She didn't move from next to me. She'd fallen asleep. I nudged her. "Lucy, your boyfriend's here."
She slowly woke up, confused, and then saw Cam. "Hey, baby," she cooed. She started to get up but swayed from the motion of the trampoline, or maybe the one too many beers we had.
"How drunk are you, Luce? You drunk enough to let me do that thing you never let me do to you?" I could tell he was only half joking.
She snorted and got off the trampoline and onto his back. He piggybacked her towards the house. "Yo!" Cam yelled out, "You crashing here too?"
I nodded.
What else was I going to do?
***
I was outside on the back deck having a smoke when Lucy walked out. I don't smoke often. Actually, I barely do. Just when I drink. I don't even know why I do it; it's a shitty habit.
Lucy walked out in her pajamas. Purple with pink hearts, like she's 10 or something.
She waved her hand in front of her face to clear the smoke and exaggerated a cough. She pulled the cigarette out from between my fingers and put it out on the railing, then threw it in the bushes in front of us.
"Smoking kills, you know that right?" she said.
I looked away. Lucy's mom died of lung cancer a few years back. I stayed quiet.
"You know how Cam and I met?" she asked out of nowhere.
I leaned my elbows on the rail and looked out to the yard. "Kind of." I shrugged.
She stood next to me and copied my position.
"Cam used to help coach Lincoln and Liam's little league team."
"Yeah." I knew that much.
"Yeah, it was a few years back, before Mom died." Her voice ended in a whisper.
She sniffed once. I don't know if she was crying, or about to, but I didn't look at her. "After Mom died, Cam just started coming around to the house. Every day after school he was there, helping out however he could. I mean, he must've known that we'd be struggling. The first few months without Mom were devastating. Dad—he could barely get up in the mornings. I don't know how Cam knew, but he was just there. He pretty much raised the boys the first few months. I mean, I was there too, but so was he..." She stopped to catch her breath and wipe the tears that had developed. "To this day, I don't know why he was. I've asked him a couple times. He just shrugs, and says he just wanted to help. I don't even know when we became a couple. One night we were washing the dishes and he just kissed me, and that was it. For the first few months he was there every night, helping me with the boys. Eventually Dad snapped out of the funk and became a dad again...and Cameron and I... we became an us."
"Cameron's good people, huh?"
"The best," she agreed.
"So what's up? Why are you telling me this?"
"Because. I don't—I just think you should know, that even though he acts like an asshole, and he's crude and obnoxious sometimes, he really is a good guy, and I love him. He's kind of like you, Logan. And one day, you'll find someone that loves you as much as I love him."
I faced her, our eyes locked for the longest time. Then I shook my head, thinking about what happened with Amanda. "I don't think that's going to happen, Luce."
She was quiet for what seemed like years, staring at me. Then a smile broke through. "You don't remember me, do you?"
I looked at her and panicked. This wasn't the first time this had happened. I blew out a breath and looked away from her. I was too embarrassed to face her when we talked about this shit.
"Lucy, I'm sorry. Did I promise to call you? I didn't pop your cherry did I?" I grimaced.
"WHAT!" she gasped. "Ew, that's gross. Yuck, Logan!" She pushed my chest with both her hands.
I fell back a step. "Shit, Lucy. Don't be that disgusted. I'm not the worst guy in the world to take your V card." I smirked.
"EW!" she screamed again.
I was all out laughing.
She exaggerated a shudder then calmed herself down. "When we were freshman, I was reading a book under a tree in the quad," she said. "I was a loner back then. These juniors—they came up and started picking on me. Two girls and two guys. They grabbed the book from my hands and were being assholes, throwing it between each other. Like we were in fucking grade school, and they were the bullies. I was mortified, Logan. I felt so stupid and...belittled."
"I'm sorry, Lucy." I told her. It was the truth. I fucking hate bullies and anyone that thought it was okay to treat people like shit.
"I know, Logan. I know because you walked up and stood in front of me, shielding me from them. You started yelling at them to give it back. I didn't even know you and you were there. You were big for a freshman. I mean, you've always been big. You were bigger than both those junior boys combined. They gave it back straight away and you handed it to me. You made them apologize to me before they left. Then you made sure I was okay before you just walked away, like what you did wasn't a big deal."
"Huh." I didn't know else to say.
"You don't remember?"
I shrugged. "Sorry, Lucy...I guess I don't."
She smiled. "That night I baked you cookies and left them on your desk in homeroom the next morning."
It began to come back to me—the memory. But I don’t remember that it was Lucy.
She kept talking, "I watched you as you walked into the room and saw them sitting there. This huge smile on your face. You opened them, ate one, and gave the rest to Skinny Pete."
Now I remembered.
"Why did you do that, Logan? Give them to Skinny Pete, I mean?"
I shrugged and turned away from her.
She gripped my upper arm and forced me to face her.
"Why?" she asked again.
"Everyone knows that Skinny Pete's family were poor and he barely ate." I shrugged again.
She laughed once. "I had the biggest crush on you for like, months after that day," she said, shaking her head. "You're not such an asshole, Logan. You're one of the best guys I know. Actually, you're the best guy I know that I'm not screwing." She chuckled to herself. "One day, you're going to meet that girl that's going to make you want to be with them. And she's going to be so Goddamn lucky, I swear it."
I stayed silent. Because the thing is, I think I already have.
Lucy sighed, leaned up on her toes and kissed my cheek. "Quit smoking, Logan. I don't want to lose you, too," she said, before turning to go back inside. I grabbed her arm to stop her and pulled her to me. I held her. She held me back. I don't know how long we stood, holding on to each other, when she finally pulled away and looked up at me.
I kissed her on the top of her head. "It's the last one I'll ever have, swear it."
It was.
FIFTEEN
Logan
I woke up the next morning before everyone else and left Jake and Micky's. I got in my car and drove the short distance to my frat house.
She slowly woke up, confused, and then saw Cam. "Hey, baby," she cooed. She started to get up but swayed from the motion of the trampoline, or maybe the one too many beers we had.
"How drunk are you, Luce? You drunk enough to let me do that thing you never let me do to you?" I could tell he was only half joking.
She snorted and got off the trampoline and onto his back. He piggybacked her towards the house. "Yo!" Cam yelled out, "You crashing here too?"
I nodded.
What else was I going to do?
***
I was outside on the back deck having a smoke when Lucy walked out. I don't smoke often. Actually, I barely do. Just when I drink. I don't even know why I do it; it's a shitty habit.
Lucy walked out in her pajamas. Purple with pink hearts, like she's 10 or something.
She waved her hand in front of her face to clear the smoke and exaggerated a cough. She pulled the cigarette out from between my fingers and put it out on the railing, then threw it in the bushes in front of us.
"Smoking kills, you know that right?" she said.
I looked away. Lucy's mom died of lung cancer a few years back. I stayed quiet.
"You know how Cam and I met?" she asked out of nowhere.
I leaned my elbows on the rail and looked out to the yard. "Kind of." I shrugged.
She stood next to me and copied my position.
"Cam used to help coach Lincoln and Liam's little league team."
"Yeah." I knew that much.
"Yeah, it was a few years back, before Mom died." Her voice ended in a whisper.
She sniffed once. I don't know if she was crying, or about to, but I didn't look at her. "After Mom died, Cam just started coming around to the house. Every day after school he was there, helping out however he could. I mean, he must've known that we'd be struggling. The first few months without Mom were devastating. Dad—he could barely get up in the mornings. I don't know how Cam knew, but he was just there. He pretty much raised the boys the first few months. I mean, I was there too, but so was he..." She stopped to catch her breath and wipe the tears that had developed. "To this day, I don't know why he was. I've asked him a couple times. He just shrugs, and says he just wanted to help. I don't even know when we became a couple. One night we were washing the dishes and he just kissed me, and that was it. For the first few months he was there every night, helping me with the boys. Eventually Dad snapped out of the funk and became a dad again...and Cameron and I... we became an us."
"Cameron's good people, huh?"
"The best," she agreed.
"So what's up? Why are you telling me this?"
"Because. I don't—I just think you should know, that even though he acts like an asshole, and he's crude and obnoxious sometimes, he really is a good guy, and I love him. He's kind of like you, Logan. And one day, you'll find someone that loves you as much as I love him."
I faced her, our eyes locked for the longest time. Then I shook my head, thinking about what happened with Amanda. "I don't think that's going to happen, Luce."
She was quiet for what seemed like years, staring at me. Then a smile broke through. "You don't remember me, do you?"
I looked at her and panicked. This wasn't the first time this had happened. I blew out a breath and looked away from her. I was too embarrassed to face her when we talked about this shit.
"Lucy, I'm sorry. Did I promise to call you? I didn't pop your cherry did I?" I grimaced.
"WHAT!" she gasped. "Ew, that's gross. Yuck, Logan!" She pushed my chest with both her hands.
I fell back a step. "Shit, Lucy. Don't be that disgusted. I'm not the worst guy in the world to take your V card." I smirked.
"EW!" she screamed again.
I was all out laughing.
She exaggerated a shudder then calmed herself down. "When we were freshman, I was reading a book under a tree in the quad," she said. "I was a loner back then. These juniors—they came up and started picking on me. Two girls and two guys. They grabbed the book from my hands and were being assholes, throwing it between each other. Like we were in fucking grade school, and they were the bullies. I was mortified, Logan. I felt so stupid and...belittled."
"I'm sorry, Lucy." I told her. It was the truth. I fucking hate bullies and anyone that thought it was okay to treat people like shit.
"I know, Logan. I know because you walked up and stood in front of me, shielding me from them. You started yelling at them to give it back. I didn't even know you and you were there. You were big for a freshman. I mean, you've always been big. You were bigger than both those junior boys combined. They gave it back straight away and you handed it to me. You made them apologize to me before they left. Then you made sure I was okay before you just walked away, like what you did wasn't a big deal."
"Huh." I didn't know else to say.
"You don't remember?"
I shrugged. "Sorry, Lucy...I guess I don't."
She smiled. "That night I baked you cookies and left them on your desk in homeroom the next morning."
It began to come back to me—the memory. But I don’t remember that it was Lucy.
She kept talking, "I watched you as you walked into the room and saw them sitting there. This huge smile on your face. You opened them, ate one, and gave the rest to Skinny Pete."
Now I remembered.
"Why did you do that, Logan? Give them to Skinny Pete, I mean?"
I shrugged and turned away from her.
She gripped my upper arm and forced me to face her.
"Why?" she asked again.
"Everyone knows that Skinny Pete's family were poor and he barely ate." I shrugged again.
She laughed once. "I had the biggest crush on you for like, months after that day," she said, shaking her head. "You're not such an asshole, Logan. You're one of the best guys I know. Actually, you're the best guy I know that I'm not screwing." She chuckled to herself. "One day, you're going to meet that girl that's going to make you want to be with them. And she's going to be so Goddamn lucky, I swear it."
I stayed silent. Because the thing is, I think I already have.
Lucy sighed, leaned up on her toes and kissed my cheek. "Quit smoking, Logan. I don't want to lose you, too," she said, before turning to go back inside. I grabbed her arm to stop her and pulled her to me. I held her. She held me back. I don't know how long we stood, holding on to each other, when she finally pulled away and looked up at me.
I kissed her on the top of her head. "It's the last one I'll ever have, swear it."
It was.
FIFTEEN
Logan
I woke up the next morning before everyone else and left Jake and Micky's. I got in my car and drove the short distance to my frat house.
