the chains on my swing and leaning down so we’re nose to nose. I forget to breathe again. This happens a lot around Nate. My entire body becomes aware of him, the skin at the back of my neck prickles and I swallow, trying desperately to keep my emotions at bay.
“What I want,” he grinds out, “I can’t fuckin’ have.”
“Then why are you here? Why are you making me feeling like I’ve done something wrong?”
He drops his eyes down, taking a deep, strangled breath. When he looks back up at me, some of the anger has slipped from his expression.
“The only thing you’ve done wrong, Dancer,” he murmurs, staring into my eyes and then dragging his gaze to my lips, “is be so fuckin’ perfect that you’re impossible to resist.”
“That’s not what I ever meant to do,” I squeak. “I’m not like that. I was never trying to do that, Nate. I just wanted a friend . . .”
“Shit, I know that. You think I don’t know that? You’re as good as they come, as pure as you are beautiful.”
I force my eyes to stop misting, force my heart to stop pounding, but I can’t stop my voice from shaking when I whisper, “Please stop.”
He steps closer, brining his face only millimeters from mine. “Don’t you think I want to stop?” He breathes. “Don’t you think I want to get your face from my mind? Don’t you think I want to forget about you? I can’t. I’m trying, and I can’t. This isn’t something I’ve ever felt before in my life and I don’t know how to deal with it.”
“Nate,” I gasp as he lets his lips graze mine.
“Turn me away, Avery. If you don’t . . . I’m not sure I can find the strength.”
I’m shaking all over, and my heart is tearing in two different directions. One wants him; it wants him so fiercely it hurts. The other is logical, it knows this is wrong, and not just for Lena but for Jacob. It’s not fair, and it’s not right. That side of my heart is trying to win; it’s fighting hard against the stupid part to win the battle. Apparently that battle takes too long, because Nate makes the choice for me.
He crushes his lips against mine.
I lose my breath in loud whoosh, and then all I can feel is him: the warmth of his lips, his hands on either side of my face, his thumbs stroking the soft patches of skin there. I part my lips and once again our kiss turns heated, tongues dancing, lips crushing, breath mingling. I don’t let go of the swing, too afraid that if I do there’ll be no turning back for me.
“Dancer,” he murmurs, trailing his lips over my jaw.
I shut my eyes and my head drops back. He takes the chance to run his lips down my throat.
Every thing in my world stops. It just stops. I can’t hear, I can’t see—the only sense I have left is to feel. And I feel—I feel all of him. I take in every emotion he’s pouring into me, and I take it willingly. Against all odds. Against everything that’s right. Against everything that should be.
He’s the only thing I am in this moment.
“Avery?”
The sound of a voice calling my name has reality crashing down on me so hard and so suddenly that I gasp and wrench my lips from Nate’s. I scramble backwards off the swing, landing with a crash on the ground. I can hear Kelly calling my name in the distance and I realize what it is I just did. I’m that woman. The woman who takes a man away from the pain in his relationship; the woman that becomes the monster; the woman that becomes his happy place; the woman that always ends up alone.
I don’t want to be that woman.
I shove to my feet, my entire body shaking. I lift my eyes to Nate’s and I see his expression is equally as broken as mine. I know what I have to do—I have to do it for him, for me, for Lena, for Jacob and, most of all—for Macy.
“Don’t do that again,” I say, my voice strangled. Those are the hardest four words I’ve had to say in my life. “You can’t ask me to feel something I’m not allowed to feel, Nate. And,” my voice breaks and I get that horrible, crying voice that doesn’t make this easier, “and you can’t expect me to be strong enough to say no. I can’t say no to you, Nate. If you push, I can’t keep away. I don’t have the strength. You affect me in a way no one has ever affected me. So, I’m asking you—just don’t do it. Don’t make me become someone I’m not—because I will, Nate. For you, I will.”
I turn and hurry off before he can say another word.
Because if he speaks to me, if he begs, if he looks at me with those lost, broken eyes . . . then I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep away from him.
CHAPTER 15
NATE
“Nate,” she moans, her head dropping back, her pink lips parting. “More.”
I drive my body into hers, filling her, completing her, claiming her. Her hands are on my back, nails biting into my skin. She feels so good, so fucking sweet, so fucking perfect.
“I like Keanu. He’s a great surfer and he’s somewhat of an idol to me . . .”
“That’s not what I’m askin’,” he hisses. “I’m askin’ if you want him.”
Anger boils in my chest. “Jesus, Nate, what business is it of yours, anyway?” I snap. “You’ve made it very clear that this friendship means a whole lot of nothing to you. I don’t understand what you want from me.”
He lets go of the pole he was holding onto and storms over, taking hold of the chains on my swing and leaning down so we’re nose to nose. I forget to breathe again. This happens a lot around Nate. My entire body becomes aware of him, the skin at the back of my neck prickles and I swallow, trying desperately to keep my emotions at bay.
“What I want,” he grinds out, “I can’t fuckin’ have.”
“Then why are you here? Why are you making me feeling like I’ve done something wrong?”
He drops his eyes down, taking a deep, strangled breath. When he looks back up at me, some of the anger has slipped from his expression.
“The only thing you’ve done wrong, Dancer,” he murmurs, staring into my eyes and then dragging his gaze to my lips, “is be so fuckin’ perfect that you’re impossible to resist.”
“That’s not what I ever meant to do,” I squeak. “I’m not like that. I was never trying to do that, Nate. I just wanted a friend . . .”
“Shit, I know that. You think I don’t know that? You’re as good as they come, as pure as you are beautiful.”
I force my eyes to stop misting, force my heart to stop pounding, but I can’t stop my voice from shaking when I whisper, “Please stop.”
He steps closer, brining his face only millimeters from mine. “Don’t you think I want to stop?” He breathes. “Don’t you think I want to get your face from my mind? Don’t you think I want to forget about you? I can’t. I’m trying, and I can’t. This isn’t something I’ve ever felt before in my life and I don’t know how to deal with it.”
“Nate,” I gasp as he lets his lips graze mine.
“Turn me away, Avery. If you don’t . . . I’m not sure I can find the strength.”
I’m shaking all over, and my heart is tearing in two different directions. One wants him; it wants him so fiercely it hurts. The other is logical, it knows this is wrong, and not just for Lena but for Jacob. It’s not fair, and it’s not right. That side of my heart is trying to win; it’s fighting hard against the stupid part to win the battle. Apparently that battle takes too long, because Nate makes the choice for me.
He crushes his lips against mine.
I lose my breath in loud whoosh, and then all I can feel is him: the warmth of his lips, his hands on either side of my face, his thumbs stroking the soft patches of skin there. I part my lips and once again our kiss turns heated, tongues dancing, lips crushing, breath mingling. I don’t let go of the swing, too afraid that if I do there’ll be no turning back for me.
“Dancer,” he murmurs, trailing his lips over my jaw.
I shut my eyes and my head drops back. He takes the chance to run his lips down my throat.
Every thing in my world stops. It just stops. I can’t hear, I can’t see—the only sense I have left is to feel. And I feel—I feel all of him. I take in every emotion he’s pouring into me, and I take it willingly. Against all odds. Against everything that’s right. Against everything that should be.
He’s the only thing I am in this moment.
“Avery?”
The sound of a voice calling my name has reality crashing down on me so hard and so suddenly that I gasp and wrench my lips from Nate’s. I scramble backwards off the swing, landing with a crash on the ground. I can hear Kelly calling my name in the distance and I realize what it is I just did. I’m that woman. The woman who takes a man away from the pain in his relationship; the woman that becomes the monster; the woman that becomes his happy place; the woman that always ends up alone.
I don’t want to be that woman.
I shove to my feet, my entire body shaking. I lift my eyes to Nate’s and I see his expression is equally as broken as mine. I know what I have to do—I have to do it for him, for me, for Lena, for Jacob and, most of all—for Macy.
“Don’t do that again,” I say, my voice strangled. Those are the hardest four words I’ve had to say in my life. “You can’t ask me to feel something I’m not allowed to feel, Nate. And,” my voice breaks and I get that horrible, crying voice that doesn’t make this easier, “and you can’t expect me to be strong enough to say no. I can’t say no to you, Nate. If you push, I can’t keep away. I don’t have the strength. You affect me in a way no one has ever affected me. So, I’m asking you—just don’t do it. Don’t make me become someone I’m not—because I will, Nate. For you, I will.”
I turn and hurry off before he can say another word.
Because if he speaks to me, if he begs, if he looks at me with those lost, broken eyes . . . then I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep away from him.
CHAPTER 15
NATE
“Nate,” she moans, her head dropping back, her pink lips parting. “More.”
I drive my body into hers, filling her, completing her, claiming her. Her hands are on my back, nails biting into my skin. She feels so good, so fucking sweet, so fucking perfect.
