She looks past me at Lance, "He's not doing it right, Lance."
He comes over, looking grumpy and mutters, "What the hell is this Adams? Jesus. My retriever does a better job than this." He snatches the tape from my hands where I have squished it a little bit.
She is like Michelle. She is more like her than I imagined. I've created a monster. I step back and walk away.
I'm catching a late-afternoon flight to see her parents and go over the final plan for the meeting on her real birthday in a week. I am scared to have to show them the person I accidentally helped make.
Stuart gives me a desperate look, "Is she asking Angelo out?"
I nod, "I think me and you might need a new gym to fight at. I don’t want to go to jail."
He steps forward, "I don’t care about jail."
I nod at the showers, "Let's wait for him in the change room."
The look in his eyes is insane. There is no way he can have a normal talk with Angelo. I grab him and drag him to our gear. I grab the bags and pull him to the Tahoe.
He is vibrating when we get to the truck. "Why is she doing this? What could she possibly want to hurt me that bad for?"
I look at him and try to be calm and not say the things I want to say, "She is a bad person, Stu. She doesn’t love you. She doesn’t. That’s not love. That is awful. I don’t even know what to say about it, except that you need to move on. It's been months of this. She is stringing you along with the texts and trying to make you jealous, but I honestly think it's done."
He opens his mouth to argue but he doesn’t. He can't. There is nothing to say.
I drive us to my parents and knock on the door. My mother answers and glances at my workout clothes, "Hello, dear."
I point at the truck, "Can he stay with you? He's been through a bad breakup and we're all he has."
Her face turns worried. She opens the door, "Of course. I'll have Franklin make all his favorite foods."
I frown, "Where is Franklin?" She never answers the door.
She smiles, "He went to get some things the deli forgot to put in the order."
It makes me smile. I can't even imagine my parents in a grocery store.
I walk to the door of the truck and open it, "Come on, man."
He climbs out, looking confused, "What?"
My mom smiles sweetly, "Stuart, honey. Come inside and I'll make you some of that tea you like so much."
Stuart gives me a look.
I laugh, "I have to go to Chicago and see the Mastermen family. You can't be alone."
My mom takes his hand from mine and drags him inside, "We'll pour you a nice bubble bath and you can relax, and afterward you can tell me all about it."
I laugh and kiss my mom on the cheek, "See you tomorrow."
Stuart has the look of a hostage but I know he loves my mom. She is cold and detached and unloving to me in every way, but she adores Stuart, as does my dad. It's easy to love him, they know none of his secrets.
She closes the door, winking at me. He won't have time to feel sorry for himself. She will drive him insane with her snobbery and bizarre stories of who came to which party with whom and how ridiculous it was.
I get to Chicago at seven and drive for their neighborhood. Richard answers the door with a beaming smile, "Eli!" Seeing them now is so different. They are so grateful and alive inside. They even went on a cruise a few months ago.
He hugs me and pulls me inside. They live vicariously through me.
Helen rushes down the stairs when I get inside, "Eli!" She wraps herself around me. I hug and smile.
I wish they had been the parents I had come home to after Em died. No matter what Sarah has been through, they will love her and welcome her warmly and forget everything else. My parents were so cold and detached. They saw my failure. They knew I didn’t protect her like I should have. Helen and Richard are not like that.
"So how is she?"
I smile, "She is blissfully normal. It's ridiculous how far she has come in the last few months since Christmas."
Helen's eyes water and Richard inhales slowly as if trying not to cry.
"Does she still want to see us on her birthday?" Helen's voice breaks. I can see the preparation for disappointment in her eyes. I nod, "She does. She really does. We walk up the stairs and I start the explanation for how it will all go. It was Jane's original plan to be part of it, but she will have no part in this.
"Will we finally meet the doctor?"
I shake my head, "She died. It was tragic."
They both gasp. I nod, "Heart condition."
It isn’t so far from the truth, Jane is gone from Boston. An envelope was delivered days ago with the last of the money she will ever see from my family, and pictures that would end everything. She would get jail time for them. Pictures of a young man, not yet legal, being whipped by his physician and taught to like being dominated. I didn’t take pictures of the encounter years later, where I dominated her and fucked her. I would hate for her to have anything she could enjoy.
Richard passes me a cold beer. It is the only house in the world where I drink beer, because I don’t have the heart to tell them I hate it.
"She is doing well, she is enjoying college and she is no longer trapped by anything. She is free and ready to meet you."
Helen starts to cry fully. She always does. She wipes her face, stammering, "I just—I don’t know how we can ever thank you. I don’t know what to say or do to make it up to you. I don’t understand why or how you would ever help, but I am grateful."
My eyes water too. She does this every time but I'm dying inside with every word she says.
I did it all for myself.
I did it all for love, my love.
I leave their house the next day, just wishing I could somehow still be part of their family when it all ends and she is with them again.
I dial Stuart from the airport.
"Yo."
He sounds better.
I smile, "How's it going?"
He scoffs, "Did you know dudes could get a pedicure and they just put clear polish on your toes?"
I laugh. He is everything I need sometimes. I shake my head, "She is going to have you waxing your eyebrows soon. Don’t fall for that one."
He laughs, "I think they’re good. They're way cleaner than before."
I laugh harder, "Stu, the only people who notice a guy's eyebrows are gay guys. Until they grow back in you're going to have a lot of dinner invitations."
He is silent for a second, "Oh snap. You know what, I do kinda look like those two guys who do the property renovations on that girlie channel. My grandma loved that shit."
I nod and sigh, "That’s about it."
"You almost home?"
"Yes."
He goes quiet, "I gotta go, man. She is making something called a dirty martini and making me try it."
I grimace, the olive juice always makes me gag, "Good luck."
He laughs and hangs up. We may not be perfect or normal, or even barely a family, but we have each other. We will never be the Mastermen family. They're about to get their daughter back.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I wake up the morning of her birthday and drive over to the dorm. I have a plan for the entire day. Flowers, hair, spa, and then meet her parents.
What I discover is Sebastian walking into the dorms with flowers, daisies. They are her favorite flower.
The week that I have left her alone and let her cool off from the lies Jane told her, has proved to be a disaster. It has pushed her into his arms.
He goes in and she comes out moments later. They walk and smile and I feel sick. I do the thing I don’t want to do. I follow them. They get into the car laughing and happy but after a minute she gets out. She looks angry. He jumps out of the car and rushes to her, kissing her savagely. I don’t turn away. The white noise comes and makes me watch. It freezes my face to make sure I suffer as much as I can.
I watch her hands climb up his hair, pulling him down on her. He pushes her back into the car and storms to his side. He is pissed off. I hurry to my car and follow them. He drives like a maniac.
Oh God.
They turn into the underground parking of a building. I park on the road, frozen. They are going to fuck. She is going to give him everything that is mine. I smash my head down on the steering wheel, "You win, Jane."
I stay there as long as I have to, hoping to see her leave looking like she just ate too many waffles or had a fight.
I dread seeing that satisfied look on her face, but I force myself to wait and see it.
Only when she does come, hours later, she doesn’t look the same. She looks haunted and upset.
What did he do to her?
She hugs herself and walks along the street. She doesn’t see me or anything. She shakes her head and looks back at the apartment.
Whatever he did, she doesn’t have the carefree ’Ha, I got you to like me’ look she always does when she leaves my place.
I cock an eyebrow and let a glimmer of hope in that she couldn’t do it. She doesn’t like him the way she does me, maybe. I want to go to his apartment and beat the ever-loving shit out of him and make him tell me what they did, but it's time to pick her parents up.
I drive to the airport in a trance. I should be excited. The whole journey is about to come to an end, but I'm not. I haven’t won her over and when I give her back to them, I will have no reason to see her anymore. She will be theirs. She always was theirs. I have no legitimate rights to her.
When I pull up, they're waiting with frightened faces and hopeful eyes.
I get out and smile, "Ready?"
The four of them nod. Lyle, one of her brothers, smiles, "I feel sick I'm so excited."
I nod, "I know that feeling."
Richard and I put the bags in the back and climb into the company SUV I took so we would all fit. My car hardly fits me and Stuart.
The hotel is close so they don’t have time to be nervous. They're excited, scared, and jittery. Everything they say is too loud and not quite funny. Everyone is on edge. We get to the valet and I smile, "I will stand outside and wait for her. You guys go on up."
