"What?" I said. "You have no reason to be sorry."
She moved in closer to me and leaned her head against my shoulder. "I shouldn't have let all that stuff come out, especially in front of your friends. I embarrassed you—"
"Babe," I cut her off. "I don't care about my friends, or what they think. I just care about you."
She looked up at me, her eyes huge.
"Will you play a game with me?" I asked.
She nodded.
"Two truths for fifteen?"
"Okay," she answered quietly.
I stretched out my legs in front of me and tugged on her hand until she got the hint. Straddling my hips, she placed her arms on my shoulders, her excessive amount of bracelets clanking against each other. "So, you hate me?" I asked her.
She rolled her eyes. "I don't hate you."
"But you're mad at me?"
She sighed loudly as her body slumped. Nodding slowly, she let her words come out in a rush. "I am. I mean—you know I love you, and I've tried not to be mad, I really have. But I can't help it. I'm glad you're back. I'm glad we've found each other, but that doesn't change the fact that you just left. And I know that you have your reasons, and that's fine. But you could've said goodbye. I was right there, that day when I came to see you. You could've told me you were leaving.
"I spent a year worried about you, wondering if you were okay, if I was ever going to see you again. I got that one letter from you, and that's all. A whole year, Logan. Surely you would've known that I'd worry about you. What you did—leaving like that, that wasn't fair to me, and you know it."
"I know," I said quietly, looking down between us. "And I'm sorry. I guess I just thought that you'd forget about me soon enough, you know?"
She lifted my chin with her finger, the way I'd done to her so many times. "I don't know what would make you think that. We weren't just some boy and girl who fell in love. What we had—we were more than that. At least, that's how it felt to me."
I swallowed down the lump that'd formed in my throat. "It was that way for me, too, babe." I brought her in closer. "I guess I should've known better. Looks like I have a year’s worth of mistakes to make up for."
"Hm," she said, tapping her index finger against her lips. She eyed the sky. "How ever shall you start?"
I pinched her sides. She squealed and squirmed. "Show me your boobs and I'll show you where I'll start."
"You're a pig." She giggled.
Chuckling, I started to kiss up her neck, across her jaw, to her lips. "I love you," I whispered against them. "You're my heart, Amanda. And one day soon, I'll give you the world, just like I said I would in that letter."
She pulled back slightly. "I don't need the world, Logan. I just need you."
***
By the time we got back to the bonfire, Heidi was gone. She'd called a friend to pick her up, but wanted to make sure that Amanda knew how sorry she was for the way she’d acted. She’d told the others that she'd call me. I wasn't too fazed. It wasn't me she had to apologize to.
"It's fine," Amanda told them.
"It's not fine," I said. "She should apologize to you."
"Logan." She said my name like I was a kid that needed calming down. "Her heart's in the right place, she just let her emotions take over."
Cam raised a beer. I nodded. He threw it, but it landed a few feet in front of me. Amanda stood to pick it up the same time Lucy quipped, "Weak, babe. I'm so ashamed of you right now." She shook her head.
"So," Jake started. "I take it you're back for good?"
"Yup," I answered. "Or, for as long as this little lady will have me." I kissed Amanda on the cheek.
"Oh no," Micky laughed, then looked at Lucy. "He has turned into Nicholas Sparks."
"Right?" Lucy all but yelled. "I told you."
Amanda's body shook with her giggle.
"Who the fuck is Nicholas Sparks?" Jake asked.
"The Notebook?" Cam answered, his tone serious. "How do you not know The Notebook?"
Jake huffed, "What the fuck is The Notebook?"
Cam gasped like girl. "The Notebook!" he yelled, as if repeating the words would somehow make Jake understand what the fuck he was talking about. "What is wrong with you?"
We laughed.
"It's really good to have you home, man," Jake said. "But if you leave like that again, I'm getting on every plane possible and finding you, and when I do, I'm gonna beat your ass. I'm not even close to kidding."
You could always tell when Jake was angry or serious; his accent got stronger.
"If I ever do it again, I give you permission to do so. But trust me, there's no way it'll happen." I held on to Amanda tighter. "I have way too much to lose. I won't go through that again."
***
We ended up leaving before midnight. Lucy and Cameron had promised they’d take her brothers to a carnival the next day. They invited us along. I knew Amanda would want to. She couldn't say no to the food or the Ferris wheels. Jake and Micky had to leave; they were flying out early the next morning to see Micky's non-aunt's new baby—or something.
"Do you miss your old car?" she asked from the driver's seat of my truck on the way to Dad's.
I shrugged. "Not really. When I was sixteen, a Mercedes was the greatest thing in the world. Now, I just want to be able to get from one place to another. Money could be much better spent on other things."
She grabbed my hand and placed it on her leg. I loved it when she did shit like that. "Yeah?" she asked. "Like what?"
"Like . . . I dunno, for example; malaria. It's the fourth leading cause of death in third-world countries. For ten dollars you can buy a net that helps prevent it, maybe save a kid’s life, you know? Do you know what that means? That means the money spent on my first car, could've bought ten thousand nets. That's ten thousand potential lives I could've saved. I'm not saying that I'm not thankful to my dad for buying the car, or that I don't appreciate how hard he works for that monetary success. And, I mean, you know my dad as well as I do, he doesn't do it for the money. I don't know, I just don't think enough people our age know about shit like that."
She didn't respond, just continued to drive in silence. The occasional street lamp lit up her face. Her brows were drawn, her mind deep in thought.
I squeezed her leg once. "What are you thinking?"
She glanced over at me, as if she'd forgotten I was even here. "It feels like I've fallen in love with you, for the first time, all over again."
***
"This place brings back memories," she said quietly. We were lying in bed in the pool house, side by side, on our backs, holding hands.
"Yeah, it really does."
She turned on her side to face me. I did the same. "Good or bad for you?"
"A lot of good, a lot of bad. Both, I guess."
She moved in closer to me and leaned her head against my shoulder. "I shouldn't have let all that stuff come out, especially in front of your friends. I embarrassed you—"
"Babe," I cut her off. "I don't care about my friends, or what they think. I just care about you."
She looked up at me, her eyes huge.
"Will you play a game with me?" I asked.
She nodded.
"Two truths for fifteen?"
"Okay," she answered quietly.
I stretched out my legs in front of me and tugged on her hand until she got the hint. Straddling my hips, she placed her arms on my shoulders, her excessive amount of bracelets clanking against each other. "So, you hate me?" I asked her.
She rolled her eyes. "I don't hate you."
"But you're mad at me?"
She sighed loudly as her body slumped. Nodding slowly, she let her words come out in a rush. "I am. I mean—you know I love you, and I've tried not to be mad, I really have. But I can't help it. I'm glad you're back. I'm glad we've found each other, but that doesn't change the fact that you just left. And I know that you have your reasons, and that's fine. But you could've said goodbye. I was right there, that day when I came to see you. You could've told me you were leaving.
"I spent a year worried about you, wondering if you were okay, if I was ever going to see you again. I got that one letter from you, and that's all. A whole year, Logan. Surely you would've known that I'd worry about you. What you did—leaving like that, that wasn't fair to me, and you know it."
"I know," I said quietly, looking down between us. "And I'm sorry. I guess I just thought that you'd forget about me soon enough, you know?"
She lifted my chin with her finger, the way I'd done to her so many times. "I don't know what would make you think that. We weren't just some boy and girl who fell in love. What we had—we were more than that. At least, that's how it felt to me."
I swallowed down the lump that'd formed in my throat. "It was that way for me, too, babe." I brought her in closer. "I guess I should've known better. Looks like I have a year’s worth of mistakes to make up for."
"Hm," she said, tapping her index finger against her lips. She eyed the sky. "How ever shall you start?"
I pinched her sides. She squealed and squirmed. "Show me your boobs and I'll show you where I'll start."
"You're a pig." She giggled.
Chuckling, I started to kiss up her neck, across her jaw, to her lips. "I love you," I whispered against them. "You're my heart, Amanda. And one day soon, I'll give you the world, just like I said I would in that letter."
She pulled back slightly. "I don't need the world, Logan. I just need you."
***
By the time we got back to the bonfire, Heidi was gone. She'd called a friend to pick her up, but wanted to make sure that Amanda knew how sorry she was for the way she’d acted. She’d told the others that she'd call me. I wasn't too fazed. It wasn't me she had to apologize to.
"It's fine," Amanda told them.
"It's not fine," I said. "She should apologize to you."
"Logan." She said my name like I was a kid that needed calming down. "Her heart's in the right place, she just let her emotions take over."
Cam raised a beer. I nodded. He threw it, but it landed a few feet in front of me. Amanda stood to pick it up the same time Lucy quipped, "Weak, babe. I'm so ashamed of you right now." She shook her head.
"So," Jake started. "I take it you're back for good?"
"Yup," I answered. "Or, for as long as this little lady will have me." I kissed Amanda on the cheek.
"Oh no," Micky laughed, then looked at Lucy. "He has turned into Nicholas Sparks."
"Right?" Lucy all but yelled. "I told you."
Amanda's body shook with her giggle.
"Who the fuck is Nicholas Sparks?" Jake asked.
"The Notebook?" Cam answered, his tone serious. "How do you not know The Notebook?"
Jake huffed, "What the fuck is The Notebook?"
Cam gasped like girl. "The Notebook!" he yelled, as if repeating the words would somehow make Jake understand what the fuck he was talking about. "What is wrong with you?"
We laughed.
"It's really good to have you home, man," Jake said. "But if you leave like that again, I'm getting on every plane possible and finding you, and when I do, I'm gonna beat your ass. I'm not even close to kidding."
You could always tell when Jake was angry or serious; his accent got stronger.
"If I ever do it again, I give you permission to do so. But trust me, there's no way it'll happen." I held on to Amanda tighter. "I have way too much to lose. I won't go through that again."
***
We ended up leaving before midnight. Lucy and Cameron had promised they’d take her brothers to a carnival the next day. They invited us along. I knew Amanda would want to. She couldn't say no to the food or the Ferris wheels. Jake and Micky had to leave; they were flying out early the next morning to see Micky's non-aunt's new baby—or something.
"Do you miss your old car?" she asked from the driver's seat of my truck on the way to Dad's.
I shrugged. "Not really. When I was sixteen, a Mercedes was the greatest thing in the world. Now, I just want to be able to get from one place to another. Money could be much better spent on other things."
She grabbed my hand and placed it on her leg. I loved it when she did shit like that. "Yeah?" she asked. "Like what?"
"Like . . . I dunno, for example; malaria. It's the fourth leading cause of death in third-world countries. For ten dollars you can buy a net that helps prevent it, maybe save a kid’s life, you know? Do you know what that means? That means the money spent on my first car, could've bought ten thousand nets. That's ten thousand potential lives I could've saved. I'm not saying that I'm not thankful to my dad for buying the car, or that I don't appreciate how hard he works for that monetary success. And, I mean, you know my dad as well as I do, he doesn't do it for the money. I don't know, I just don't think enough people our age know about shit like that."
She didn't respond, just continued to drive in silence. The occasional street lamp lit up her face. Her brows were drawn, her mind deep in thought.
I squeezed her leg once. "What are you thinking?"
She glanced over at me, as if she'd forgotten I was even here. "It feels like I've fallen in love with you, for the first time, all over again."
***
"This place brings back memories," she said quietly. We were lying in bed in the pool house, side by side, on our backs, holding hands.
"Yeah, it really does."
She turned on her side to face me. I did the same. "Good or bad for you?"
"A lot of good, a lot of bad. Both, I guess."
