She scoffs, "I just watched you crack the seal on that bottle."
I laugh, "It's not usually very special around here." I offer her my hand. She steps into the tub. I point at the button on the side, "That turns on the jets."
I turn and leave the bathroom on the toughest act of chivalry I have ever done. I pick up her clothes and take them to my bed. I leave them there in a neat pile and place her phone in her coat and then take it out. I wrinkle my nose and go to the bags at the front door. I put her phone in her UGG boots and put them back in her bag.
I walk into the kitchen and think about what Nicky said. Girls like boys who can cook. I open the fridge and look at the pate, champagne, sports drinks, eggs and condiments. There isn’t even beer like there would be in a normal guy's fridge. I like red wine better, is that so wrong? I tap my fingers against the counter and think. I can't cook, I don’t read, and I don’t have anything to offer, except pate with nothing to eat it on and champagne I clearly don’t like, as it's still in my fridge.
I decide to go and take a shower and try to come up with something. I'm nearly done shampooing my hair, when I feel something against me. I open my eyes and jump when I see her there. She smiles, "I need to rinse the soap off."
I fight my grin and stare at her black eye, "There's a huge walk-in shower in there."
She nods, "I know."
She wraps her arms around me and holds me. I don't know how long we stay like that, but I think it's the greatest experience I have ever had. Her breasts squished into my chest and her arms wrapped around me and the water all around us both.
We get out and she dries off and walks naked back to my room where her clothes are. She doesn’t put them on though. She puts on another pair of my jogging pants and a gray tee shirt. Her wet hair makes a dark spot on the shirt.
"I'm sorry I took you there. I shouldn’t have and now your eye is swollen."
She smiles, "I liked it."
We never say anything except the simple things and I think I mostly sound like a jerk. The sun goes down over the city and she nods at the windows in the room, "I better go. Is Stuart downstairs?"
I nod.
She walks to me slowly, presses her lips against mine. "I'm glad you took me there. I like seeing you there, like that." She turns and leaves. My plan was a failure. I walk to the hallway and watch her leave. She steps into the elevator and blows me a kiss. It closes and I have new things to worry about. I hurry to the kitchen to watch her leave. She runs across the street to the Tahoe and climbs in. I watch them until they're a tiny spot on the road and then they’re gone. She is gone.
Chapter Nineteen
I stare at the phone and lean against the bar. Stuart is still in the bathroom so I have seconds to text before he gets back.
I take a breath and just send it, 'I need to see you tonight'
Her answer is fast, 'No. I have a date with Sebastian.'
I know I tortured her but it had a purpose. I don’t know what her purpose is for doing this to me. I just ask so I know, 'Where are you going?'
'Liquor Store…'
I roll my eyes, 'No. They have a mechanical bull. Think about how classy that is.'
She doesn’t answer me again.
Stuart comes back and sits down next to me, "So where are we going tonight?"
I almost say the Liquor Store but I can't do that to him. I smirk, "Somewhere classy."
He winces, "Both of the girls we like are on dates with other guys. How shitty is this?"
I shrug, "We could stalk them and beat the piss out of the guys."
He looks down, "She hates me, Eli. She is never going to forgive me, ever."
I hate this. I nudge his arm, "She is. She's just angry and confused. She sees the way Sarah is; there is no denying the truth and the proof, it worked. You helped save her."
He drinks back his beer, "Yeah, but Michelle thinks I lied."
I shake my head, "When haven’t we lied?"
He nods slowly and I see the slump coming. I get up, "Come on, we're going out. This'll be fun." I grab his arm and drag him out of the pub.
We get to a bar with a beat but no line up yet. The shots line up along the bar. He gives me a smile and starts in on them like the old days.
"This first shot is for my brother, Sam." It always is. He holds it out, "I love you brother and I will love you for the rest of my life. Someone remembers you, always." He drinks the shot.
He holds the second one up, "To Dr. Bradley for saving me when I didn’t see anything worth saving."
He drinks the shot.
I almost stop him but he has that look in his eyes, and if I can get him to pass out it'll be better.
"To my best friend, Eli. Fucking love you, man."
He downs it and grabs the fourth one, "To my father for leaving when I was five and never returning. Fuck you."
He slams that one on the bar with a little more force. He lifts number five with a sarcastic grin, "To my whore mother, hope it was worth the money you made all those days you worked and failed to call in the missing children's report."
I wince as he shudders and grabs number six.
"To the school we went to for finally noticing we were missing and calling."
This one is my favorite. He holds it up and gets a tear in his eyes, "To Officer Brady for finding us in that filthy, damned place and being the light in the darkness."
He slaps the bar and gives me a savage look, "Let's find some ladies."
I shake my head, "Let's take a walk."
He looks worried I'm going to ruin the high he is getting. I shake my head, "Find a place with more going on."
He looks around the nearly-empty bar and nods. As we leave, he nudges the bouncer on purpose. I slip the guy a hundred and push Stuart along.
"What an asshole. He hit me on purpose."
I sigh and look around. He needs a fight but he's trashed and shouldn’t fight. We walk down along the harbor. He gives me a look after a few blocks, "I love you."
I nod, "I know you do."
My phone vibrates. I pull it out and see it's from Sarah, but I don’t like the message, 'Maybe you should get Stuart to come get Shell.'
I glance at him and shake my head as I type, 'Call her Michelle. No. Stuart's hurt. I'm not doing that to him. We need to talk.'
'No. I'm hurt. I'm not doing that to me.'
I pocket my phone and decide I'll get him in bed and go to the stupid bar where she is and see what's going on. If Michelle needs to go home, I'll get them home, together.
I turn us up the road to my place and walk along. His shots start to really hit him. He's mumbling and crying.
"I just love her and I don’t want to live without her."
I wrap an arm around him and pull him into the building, "She loves you. Sarah told me she loves you. She's trying to make you jealous. Trust me."
He gives me a sloppy face, "You think?"
I nod and wrestle him into the elevator. The guy in the lobby gives me a look. I sigh as the door closes. When we get upstairs, I put him into the guest bed and lock the door. There is nothing in there but a bed and blankets. He can't hurt himself.
The dark of the hallway and the text I got, make me nervous. I hurry to the stairs and down to the lobby. The guy gives me another look as I point, "Don’t let him leave. Call me right away."
He nods, "Yes, Mr. Adams."
I hail a cab and jump in, "Liquor Store bar, please."
He nods and drives fast.
I bypass the line and walk inside slowly. I spot them right away. They're dancing and having fun. Michelle seems fine. I'm confused.
The music is booming and everyone is on the dance floor. Sebastian is dancing like a goof with Sarah and Michelle is wrapped around her date.
The song ends and they walk to the bar. He gets a drink and they talk. She looks animated and happy. She talks so much with him. She natters even. I couldn’t tell the difference between her and any other girl in this bar. She looks normal.
He leans down and kisses her softly. She wraps her hands around his face kissing him, pulling him in.
My eyes won't close, no matter how hard I try to get them to. They force me to see the thing I have dreaded and avoided since the start. I want to tell her he is a pawn put there by the evil doctor, but I don’t. I watch for a few more painful seconds and then leave the bar.
She is normal there, with him. She will never be that with me. I will always be a scarred freak who scares her. It will always be bigger than the boy who saved her.
She will always be the empty, hollow place inside of me where I once felt love.
Chapter Twenty
'Meet me now.'
I need to end this.
I wait for the Tahoe to pull up outside of the building and then I head for the elevator. I am surviving the day on autopilot.
I press the button and step inside the elevator when it comes. I stand there waiting for her to press the button and summon us both down.
When the elevator moves, I almost make a noise. The doors open and my hand extends to her, like it always does.
She takes it and I don’t know what to do with that. The memory of her lips on his is still so fresh in my mind. I know she probably had sex with him. He got to see how beautiful she is and... I have to stop. I just say the first thing I can, "I'm sorry." I don’t know why I said it or what I'm sorry for. I don’t know what to say to her. The conflict inside of me is overwhelming. I need to free her but I don’t want to.
The elevator dings and I pull her inside. I walk to the living room and drag her onto the couch with me. We sit in awkward silence until she speaks, "I should take my shoes off."
"No."
I feel her flinch. I am angry—betrayed I think. I feel that way, even though we have never stated what we are to each other; since I found her, I have been hers. Clearly, it's not that way for her. "What do you want?" I ask blankly. I want to ask her to pick me or him, but I don’t. I'm too scared she'll pick him.
