I couldn't even be mad about it. I had no right. It was my fault.
"So you and Greg, huh?"
My eyes snapped to his. "You know?"
He looked confused for a moment, "That you started dating my best friend? Yeah, I know. I'm not gonna lie, Dim, I'm pretty pissed off about it."
I breathed out, relieved.
But then something else took over, and I broke down.
For the next four hours I sat on that bench and told him everything. About Logan, about breaking up with him, about what happened the weeks after, all the way up to the night of the bonfire.
He sat quietly and listened to it all. When I got to the part about the pictures, his head fell between his shoulders. His grip on the bench caused his knuckles to turn white. I could see the muscles in his jaw flexing.
"You should have told me earlier," he stated, when I was done speaking.
"I couldn't," I cried.
"Dimmy." He sniffed back his own tears. "I'm so fucking sorry that that shit happened to you. I should have been there. You should have told me. I could have come for you. I could have done something—anything. You'll always be important to me. I'll always love you," he said.
But just not in that way.
Not anymore.
After a few more minutes of silence, I stood up, wiped my face with the back of my hand and said, "I better go check into the hotel."
He nodded, standing too, "When do you leave?"
"Tomorrow morning."
"You came for one night?" he asked. I could tell he knew I was lying, but neither of us was going to call each other out.
"Uh huh." I lied. I planned on staying forever. "I guess I'll see you around, Ty."
He jerked his head in agreement, but said nothing.
I held back my sob.
Then he pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes from the sensation. I hated being hugged, and he knew it, but right then, it was perfect. He was perfect.
And then he kissed me.
It was the saddest fucking goodbye in the history of the entire fucking world.
I didn't want him to pull away. I wanted to stay in his arms, with his mouth on mine, forever.
But he did. He pulled back and said, "Take care, Amanda."
I cried the entire walk to the twenty-four hour diner three blocks away. I didn't even care about the concerned looks people were giving me. At the time, it felt like I had lost everything that meant anything to me.
I got to the diner, ordered a coffee and pulled out my phone.
"Ethan?"
"Where are you?"
"New York."
"I'll be there soon."
Nine hours later, he was there.
***
Ty called every day after my visit. At first it was quick check ups, and then slowly, it built to longer, deeper conversations. Initially, I answered because I knew he wouldn't stop calling if I didn't. And then one day I found myself looking forward to his calls. Eventually, without me knowing, he had somehow helped me heal. And by the time I moved to start college, I was almost back to normal.
Until the day I saw Logan at the library, and it felt like my past, my life, my world—all of it—came crashing down around me.
Like I said—Almost.
TWENTY FIVE
Logan
I barely saw her for two days. If we were home at the same time, she ignored me. The truth was I wanted to see her, more than anything. But I knew I shouldn't. So I didn’t. Instead, I let her believe that I was an asshole. I am. But not for the reasons she thought.
"Amandaaaa! Your boy's home!" an unfamiliar voice boomed from the front door. I could hear Ethan laughing, then Amanda squealing. I opened my door the same time she did, but she didn't notice me.
She practically ran down the hallway. I followed because I'm a nosy, jealous, asshole.
Some guy had his arms around her, spinning her around. Her legs were wrapped around his waist. It was like Tyson all over again.
"Dude," she said, as he placed her back on the floor. "E didn't tell me you were coming!"
"I wanted to surprise you."
She had a huge grin on her face. "How long are you here for?"
They talked for a few more minutes. Nobody bothered to introduce me. I just stood there with my hands in my pockets feeling like a loser.
"I gotta go to work," she said, "but afterwards, you're all mine, okay?"
He nodded, as she turned and went back to her room, brushing past me. She didn't even acknowledge me.
I watched the dick stare at her ass as she walked away. "Holy shit, Amanda!" he shouted, "Yoga must be working. You're ass is fucking incredible."
She laughed.
Fucking laughed.
Who the fuck is this dick?
Ethan went to the kitchen, Dick followed behind him.
I was still fucking invisible.
"Ethan, man," I heard Dick say, trying to keep his voice low. "Amanda's gotten hot. Like really fucking hot."
I cleared my throat as I entered the room, glaring at Dick as I did.
"Oh hey, man," he had his hand out, "Tristan."
I looked at his hand, ignored it, then open the fridge for a bottle of water. I glared at him. "You think it's okay to talk about your friend's sister like that?"
His eyes widened slightly, then slowly, a smirk appeared. This dick was actually smirking at me.
"Aah," he said, nodding his head.
What the fuck did that mean? I crossed my arms over my chest. "Maybe you should have a little more respect, don't you think?"
I don't care who this guy was; he couldn't talk about Amanda like that.
I heard him chuckle, then Ethan walked up to him, pat his shoulder a few times, and left the room.
Dick straightened up and squared his shoulders.
I sized him up. I could take him.
I took a step forward.
He did the same.
"I've known her since we were five," he started, "then through her teenage years. You know, when her body started to develop." He motioned tits with his hands, because clearly he was twelve fucking years old.
My eyes narrowed.
He continued. "She was cute in high school, but she was Ty's. Now though..." he trailed off and licked his lips.
"Watch your next words asshole." I ground out. I cracked my knuckles with my thumbs. I wanted him to continue. I wanted a reason to hit him.
His smirk got wider.
I wanted to remove it with my fist.
"Now though, I bet she'd be fucking dynamite in the sack."
I shoved him. Hard.
He fell back and hit the wall.
Ethan walked in.
Dick started laughing.
Ethan shook his head.
"Tris, don't fuck with him like that."
"So you and Greg, huh?"
My eyes snapped to his. "You know?"
He looked confused for a moment, "That you started dating my best friend? Yeah, I know. I'm not gonna lie, Dim, I'm pretty pissed off about it."
I breathed out, relieved.
But then something else took over, and I broke down.
For the next four hours I sat on that bench and told him everything. About Logan, about breaking up with him, about what happened the weeks after, all the way up to the night of the bonfire.
He sat quietly and listened to it all. When I got to the part about the pictures, his head fell between his shoulders. His grip on the bench caused his knuckles to turn white. I could see the muscles in his jaw flexing.
"You should have told me earlier," he stated, when I was done speaking.
"I couldn't," I cried.
"Dimmy." He sniffed back his own tears. "I'm so fucking sorry that that shit happened to you. I should have been there. You should have told me. I could have come for you. I could have done something—anything. You'll always be important to me. I'll always love you," he said.
But just not in that way.
Not anymore.
After a few more minutes of silence, I stood up, wiped my face with the back of my hand and said, "I better go check into the hotel."
He nodded, standing too, "When do you leave?"
"Tomorrow morning."
"You came for one night?" he asked. I could tell he knew I was lying, but neither of us was going to call each other out.
"Uh huh." I lied. I planned on staying forever. "I guess I'll see you around, Ty."
He jerked his head in agreement, but said nothing.
I held back my sob.
Then he pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes from the sensation. I hated being hugged, and he knew it, but right then, it was perfect. He was perfect.
And then he kissed me.
It was the saddest fucking goodbye in the history of the entire fucking world.
I didn't want him to pull away. I wanted to stay in his arms, with his mouth on mine, forever.
But he did. He pulled back and said, "Take care, Amanda."
I cried the entire walk to the twenty-four hour diner three blocks away. I didn't even care about the concerned looks people were giving me. At the time, it felt like I had lost everything that meant anything to me.
I got to the diner, ordered a coffee and pulled out my phone.
"Ethan?"
"Where are you?"
"New York."
"I'll be there soon."
Nine hours later, he was there.
***
Ty called every day after my visit. At first it was quick check ups, and then slowly, it built to longer, deeper conversations. Initially, I answered because I knew he wouldn't stop calling if I didn't. And then one day I found myself looking forward to his calls. Eventually, without me knowing, he had somehow helped me heal. And by the time I moved to start college, I was almost back to normal.
Until the day I saw Logan at the library, and it felt like my past, my life, my world—all of it—came crashing down around me.
Like I said—Almost.
TWENTY FIVE
Logan
I barely saw her for two days. If we were home at the same time, she ignored me. The truth was I wanted to see her, more than anything. But I knew I shouldn't. So I didn’t. Instead, I let her believe that I was an asshole. I am. But not for the reasons she thought.
"Amandaaaa! Your boy's home!" an unfamiliar voice boomed from the front door. I could hear Ethan laughing, then Amanda squealing. I opened my door the same time she did, but she didn't notice me.
She practically ran down the hallway. I followed because I'm a nosy, jealous, asshole.
Some guy had his arms around her, spinning her around. Her legs were wrapped around his waist. It was like Tyson all over again.
"Dude," she said, as he placed her back on the floor. "E didn't tell me you were coming!"
"I wanted to surprise you."
She had a huge grin on her face. "How long are you here for?"
They talked for a few more minutes. Nobody bothered to introduce me. I just stood there with my hands in my pockets feeling like a loser.
"I gotta go to work," she said, "but afterwards, you're all mine, okay?"
He nodded, as she turned and went back to her room, brushing past me. She didn't even acknowledge me.
I watched the dick stare at her ass as she walked away. "Holy shit, Amanda!" he shouted, "Yoga must be working. You're ass is fucking incredible."
She laughed.
Fucking laughed.
Who the fuck is this dick?
Ethan went to the kitchen, Dick followed behind him.
I was still fucking invisible.
"Ethan, man," I heard Dick say, trying to keep his voice low. "Amanda's gotten hot. Like really fucking hot."
I cleared my throat as I entered the room, glaring at Dick as I did.
"Oh hey, man," he had his hand out, "Tristan."
I looked at his hand, ignored it, then open the fridge for a bottle of water. I glared at him. "You think it's okay to talk about your friend's sister like that?"
His eyes widened slightly, then slowly, a smirk appeared. This dick was actually smirking at me.
"Aah," he said, nodding his head.
What the fuck did that mean? I crossed my arms over my chest. "Maybe you should have a little more respect, don't you think?"
I don't care who this guy was; he couldn't talk about Amanda like that.
I heard him chuckle, then Ethan walked up to him, pat his shoulder a few times, and left the room.
Dick straightened up and squared his shoulders.
I sized him up. I could take him.
I took a step forward.
He did the same.
"I've known her since we were five," he started, "then through her teenage years. You know, when her body started to develop." He motioned tits with his hands, because clearly he was twelve fucking years old.
My eyes narrowed.
He continued. "She was cute in high school, but she was Ty's. Now though..." he trailed off and licked his lips.
"Watch your next words asshole." I ground out. I cracked my knuckles with my thumbs. I wanted him to continue. I wanted a reason to hit him.
His smirk got wider.
I wanted to remove it with my fist.
"Now though, I bet she'd be fucking dynamite in the sack."
I shoved him. Hard.
He fell back and hit the wall.
Ethan walked in.
Dick started laughing.
Ethan shook his head.
"Tris, don't fuck with him like that."
