Author: Roni Loren
And that flayed him. Made him want to chain her to his bed and spend the night convincing her otherwise. But he’d learned that love couldn’t be forced or commanded or even won. It was something that shouldn’t take convincing. It just was or wasn’t.
And for her, for now, it wasn’t. At least not fully.
So what could he do but let her leave?
Evan rose from the chair, her gaze on the floor. “I’m sorry, you’re right. You both deserve better than what I can give you right now.”
“Bella,” Andre protested when she headed toward the door.
Jace put a firm hand on Andre’s shoulder. “Let her go, Dre.”
Andre didn’t say anything else as they watched Evan walk away.
The front door shut behind her. She hadn’t looked back.
She’d let them go.
THIRTY-ONE
Today was the big day. Evan adjusted her dress for the umpteenth time and then touched the twist in her hair, making sure everything was still in place. Her heart was pounding so hard it could’ve substituted for the bass in a death metal song.
She’d never liked being in front of a crowd like this. One misstep or wrong line and it’d be splashed all over every gossip website. She’d rehearsed her part in her head, going over and over the words last night.
The man who’d been acting as her handler this morning stepped into her dressing area. “He’s ready for you, Ms. Kennedy.”
She nodded and took a deep breath, smoothing her dress once more. “Thanks, Eric.”
Eric smiled. “You look beautiful. No need to be nervous.”
Yeah, right. The biggest decision she’d ever made in her life, but no need to get the jitters. “Let’s do this.”
He took her arm and led her out of the room and into the hallway. She focused on breathing in and out and not tripping in the completely indulgent heels she’d gotten for the occasion.
Eric eased her around the last corner and into the main area. Daniel smiled at her when he caught sight of her. If he shared her nerves, he didn’t show it. His suit, hair, and expression were as nonplussed as ever. In that moment, she’d never loved him more. This was the right decision.
Eric guided her to the edge of the stage, adeptly keeping her out of the way of the bustling crew and the cameras. “As soon as Daniel welcomes the audience back from commercial, he’ll call you up.”
“Right. Got it.”
“Good luck.” He patted her shoulder and then put his headset back on.
They cued Daniel, and he gave a smile to the camera that was the perfect mix of welcome and reverence for what he was about to discuss. The audience, when this pilot premiered, was going to be eating out of his hand. Women and gay men everywhere were going to want to comfort him—the handsome relationship doctor who was going to announce the dissolution of his engagement on national television. The man who was going to wish the woman who was leaving him all the best and assure everyone that they would stay the closest of friends.
The execs who’d freaked when Evan’s affair had hit the news were now drooling like men at a titty bar over the chance to launch the show with Daniel as the ultimate sympathetic hero. The no-such-thing-as-bad-press cliché had proven golden.
And thank God for that because she’d realized when she’d left Jace and Andre’s apartment that even without them in her life, she couldn’t go on playing a role for Daniel. The last few months had been like biting that Garden of Eden apple. No amount of antidepressants or denial were going to let her “un-feel” what she’d experienced with Jace and Andre. They’d tattooed themselves onto her bones, shifted everything inside her to the point where she’d never again be satisfied with “good enough.”
So even if she had to go through her life alone, at least she’d be authentic about it. Her mother and father had both died too young and continuing to live her own life on autopilot seemed the ultimate insult to the both of them.
Daniel had done decent damage control for her in the press, saying that they’d both figured out that they were better friends than lovers. Ha! If the public only knew how true that was. Daniel still didn’t feel comfortable coming out yet, but she hoped after he grew more secure with the show, he’d take that step as well.
“And now I’d like to welcome my best friend to join me, Ms. Evan Kennedy,” Daniel announced, dragging her from her thoughts.
She took one more deep breath, put on a nervous smile, and walked on stage to publicly break up with the boy she’d plan to marry.
THIRTY-TWO
Jace cracked open the beers and distributed them around the living room to Andre, Reid, and Grant. Then he handed Brynn a glass of wine. His friends had supposedly come over to celebrate Jace’s birthday, but somehow he’d ended up serving them. Lazy bastards.
“You don’t prefer wine, Grant?” Brynn asked. She had her legs draped over Reid’s lap and was looking downright mellow after two glasses of Chardonnay.
Grant took a pull off the beer and smiled. “I don’t trust these Neanderthals to have anything decent.”
“Well, maybe if you’d bring over some free bottles every once in a while, we would,” Andre said. “Your shit ain’t cheap.”
“And waste it on your untrained palates?” Grant said, somehow managing smug with that twangy accent of his. He looked to Brynn. “Darlin’, if you’d like some, I’ll package up a case next time you and Reid are at The Ranch and send you home with some.”
Reid rubbed circles at the base on Brynn’s spine, an unconscious possessive hold on his woman while she was in a room full of dominant men. Jace couldn’t help but feel hollow at the sight. His own hand filled with nothing but a cold beer bottle.
Two months. Evan had been gone two fucking months. It felt like a century.
He should’ve never let her walk. His instincts had been wrong. Once again.
Reid smiled. “Sounds good. I plan to take Brynn out there next weekend. She’s got a bit of a voyeuristic streak that we haven’t indulged in a while.”
Brynn gasped and smacked Reid on the chest. “Reid!”
Reid chuckled. “You’re in a room full of guys, who, except for Andre, have seen you naked and bound for me. You’ve been on your knees for Jace. I think we’re beyond pretending you’re Ms. Innocent.”
Her cheeks stained pink, and she took a dainty sip from her wine. “Well you could’ve at least left Andre with that illusion. Give me some shred of a chance to have someone think I’m a lady.”
Andre smiled. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been on my knees for Jace, too.”
She tried to maintain her composure, but an indelicate snort escaped. Her gaze went between the two of them. “Damn, that’s hot.”
Jace grinned, the melancholy mood that seemed to chase him no matter where he was lately easing a bit. At least he had good friends. And Andre. Jace didn’t know how he would’ve made it through the last two months without him. Exploring the new relationship between them had been one of the few bright spots in an otherwise depressing reel of film. Though both he and Andre were all too aware, even in the heated moments, that there was a vital component missing. A sense of incompleteness neither could shake.
Reid rolled his eyes. “See. Dirty voyeur. And don’t get any ideas, sugar. I’m not sucking Jace’s dick no matter how much it would turn you on.”
“Word.” Jace shook his head. He was about as attracted to his childhood friend as he was to a swarm of wasps. And though he’d enjoyed the ménage with Brynn, Jace knew it’d been a one-time only deal. Reid and Brynn were kinky as shit, but they were built for one-on-one.
Grant grabbed one of the remaining slices of pizza sitting in the open box on the coffee table. “So when are you two going to come back to my place?”
Jace grabbed a chair from the dining room and straddled it, the little lift in his mood flatlining. The thought of going to The Ranch and dominating any other woman besides Evan made his beer turn bitter in his mouth. “I’ve been busy with the store.”
“Been working on a big case,” Andre mumbled at the same time.
Grant took a bite of pizza, considered them. “She’s doing well, you know. I’ve seen her.”
Jace straightened in his chair like he’d been pinched, his possessive gene going on full alert. “She’s been in L.A. What do you mean you’ve seen her?”
Grant rarely left his business, so when he’d “seen” someone it usually meant he’d seen them naked.
“She came back after she taped that first show. I hired her,” Grant said, his tone as casual as his worn jeans. He tore off another bite of pizza.
Andre looked horrified. “As a submissive?”
Grant smirked. “Look at you two. Like a pack of dogs ready to tear me apart. I’m not that big of an asshole. She needed a place to stay while the media attention died down and while she searched for a new apartment. I gave her a cabin to use in exchange for taking some commercial photos for the winery.”
Jace’s mouth had gone so dry he was surprised he was able to speak. “She’s living at the fucking Ranch?”
The unattached doms would be hunting her like lions stalking a gazelle.
“She handles herself just fine,” Grant assured. “Colby’s been looking out for her.”
“Oh, I just bet he has,” Jace seethed. “I bet he’s been looking quite a lot.”
Reid coughed over what sounded suspiciously like a laugh, drawing Jace’s attention. Brynn seemed to be fighting a smile.
“What are you two grinning about?” Jace snapped.
Reid shrugged. “Someone I know once busted my ass to stop whining about not having the girl I wanted and to go get her already. What are you two idiots doing sitting around for? You’re both obviously gone on the girl.”
“Doesn’t matter if she’s not gone on us,” Andre said, setting his untouched beer on the coffee table. “We left the door open.”
Grant groaned and stood, pulling something from his back pocket. “Damn, you two are a pitiful bunch.” He handed Jace a small square envelope. “Happy birthday. She told me not to give you this until we finished your party, but despite reports otherwise, my sadism only goes so far.”
Jace’s pulse raced. She’d sent them something?
Andre was across the room and at Jace’s side so quick, Jace was sure he’d teleported. “Open it, man.”
Not caring that everyone was there to witness whatever was inside, Jace tore the thing open.
The simple note card inside was filled with her neat script.
Where true Love burns Desire is Love’s pure flame;
It is the reflex of our earthly frame,
That takes its meaning from the nobler part,
And translates the language of the heart.
Andre read it aloud, mostly to himself, but everyone could clearly hear it.
Warmth tracked from Jace’s chest, radiating outward and enveloping him. The corners of his mouth lifted into a broad smile.
“Isn’t that a Coleridge poem?” Brynn asked.
“And it’s the quote on the door to Jace’s store. But what the hell’s it supposed to mean?” Andre asked, plucking the card from Jace’s fingers and staring at it. “Now isn’t the time to be all cryptic. Why would she send us this?”
Jace looked up at Andre. “It’s not the exact quote, Dre.”
“What do you mean?”
He tapped the card, the little blank space in the last line. “It’s missing the ‘but.’”
THIRTY-THREE
Evan turned up the volume on her car radio and rolled down the windows, enjoying the bite in the late-autumn air. The drive out to The Ranch after working all day in her studio was a bit of a jaunt, but she was starting to enjoy the empty stretch of road and the decompression it provided at the end of the day.
And that flayed him. Made him want to chain her to his bed and spend the night convincing her otherwise. But he’d learned that love couldn’t be forced or commanded or even won. It was something that shouldn’t take convincing. It just was or wasn’t.
And for her, for now, it wasn’t. At least not fully.
So what could he do but let her leave?
Evan rose from the chair, her gaze on the floor. “I’m sorry, you’re right. You both deserve better than what I can give you right now.”
“Bella,” Andre protested when she headed toward the door.
Jace put a firm hand on Andre’s shoulder. “Let her go, Dre.”
Andre didn’t say anything else as they watched Evan walk away.
The front door shut behind her. She hadn’t looked back.
She’d let them go.
THIRTY-ONE
Today was the big day. Evan adjusted her dress for the umpteenth time and then touched the twist in her hair, making sure everything was still in place. Her heart was pounding so hard it could’ve substituted for the bass in a death metal song.
She’d never liked being in front of a crowd like this. One misstep or wrong line and it’d be splashed all over every gossip website. She’d rehearsed her part in her head, going over and over the words last night.
The man who’d been acting as her handler this morning stepped into her dressing area. “He’s ready for you, Ms. Kennedy.”
She nodded and took a deep breath, smoothing her dress once more. “Thanks, Eric.”
Eric smiled. “You look beautiful. No need to be nervous.”
Yeah, right. The biggest decision she’d ever made in her life, but no need to get the jitters. “Let’s do this.”
He took her arm and led her out of the room and into the hallway. She focused on breathing in and out and not tripping in the completely indulgent heels she’d gotten for the occasion.
Eric eased her around the last corner and into the main area. Daniel smiled at her when he caught sight of her. If he shared her nerves, he didn’t show it. His suit, hair, and expression were as nonplussed as ever. In that moment, she’d never loved him more. This was the right decision.
Eric guided her to the edge of the stage, adeptly keeping her out of the way of the bustling crew and the cameras. “As soon as Daniel welcomes the audience back from commercial, he’ll call you up.”
“Right. Got it.”
“Good luck.” He patted her shoulder and then put his headset back on.
They cued Daniel, and he gave a smile to the camera that was the perfect mix of welcome and reverence for what he was about to discuss. The audience, when this pilot premiered, was going to be eating out of his hand. Women and gay men everywhere were going to want to comfort him—the handsome relationship doctor who was going to announce the dissolution of his engagement on national television. The man who was going to wish the woman who was leaving him all the best and assure everyone that they would stay the closest of friends.
The execs who’d freaked when Evan’s affair had hit the news were now drooling like men at a titty bar over the chance to launch the show with Daniel as the ultimate sympathetic hero. The no-such-thing-as-bad-press cliché had proven golden.
And thank God for that because she’d realized when she’d left Jace and Andre’s apartment that even without them in her life, she couldn’t go on playing a role for Daniel. The last few months had been like biting that Garden of Eden apple. No amount of antidepressants or denial were going to let her “un-feel” what she’d experienced with Jace and Andre. They’d tattooed themselves onto her bones, shifted everything inside her to the point where she’d never again be satisfied with “good enough.”
So even if she had to go through her life alone, at least she’d be authentic about it. Her mother and father had both died too young and continuing to live her own life on autopilot seemed the ultimate insult to the both of them.
Daniel had done decent damage control for her in the press, saying that they’d both figured out that they were better friends than lovers. Ha! If the public only knew how true that was. Daniel still didn’t feel comfortable coming out yet, but she hoped after he grew more secure with the show, he’d take that step as well.
“And now I’d like to welcome my best friend to join me, Ms. Evan Kennedy,” Daniel announced, dragging her from her thoughts.
She took one more deep breath, put on a nervous smile, and walked on stage to publicly break up with the boy she’d plan to marry.
THIRTY-TWO
Jace cracked open the beers and distributed them around the living room to Andre, Reid, and Grant. Then he handed Brynn a glass of wine. His friends had supposedly come over to celebrate Jace’s birthday, but somehow he’d ended up serving them. Lazy bastards.
“You don’t prefer wine, Grant?” Brynn asked. She had her legs draped over Reid’s lap and was looking downright mellow after two glasses of Chardonnay.
Grant took a pull off the beer and smiled. “I don’t trust these Neanderthals to have anything decent.”
“Well, maybe if you’d bring over some free bottles every once in a while, we would,” Andre said. “Your shit ain’t cheap.”
“And waste it on your untrained palates?” Grant said, somehow managing smug with that twangy accent of his. He looked to Brynn. “Darlin’, if you’d like some, I’ll package up a case next time you and Reid are at The Ranch and send you home with some.”
Reid rubbed circles at the base on Brynn’s spine, an unconscious possessive hold on his woman while she was in a room full of dominant men. Jace couldn’t help but feel hollow at the sight. His own hand filled with nothing but a cold beer bottle.
Two months. Evan had been gone two fucking months. It felt like a century.
He should’ve never let her walk. His instincts had been wrong. Once again.
Reid smiled. “Sounds good. I plan to take Brynn out there next weekend. She’s got a bit of a voyeuristic streak that we haven’t indulged in a while.”
Brynn gasped and smacked Reid on the chest. “Reid!”
Reid chuckled. “You’re in a room full of guys, who, except for Andre, have seen you naked and bound for me. You’ve been on your knees for Jace. I think we’re beyond pretending you’re Ms. Innocent.”
Her cheeks stained pink, and she took a dainty sip from her wine. “Well you could’ve at least left Andre with that illusion. Give me some shred of a chance to have someone think I’m a lady.”
Andre smiled. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been on my knees for Jace, too.”
She tried to maintain her composure, but an indelicate snort escaped. Her gaze went between the two of them. “Damn, that’s hot.”
Jace grinned, the melancholy mood that seemed to chase him no matter where he was lately easing a bit. At least he had good friends. And Andre. Jace didn’t know how he would’ve made it through the last two months without him. Exploring the new relationship between them had been one of the few bright spots in an otherwise depressing reel of film. Though both he and Andre were all too aware, even in the heated moments, that there was a vital component missing. A sense of incompleteness neither could shake.
Reid rolled his eyes. “See. Dirty voyeur. And don’t get any ideas, sugar. I’m not sucking Jace’s dick no matter how much it would turn you on.”
“Word.” Jace shook his head. He was about as attracted to his childhood friend as he was to a swarm of wasps. And though he’d enjoyed the ménage with Brynn, Jace knew it’d been a one-time only deal. Reid and Brynn were kinky as shit, but they were built for one-on-one.
Grant grabbed one of the remaining slices of pizza sitting in the open box on the coffee table. “So when are you two going to come back to my place?”
Jace grabbed a chair from the dining room and straddled it, the little lift in his mood flatlining. The thought of going to The Ranch and dominating any other woman besides Evan made his beer turn bitter in his mouth. “I’ve been busy with the store.”
“Been working on a big case,” Andre mumbled at the same time.
Grant took a bite of pizza, considered them. “She’s doing well, you know. I’ve seen her.”
Jace straightened in his chair like he’d been pinched, his possessive gene going on full alert. “She’s been in L.A. What do you mean you’ve seen her?”
Grant rarely left his business, so when he’d “seen” someone it usually meant he’d seen them naked.
“She came back after she taped that first show. I hired her,” Grant said, his tone as casual as his worn jeans. He tore off another bite of pizza.
Andre looked horrified. “As a submissive?”
Grant smirked. “Look at you two. Like a pack of dogs ready to tear me apart. I’m not that big of an asshole. She needed a place to stay while the media attention died down and while she searched for a new apartment. I gave her a cabin to use in exchange for taking some commercial photos for the winery.”
Jace’s mouth had gone so dry he was surprised he was able to speak. “She’s living at the fucking Ranch?”
The unattached doms would be hunting her like lions stalking a gazelle.
“She handles herself just fine,” Grant assured. “Colby’s been looking out for her.”
“Oh, I just bet he has,” Jace seethed. “I bet he’s been looking quite a lot.”
Reid coughed over what sounded suspiciously like a laugh, drawing Jace’s attention. Brynn seemed to be fighting a smile.
“What are you two grinning about?” Jace snapped.
Reid shrugged. “Someone I know once busted my ass to stop whining about not having the girl I wanted and to go get her already. What are you two idiots doing sitting around for? You’re both obviously gone on the girl.”
“Doesn’t matter if she’s not gone on us,” Andre said, setting his untouched beer on the coffee table. “We left the door open.”
Grant groaned and stood, pulling something from his back pocket. “Damn, you two are a pitiful bunch.” He handed Jace a small square envelope. “Happy birthday. She told me not to give you this until we finished your party, but despite reports otherwise, my sadism only goes so far.”
Jace’s pulse raced. She’d sent them something?
Andre was across the room and at Jace’s side so quick, Jace was sure he’d teleported. “Open it, man.”
Not caring that everyone was there to witness whatever was inside, Jace tore the thing open.
The simple note card inside was filled with her neat script.
Where true Love burns Desire is Love’s pure flame;
It is the reflex of our earthly frame,
That takes its meaning from the nobler part,
And translates the language of the heart.
Andre read it aloud, mostly to himself, but everyone could clearly hear it.
Warmth tracked from Jace’s chest, radiating outward and enveloping him. The corners of his mouth lifted into a broad smile.
“Isn’t that a Coleridge poem?” Brynn asked.
“And it’s the quote on the door to Jace’s store. But what the hell’s it supposed to mean?” Andre asked, plucking the card from Jace’s fingers and staring at it. “Now isn’t the time to be all cryptic. Why would she send us this?”
Jace looked up at Andre. “It’s not the exact quote, Dre.”
“What do you mean?”
He tapped the card, the little blank space in the last line. “It’s missing the ‘but.’”
THIRTY-THREE
Evan turned up the volume on her car radio and rolled down the windows, enjoying the bite in the late-autumn air. The drive out to The Ranch after working all day in her studio was a bit of a jaunt, but she was starting to enjoy the empty stretch of road and the decompression it provided at the end of the day.
