He didn’t reply to that. Just kept screaming to move. Pretty much telling me I was walking to my death. This kind of whiplash numbed me. I came here to give him money. Now I was going to get a bullet to the head?
What the fuck?
“What’s going to happen to Allie?” I let out, taking step after step with a wince.
“That dumb bitch made her bed the second she got with your dumbass brother.”
It felt like someone had stuck their hand in my chest and squeezed the life out of my heart. I made to turn around when the gun came smashing against the side of my head. My vision blurred and white-hot pain seared through my skull.
“I said to fucking move!”
But I couldn’t. I collapsed to the hard earth, trying to shake the pain away. I was so scattered. I couldn’t concentrate. Couldn’t even look straight.
I saw both his legs in my peripheral taking a step back. Heard the click of his gun. I knew he was going to shoot me. For a split second, I didn’t care. I was so physically broken, I could do with sleeping for an eternity.
“We’ll have fun with that girl,” he then said.
Then all at once it hit me.
Allie alone in that apartment. Unarmed. Unsafe. Waiting for me to get home.
It was like a crack in the armour for me. I could feel an immediate sense of possessiveness over her; it was the need to protect her at whatever cost. I looked up at Ricardo just as he put his finger on the trigger, and then I felt it… a spark of some kind.
I lost it.
I leaped at him, knocking him back just as he pulled the trigger. The sound of the gun went off passed my head, temporarily deafening me in my right ear. He shouted incoherently as we fell back. He landed hard on his back, firing a couple more shots from the gun in his outstretched hand. I grabbed at his wrist frantically, whacking it against the earth to dislodge the gun from his grip. It was a struggle consisting mostly of animalistic grunts on both parts. He scratched at my arms with his gloved hands as I pried the gun from him and threw it as far away from us as possible.
He swung his fists at me, tried twisting his body beneath me, but I had the advantage of size, and the pain was barely felt anymore. I punched back, tearing apart the bandana. His mouth was open, his shouts were gibberish to me as I focused solely on that gold fucking tooth, aiming every punch against his mouth.
This man was going to kill me.
This man was going to kill Allie.
This man didn’t deserve to live.
Before I knew it, I was standing and ramming my boot into his body. The adrenaline was rushing through my bloodstream, frenzied and unstoppable. My heart hammered inside my chest as my boot continued to slam down against flesh and bone. My vision blurred as the sweat broke free under the dark sky. I exerted every shred of my energy into striking him.
Hard.
Harder.
As hard as my strength would allow me.
I was possessed. Monstrous. Rage and fear merged together. I’d almost had my head blown to smithereens, and I wasn’t going to allow that to happen again. So I continued, until the earth was coloured with red and the smell of copper and sweat merged in the air around me.
It was like seeing, but also being blind at the same time. I knew what I was doing. I knew I should stop. But I was too blinded by that fear – by that desperate need to survive – I couldn’t stop myself.
One second I was on him, the next I felt like I’d been shoved back by an invisible force. I was panting hard, my body suddenly shaking as I blinked and stared at the unrecognizable man. Face first into the soil, his head was completely flattened and his body lay motionless.
I couldn’t focus on my thoughts. I couldn’t hear anything but the rush of my own blood in my ears. But what I felt… it was slowly inching its way into every corner of my being. That repulsed, sick and twisted feeling you get when something horribly indescribable has happened. My head swam and my breathing lightened.
“Fuck,” I muttered before I bent over and threw up.
I just killed a man. Oh, my fuck. I just killed a man.
The nausea hit me hard. I fell on my knees and heaved until my stomach ached. Then I wiped my mouth and stared at the man I killed. In that moment I felt like my life was over. I was going to be put away for this. I was going to rot in prison while the best years of my life faded into oblivion.
Allie.
Fucking Allie.
I felt a pinch in my chest. I wasn’t surprised to feel it. Because it was telling me that I didn’t want anything to happen to her if I got put away. Who would look after her? Who would take her in and help her? She would be completely on her own in a piece of shit town with a baby I convinced her to keep.
I sat back, continuing to stare at what was left of Ricardo. That fucker had it coming. I didn’t want this. I didn’t come here to kill a human being, even if that human being was clearly a piece of shit that didn’t deserve the oxygen in his lungs.
I tore my eyes away from him and stared up at the sky blanketed by clouds. The rain was coming. Which was good. I needed this huge patch of blood to disappear somehow. And the body.
Yeah, and the goddamn fucking body. Shit.
How was I going to do this and get away with it? What the fuck do you do with a dead body? I wasn’t even sure I could stomach carrying the bastard in my arms without vomiting again.
This was too surreal. I almost felt like I wasn’t even inside my body going through the motions. I was staring at myself from another angle: at a man that was covered in blood and bruises, gazing out into the empty fields around him like the lost soul, unrecognizable soul he’d become.
Eventually, I got up. Operating solely on that adrenaline, I left him behind and went to the house. The door was still partially opened. I slowly walked up the porch steps. I knew nobody was inside. If there was, they’d have come out when they heard the gun shots.
Still. I was being extra cautious. I very slowly stepped inside. Immediately walking into a living area kind of space, only it was empty save for a television on the ground and an Xbox attached to it. I took some more steps inside and turned into the kitchen. Beer bottles and empty soda cups were littered on the cracked kitchen counter.
Continuing, I made my way down the hallway and pushed open the only bedroom door there was. As I stepped in my boot hit something hard. I paused and looked down at a black duffel bags. I bent down, ignoring the nerve pain in my lower back and tried to pick it up. Fuck, it was heavy.
Instead of picking it up, I kneeled down and unzipped it. Spreading it open, I peered inside and saw a sea of green. Packed to the very top, hundred dollar bills were stacked together in bundles. I picked one bundle up and flipped through the notes, swallowing hard at the hundreds flashing before me.
Holy shit.
The prick had all the money in the world and he was being stingy over my pathetic shortfall? But then again he’d said I was being made to fail, and that was a very unsettling thought.
With a heavy sigh, I tried to think this through. I wasn’t meant to come around until tomorrow. Nobody would suspect his death was on my shoulders. If this duffel bag went missing… Well, then it might just look like a robbery gone bad. Surely with a gang this prominent they would have a lot of enemies. And what kind of tension would this kind of robbery cause?
It could very well create a chain reaction. And if they were too busy searching for somebody else, then maybe I’d be pushed into the background. That was the only thing I could think of in my nearly lost mind.
I got up and took the duffel bag with me, making sure to pick up the envelope sitting on the porch. I stuffed it in the bag and hurriedly made my way to the truck.
I drove back into town. Paranoia ate at me with every turn I made. I stared at myself in the rear view mirror. I looked guilty and… changed somehow. I tensed every time I passed a car, feeling as though eyes had descended upon me and I was being watched. I wasn’t sure I breathed most of the way home.
The air grew thinner when I stopped at a set of traffic lights and turned my head out the window to see a police car parked beside me. As if sensing my stare, the police officer turned his head and looked straight at me. I clutched the steering wheel tighter and waited for him to see it. To see all I’d done. To look at me and know I was a guilty son of a bitch that just stomped a man to death. Hell, my clothes were still carrying his blood.
All he had to do was pull me over.
The police officer stared… and every second felt like an eternity. My heart had stopped, my sweat had doubled, and all thoughts ceased.
The lights turned green, and the officer simply nodded at me. Then he drove off, never stopping once, never turning on his lights. He disappeared around a corner and I just stalled there, in the empty street, wondering how the fuck he didn’t see it.
Until it occurred to me. While I could feel it, they couldn’t see it. I was just another invisible man. Nothing suspect about me. And there was something strangely empowering about that.
You’re going to be alright.
It might have seemed premature to assume that, but… I felt it in my bones.
Everything was going to be okay.
Finally, I pressed down on the gas and hurried home to her.
Allie
I found him sitting on the shower floor. The water beat down on him as he stared on with a void expression on his face. I didn’t even think he saw me enter the steamy bathroom. He’d been sitting in here for the last fifty minutes since coming home. He hadn’t said a word to me. But I saw the state of him. Something had gone seriously wrong.
I threw my clothes off and entered the shower stall. I sank down on the ground beside him, just outside the water’s edge, and leaned into him. His body was burning hot to the touch, and incredibly raw with bruises. Some of them were dark, and others were red and fresh. I grabbed the washcloth and soaked it in hot water before trailing it over his arms. All the while I stared at the solemn look on his face.
“What happened?” I whispered to him, dragging the washcloth very lightly over his chest.
He barely shook his head in response.
“Heath.”
“You don’t want to know, Allie.”
His grave words unnerved me. “Do we have to run?”
He turned his face to me. Those brown eyes took me in. Slowly the impassiveness washed away, replaced by a gentle look that instantly put me at ease. His rough hand went to my face. He pulled me forward and kissed me, lightly flicking his tongue against my mouth. It was one of the most intimate kisses he’d ever given me.
His arms then took hold of my body, bringing me into the water so my back rested against his front. He trailed kisses from my head down to my bare shoulders, pushing aside my wet hair for better access. I relaxed into him.
“Something incredible happened,” he said into my ear. “I realized it today.”
My breath thinned at his touch as I asked, “What did you realize?”
Squeezing me gently, he answered, “I’ve fallen in love with you, Allie. I’ve never felt more like home than when I’m holding you. You make everything so much brighter. You’re the centre of my world, and have been since you came to me.”
I shut my eyes at his words. Tears threatened to spill out.
“Nothing is ever going to happen to you,” he continued. “You’re safe with me. Today showed me I’m capable of doing anything, and with that kind of ability I know I’ll always be able to take care of you.”
I nodded.
“Everything is going to be okay.”
I was like jelly in his arms. He had become the centre of my life too. I trusted Heath more than I’d ever trusted anyone in my life. It was like being given a gift to hear him say he’d fallen for me. Never in a million years would I have envisioned this, and I got a rush just thinking of all the good there was between us. Nothing would be there to threaten us apart, because Heath wasn’t a selfish man like his brother.
“I’m going to visit Ryker,” I let out sometime later. “It’s time for me to set the record straight.”
He nodded and kissed me again on the shoulder.
“I want to be with you, Heath.”
“We’ll make it happen. Whatever comes our way, we’ll make it happen.”
I smiled softly at his optimism. I wanted him badly. However wrong it seemed, I was coming to terms with how right it felt. Heath was worth fighting for.
Just then a weird, bubbly sensation was felt in my lower stomach. I brought my hands down over it and concentrated on the feeling. I stared down at my belly and my heart leaped as a small part of it jutted out.
“Heath,” I said breathlessly, taking his hand and placing it over my bump. “Feel that?”
He was quiet for a minute, concentrating. When the small poke-like feeling returned, he chuckled softly, murmuring, “Holy shit, Allison. I feel him.”
I smiled wider than ever. “Thank you for experiencing this with me.”
With a shake of his head, he replied solemnly, “Thank you for choosing me to share it with.”
When the water turned cold, he carried me out and held me.
Held me like he was desperate to never let me go.
Sixteen
Ryker
I was drunk.
Stumblin’ down the street, sight hazy, footsteps slow.
Fucking fantastic night, though.
Truly epic.
Cindy was hot as hell. Bending over the way she did for me. Fuck, that was good. Pure submission. Chose me over Heath, and the look on his face… Heh. That was better than the pleasure I felt when I fucked her deep.
I loved girls. While Heath may have been better looking than me, he was a one woman kind of guy. If he was screwing someone, he was doing it for a good while before he was over it and moving on to someone else.
Not me.
I was fucking them left, right and centre.
I was a good looking guy. Chicks wanted me. I was the attainable Lawson brother. The one that they lined up for, waiting for their go. And these were beautiful girls. Not plain Janes who didn’t glance at the mirror right before they stepped out. I’m talkin’ hot chickies, in skin tight jeans and breasts perched high, hair flowing down their back, plump lips glossy red, and eyes glistening with want.
What the fuck?
“What’s going to happen to Allie?” I let out, taking step after step with a wince.
“That dumb bitch made her bed the second she got with your dumbass brother.”
It felt like someone had stuck their hand in my chest and squeezed the life out of my heart. I made to turn around when the gun came smashing against the side of my head. My vision blurred and white-hot pain seared through my skull.
“I said to fucking move!”
But I couldn’t. I collapsed to the hard earth, trying to shake the pain away. I was so scattered. I couldn’t concentrate. Couldn’t even look straight.
I saw both his legs in my peripheral taking a step back. Heard the click of his gun. I knew he was going to shoot me. For a split second, I didn’t care. I was so physically broken, I could do with sleeping for an eternity.
“We’ll have fun with that girl,” he then said.
Then all at once it hit me.
Allie alone in that apartment. Unarmed. Unsafe. Waiting for me to get home.
It was like a crack in the armour for me. I could feel an immediate sense of possessiveness over her; it was the need to protect her at whatever cost. I looked up at Ricardo just as he put his finger on the trigger, and then I felt it… a spark of some kind.
I lost it.
I leaped at him, knocking him back just as he pulled the trigger. The sound of the gun went off passed my head, temporarily deafening me in my right ear. He shouted incoherently as we fell back. He landed hard on his back, firing a couple more shots from the gun in his outstretched hand. I grabbed at his wrist frantically, whacking it against the earth to dislodge the gun from his grip. It was a struggle consisting mostly of animalistic grunts on both parts. He scratched at my arms with his gloved hands as I pried the gun from him and threw it as far away from us as possible.
He swung his fists at me, tried twisting his body beneath me, but I had the advantage of size, and the pain was barely felt anymore. I punched back, tearing apart the bandana. His mouth was open, his shouts were gibberish to me as I focused solely on that gold fucking tooth, aiming every punch against his mouth.
This man was going to kill me.
This man was going to kill Allie.
This man didn’t deserve to live.
Before I knew it, I was standing and ramming my boot into his body. The adrenaline was rushing through my bloodstream, frenzied and unstoppable. My heart hammered inside my chest as my boot continued to slam down against flesh and bone. My vision blurred as the sweat broke free under the dark sky. I exerted every shred of my energy into striking him.
Hard.
Harder.
As hard as my strength would allow me.
I was possessed. Monstrous. Rage and fear merged together. I’d almost had my head blown to smithereens, and I wasn’t going to allow that to happen again. So I continued, until the earth was coloured with red and the smell of copper and sweat merged in the air around me.
It was like seeing, but also being blind at the same time. I knew what I was doing. I knew I should stop. But I was too blinded by that fear – by that desperate need to survive – I couldn’t stop myself.
One second I was on him, the next I felt like I’d been shoved back by an invisible force. I was panting hard, my body suddenly shaking as I blinked and stared at the unrecognizable man. Face first into the soil, his head was completely flattened and his body lay motionless.
I couldn’t focus on my thoughts. I couldn’t hear anything but the rush of my own blood in my ears. But what I felt… it was slowly inching its way into every corner of my being. That repulsed, sick and twisted feeling you get when something horribly indescribable has happened. My head swam and my breathing lightened.
“Fuck,” I muttered before I bent over and threw up.
I just killed a man. Oh, my fuck. I just killed a man.
The nausea hit me hard. I fell on my knees and heaved until my stomach ached. Then I wiped my mouth and stared at the man I killed. In that moment I felt like my life was over. I was going to be put away for this. I was going to rot in prison while the best years of my life faded into oblivion.
Allie.
Fucking Allie.
I felt a pinch in my chest. I wasn’t surprised to feel it. Because it was telling me that I didn’t want anything to happen to her if I got put away. Who would look after her? Who would take her in and help her? She would be completely on her own in a piece of shit town with a baby I convinced her to keep.
I sat back, continuing to stare at what was left of Ricardo. That fucker had it coming. I didn’t want this. I didn’t come here to kill a human being, even if that human being was clearly a piece of shit that didn’t deserve the oxygen in his lungs.
I tore my eyes away from him and stared up at the sky blanketed by clouds. The rain was coming. Which was good. I needed this huge patch of blood to disappear somehow. And the body.
Yeah, and the goddamn fucking body. Shit.
How was I going to do this and get away with it? What the fuck do you do with a dead body? I wasn’t even sure I could stomach carrying the bastard in my arms without vomiting again.
This was too surreal. I almost felt like I wasn’t even inside my body going through the motions. I was staring at myself from another angle: at a man that was covered in blood and bruises, gazing out into the empty fields around him like the lost soul, unrecognizable soul he’d become.
Eventually, I got up. Operating solely on that adrenaline, I left him behind and went to the house. The door was still partially opened. I slowly walked up the porch steps. I knew nobody was inside. If there was, they’d have come out when they heard the gun shots.
Still. I was being extra cautious. I very slowly stepped inside. Immediately walking into a living area kind of space, only it was empty save for a television on the ground and an Xbox attached to it. I took some more steps inside and turned into the kitchen. Beer bottles and empty soda cups were littered on the cracked kitchen counter.
Continuing, I made my way down the hallway and pushed open the only bedroom door there was. As I stepped in my boot hit something hard. I paused and looked down at a black duffel bags. I bent down, ignoring the nerve pain in my lower back and tried to pick it up. Fuck, it was heavy.
Instead of picking it up, I kneeled down and unzipped it. Spreading it open, I peered inside and saw a sea of green. Packed to the very top, hundred dollar bills were stacked together in bundles. I picked one bundle up and flipped through the notes, swallowing hard at the hundreds flashing before me.
Holy shit.
The prick had all the money in the world and he was being stingy over my pathetic shortfall? But then again he’d said I was being made to fail, and that was a very unsettling thought.
With a heavy sigh, I tried to think this through. I wasn’t meant to come around until tomorrow. Nobody would suspect his death was on my shoulders. If this duffel bag went missing… Well, then it might just look like a robbery gone bad. Surely with a gang this prominent they would have a lot of enemies. And what kind of tension would this kind of robbery cause?
It could very well create a chain reaction. And if they were too busy searching for somebody else, then maybe I’d be pushed into the background. That was the only thing I could think of in my nearly lost mind.
I got up and took the duffel bag with me, making sure to pick up the envelope sitting on the porch. I stuffed it in the bag and hurriedly made my way to the truck.
I drove back into town. Paranoia ate at me with every turn I made. I stared at myself in the rear view mirror. I looked guilty and… changed somehow. I tensed every time I passed a car, feeling as though eyes had descended upon me and I was being watched. I wasn’t sure I breathed most of the way home.
The air grew thinner when I stopped at a set of traffic lights and turned my head out the window to see a police car parked beside me. As if sensing my stare, the police officer turned his head and looked straight at me. I clutched the steering wheel tighter and waited for him to see it. To see all I’d done. To look at me and know I was a guilty son of a bitch that just stomped a man to death. Hell, my clothes were still carrying his blood.
All he had to do was pull me over.
The police officer stared… and every second felt like an eternity. My heart had stopped, my sweat had doubled, and all thoughts ceased.
The lights turned green, and the officer simply nodded at me. Then he drove off, never stopping once, never turning on his lights. He disappeared around a corner and I just stalled there, in the empty street, wondering how the fuck he didn’t see it.
Until it occurred to me. While I could feel it, they couldn’t see it. I was just another invisible man. Nothing suspect about me. And there was something strangely empowering about that.
You’re going to be alright.
It might have seemed premature to assume that, but… I felt it in my bones.
Everything was going to be okay.
Finally, I pressed down on the gas and hurried home to her.
Allie
I found him sitting on the shower floor. The water beat down on him as he stared on with a void expression on his face. I didn’t even think he saw me enter the steamy bathroom. He’d been sitting in here for the last fifty minutes since coming home. He hadn’t said a word to me. But I saw the state of him. Something had gone seriously wrong.
I threw my clothes off and entered the shower stall. I sank down on the ground beside him, just outside the water’s edge, and leaned into him. His body was burning hot to the touch, and incredibly raw with bruises. Some of them were dark, and others were red and fresh. I grabbed the washcloth and soaked it in hot water before trailing it over his arms. All the while I stared at the solemn look on his face.
“What happened?” I whispered to him, dragging the washcloth very lightly over his chest.
He barely shook his head in response.
“Heath.”
“You don’t want to know, Allie.”
His grave words unnerved me. “Do we have to run?”
He turned his face to me. Those brown eyes took me in. Slowly the impassiveness washed away, replaced by a gentle look that instantly put me at ease. His rough hand went to my face. He pulled me forward and kissed me, lightly flicking his tongue against my mouth. It was one of the most intimate kisses he’d ever given me.
His arms then took hold of my body, bringing me into the water so my back rested against his front. He trailed kisses from my head down to my bare shoulders, pushing aside my wet hair for better access. I relaxed into him.
“Something incredible happened,” he said into my ear. “I realized it today.”
My breath thinned at his touch as I asked, “What did you realize?”
Squeezing me gently, he answered, “I’ve fallen in love with you, Allie. I’ve never felt more like home than when I’m holding you. You make everything so much brighter. You’re the centre of my world, and have been since you came to me.”
I shut my eyes at his words. Tears threatened to spill out.
“Nothing is ever going to happen to you,” he continued. “You’re safe with me. Today showed me I’m capable of doing anything, and with that kind of ability I know I’ll always be able to take care of you.”
I nodded.
“Everything is going to be okay.”
I was like jelly in his arms. He had become the centre of my life too. I trusted Heath more than I’d ever trusted anyone in my life. It was like being given a gift to hear him say he’d fallen for me. Never in a million years would I have envisioned this, and I got a rush just thinking of all the good there was between us. Nothing would be there to threaten us apart, because Heath wasn’t a selfish man like his brother.
“I’m going to visit Ryker,” I let out sometime later. “It’s time for me to set the record straight.”
He nodded and kissed me again on the shoulder.
“I want to be with you, Heath.”
“We’ll make it happen. Whatever comes our way, we’ll make it happen.”
I smiled softly at his optimism. I wanted him badly. However wrong it seemed, I was coming to terms with how right it felt. Heath was worth fighting for.
Just then a weird, bubbly sensation was felt in my lower stomach. I brought my hands down over it and concentrated on the feeling. I stared down at my belly and my heart leaped as a small part of it jutted out.
“Heath,” I said breathlessly, taking his hand and placing it over my bump. “Feel that?”
He was quiet for a minute, concentrating. When the small poke-like feeling returned, he chuckled softly, murmuring, “Holy shit, Allison. I feel him.”
I smiled wider than ever. “Thank you for experiencing this with me.”
With a shake of his head, he replied solemnly, “Thank you for choosing me to share it with.”
When the water turned cold, he carried me out and held me.
Held me like he was desperate to never let me go.
Sixteen
Ryker
I was drunk.
Stumblin’ down the street, sight hazy, footsteps slow.
Fucking fantastic night, though.
Truly epic.
Cindy was hot as hell. Bending over the way she did for me. Fuck, that was good. Pure submission. Chose me over Heath, and the look on his face… Heh. That was better than the pleasure I felt when I fucked her deep.
I loved girls. While Heath may have been better looking than me, he was a one woman kind of guy. If he was screwing someone, he was doing it for a good while before he was over it and moving on to someone else.
Not me.
I was fucking them left, right and centre.
I was a good looking guy. Chicks wanted me. I was the attainable Lawson brother. The one that they lined up for, waiting for their go. And these were beautiful girls. Not plain Janes who didn’t glance at the mirror right before they stepped out. I’m talkin’ hot chickies, in skin tight jeans and breasts perched high, hair flowing down their back, plump lips glossy red, and eyes glistening with want.
