"Instead, I had to hear a week later from your dad that you were gone. I was a shit friend to you, Logan. But not anymore. You need to know that. I don't care where I am, or what I'm doing; if you ever need anything from me, tell me. I'm not going to let you disappear again."
I let his words sink in.
Silence filled the space around us.
"I appreciate it, man. I really do. The past is my past, though. I'm done with it. I just want to move on. Move forward."
He nodded once, and a slow smile developed on his face. "With Amanda?"
"Yup."
"How long have you been back?"
"A few weeks."
"Did she know where you were?"
"Nope."
"So you've been back a few weeks, and you already got the girl?"
I smirked at him, the cockiness in me returning. "Well," I puffed out my chest like the dick I was feigning to be. "I'm still Logan Matthews. That shit hasn't changed."
He laughed, shaking his head. "Fuck, I've missed having you around."
***
Amanda stood up when I returned to the bonfire; she'd been sitting on an abandoned log with a bottle of water in her hand. She’d told me that her not drinking wasn't a vow of any sort, it just wasn't something she was interested in right now. I respected her decision and never questioned it, even though I disagreed with the reasoning behind it. "Did you miss me?" I asked her, taking her newly emptied spot and bringing her back down on my lap.
She nodded, the corners of her lips lifting.
"Good," I rubbed my nose along her jaw. "I missed the shit out of you."
Lucy piped up, "Alright, Nicholas Sparks. Leave the girl alone." She lifted a can of beer in the air as an offering.
"It's okay, I'll drive back," Amanda said.
I nodded at Lucy, right before she threw the can right at my head. My catcher reflexes took action. "Holy shit, girl, you got a good arm." I shook out my hand from the pain caused by catching it.
Lucy shrugged. "Jake's been coaching me."
I looked over at Jake, who shrugged. "I needed something to do while you were gone."
Micky laughed. She sat on the ground in front Jake as he rubbed her shoulders. "He kind of went a little crazy without you, Logan. Don't disappear again."
"Yeah, asshole." That was Heidi. It was the first time she'd spoken since we got here.
"Nice to see you, too," I greeted.
She had a beer in her hand, her eyes half closed. Her head tilted back against the seat.
And then it hit me. No Dylan.
"Where's Dylan?" I asked the group, but my eyes never left Heidi.
She laughed. It was bitter. Kind of like the one Amanda uses. "Afghanistan," she deadpanned.
"What?" I looked around at everyone else. "What's he doing there?"
"Marines," she stated, just as flat.
"Huh." Amanda spoke. Everyone turned to her, even Heidi.
"What do you mean 'huh'?" Heidi asked her. Her tone was cold, icy. Not at all the Heidi I know.
Amanda seemed to shrink into herself. "Just—I mean—he actually decided to go ahead with it." I wanted to ask her what she meant, how she knew this, but Heidi beat me to it. She stood now, her eyes narrowed at Amanda. My arms tightened around her. It was instinct. "You knew?" Heidi spat. "How the fuck—wait—I don't care. You knew and you didn't stop him?"
Amanda's body tensed, but her words didn't show it. "I'm sorry, Heidi, but I don't know you or Dylan all that well. I just bumped into him once, and he told me he was thinking about it. That's all."
Heidi took a step closer. "So what? You encouraged him?"
"I just listened to him. That's it."
Then Heidi exploded. "He's in fucking Afghanistan! He broke up with me, joined the marines, and is in fucking Afghanistan! And you knew!" She took another step towards us. Jake and Cameron both stood. "You knew and you just fucking let him go." She was yelling now, her face red with rage.
Amanda tried to stand, but I held her down. Whatever was going on with Heidi, she needed to leave it alone.
Amanda slowly pried my fingers and hands off her so she could get to her feet. She took a few steps forward until she was toe to toe with Heidi, her fists balled at her sides. "I didn't do shit. I told you, all I did was listen to him. You knew where he was, right?" Her voice was calm. Smooth, almost.
Heidi nodded. If she was surprised by Amanda's actions, it didn't show.
"So he told you he was leaving? He told you where he was going? He kept in touch? Told you how he was? Wrote to you?"
Heidi's eyes were huge now, but she nodded again.
"Good." Amanda said. "That's fucking great." Her voice got louder, her initial calmness all but gone. "That's a hell of a lot more than I got from Logan. You at least got to say goodbye. You get to know that he's safe." Her voice changed. She was holding back a sob. I stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to soothe her. She jerked away from my touch. "You get to write to him. Occasionally, get a phone call from him. I got nothing. NOTHING. He could've been dead and I wouldn't have even known." She wiped her face.
"Amanda." I tried to get her attention. I wanted her to turn her around so I could see her. I wanted her to stop talking. Her words weren't just hurting her, or Heidi—they were hurting me, too.
Eventually, she turned around, but she was still pissed. "No, Logan," she ground out. "She got to say goodbye. Her boyfriend—or whatever the fuck he is—is out there, serving our country, doing something he believes in. And he keeps in touch. She can write. He can call. It's so much more than I got. And I won't stand here and be blamed for that shit." She turned around and faced Heidi. "Just be fucking thankful that he loves and cares about you enough to let you know he's safe. Because it's sure as shit a lot more than I fucking got."
Heidi stepped back and wiped at her eyes. I don't know who she was crying for—Amanda or herself.
Amanda turned back to me. "I'm sorry," she said, before brushing past me and walking away. And I just stood there, not knowing what the fuck just happened.
Then I heard Lucy. "Bitch, you best go after your girl. You better fight for her, like you promised. You ain't lettin' her go again. Nuh-uh, I ain't letting that shit happen no more."
Then I felt a full can of beer smack into my stomach. "Oomph," I grunted.
"Fuck, baby," Cam whined. "Quit throwing beers around."
"Go, Logan!" Jake yelled.
It pulled me out of my daze. "Shit!"
24
Logan
I found her sitting in the bed of my truck, her knees up against her chest and her head in between them. Her soft cries filled the night air. I climbed up and sat next to her. I didn't touch her, or comfort her. Honestly, I wasn't sure if she was pissed at me or not.
"Hey, pretty girl."
She sniffed once, and then lifted her head. Her blue eyes glistened with tears. She wiped at her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Logan."
I let his words sink in.
Silence filled the space around us.
"I appreciate it, man. I really do. The past is my past, though. I'm done with it. I just want to move on. Move forward."
He nodded once, and a slow smile developed on his face. "With Amanda?"
"Yup."
"How long have you been back?"
"A few weeks."
"Did she know where you were?"
"Nope."
"So you've been back a few weeks, and you already got the girl?"
I smirked at him, the cockiness in me returning. "Well," I puffed out my chest like the dick I was feigning to be. "I'm still Logan Matthews. That shit hasn't changed."
He laughed, shaking his head. "Fuck, I've missed having you around."
***
Amanda stood up when I returned to the bonfire; she'd been sitting on an abandoned log with a bottle of water in her hand. She’d told me that her not drinking wasn't a vow of any sort, it just wasn't something she was interested in right now. I respected her decision and never questioned it, even though I disagreed with the reasoning behind it. "Did you miss me?" I asked her, taking her newly emptied spot and bringing her back down on my lap.
She nodded, the corners of her lips lifting.
"Good," I rubbed my nose along her jaw. "I missed the shit out of you."
Lucy piped up, "Alright, Nicholas Sparks. Leave the girl alone." She lifted a can of beer in the air as an offering.
"It's okay, I'll drive back," Amanda said.
I nodded at Lucy, right before she threw the can right at my head. My catcher reflexes took action. "Holy shit, girl, you got a good arm." I shook out my hand from the pain caused by catching it.
Lucy shrugged. "Jake's been coaching me."
I looked over at Jake, who shrugged. "I needed something to do while you were gone."
Micky laughed. She sat on the ground in front Jake as he rubbed her shoulders. "He kind of went a little crazy without you, Logan. Don't disappear again."
"Yeah, asshole." That was Heidi. It was the first time she'd spoken since we got here.
"Nice to see you, too," I greeted.
She had a beer in her hand, her eyes half closed. Her head tilted back against the seat.
And then it hit me. No Dylan.
"Where's Dylan?" I asked the group, but my eyes never left Heidi.
She laughed. It was bitter. Kind of like the one Amanda uses. "Afghanistan," she deadpanned.
"What?" I looked around at everyone else. "What's he doing there?"
"Marines," she stated, just as flat.
"Huh." Amanda spoke. Everyone turned to her, even Heidi.
"What do you mean 'huh'?" Heidi asked her. Her tone was cold, icy. Not at all the Heidi I know.
Amanda seemed to shrink into herself. "Just—I mean—he actually decided to go ahead with it." I wanted to ask her what she meant, how she knew this, but Heidi beat me to it. She stood now, her eyes narrowed at Amanda. My arms tightened around her. It was instinct. "You knew?" Heidi spat. "How the fuck—wait—I don't care. You knew and you didn't stop him?"
Amanda's body tensed, but her words didn't show it. "I'm sorry, Heidi, but I don't know you or Dylan all that well. I just bumped into him once, and he told me he was thinking about it. That's all."
Heidi took a step closer. "So what? You encouraged him?"
"I just listened to him. That's it."
Then Heidi exploded. "He's in fucking Afghanistan! He broke up with me, joined the marines, and is in fucking Afghanistan! And you knew!" She took another step towards us. Jake and Cameron both stood. "You knew and you just fucking let him go." She was yelling now, her face red with rage.
Amanda tried to stand, but I held her down. Whatever was going on with Heidi, she needed to leave it alone.
Amanda slowly pried my fingers and hands off her so she could get to her feet. She took a few steps forward until she was toe to toe with Heidi, her fists balled at her sides. "I didn't do shit. I told you, all I did was listen to him. You knew where he was, right?" Her voice was calm. Smooth, almost.
Heidi nodded. If she was surprised by Amanda's actions, it didn't show.
"So he told you he was leaving? He told you where he was going? He kept in touch? Told you how he was? Wrote to you?"
Heidi's eyes were huge now, but she nodded again.
"Good." Amanda said. "That's fucking great." Her voice got louder, her initial calmness all but gone. "That's a hell of a lot more than I got from Logan. You at least got to say goodbye. You get to know that he's safe." Her voice changed. She was holding back a sob. I stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to soothe her. She jerked away from my touch. "You get to write to him. Occasionally, get a phone call from him. I got nothing. NOTHING. He could've been dead and I wouldn't have even known." She wiped her face.
"Amanda." I tried to get her attention. I wanted her to turn her around so I could see her. I wanted her to stop talking. Her words weren't just hurting her, or Heidi—they were hurting me, too.
Eventually, she turned around, but she was still pissed. "No, Logan," she ground out. "She got to say goodbye. Her boyfriend—or whatever the fuck he is—is out there, serving our country, doing something he believes in. And he keeps in touch. She can write. He can call. It's so much more than I got. And I won't stand here and be blamed for that shit." She turned around and faced Heidi. "Just be fucking thankful that he loves and cares about you enough to let you know he's safe. Because it's sure as shit a lot more than I fucking got."
Heidi stepped back and wiped at her eyes. I don't know who she was crying for—Amanda or herself.
Amanda turned back to me. "I'm sorry," she said, before brushing past me and walking away. And I just stood there, not knowing what the fuck just happened.
Then I heard Lucy. "Bitch, you best go after your girl. You better fight for her, like you promised. You ain't lettin' her go again. Nuh-uh, I ain't letting that shit happen no more."
Then I felt a full can of beer smack into my stomach. "Oomph," I grunted.
"Fuck, baby," Cam whined. "Quit throwing beers around."
"Go, Logan!" Jake yelled.
It pulled me out of my daze. "Shit!"
24
Logan
I found her sitting in the bed of my truck, her knees up against her chest and her head in between them. Her soft cries filled the night air. I climbed up and sat next to her. I didn't touch her, or comfort her. Honestly, I wasn't sure if she was pissed at me or not.
"Hey, pretty girl."
She sniffed once, and then lifted her head. Her blue eyes glistened with tears. She wiped at her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Logan."
