“Are you sure you can do this?” I asked him, hardly able to mask my concern.
He nodded. “Yeah, babe. I’m good.”
Just as he turned to face his opponent and get down to business, I brought my hand to his face and forced him to look back at me. I stared at those dulled brown eyes and lifeless face with sadness.
“Heath, I don’t want you get hurt. Don’t push yourself.”
He brought his hand over my own and said, “I don’t have a choice, Allie. You know that.”
“But you look awful.”
He shot me a half-hearted smirk that still sent tingles all the way down to my toes. “Al, don’t wound me. All I got left are my looks.”
I shook my head, wrapped an arm around his neck and forced his face down to mine. I kissed him hard. He wrapped his arms around me and returned the kiss, desperately stroking his tongue against mine. I didn’t care that the people around us went quiet. This type of affection by Heath was far from common, but not just that, everyone knew who I was and who I was meant to belong to. This would indefinitely stir the pot.
But I didn’t care.
I wanted Heath. Had wanted him for too long now.
“Christ, Allison, you’ve definitely woken me up now,” he muttered, looking down at me with his tender eyes.
I smiled at him. “Kick that guy’s ass, alright?”
“Yeah,” he said with a wavering voice.
I let go of him and watched him face Marko. I felt someone’s presence behind me and turned back to see Matt with his arms crossed and his eyes directed to mine. He was frowning at me, no doubt disapproving of my kiss to Heath. I didn’t let it get to me. I turned away from him and resumed watching both opponents get ready.
A preliminary whistle sounded out and they both began to approach one another. The look on Marko’s chiselled face was lethal, meanwhile Heath was still clouded by his exhaustion. Then the second whistle sounded and it was officially on. They circled one another. Marko was the first to take a swing, hitting the air when Heath dodged his fist.
“Come on, Lawson!” The screams were coming from every corner of the room. Heath swung at Marko a few times, unsuccessfully hitting him. It was toe to toe until Marko moved in aggressively, uncaring of Heath’s punches across the face and chest. It was like watching a wrecking ball blasting through concrete. Marko sent quick, fast punches across Heath’s face and upper body. He was so quick, Heath could barely find room to punch back. He stumbled back as Marko continued to come at him, and only when his back touched against the crowd did Marko relent and pull away. He looked cocky, turning away from Heath without looking back. As if he was confident Heath wouldn’t take this opportunity to jump him.
He was right. Heath didn’t. He was too busy catching his breath and shaking his head from side to side. He opened his mouth and stretched his jaw, as though he were checking for anything broken, and I wanted nothing more than to step into the circle and go to him. To shield him from this creepy guy because he wasn’t like any other opponent Heath had ever faced. I took a step forward to do just that. My heart was breaking. Heath might get seriously hurt.
A hand suddenly wrapped around my arm, tugging me back.
“Don’t,” came Matt’s stern voice in my ear. “Heath can take care of himself.”
I didn’t trust myself to stay glued to that spot, so I let Matt keep his hold on me. I watched in despair as Marko started this game all over again, allowing Heath to come close before sending him straight back against the crowd. I wanted to believe it was Heath’s exhaustion that tamed his strength, but Marko had an edge about him that frightened me. It was like watching a lion tear through a cage after a lifetime of captivity. The man was a goddamn machine, and Heath had finally met his match.
Why the hell did he have to meet it now?
It was a slaughtering.
Heath fell down, but the stubborn ass wouldn’t stay down! He rose and fought back with everything inside of him, and it tore me to pieces to watch him fall back over and over again. Every punch was met with a gasp that escaped his lungs. Winded and exhausted, yet he carried on, giving the man some good hits along the way. Marko was not only enraged by Heath’s strikes, but surprised too, like he had never been touched this way. It seemed to aggravate him more.
I’d never seen the place so silent before. Everyone watched in awe as the man broke the one I… loved.
I loved him.
I wanted to cover my eyes and cry, but I found myself slipping away. Detached from reality, yet feeling as though I was being tortured from within. I felt every hit, heard every sound, and gulped back every tear as Marko brought him down one swing at a time.
Not even desperation could aid Heath like he had originally hoped.
He lost.
Completely and utterly faced defeat in a way I knew would kill him more on a mental level than physical.
*
Even long after the warehouse was empty, Heath lay on the floor, staring up at the broken ceiling with dead eyes. I stood still, watching him from afar as he refused to move. From behind me, I heard Matt’s footsteps as he too waited for Heath. He knew he was going to need help getting to the car and into the apartment. Matt offered to drive us home because in Heath’s current state, I was sure he wouldn’t be able to.
His lip was busted up. His face had swollen with bruises and one of his eyes could barely open the entire way. His body was red all over and would no doubt be a sea of black by the morning. He was glistening from head to toe in sweat, and was probably beyond dehydrated. Yet he refused to say a word to us. Refused to drink water or acknowledge our presence.
Matt knew what was going on. Heath had approached him for some help, but Matt pissed away all of his spare cash on alcohol and going out. I believed it. I’d seen him and Ryker firsthand throw away an insane amount of money in one night.
“If I were you,” he whispered to me, watching Heath carefully, “I’d convince him to take you the hell out of here and get as far away from Hedley as possible.”
I didn’t reply. Did he really have to say that?
Frowning, I walked over to Heath and took a seat on the ground next to him. I looked up at the gaping hole in between the ceiling beams, at the stars that shimmered like diamonds in the night sky. Pretty picturesque when it was coming through a derelict hole in a roof.
Some things are just relative, I guess.
“Heath,” I said quietly, “we need to get out of here before anyone notices we’re still in here.” Last thing we needed was to be robbed of whatever we had by roaming homeless people, or whatever gang lurked nearby.
“Yeah,” he simply muttered.
He made to move before pausing instantly. He grimaced at the pain and breathed through his teeth. Matt hurried to his side and tried to help him up, but Heath tore away from his grip. This was his way of saying he didn’t need help, and whatever pride he had left after that fight needed to remain intact, so I shot Matt a look that said, “Do as he wants.”
It took a while before Heath was on his feet and at his car. I leaned into his side on many occasions in case he stumbled and needed something to keep him upright. He refused to be driven home by Matt, instead choosing to jump into the driver’s seat. Despite this, Matt said he’d follow us home and leave when we were in our apartment, which I appreciated.
Heath drove slowly, the pain was raw on his face. I watched him intently, unsure of what to say. I wasn’t sure words would help him right now. They would have seemed empty anyway.
He parked the car in the lot and gingerly stepped out. Matt joined us. We silently made our way up to the apartment. Upon entering, Heath immediately disappeared into the bedroom.
“You don’t have to stick around,” I said to Matt who was standing by the door.
“I just want to be sure he’s okay,” he replied with a short smile. “He’s always made sure I was. Least I can do.”
I nodded in understanding. Then I left him and entered the bedroom. Heath was sitting on the edge of the bed in the dark, his head in his hands. I slowly went to him, uncertain of what I could do to make him feel better. Sensing my presence he extended one arm out and grabbed hold of me. He pulled me to him, resting his head against my bump. He breathed in and out deeply, holding me tightly as though I was a lifeline.
“It’s okay,” I whispered to him, stroking my fingers through his short hair. “It’s okay, Heath.”
He shook his head and inhaled sharply. “It was too much. The fucking stress… I couldn’t focus.”
“I know. You need to rest.”
“I can’t. I gotta figure out –”
“Lay down and rest,” I cut in. “You can’t think like this. You’ve worn yourself down. You have to sleep, Heath.”
I began pushing him back, and he fought against me. I pushed harder, and finally he relented. I climbed in bed after him and took his shoes off. I kissed him, muttering that he needed to rest, over and over again until his body relaxed in the mattress. He tugged me into his side and held me tightly.
“What would I do without you?” he muttered as he dozed off.
Live your life, I would have said long ago. But now that I was this close to him, I would have actually asked him the same thing. We’d known each other for so long, yet we’d never explored our relationship. Not until the bad happened. And who would have thought that in bad times something so good could come of it?
Eventually, I pulled away and left him to sleep. Matt was still waiting by the door when I reappeared. He looked a little tired, but when he saw me he straightened himself up.
“How is he?” he asked.
“Resting,” I answered. “It’s been over a week since I’ve seen him sleep.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah.”
He ran a hand through his blonde locks and checked the time on his watch. “Alright. Well, I should probably go. Unless you need anything else.”
I began to shake my head when a thought suddenly entered my mind. I paused as I thought it through. The clock was ticking, and while we may not have the full fifteen grand by Sunday, getting as much as possible would help our cause, right?
“Actually,” I said, “if it wouldn’t hassle you to take me someplace, I’d really appreciate it.”
“Now? It’s almost midnight.”
“I know.”
While surprised, he carefully nodded and said, “Okay, Allie. Whatever you want.”
*
Matt parked his car in front of the rundown weatherboard house. It looked just as sad as most on this neglected block. Per usual, Mom’s maroon hatchback was parked sideways, half its body on the tall grass and the other half on the cement driveway. The bins were neatly set up to the side of the house and empty. Above them, hanging off the corner of the house, was a wind chime, and it was going off strong tonight.
“You sure you want to see her?” asked Matt.
“Yeah,” I answered. “She’s been avoiding me too long.”
“Looks pretty dead inside.”
The lights were out. She’d gone to bed. But whatever, it was the weekend. She could afford getting up at midnight to greet her pregnant daughter of whom she’d tossed out without a care.
“Give me a minute,” I told Matt. He nodded and I stepped out. I walked up the path to the front door. I was so far passed the point of caring, I wasn’t at all nervous like I would have thought I’d be. I think it was because I had really nothing to lose, so there was no harm trying.
I opened the screen door and knocked several times as loudly as possible. The house had no doorbell… Not one working anyway. I knew my mother. She was a light sleeper. The nights I’d slipped out of bed and tried to sneak out to see Ryker had never resulted in success, though she did stop trying when I rebelled against her time and time again.
The outside porch light went on, and I stepped back so she could see me clearly through the peephole. I could hear movements on the other side of the door. The shuffle – a distinct sound I knew too well – was her front pressed against the door. Then…
Silence.
I sighed and knocked again. “Open the door, Mom.”
She didn’t open the door.
I knocked a little louder. “Open the door, Mom! I can hear you. I’m not going anywhere, you know.”
More shuffling.
“I need you.”
Pause.
The sounds of her unlocking the deadbolt and two other locks were a relief to my ears. The knob turned and the door opened. She stood shorter than me and was wearing her usual pink, floral robe and sad looking slippers. Her dark hair was a mess, and her eyes were squinted in my direction, revealing those crow’s feet wrinkles a little too strongly than I remembered. Her lips pursed and she glared – and boy, when Mom glared, that woman could have you running the other way in no time.
“Hey,” I said weakly, with a pathetic wave of my hand.
“What’re you doing here, Allison?” she retorted in her raspy voice. “I made it clear I did not want to see you –”
“Unless I wanted to be saved. Yes, I know, okay? I know already. You screamed it ten thousand times as you threw my stuff out the door. I haven’t forgotten.” I didn’t mean to sound so bitter, but it couldn’t be helped. I wasn’t over what she’d done. Wasn’t sure I ever could be either.
“I threw you out because of your constant defiance,” she barked back as she took a step closer to me. “You had no respect for yourself. First a boy that did nothing but ruin your life and impregnate you. Now where is he? The boy who promised you the world is rotting in jail, isn’t he? And then what do you do? Run your mouth about aborting a child of God – as if I could accept that! What would everyone at Church think of you?”
He nodded. “Yeah, babe. I’m good.”
Just as he turned to face his opponent and get down to business, I brought my hand to his face and forced him to look back at me. I stared at those dulled brown eyes and lifeless face with sadness.
“Heath, I don’t want you get hurt. Don’t push yourself.”
He brought his hand over my own and said, “I don’t have a choice, Allie. You know that.”
“But you look awful.”
He shot me a half-hearted smirk that still sent tingles all the way down to my toes. “Al, don’t wound me. All I got left are my looks.”
I shook my head, wrapped an arm around his neck and forced his face down to mine. I kissed him hard. He wrapped his arms around me and returned the kiss, desperately stroking his tongue against mine. I didn’t care that the people around us went quiet. This type of affection by Heath was far from common, but not just that, everyone knew who I was and who I was meant to belong to. This would indefinitely stir the pot.
But I didn’t care.
I wanted Heath. Had wanted him for too long now.
“Christ, Allison, you’ve definitely woken me up now,” he muttered, looking down at me with his tender eyes.
I smiled at him. “Kick that guy’s ass, alright?”
“Yeah,” he said with a wavering voice.
I let go of him and watched him face Marko. I felt someone’s presence behind me and turned back to see Matt with his arms crossed and his eyes directed to mine. He was frowning at me, no doubt disapproving of my kiss to Heath. I didn’t let it get to me. I turned away from him and resumed watching both opponents get ready.
A preliminary whistle sounded out and they both began to approach one another. The look on Marko’s chiselled face was lethal, meanwhile Heath was still clouded by his exhaustion. Then the second whistle sounded and it was officially on. They circled one another. Marko was the first to take a swing, hitting the air when Heath dodged his fist.
“Come on, Lawson!” The screams were coming from every corner of the room. Heath swung at Marko a few times, unsuccessfully hitting him. It was toe to toe until Marko moved in aggressively, uncaring of Heath’s punches across the face and chest. It was like watching a wrecking ball blasting through concrete. Marko sent quick, fast punches across Heath’s face and upper body. He was so quick, Heath could barely find room to punch back. He stumbled back as Marko continued to come at him, and only when his back touched against the crowd did Marko relent and pull away. He looked cocky, turning away from Heath without looking back. As if he was confident Heath wouldn’t take this opportunity to jump him.
He was right. Heath didn’t. He was too busy catching his breath and shaking his head from side to side. He opened his mouth and stretched his jaw, as though he were checking for anything broken, and I wanted nothing more than to step into the circle and go to him. To shield him from this creepy guy because he wasn’t like any other opponent Heath had ever faced. I took a step forward to do just that. My heart was breaking. Heath might get seriously hurt.
A hand suddenly wrapped around my arm, tugging me back.
“Don’t,” came Matt’s stern voice in my ear. “Heath can take care of himself.”
I didn’t trust myself to stay glued to that spot, so I let Matt keep his hold on me. I watched in despair as Marko started this game all over again, allowing Heath to come close before sending him straight back against the crowd. I wanted to believe it was Heath’s exhaustion that tamed his strength, but Marko had an edge about him that frightened me. It was like watching a lion tear through a cage after a lifetime of captivity. The man was a goddamn machine, and Heath had finally met his match.
Why the hell did he have to meet it now?
It was a slaughtering.
Heath fell down, but the stubborn ass wouldn’t stay down! He rose and fought back with everything inside of him, and it tore me to pieces to watch him fall back over and over again. Every punch was met with a gasp that escaped his lungs. Winded and exhausted, yet he carried on, giving the man some good hits along the way. Marko was not only enraged by Heath’s strikes, but surprised too, like he had never been touched this way. It seemed to aggravate him more.
I’d never seen the place so silent before. Everyone watched in awe as the man broke the one I… loved.
I loved him.
I wanted to cover my eyes and cry, but I found myself slipping away. Detached from reality, yet feeling as though I was being tortured from within. I felt every hit, heard every sound, and gulped back every tear as Marko brought him down one swing at a time.
Not even desperation could aid Heath like he had originally hoped.
He lost.
Completely and utterly faced defeat in a way I knew would kill him more on a mental level than physical.
*
Even long after the warehouse was empty, Heath lay on the floor, staring up at the broken ceiling with dead eyes. I stood still, watching him from afar as he refused to move. From behind me, I heard Matt’s footsteps as he too waited for Heath. He knew he was going to need help getting to the car and into the apartment. Matt offered to drive us home because in Heath’s current state, I was sure he wouldn’t be able to.
His lip was busted up. His face had swollen with bruises and one of his eyes could barely open the entire way. His body was red all over and would no doubt be a sea of black by the morning. He was glistening from head to toe in sweat, and was probably beyond dehydrated. Yet he refused to say a word to us. Refused to drink water or acknowledge our presence.
Matt knew what was going on. Heath had approached him for some help, but Matt pissed away all of his spare cash on alcohol and going out. I believed it. I’d seen him and Ryker firsthand throw away an insane amount of money in one night.
“If I were you,” he whispered to me, watching Heath carefully, “I’d convince him to take you the hell out of here and get as far away from Hedley as possible.”
I didn’t reply. Did he really have to say that?
Frowning, I walked over to Heath and took a seat on the ground next to him. I looked up at the gaping hole in between the ceiling beams, at the stars that shimmered like diamonds in the night sky. Pretty picturesque when it was coming through a derelict hole in a roof.
Some things are just relative, I guess.
“Heath,” I said quietly, “we need to get out of here before anyone notices we’re still in here.” Last thing we needed was to be robbed of whatever we had by roaming homeless people, or whatever gang lurked nearby.
“Yeah,” he simply muttered.
He made to move before pausing instantly. He grimaced at the pain and breathed through his teeth. Matt hurried to his side and tried to help him up, but Heath tore away from his grip. This was his way of saying he didn’t need help, and whatever pride he had left after that fight needed to remain intact, so I shot Matt a look that said, “Do as he wants.”
It took a while before Heath was on his feet and at his car. I leaned into his side on many occasions in case he stumbled and needed something to keep him upright. He refused to be driven home by Matt, instead choosing to jump into the driver’s seat. Despite this, Matt said he’d follow us home and leave when we were in our apartment, which I appreciated.
Heath drove slowly, the pain was raw on his face. I watched him intently, unsure of what to say. I wasn’t sure words would help him right now. They would have seemed empty anyway.
He parked the car in the lot and gingerly stepped out. Matt joined us. We silently made our way up to the apartment. Upon entering, Heath immediately disappeared into the bedroom.
“You don’t have to stick around,” I said to Matt who was standing by the door.
“I just want to be sure he’s okay,” he replied with a short smile. “He’s always made sure I was. Least I can do.”
I nodded in understanding. Then I left him and entered the bedroom. Heath was sitting on the edge of the bed in the dark, his head in his hands. I slowly went to him, uncertain of what I could do to make him feel better. Sensing my presence he extended one arm out and grabbed hold of me. He pulled me to him, resting his head against my bump. He breathed in and out deeply, holding me tightly as though I was a lifeline.
“It’s okay,” I whispered to him, stroking my fingers through his short hair. “It’s okay, Heath.”
He shook his head and inhaled sharply. “It was too much. The fucking stress… I couldn’t focus.”
“I know. You need to rest.”
“I can’t. I gotta figure out –”
“Lay down and rest,” I cut in. “You can’t think like this. You’ve worn yourself down. You have to sleep, Heath.”
I began pushing him back, and he fought against me. I pushed harder, and finally he relented. I climbed in bed after him and took his shoes off. I kissed him, muttering that he needed to rest, over and over again until his body relaxed in the mattress. He tugged me into his side and held me tightly.
“What would I do without you?” he muttered as he dozed off.
Live your life, I would have said long ago. But now that I was this close to him, I would have actually asked him the same thing. We’d known each other for so long, yet we’d never explored our relationship. Not until the bad happened. And who would have thought that in bad times something so good could come of it?
Eventually, I pulled away and left him to sleep. Matt was still waiting by the door when I reappeared. He looked a little tired, but when he saw me he straightened himself up.
“How is he?” he asked.
“Resting,” I answered. “It’s been over a week since I’ve seen him sleep.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah.”
He ran a hand through his blonde locks and checked the time on his watch. “Alright. Well, I should probably go. Unless you need anything else.”
I began to shake my head when a thought suddenly entered my mind. I paused as I thought it through. The clock was ticking, and while we may not have the full fifteen grand by Sunday, getting as much as possible would help our cause, right?
“Actually,” I said, “if it wouldn’t hassle you to take me someplace, I’d really appreciate it.”
“Now? It’s almost midnight.”
“I know.”
While surprised, he carefully nodded and said, “Okay, Allie. Whatever you want.”
*
Matt parked his car in front of the rundown weatherboard house. It looked just as sad as most on this neglected block. Per usual, Mom’s maroon hatchback was parked sideways, half its body on the tall grass and the other half on the cement driveway. The bins were neatly set up to the side of the house and empty. Above them, hanging off the corner of the house, was a wind chime, and it was going off strong tonight.
“You sure you want to see her?” asked Matt.
“Yeah,” I answered. “She’s been avoiding me too long.”
“Looks pretty dead inside.”
The lights were out. She’d gone to bed. But whatever, it was the weekend. She could afford getting up at midnight to greet her pregnant daughter of whom she’d tossed out without a care.
“Give me a minute,” I told Matt. He nodded and I stepped out. I walked up the path to the front door. I was so far passed the point of caring, I wasn’t at all nervous like I would have thought I’d be. I think it was because I had really nothing to lose, so there was no harm trying.
I opened the screen door and knocked several times as loudly as possible. The house had no doorbell… Not one working anyway. I knew my mother. She was a light sleeper. The nights I’d slipped out of bed and tried to sneak out to see Ryker had never resulted in success, though she did stop trying when I rebelled against her time and time again.
The outside porch light went on, and I stepped back so she could see me clearly through the peephole. I could hear movements on the other side of the door. The shuffle – a distinct sound I knew too well – was her front pressed against the door. Then…
Silence.
I sighed and knocked again. “Open the door, Mom.”
She didn’t open the door.
I knocked a little louder. “Open the door, Mom! I can hear you. I’m not going anywhere, you know.”
More shuffling.
“I need you.”
Pause.
The sounds of her unlocking the deadbolt and two other locks were a relief to my ears. The knob turned and the door opened. She stood shorter than me and was wearing her usual pink, floral robe and sad looking slippers. Her dark hair was a mess, and her eyes were squinted in my direction, revealing those crow’s feet wrinkles a little too strongly than I remembered. Her lips pursed and she glared – and boy, when Mom glared, that woman could have you running the other way in no time.
“Hey,” I said weakly, with a pathetic wave of my hand.
“What’re you doing here, Allison?” she retorted in her raspy voice. “I made it clear I did not want to see you –”
“Unless I wanted to be saved. Yes, I know, okay? I know already. You screamed it ten thousand times as you threw my stuff out the door. I haven’t forgotten.” I didn’t mean to sound so bitter, but it couldn’t be helped. I wasn’t over what she’d done. Wasn’t sure I ever could be either.
“I threw you out because of your constant defiance,” she barked back as she took a step closer to me. “You had no respect for yourself. First a boy that did nothing but ruin your life and impregnate you. Now where is he? The boy who promised you the world is rotting in jail, isn’t he? And then what do you do? Run your mouth about aborting a child of God – as if I could accept that! What would everyone at Church think of you?”
