Author: Roni Loren
Jace walked past her, hands in his pockets and expression unreadable. She clicked the door shut behind him, but didn’t turn around, her hand frozen on the knob. She could feel his stare burning into her back. How was she supposed to do this? She couldn’t even look at him without wanting to break down and cry.
“A two a.m. invitation to a hotel room is usually a booty call, but somehow I’m guessing that’s not why I’m here,” he said, his voice flat.
Her shoulders sagged. “No, it isn’t.”
“Andre told me about Daniel.”
Ha. The earlier revelation seemed trite compared to what she had to lay on him now. “I figured.”
“Why, Ev? Why are you marrying him?”
His tone was as even as the horizon, but she didn’t miss the little catch in his throat on the last word. The hurt. She turned to face him, her hands gripping her elbows as if she could physically hold herself together. “He’s . . . my best friend. I love him.”
He leaned against the desk. “Like you used to love me?”
She jerked her gaze away from his, tears already threatening to fall. “You know that’s not the same thing. Daniel and I— It works. Okay?”
“No. It’s not okay,” he said, his dominant side seeping into his tone. “You won’t convince me that you’re better off in some sexless marriage. Not when I’ve seen how you come apart with me and Andre. You deserve everything a relationship has to offer.”
She swallowed hard, gathering her strength again and trying to ignore the pang of want his words had caused. “Someone took pictures of us on the balcony, Jace. They’re being released tomorrow.”
He hissed out a breath. “What? Who?”
She dared a glance at him. “I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter. I’m the only one identified in the picture. If we end this now, you’ll probably go undetected.”
“End this?”
“Yes.” She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans and moved away from the door. He had propped himself against the small desk in the room, so she perched on the foot of the bed—as far away from him as possible. “I’m going to admit to cheating on Daniel. Tell everyone we’re working it out.”
His eyes widened. “You’re going to fucking do what?” He pushed off the desk and rose to his full height. “Ev, no way. I don’t care how good of a friend Daniel is, you’re not going to ruin your own reputation just to save his chickenshit ass from stepping out of the closet and owning who he is.”
She clasped her hands in front of her, focused on her engagement ring. “You don’t understand. I owe him.” She peeked at Jace from under her lashes. “He was the boy on the bridge that day. And the one who protected me every day after that.”
Jace winced as he collapsed into the desk chair and raked his hands through his already disheveled hair. “Fuck.”
“He saved me and I promised myself I would help him achieve his dream. He would’ve never gotten to where he is if people knew he was gay.” She sighed. “And this offers me what I’ve never had. Stability. A guarantee that I won’t ever go back to how things were before.”
“Stability?” he scoffed. “At what cost, Ev? Is the money worth giving up a chance at real love? At being with a man . . .” He paused, wet his lips. “Or men who can give you everything you need without all the fine print.”
She looked away. “Sex isn’t love, Jace.”
“Don’t throw that bullshit out at me. Believe me, I know the difference.” He rose from the chair and crossed the room to squat in front of her. His large hands closed around her shaking ones. “And I know what I feel for you. What I want with you.”
Tears welled, and she clamped her eyelids shut.
He continued on. “I can’t compete with major TV deals, but it’s not like I can’t pay my bills. Even if the store were to fold tomorrow, I could go back to a finance job with a simple phone call.”
She shook her head. “It’s not about the money.”
“Then what?”
“I can’t turn my back on him. Daniel was there for me.” She bit her bottom lip.
His hands slipped from hers, his tone cooling. “When I wasn’t? Is that it?”
That wasn’t it at all, but she saw the door open, the way to push him away and save both of them. “I need someone I can count on. A sure thing.”
Jace stood, his arms crossed and his expression hard. “Right.”
“We’ve had a good time, but I’m just part of a game for you and Andre. One of your dalliances.” She almost stopped when she saw him flinch like she’d slapped him, but she forced herself to keep on. “How many other girls at The Ranch have been between you two? How long do you give them before you get bored and move on to the next?”
“You know you’re more than that to me,” he said stiffly.
She smirked. “You’ve been with me a month, Jace. One. Month. You’re ready to give up threesomes, settle down, have a nice little suburban life?”
His cheeks tinged red. “I don’t fucking know, Evan. This is all new to me, too, all right? All I know is Andre and I both . . .”
Her heart squeezed, her breath catching. Andre and Jace both what? She couldn’t decide if she longed to hear the words or wanted to stick her fingers in her ears and hum.
He stalked toward her and planted a hand on each side of her on the bed, not touching her but close enough to make her lean back. His muscles bunched with tension beneath his T-shirt as if he were fighting the urge to grab and shake her. He lowered his face level with hers, meeting her eyes. “You know what? Never mind. You’re right. Why would you want what we have to offer? Instead you can have your nice little manufactured fairy tale. The successful husband who looks like he dotes on your every word, the money to buy you whatever you want, and the guarantee that you’ll never get hurt. Because it’s . . . Not. Fucking. Real.”
The last three words lashed her like whip strokes. She struggled to catch a breath—his accusation, his hulking presence, God, his heat, all sending her brain into control-alt-delete mode. Her body, despite her mind’s protests, responded to his nearness, her nipples becoming tight points beneath her thin T-shirt. “Jace.”
His name came out as a plea, but she wasn’t sure if she was pleading for him to go or to stay.
His gaze flicked downward, heated. “Take off your jeans.”
Her focus snapped back like a rubber band. “What? No, we can’t—”
He pushed off the bed, straightening to his full six feet. “I’m not going to ask again, sub. You promised me another month. If you’re going to break your agreement, then you at least owe me tonight.”
Her tongue turned to sandpaper—the dominant tone, the beauty of him standing before her, the love she felt for him almost too much to bear. She closed her eyes, fighting the pulse of desire beating low in her belly. “Jace, please.”
He gripped her arm and hauled her to her feet, causing her to gasp in shock. His fingers found the button of her jeans, unfastened them, then yanked her pants down her legs. His rough handling should’ve scared her, should’ve made her want to run. This couldn’t happen. But she couldn’t will herself to move. Could only watch him. Wanting him.
He rose and grasped her chin in his hand. “If you’re going to say it, say it now, sub.”
The safe word. She knew what he was asking. But the word wouldn’t form on her lips.
He released her. “On your knees.”
Her leg muscles seemed to collapse without her conscious will, making her land hard on the carpet.
He sat on the bed and spread his legs wide. She thought he was going to have her go down on him, but instead he dragged her over his lap, belly down. She automatically reached out to steady herself on the floor, but he was quicker. He grasped her wrists and put them at her sides, then banded his arm over her waist, pinning her limbs down in the process.
“You will not move,” he commanded, his voice low and dangerous. His free hand jerked her panties down her thighs and then cupped her heat. She knew what he’d find. He moved his hand away and rubbed his slick fingers along her thigh as if to say, Your mouth may lie, but your body answers to me.
“Jace, don’t do this,” she pleaded, knowing that if he started, she wouldn’t be able to stop him, that her undeniable response to him would take over her better sense.
His palm came down hard on her ass, sending stinging pain radiating over her skin. She jerked, but his hold on her didn’t allow much movement.
“You’re breaking an agreement with your dom. There’s a price for that.” He swatted the other cheek, not sparing her any of his strength. She yelped but he didn’t pause. “And I think you need a good solid reminder of what it means to feel something.”
He smacked the back of her thigh. “What it means to be vulnerable.”
The blows continued, the pain coalescing with the rush of endorphins, making her dizzy and breathless and so desperate for him she had to fight not to beg.
“What it means to not just love somebody but to ache for them.” Swat! “To crave them.” Swat! “To think about them when they’re not around.”
The tears she’d been fighting all night filled her eyes, dripped onto the carpet. Jace. She thought she’d whispered it, but realized no sound had come out.
He hit her again, but this blow didn’t have any ferocity behind it. His hand stilled against her tingling skin. “I love you, goddammit. And I refuse to let you run away from me, convincing yourself that this was all some meaningless fuckfest. Don’t do that to me, Ev. I can’t bear it.”
No longer able to hold back her rioting emotions, her chest bounced with sobs. “I know . . . it’s not . . . I’m sorry.”
His tense leg muscles loosened against her belly.
“Don’t be sorry, baby.” He flipped her over gently and cradled her against him, his own breath coming fast. “Just be honest. We at least owe that to each other.”
“I know.” She buried her face in the curve of his neck. “I love you, too, Jace. I’m not sure I ever stopped.”
His entire body seemed to sigh against her as he ran a hand over her hair. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank God.”
He stood, lifting her with ease, and walked her around the edge of the bed, then set her in the middle of it. Her bottom throbbed against the cool sheets, but that only served to make her body ache for him more. Regardless of everything going on outside of this room, she needed him. On her, around her, inside her. It was no longer an option.
He undressed her with practiced patience, taking care to caress and touch only enough to stoke her embers. A kiss here. A pinch there. Every contact new and different because there wasn’t just lust behind it but love. When she finally lay bare before him, her whole being was vibrating like a tuning fork.
She wanted to plead for him to give her more than just a touch, to fall into bed with her, but she was afraid to speak. Afraid to break the spell weaving around them. Tomorrow her world would fall apart, but right now . . . right now was sacred.
He peeled off his T-shirt and shucked his shoes and jeans, allowing her to drink in the sight of him. His blond hair falling over his eyes, the long, lean body of a swimmer, the intricate tribal tattoo wrapped around his biceps—a bad boy archangel who had already claimed her soul.
He climbed onto the bed and nudged her thighs apart with his knees, parking himself between them. “Have you been with anyone besides me and Andre since you’ve been tested?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Neither have I.” He stroked the back of his knuckles over her clit, a whisper of a touch, but it sent shivers through her. “Are you protected otherwise?”
Jace walked past her, hands in his pockets and expression unreadable. She clicked the door shut behind him, but didn’t turn around, her hand frozen on the knob. She could feel his stare burning into her back. How was she supposed to do this? She couldn’t even look at him without wanting to break down and cry.
“A two a.m. invitation to a hotel room is usually a booty call, but somehow I’m guessing that’s not why I’m here,” he said, his voice flat.
Her shoulders sagged. “No, it isn’t.”
“Andre told me about Daniel.”
Ha. The earlier revelation seemed trite compared to what she had to lay on him now. “I figured.”
“Why, Ev? Why are you marrying him?”
His tone was as even as the horizon, but she didn’t miss the little catch in his throat on the last word. The hurt. She turned to face him, her hands gripping her elbows as if she could physically hold herself together. “He’s . . . my best friend. I love him.”
He leaned against the desk. “Like you used to love me?”
She jerked her gaze away from his, tears already threatening to fall. “You know that’s not the same thing. Daniel and I— It works. Okay?”
“No. It’s not okay,” he said, his dominant side seeping into his tone. “You won’t convince me that you’re better off in some sexless marriage. Not when I’ve seen how you come apart with me and Andre. You deserve everything a relationship has to offer.”
She swallowed hard, gathering her strength again and trying to ignore the pang of want his words had caused. “Someone took pictures of us on the balcony, Jace. They’re being released tomorrow.”
He hissed out a breath. “What? Who?”
She dared a glance at him. “I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter. I’m the only one identified in the picture. If we end this now, you’ll probably go undetected.”
“End this?”
“Yes.” She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans and moved away from the door. He had propped himself against the small desk in the room, so she perched on the foot of the bed—as far away from him as possible. “I’m going to admit to cheating on Daniel. Tell everyone we’re working it out.”
His eyes widened. “You’re going to fucking do what?” He pushed off the desk and rose to his full height. “Ev, no way. I don’t care how good of a friend Daniel is, you’re not going to ruin your own reputation just to save his chickenshit ass from stepping out of the closet and owning who he is.”
She clasped her hands in front of her, focused on her engagement ring. “You don’t understand. I owe him.” She peeked at Jace from under her lashes. “He was the boy on the bridge that day. And the one who protected me every day after that.”
Jace winced as he collapsed into the desk chair and raked his hands through his already disheveled hair. “Fuck.”
“He saved me and I promised myself I would help him achieve his dream. He would’ve never gotten to where he is if people knew he was gay.” She sighed. “And this offers me what I’ve never had. Stability. A guarantee that I won’t ever go back to how things were before.”
“Stability?” he scoffed. “At what cost, Ev? Is the money worth giving up a chance at real love? At being with a man . . .” He paused, wet his lips. “Or men who can give you everything you need without all the fine print.”
She looked away. “Sex isn’t love, Jace.”
“Don’t throw that bullshit out at me. Believe me, I know the difference.” He rose from the chair and crossed the room to squat in front of her. His large hands closed around her shaking ones. “And I know what I feel for you. What I want with you.”
Tears welled, and she clamped her eyelids shut.
He continued on. “I can’t compete with major TV deals, but it’s not like I can’t pay my bills. Even if the store were to fold tomorrow, I could go back to a finance job with a simple phone call.”
She shook her head. “It’s not about the money.”
“Then what?”
“I can’t turn my back on him. Daniel was there for me.” She bit her bottom lip.
His hands slipped from hers, his tone cooling. “When I wasn’t? Is that it?”
That wasn’t it at all, but she saw the door open, the way to push him away and save both of them. “I need someone I can count on. A sure thing.”
Jace stood, his arms crossed and his expression hard. “Right.”
“We’ve had a good time, but I’m just part of a game for you and Andre. One of your dalliances.” She almost stopped when she saw him flinch like she’d slapped him, but she forced herself to keep on. “How many other girls at The Ranch have been between you two? How long do you give them before you get bored and move on to the next?”
“You know you’re more than that to me,” he said stiffly.
She smirked. “You’ve been with me a month, Jace. One. Month. You’re ready to give up threesomes, settle down, have a nice little suburban life?”
His cheeks tinged red. “I don’t fucking know, Evan. This is all new to me, too, all right? All I know is Andre and I both . . .”
Her heart squeezed, her breath catching. Andre and Jace both what? She couldn’t decide if she longed to hear the words or wanted to stick her fingers in her ears and hum.
He stalked toward her and planted a hand on each side of her on the bed, not touching her but close enough to make her lean back. His muscles bunched with tension beneath his T-shirt as if he were fighting the urge to grab and shake her. He lowered his face level with hers, meeting her eyes. “You know what? Never mind. You’re right. Why would you want what we have to offer? Instead you can have your nice little manufactured fairy tale. The successful husband who looks like he dotes on your every word, the money to buy you whatever you want, and the guarantee that you’ll never get hurt. Because it’s . . . Not. Fucking. Real.”
The last three words lashed her like whip strokes. She struggled to catch a breath—his accusation, his hulking presence, God, his heat, all sending her brain into control-alt-delete mode. Her body, despite her mind’s protests, responded to his nearness, her nipples becoming tight points beneath her thin T-shirt. “Jace.”
His name came out as a plea, but she wasn’t sure if she was pleading for him to go or to stay.
His gaze flicked downward, heated. “Take off your jeans.”
Her focus snapped back like a rubber band. “What? No, we can’t—”
He pushed off the bed, straightening to his full six feet. “I’m not going to ask again, sub. You promised me another month. If you’re going to break your agreement, then you at least owe me tonight.”
Her tongue turned to sandpaper—the dominant tone, the beauty of him standing before her, the love she felt for him almost too much to bear. She closed her eyes, fighting the pulse of desire beating low in her belly. “Jace, please.”
He gripped her arm and hauled her to her feet, causing her to gasp in shock. His fingers found the button of her jeans, unfastened them, then yanked her pants down her legs. His rough handling should’ve scared her, should’ve made her want to run. This couldn’t happen. But she couldn’t will herself to move. Could only watch him. Wanting him.
He rose and grasped her chin in his hand. “If you’re going to say it, say it now, sub.”
The safe word. She knew what he was asking. But the word wouldn’t form on her lips.
He released her. “On your knees.”
Her leg muscles seemed to collapse without her conscious will, making her land hard on the carpet.
He sat on the bed and spread his legs wide. She thought he was going to have her go down on him, but instead he dragged her over his lap, belly down. She automatically reached out to steady herself on the floor, but he was quicker. He grasped her wrists and put them at her sides, then banded his arm over her waist, pinning her limbs down in the process.
“You will not move,” he commanded, his voice low and dangerous. His free hand jerked her panties down her thighs and then cupped her heat. She knew what he’d find. He moved his hand away and rubbed his slick fingers along her thigh as if to say, Your mouth may lie, but your body answers to me.
“Jace, don’t do this,” she pleaded, knowing that if he started, she wouldn’t be able to stop him, that her undeniable response to him would take over her better sense.
His palm came down hard on her ass, sending stinging pain radiating over her skin. She jerked, but his hold on her didn’t allow much movement.
“You’re breaking an agreement with your dom. There’s a price for that.” He swatted the other cheek, not sparing her any of his strength. She yelped but he didn’t pause. “And I think you need a good solid reminder of what it means to feel something.”
He smacked the back of her thigh. “What it means to be vulnerable.”
The blows continued, the pain coalescing with the rush of endorphins, making her dizzy and breathless and so desperate for him she had to fight not to beg.
“What it means to not just love somebody but to ache for them.” Swat! “To crave them.” Swat! “To think about them when they’re not around.”
The tears she’d been fighting all night filled her eyes, dripped onto the carpet. Jace. She thought she’d whispered it, but realized no sound had come out.
He hit her again, but this blow didn’t have any ferocity behind it. His hand stilled against her tingling skin. “I love you, goddammit. And I refuse to let you run away from me, convincing yourself that this was all some meaningless fuckfest. Don’t do that to me, Ev. I can’t bear it.”
No longer able to hold back her rioting emotions, her chest bounced with sobs. “I know . . . it’s not . . . I’m sorry.”
His tense leg muscles loosened against her belly.
“Don’t be sorry, baby.” He flipped her over gently and cradled her against him, his own breath coming fast. “Just be honest. We at least owe that to each other.”
“I know.” She buried her face in the curve of his neck. “I love you, too, Jace. I’m not sure I ever stopped.”
His entire body seemed to sigh against her as he ran a hand over her hair. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank God.”
He stood, lifting her with ease, and walked her around the edge of the bed, then set her in the middle of it. Her bottom throbbed against the cool sheets, but that only served to make her body ache for him more. Regardless of everything going on outside of this room, she needed him. On her, around her, inside her. It was no longer an option.
He undressed her with practiced patience, taking care to caress and touch only enough to stoke her embers. A kiss here. A pinch there. Every contact new and different because there wasn’t just lust behind it but love. When she finally lay bare before him, her whole being was vibrating like a tuning fork.
She wanted to plead for him to give her more than just a touch, to fall into bed with her, but she was afraid to speak. Afraid to break the spell weaving around them. Tomorrow her world would fall apart, but right now . . . right now was sacred.
He peeled off his T-shirt and shucked his shoes and jeans, allowing her to drink in the sight of him. His blond hair falling over his eyes, the long, lean body of a swimmer, the intricate tribal tattoo wrapped around his biceps—a bad boy archangel who had already claimed her soul.
He climbed onto the bed and nudged her thighs apart with his knees, parking himself between them. “Have you been with anyone besides me and Andre since you’ve been tested?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Neither have I.” He stroked the back of his knuckles over her clit, a whisper of a touch, but it sent shivers through her. “Are you protected otherwise?”
