"What do you mean?"
She sighed. "Some stuff happened when you were gone, and he thinks this might fix it."
"What stuff?" I straightened a little, paying full attention. "Fix what?"
"Nothing." She shook her head. "Not important. So you and Amanda?"
I couldn't help the smile that took over. "I'm hoping she might want to spend some time with me, you know? Maybe I can try to convince her to give me another chance. I mean—whatever was there before I left—it's still there."
"And you think she feels the same?"
"I can't be sure, but there's always this . . . I don't know . . . intensity? It's like when we're together, nothing else exists." I paused. "You didn't speak to her at all when I was gone?"
She shook her head. "No. She told us that she just needed some time, and that she'd contact us when she was ready, but she never did. I miss her, but what can I do? Cam even spoke to her when he dropped off the car; he told her to call me. I guess it was just too painful for her."
I cleared the lump in my throat.
She continued, "Sometimes it's just timing, Logan. Two hearts can beat as one, even if they aren't synced. Maybe that's what it was with you two. Maybe you just need to find the right rhythm, the right timing. Maybe now's that time for you guys."
"Maybe," I told her. "I mean I hope so. I want to be together, like you and Cameron are. I want her to be my Lucy. My forever."
She smiled huge. "Then what are you waiting for?" she jumped off the counter. "Go get her."
I grabbed my keys off the counter.
"I plan to."
Amanda
"What's gotten into you?" Alexis eyed me from the across the kitchen. We both stood in our pajamas, drinking coffee.
"What do you mean?"
She narrowed her eyes. "Don't play dumb. I've known you since we came out of our mamma's coochies, who's the guy?"
"What?" I faked ignorance. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about."
She took two steps forward and pinned me against the counter. I waited while her gaze roamed all over my face. "Logan's back, isn't he?"
"What?" I screeched. "I mean—no—I don't know. Is he?" Smooth.
"You bitch. When did he get back, and why haven't you told me?"
I sighed, defeated. "I saw him three days ago."
She looked towards the hallway, then back at me. My eyes followed. "What?" I asked.
Her grip on my arm was tighter than necessary when she pulled me into my room. "Talk," she said.
"I don't know. I saw him at a party, and then . . ." I shrugged. I shouldn't have added anything.
"And then what?" she whisper-yelled, leaning against my door.
"What is wrong with you?"
"Nothing, don't change the subject. And then what, Dim?"
I sat on my bed. "And then we went to a park and talked for a bit."
"What else?"
"Nothing else."
She crossed her arms. "Quit lying."
"Fine," I huffed. "And then we ended up back at his place."
"WHAT?"
"Shut up! Nothing happened, we just talked."
"You just talked?" she repeated, disbelief laced in her tone.
"Yes," I tried to convince her. "And I slapped him."
"WHAT?"
What the hell? I may as well tell her all of it. "And then I saw him at the bookstore, and the gym, and I punched him, and then we had lunch . . ."
"WHAT?" she said again.
I laughed. "Have you finally run out of shit to say?"
"Shut up."
I laughed again.
She sat on the bed and dramatically flung her body backwards. "This is bad," she said.
"What are you talking about? It's fine. Nothing's happened."
"Yet."
"So you randomly bumped into each other at all these places; it wasn't planned?"
"No, of course it wasn't planned. I wouldn't do that."
She sat back up and turned her body to face me. "Amanda, I need you to be serious for a second." She spoke down to me, like I was a kid, and held both my hands in hers. "Do you want something to happen?"
I shrugged and looked away. "I don't know."
"It's a simple question. It's a yes or no answer."
I laughed once, but it was bitter. "You should know better than anyone that it's not a simple question. You know how I feel."
Her head fell forward. "I'm sorry," she said.
"Me too."
"Amanda?" She looked up now. "You can't tell Ethan he's back. And you sure as hell can't tell him that you've been seeing him."
I reared back, surprised at her words. "What are you talking about?"
"How do you not see it? Ethan hates Logan. Like, hates hates him. As in—and these are his words, 'If I ever see that asshole again, I'm gonna lay him out.'"
I looked at her. "He's never said that shit to me."
It was her turn to roll her eyes. "Of course he hasn't. He hates bringing him up with you." She sighed. "Look, I don't say this to hurt you . . . but Logan—he fucked up. And Ethan—he was the one to pick up the pieces. And not just the last time, but the first time, too. He forgave him once, but that's it for him. He can't do it again." She paused for a few moments. I wondered if she was done, but she kept going. "You know how much sleep he lost over you?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but she stopped me.
"I'm not saying that he blames you, or that he's bitter about it. I'm just saying that he cares that much. Since your dad left, he's somehow convinced himself that it's his job to take care of you and your mom. You know he used to text me in the middle of the night at random times? He could hear you crying in your room, and he'd ask me what to do—whether or not he should go in and comfort you. You know how many times he called me when you were having nightmares, and he could hear you screaming? You're not the only one that went through that, Amanda. He did too.
"You don't think he has issues? Or that he doesn't hurt? He walked in on some guy nearly raping you. You know that you blacked out? That he tried to wake you? He thought you were dead, Dim. He thought he lost you that night. And in a way, he kind of did."
My eyes were wide. They'd begun to fill with tears. "Oh my God . . ." I breathed out. I'd been so selfish. So lost in my own feelings.
She wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry that I told you."
I lifted my head. "I needed to know."
She nodded in agreement. "You did." She moved the hair away from my face and made sure I was looking at her. "Whatever you choose to do with Logan, I'm going to support you. But just remember Ethan in all of this, okay?"
I swallowed, sniffing back the tears.
Ethan called out for her, interrupting us. She got up quickly. "Are you going to be okay?" I couldn't speak. I lifted my head in a nod. She smiled sadly.
She sighed. "Some stuff happened when you were gone, and he thinks this might fix it."
"What stuff?" I straightened a little, paying full attention. "Fix what?"
"Nothing." She shook her head. "Not important. So you and Amanda?"
I couldn't help the smile that took over. "I'm hoping she might want to spend some time with me, you know? Maybe I can try to convince her to give me another chance. I mean—whatever was there before I left—it's still there."
"And you think she feels the same?"
"I can't be sure, but there's always this . . . I don't know . . . intensity? It's like when we're together, nothing else exists." I paused. "You didn't speak to her at all when I was gone?"
She shook her head. "No. She told us that she just needed some time, and that she'd contact us when she was ready, but she never did. I miss her, but what can I do? Cam even spoke to her when he dropped off the car; he told her to call me. I guess it was just too painful for her."
I cleared the lump in my throat.
She continued, "Sometimes it's just timing, Logan. Two hearts can beat as one, even if they aren't synced. Maybe that's what it was with you two. Maybe you just need to find the right rhythm, the right timing. Maybe now's that time for you guys."
"Maybe," I told her. "I mean I hope so. I want to be together, like you and Cameron are. I want her to be my Lucy. My forever."
She smiled huge. "Then what are you waiting for?" she jumped off the counter. "Go get her."
I grabbed my keys off the counter.
"I plan to."
Amanda
"What's gotten into you?" Alexis eyed me from the across the kitchen. We both stood in our pajamas, drinking coffee.
"What do you mean?"
She narrowed her eyes. "Don't play dumb. I've known you since we came out of our mamma's coochies, who's the guy?"
"What?" I faked ignorance. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about."
She took two steps forward and pinned me against the counter. I waited while her gaze roamed all over my face. "Logan's back, isn't he?"
"What?" I screeched. "I mean—no—I don't know. Is he?" Smooth.
"You bitch. When did he get back, and why haven't you told me?"
I sighed, defeated. "I saw him three days ago."
She looked towards the hallway, then back at me. My eyes followed. "What?" I asked.
Her grip on my arm was tighter than necessary when she pulled me into my room. "Talk," she said.
"I don't know. I saw him at a party, and then . . ." I shrugged. I shouldn't have added anything.
"And then what?" she whisper-yelled, leaning against my door.
"What is wrong with you?"
"Nothing, don't change the subject. And then what, Dim?"
I sat on my bed. "And then we went to a park and talked for a bit."
"What else?"
"Nothing else."
She crossed her arms. "Quit lying."
"Fine," I huffed. "And then we ended up back at his place."
"WHAT?"
"Shut up! Nothing happened, we just talked."
"You just talked?" she repeated, disbelief laced in her tone.
"Yes," I tried to convince her. "And I slapped him."
"WHAT?"
What the hell? I may as well tell her all of it. "And then I saw him at the bookstore, and the gym, and I punched him, and then we had lunch . . ."
"WHAT?" she said again.
I laughed. "Have you finally run out of shit to say?"
"Shut up."
I laughed again.
She sat on the bed and dramatically flung her body backwards. "This is bad," she said.
"What are you talking about? It's fine. Nothing's happened."
"Yet."
"So you randomly bumped into each other at all these places; it wasn't planned?"
"No, of course it wasn't planned. I wouldn't do that."
She sat back up and turned her body to face me. "Amanda, I need you to be serious for a second." She spoke down to me, like I was a kid, and held both my hands in hers. "Do you want something to happen?"
I shrugged and looked away. "I don't know."
"It's a simple question. It's a yes or no answer."
I laughed once, but it was bitter. "You should know better than anyone that it's not a simple question. You know how I feel."
Her head fell forward. "I'm sorry," she said.
"Me too."
"Amanda?" She looked up now. "You can't tell Ethan he's back. And you sure as hell can't tell him that you've been seeing him."
I reared back, surprised at her words. "What are you talking about?"
"How do you not see it? Ethan hates Logan. Like, hates hates him. As in—and these are his words, 'If I ever see that asshole again, I'm gonna lay him out.'"
I looked at her. "He's never said that shit to me."
It was her turn to roll her eyes. "Of course he hasn't. He hates bringing him up with you." She sighed. "Look, I don't say this to hurt you . . . but Logan—he fucked up. And Ethan—he was the one to pick up the pieces. And not just the last time, but the first time, too. He forgave him once, but that's it for him. He can't do it again." She paused for a few moments. I wondered if she was done, but she kept going. "You know how much sleep he lost over you?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but she stopped me.
"I'm not saying that he blames you, or that he's bitter about it. I'm just saying that he cares that much. Since your dad left, he's somehow convinced himself that it's his job to take care of you and your mom. You know he used to text me in the middle of the night at random times? He could hear you crying in your room, and he'd ask me what to do—whether or not he should go in and comfort you. You know how many times he called me when you were having nightmares, and he could hear you screaming? You're not the only one that went through that, Amanda. He did too.
"You don't think he has issues? Or that he doesn't hurt? He walked in on some guy nearly raping you. You know that you blacked out? That he tried to wake you? He thought you were dead, Dim. He thought he lost you that night. And in a way, he kind of did."
My eyes were wide. They'd begun to fill with tears. "Oh my God . . ." I breathed out. I'd been so selfish. So lost in my own feelings.
She wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry that I told you."
I lifted my head. "I needed to know."
She nodded in agreement. "You did." She moved the hair away from my face and made sure I was looking at her. "Whatever you choose to do with Logan, I'm going to support you. But just remember Ethan in all of this, okay?"
I swallowed, sniffing back the tears.
Ethan called out for her, interrupting us. She got up quickly. "Are you going to be okay?" I couldn't speak. I lifted my head in a nod. She smiled sadly.
