"No." She feigned disgust.
"Fine," I told her. "Can you just sit here with me then, just until my boys get back to normal?" I pointed to my lap.
She laughed and looked away, and her arm around my neck loosened.
She wanted to leave.
Without intending to, the grip on her waist tightened.
"I'm not going anywhere," she said.
"Good," I said. "Neither am I."
She faced me now, an emotion on her face I couldn't understand. Then she leaned in, her face so close to mine I felt her breath on my cheek.
My heart thumped.
My eyes shut.
I waited.
And waited.
Then I felt her lips press on my cheek, just under my eye. "I don't ever mean to hurt you," she said quietly.
***
Somehow, I persuaded her to have lunch with me. We were both in our post-gym sweaty state, so she wanted to shower. "Do it at my house," I told her. "I have to go home anyway, I didn't bring anything to change into."
She hesitated for a moment before agreeing.
I didn't even consider how the thought of her naked in my shower was going to affect me until I was sporting a hard-on in my living room. I heard the bathroom door open and quickly adjusted myself. "All done?" I asked her.
She nodded, looking at the floor. She'd changed into a plain white dress that showed off her legs and her tanned skin. She wasn't as dark as Ethan, but she had that naturally olive skin most girls paid for.
"I'll be done in a little bit, just make yourself at home."
Amanda
I’d gone through his bathroom cupboard looking for a disposable razor. It wasn’t as if I was trying to impress him, but my legs had four-day growth and I really didn't want him to notice, let alone touch it. I didn't find the razors, but I did find a bottle of Xanax prescribed to him.
Now, alone in the living room, I took my phone out my bag and started researching anxiety medication and its side effects. I didn't get very far before the bathroom door opened. The steam from inside clouded him as he walked out wearing nothing but sweatpants.
No shirt.
I wiped my mouth, positive that I was drooling.
He walked towards me. I stood frozen. He didn't stop until we were face to face. His bare chest brushed against my breasts. My breath hitched. A shiver traveled up my spine. "You," he said, licking his lips. "Are welcome to grab my boobs whenever you want."
***
"Sorry we had to come out this far." He bit into his burger and chewed before speaking again. We were at diner a little ways out of town. "I just still want to lay low for a little bit, you know?"
"Sure."
"So, you didn't keep in touch with Micky and Lucy when I was gone?"
How did he know that? "How did you know that?"
"Through Jake. I called him on your—"
My chest constricted. His words hurt. He must've noticed because he asked, "What's wrong?"
I shook my head, and pushed down the pain.
"Amanda," he cooed. "Did I say something?"
He scooted around the booth until he was sitting next to me.
I felt pathetic.
I was pathetic.
"What did I do?" he asked. I don't know if he was speaking to himself or me. I heard him sigh, and then put his arm on the back of the booth. His other hand reached up and he used his fingers to turn my face towards his. "Tell me."
My heart broke.
I inhaled deeply, and let the words out. "You never called me. The entire year you were gone I got one letter from you. I thought that maybe you were cutting yourself off from everyone, but you called Jake? Why didn't you—"
"I called Jake once, because I needed something from him," he explained.
"And your dad?" My voice got louder.
He shrugged. "Is my dad. I owe him that much."
"And me?" I tried to keep it together. "You don't think you owed me something? You don't think that what we had was worth something? You don't think I was worth something?"
"That's not it at all, Amanda."
"Then what? Explain it to me, please?"
His gaze moved all over my face, and then held it in his trembling hand. I covered it with mine. Then he spoke, "Why are you here with me right now? Why are you talking to me? Why are you spending time with me?"
"I don't know," I said truthfully. "I can't help it, and I can't explain it."
"Exactly," he breathed out. "I can't explain it, either. Not yet, anyway. I just don't ever want you to think that it's because you didn't mean anything to me. You meant the world to me. And if you didn't know that—if you couldn't see that—then that's how I'll start. Every day I'll show you, and every day I'll prove to you just how much you meant to me. How much you still mean to me."
13
Logan
Logan: I'm doing it. I'm going to fight for her. I can't exist without her. She's my air.
Lucy: Of course she is.
Logan: Have you told anyone I'm back?
Lucy: I told you I wouldn't.
Logan: Not even Cam?
Lucy: Not even Cam. Why are you texting me? Are you bored?
Logan: You know me way too well.
Lucy: I'll be there in 15.
She stepped in fifteen minutes later, holding a paper bag towards me.
"What's this?" I asked, taking it from her hands.
"We had dinner at Jake's parents the other night. His mom baked cookies."
I got excited. Too excited. I loved Jake's mom's cookies. I pulled out three and shoved them in my mouth.
"Jeez," she said. "It's like you haven't had decent food for a year." She chuckled to herself, and then looked around the place. "Your apartment's kind of depressing."
I laughed. "I know. I'm hoping I can persuade Amanda to help me fix it up."
She smiled and tried to sit up on the kitchen counter. On her third attempt, she huffed and motioned for me to help her. I lifted her by her waist and placed her on it. "You're so little."
She snorted. "I know. I have the body of a twelve-year-old boy,"
I threw my head back in laughter. "Not true, Luce. You're hot. You just don't care that you are."
"Aw, that's so nice."
I shrugged and leaned against the fridge. "It's the truth."
"Cameron wants us to move in together. Get an apartment, and all that."
"Yeah? I'm surprised you haven't already."
She picked at her nails. "I want to, but my dad wants us to wait until we're married, or at least engaged."
"What? Does your dad know that Cam practically lived in your cabin?"
She laughed quietly. "I think he's in denial."
"So what are you going to do?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. I think he wants to do it for the wrong reasons."
"Fine," I told her. "Can you just sit here with me then, just until my boys get back to normal?" I pointed to my lap.
She laughed and looked away, and her arm around my neck loosened.
She wanted to leave.
Without intending to, the grip on her waist tightened.
"I'm not going anywhere," she said.
"Good," I said. "Neither am I."
She faced me now, an emotion on her face I couldn't understand. Then she leaned in, her face so close to mine I felt her breath on my cheek.
My heart thumped.
My eyes shut.
I waited.
And waited.
Then I felt her lips press on my cheek, just under my eye. "I don't ever mean to hurt you," she said quietly.
***
Somehow, I persuaded her to have lunch with me. We were both in our post-gym sweaty state, so she wanted to shower. "Do it at my house," I told her. "I have to go home anyway, I didn't bring anything to change into."
She hesitated for a moment before agreeing.
I didn't even consider how the thought of her naked in my shower was going to affect me until I was sporting a hard-on in my living room. I heard the bathroom door open and quickly adjusted myself. "All done?" I asked her.
She nodded, looking at the floor. She'd changed into a plain white dress that showed off her legs and her tanned skin. She wasn't as dark as Ethan, but she had that naturally olive skin most girls paid for.
"I'll be done in a little bit, just make yourself at home."
Amanda
I’d gone through his bathroom cupboard looking for a disposable razor. It wasn’t as if I was trying to impress him, but my legs had four-day growth and I really didn't want him to notice, let alone touch it. I didn't find the razors, but I did find a bottle of Xanax prescribed to him.
Now, alone in the living room, I took my phone out my bag and started researching anxiety medication and its side effects. I didn't get very far before the bathroom door opened. The steam from inside clouded him as he walked out wearing nothing but sweatpants.
No shirt.
I wiped my mouth, positive that I was drooling.
He walked towards me. I stood frozen. He didn't stop until we were face to face. His bare chest brushed against my breasts. My breath hitched. A shiver traveled up my spine. "You," he said, licking his lips. "Are welcome to grab my boobs whenever you want."
***
"Sorry we had to come out this far." He bit into his burger and chewed before speaking again. We were at diner a little ways out of town. "I just still want to lay low for a little bit, you know?"
"Sure."
"So, you didn't keep in touch with Micky and Lucy when I was gone?"
How did he know that? "How did you know that?"
"Through Jake. I called him on your—"
My chest constricted. His words hurt. He must've noticed because he asked, "What's wrong?"
I shook my head, and pushed down the pain.
"Amanda," he cooed. "Did I say something?"
He scooted around the booth until he was sitting next to me.
I felt pathetic.
I was pathetic.
"What did I do?" he asked. I don't know if he was speaking to himself or me. I heard him sigh, and then put his arm on the back of the booth. His other hand reached up and he used his fingers to turn my face towards his. "Tell me."
My heart broke.
I inhaled deeply, and let the words out. "You never called me. The entire year you were gone I got one letter from you. I thought that maybe you were cutting yourself off from everyone, but you called Jake? Why didn't you—"
"I called Jake once, because I needed something from him," he explained.
"And your dad?" My voice got louder.
He shrugged. "Is my dad. I owe him that much."
"And me?" I tried to keep it together. "You don't think you owed me something? You don't think that what we had was worth something? You don't think I was worth something?"
"That's not it at all, Amanda."
"Then what? Explain it to me, please?"
His gaze moved all over my face, and then held it in his trembling hand. I covered it with mine. Then he spoke, "Why are you here with me right now? Why are you talking to me? Why are you spending time with me?"
"I don't know," I said truthfully. "I can't help it, and I can't explain it."
"Exactly," he breathed out. "I can't explain it, either. Not yet, anyway. I just don't ever want you to think that it's because you didn't mean anything to me. You meant the world to me. And if you didn't know that—if you couldn't see that—then that's how I'll start. Every day I'll show you, and every day I'll prove to you just how much you meant to me. How much you still mean to me."
13
Logan
Logan: I'm doing it. I'm going to fight for her. I can't exist without her. She's my air.
Lucy: Of course she is.
Logan: Have you told anyone I'm back?
Lucy: I told you I wouldn't.
Logan: Not even Cam?
Lucy: Not even Cam. Why are you texting me? Are you bored?
Logan: You know me way too well.
Lucy: I'll be there in 15.
She stepped in fifteen minutes later, holding a paper bag towards me.
"What's this?" I asked, taking it from her hands.
"We had dinner at Jake's parents the other night. His mom baked cookies."
I got excited. Too excited. I loved Jake's mom's cookies. I pulled out three and shoved them in my mouth.
"Jeez," she said. "It's like you haven't had decent food for a year." She chuckled to herself, and then looked around the place. "Your apartment's kind of depressing."
I laughed. "I know. I'm hoping I can persuade Amanda to help me fix it up."
She smiled and tried to sit up on the kitchen counter. On her third attempt, she huffed and motioned for me to help her. I lifted her by her waist and placed her on it. "You're so little."
She snorted. "I know. I have the body of a twelve-year-old boy,"
I threw my head back in laughter. "Not true, Luce. You're hot. You just don't care that you are."
"Aw, that's so nice."
I shrugged and leaned against the fridge. "It's the truth."
"Cameron wants us to move in together. Get an apartment, and all that."
"Yeah? I'm surprised you haven't already."
She picked at her nails. "I want to, but my dad wants us to wait until we're married, or at least engaged."
"What? Does your dad know that Cam practically lived in your cabin?"
She laughed quietly. "I think he's in denial."
"So what are you going to do?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. I think he wants to do it for the wrong reasons."
