My mother, like everyone else, was under strict instructions not to talk about Mitch. So, it was no surprise she hadn’t mentioned it.
“I don’t really see Tish anymore, but I know she must have noticed me working out there from across the street. It was under construction for months. I wasn’t sure if she mentioned it to you.”
“What kind of addition?”
“Well, you know our house doesn’t have much space. So, I wanted a room where Henry could play and run around in the winter. I built one off the side of the living area.”
“That’s so cool that you were able to do that yourself.”
He glanced at me and smiled. “I’ve learned a few things working in construction over the past several years. Would you want to drive by real quick and see it? We’re not far. We won’t go inside. I’ll just show you the exterior.”
“Sure.”
Jitters developed as we drove down my old street and pulled into his driveway. My mother had been to visit Kevin and me since we moved home, but I hadn’t been back here, mainly out of fear of running into Mitch. The lights were off in my mother’s house across the street, and I remembered she had her book club tonight. Mitch came around and opened the passenger door, helping me out of the Corvette.
“We’ll just walk around the side real quick. Then, I’ll take you home.”
I was surprised at how big the new structure looked from the outside. “This must have been a lot of work. That’s no small room.”
“Yeah, well, we’ve got a trampoline in there and a lot of stuff for his therapy when it starts, so we kind of need all of the space.”
“Wow, good job.”
“Thanks. It’s cold. We can get going. I just wanted you to see it.”
Just as we were about to enter the car, a light came on, and the front door opened. Janis came running out. “Mitch, I’m glad you’re home. He’s upstairs. I can’t get him to sleep. He’s—” She stopped talking when she noticed me in the passenger seat and squinted. “Skylar? Is that you?”
She looked like she had seen a ghost.
I waved awkwardly like a teenager sneaking around who just got caught. “Hi, Janis.”
She approached the car. “Hi. I, uh, wasn’t expecting to see you, honey. I…I’m sorry. I thought Mitch was alone. I’ll let you two —”
“Mom, it’s okay. Skylar’s back in town, and we were just meeting up for some dinner to catch up. I wanted to show her the addition from the outside before I drove her home. What’s wrong with Henry?”
“He’s been up. He just won’t stop crying. Something is frustrating him, and he started biting his hand.”
Mitch put his head on the steering wheel. “Shit.” He turned to me. “I better go in real quick, see if I can get him down. Do you mind?”
“Of course, not. I’ll wait here.”
“It’s cold. This could take a little bit. Will you come in?”
“I—”
“Skylar and I will have some tea while you get Henry to sleep,” Janis said, nodding to me in a silent plea to come inside.
“Okay. Sure.”
My heart was beating rapidly, unsure of what to expect. The door creaked as we entered the house. It was dark except for a lamp on in the living room, and the evening news was on low volume. I could immediately hear Henry crying upstairs, and it made my heart beat faster. It sounded like he was jumping on the bed.
Mitch turned around at the bottom of the stairs before heading up. “I’ll be back, okay?”
Janis put her hand on my arm. “Come sit with me.”
As we entered the familiar kitchen with the same wooden chairs and the same flowered seat cushions, I thought about how ironic it was that everything was the same, yet so different.
She turned on the stove and put a pot of water on to heat then sat across from me. “He didn’t tell me he was going to see you. He said he had to meet a friend.”
“Technically, that was the truth.”
“You’re no friend, Skylar. You mean so much more to him, more than you could ever comprehend. You don’t know what things were like here after you left.”
I felt ill-prepared to have this conversation but wanted to know more. I noticed that the crying upstairs had stopped.
“Tell me.”
She leaned in and whispered, “He would kill me if he knew I was saying any of this to you.” She got up to grab the kettle and poured hot water into two mugs. “I was so worried for him after you left. He was drinking all of the time. Then, there was the arrest.”
“Arrest? For what?”
“He was cleared, but I think you should let him tell you that story.”
An image of Mitch behind metal bars appeared in my head. I was silent as she continued.
“He wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t talk to anyone. I was really scared I was going to lose him.” She steeped the tea bag into my mug and handed it to me. “By the time Henry was born, Mitch was still hurting, but he stepped up to the plate and stayed strong for his son. When he finally opened up to me months later, I realized he was more tormented about the fact that he thought he’d hurt you beyond repair than anything else.”
“I was devastated. That was why I left, but I never fully blamed him. It still hurts, but I’m okay. I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault but hers.”
“I’m sorry about everything that happened, Skylar. I’m sorry you left, that you were hurt, and I’m most sorry that Tish and I grew apart because of it. I really miss her.”
I reached for her hand across the table. “That makes me more sad than you know.”
She looked down at my ring. “You’re engaged?”
“Yes.”
“Promise me something?”
“Okay…”
“Promise me you won’t lead Mitch on. If you say you’re his friend…be one. Don’t cross the line then leave. He couldn’t handle losing you again. I know my son, and I know how much he still loves you. He never stopped. He may be telling you he’s okay with this friendship thing, but you’re still very much under his skin. I can’t bear to see him hurt again.”
It was a lot to take in. “I won’t hurt him, Janis.”
She took my tea from my hands and placed it on the table. “Go meet my grandson.”
“What?”
“Don’t be scared. He’s a little Mitch. He’s got the same big blue eyes. He can’t speak, but I know he can understand us.”
“She’s really not around at all?”
“No, honey. Were you worried about that? She was never a part of our lives. She calls to check on Henry once in a blue moon, mostly when she knows my son is at work. She doesn’t want to deal with Mitch, and the feeling is mutual. She claims she might be coming in the summer, but who knows? We’re better off without the aggravation. It would only screw up Henry’s routine if she came around.”
“I have recurring dreams about beating the shit out of her.”
“Don’t pay them any mind. She’s not worth any of our time. Go upstairs. See Henry. He might even be sleeping by now.”
I stood up and put the mug on the counter. Tensely gripping the handrail, I slowly walked up the stairs.
The door to Mitch’s bedroom was slightly open, and he was lying on the bed with Henry. There was one night light on. He didn’t see me peeking through the crack of the door and was unaware that I could hear him talking to his son.
“She was everything to me once, like you are now. I want you to meet her. Her name is Skylar. I can’t believe she’s actually here.”
Henry was awake, staring vacantly, humming but non-responsive. That didn’t stop Mitch from talking to him in the same manner he would were he expecting the boy to say something back.
Mitch kissed him on the head. “You feel better now that I’m here, don’t you? I love you, buddy.”
A feeling so intense it was unidentifiable built inside my heart upon seeing Mitch as a father like this. Yet, his situation was different than most. You had to be an extraordinary person to parent a child who needed round the clock care and still demonstrate the patience and love he clearly had for Henry.
I coughed so that he knew I was there.
Mitch sat up. “How long were you standing there?”
“Not long.”
“Come in.” He turned to Henry who was calm but staring into space. “Henry, this is who I was telling you about…Daddy’s special friend. This is Skylar.”
I sat at the edge of the bed. “Hi, Henry. It’s so nice to meet you.”
He said nothing and didn’t look at me. He blinked a few times as he stared at the wall.
“Is he feeling better?”
“Yeah. He’s used to me putting him to bed. So, I think he was just acting up for my mother. As soon as I got up here, he stopped crying. I brought him here to my room in the hopes that if I lay down with him, he’d fall asleep. I’ll transfer him back to his own bed once he’s out, but he’s a little wired from all the jumping.”
I was still looking up at Mitch when I felt Henry reach for my hand. I looked down at his tiny dimpled fingers, which were now gripping my own. My palm was facing up as he began folding my fingers down one by one as if he were counting as he went along. Then, I would open my hand up again and he would repeat it. Even though he wouldn’t look at me, he was looking at my hand.
“Does he do this a lot?” I smiled.
“No. He doesn’t usually touch people like that. He seems to be playing with you, though.”
After a few more rounds of the same pattern of opening and closing in sequence, he stopped and just continued to hold my hand without making eye contact. I could feel Mitch staring at me as I looked down at Henry’s hand in mine. When I got a closer look at the boy’s face, I realized he really was the spitting image of Mitch. There was no physical sign of her. I continued to stare in awe at the beautiful human being I once perceived as the main source of my angst. In reality, he was an angel.
Mitch startled me when he placed his hand over Henry’s and mine. My entire body warmed upon his touch.
“Thank you for coming upstairs to meet him. I didn’t want to pressure you, but I’m really glad you did.”
“He’s beautiful, Mitch.”
“Thank you.”
“And you’re an amazing father.”
He looked down at our hands then up at me. “You have no idea how much that means to hear you say that. I like to think that everything happens for a reason, even the bad stuff. I just know I was meant to be his father, you know? I don’t regret having him. Hurting you is my only regret.”
“You need your strength for this little boy. I really see that now. Don’t waste your energy worrying about the past. I’m strong. I’m fine. He needs you now.”
“He does need me.” His eyes seemed to be glowing in the darkness as he stared into mine. “But I need you.”
I didn’t know what to say. Despite my declaration of strength, I felt like I wanted to cry…not exactly out of sadness. Out of what, I couldn’t be sure. Henry was now fast asleep. I slipped my hand from beneath Mitch and Henry’s and stood up. “You should take him to his room. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
“I’m sorry. It just came out. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just said what I felt in that moment.”
I turned around in the doorway. “It’s okay. See you down there.”
I went down the stairs as fast as I could to avoid his seeing that I was about to cry.
Janis got up from the table. “Well?”
She could see that my eyes were watering and hugged me.
“He’s so beautiful, Janis. He held my hand and was playing a game with me.”
As my head leaned against her shoulder, the seriousness of this situation really hit me. She was right. I had to make sure I didn’t cross any lines if I wasn’t planning to leave Kevin. This wasn’t a game. Mitch still had strong feelings for me and couldn’t afford to have his heart broken. I couldn’t afford to fall in love with that little boy and hurt both of them if I chose to stay with Kevin.
I wiped my eyes just as I heard footsteps behind me and then Mitch’s deep, smooth voice.
“Apparently, Skylar’s presence did the trick. Henry’s out like a light now. Ready to head back?”
“Yes.” I hugged Janis one last time. “It was so nice to see you again.”
“You, too, honey. Don’t be a stranger.”
***
Mitch was deep in thought the entire car ride home while I kept thinking about Henry.
By the time he pulled into my driveway, the silence had become impossible to take any longer. “Are you okay?”
He rubbed his temples, looking frustrated. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
He suddenly turned to me. “It’s just…not easy.”
“What?”
“You really want to know? I was supposed to be…” He wiggled his fingers into air quotations. “Respecting your situation. It might be better if I just let you go inside because if I start talking right now—”
“What’s not easy?”
I flinched when he reached his hand over to my cheek and rubbed his thumb along my chin. “Pretending that you’re just a friend.”
My heart felt like it was trapped inside my chest along with all the words that wanted to escape held captive by an overwhelming fear of my own emotions.
“I don’t really see Tish anymore, but I know she must have noticed me working out there from across the street. It was under construction for months. I wasn’t sure if she mentioned it to you.”
“What kind of addition?”
“Well, you know our house doesn’t have much space. So, I wanted a room where Henry could play and run around in the winter. I built one off the side of the living area.”
“That’s so cool that you were able to do that yourself.”
He glanced at me and smiled. “I’ve learned a few things working in construction over the past several years. Would you want to drive by real quick and see it? We’re not far. We won’t go inside. I’ll just show you the exterior.”
“Sure.”
Jitters developed as we drove down my old street and pulled into his driveway. My mother had been to visit Kevin and me since we moved home, but I hadn’t been back here, mainly out of fear of running into Mitch. The lights were off in my mother’s house across the street, and I remembered she had her book club tonight. Mitch came around and opened the passenger door, helping me out of the Corvette.
“We’ll just walk around the side real quick. Then, I’ll take you home.”
I was surprised at how big the new structure looked from the outside. “This must have been a lot of work. That’s no small room.”
“Yeah, well, we’ve got a trampoline in there and a lot of stuff for his therapy when it starts, so we kind of need all of the space.”
“Wow, good job.”
“Thanks. It’s cold. We can get going. I just wanted you to see it.”
Just as we were about to enter the car, a light came on, and the front door opened. Janis came running out. “Mitch, I’m glad you’re home. He’s upstairs. I can’t get him to sleep. He’s—” She stopped talking when she noticed me in the passenger seat and squinted. “Skylar? Is that you?”
She looked like she had seen a ghost.
I waved awkwardly like a teenager sneaking around who just got caught. “Hi, Janis.”
She approached the car. “Hi. I, uh, wasn’t expecting to see you, honey. I…I’m sorry. I thought Mitch was alone. I’ll let you two —”
“Mom, it’s okay. Skylar’s back in town, and we were just meeting up for some dinner to catch up. I wanted to show her the addition from the outside before I drove her home. What’s wrong with Henry?”
“He’s been up. He just won’t stop crying. Something is frustrating him, and he started biting his hand.”
Mitch put his head on the steering wheel. “Shit.” He turned to me. “I better go in real quick, see if I can get him down. Do you mind?”
“Of course, not. I’ll wait here.”
“It’s cold. This could take a little bit. Will you come in?”
“I—”
“Skylar and I will have some tea while you get Henry to sleep,” Janis said, nodding to me in a silent plea to come inside.
“Okay. Sure.”
My heart was beating rapidly, unsure of what to expect. The door creaked as we entered the house. It was dark except for a lamp on in the living room, and the evening news was on low volume. I could immediately hear Henry crying upstairs, and it made my heart beat faster. It sounded like he was jumping on the bed.
Mitch turned around at the bottom of the stairs before heading up. “I’ll be back, okay?”
Janis put her hand on my arm. “Come sit with me.”
As we entered the familiar kitchen with the same wooden chairs and the same flowered seat cushions, I thought about how ironic it was that everything was the same, yet so different.
She turned on the stove and put a pot of water on to heat then sat across from me. “He didn’t tell me he was going to see you. He said he had to meet a friend.”
“Technically, that was the truth.”
“You’re no friend, Skylar. You mean so much more to him, more than you could ever comprehend. You don’t know what things were like here after you left.”
I felt ill-prepared to have this conversation but wanted to know more. I noticed that the crying upstairs had stopped.
“Tell me.”
She leaned in and whispered, “He would kill me if he knew I was saying any of this to you.” She got up to grab the kettle and poured hot water into two mugs. “I was so worried for him after you left. He was drinking all of the time. Then, there was the arrest.”
“Arrest? For what?”
“He was cleared, but I think you should let him tell you that story.”
An image of Mitch behind metal bars appeared in my head. I was silent as she continued.
“He wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t talk to anyone. I was really scared I was going to lose him.” She steeped the tea bag into my mug and handed it to me. “By the time Henry was born, Mitch was still hurting, but he stepped up to the plate and stayed strong for his son. When he finally opened up to me months later, I realized he was more tormented about the fact that he thought he’d hurt you beyond repair than anything else.”
“I was devastated. That was why I left, but I never fully blamed him. It still hurts, but I’m okay. I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault but hers.”
“I’m sorry about everything that happened, Skylar. I’m sorry you left, that you were hurt, and I’m most sorry that Tish and I grew apart because of it. I really miss her.”
I reached for her hand across the table. “That makes me more sad than you know.”
She looked down at my ring. “You’re engaged?”
“Yes.”
“Promise me something?”
“Okay…”
“Promise me you won’t lead Mitch on. If you say you’re his friend…be one. Don’t cross the line then leave. He couldn’t handle losing you again. I know my son, and I know how much he still loves you. He never stopped. He may be telling you he’s okay with this friendship thing, but you’re still very much under his skin. I can’t bear to see him hurt again.”
It was a lot to take in. “I won’t hurt him, Janis.”
She took my tea from my hands and placed it on the table. “Go meet my grandson.”
“What?”
“Don’t be scared. He’s a little Mitch. He’s got the same big blue eyes. He can’t speak, but I know he can understand us.”
“She’s really not around at all?”
“No, honey. Were you worried about that? She was never a part of our lives. She calls to check on Henry once in a blue moon, mostly when she knows my son is at work. She doesn’t want to deal with Mitch, and the feeling is mutual. She claims she might be coming in the summer, but who knows? We’re better off without the aggravation. It would only screw up Henry’s routine if she came around.”
“I have recurring dreams about beating the shit out of her.”
“Don’t pay them any mind. She’s not worth any of our time. Go upstairs. See Henry. He might even be sleeping by now.”
I stood up and put the mug on the counter. Tensely gripping the handrail, I slowly walked up the stairs.
The door to Mitch’s bedroom was slightly open, and he was lying on the bed with Henry. There was one night light on. He didn’t see me peeking through the crack of the door and was unaware that I could hear him talking to his son.
“She was everything to me once, like you are now. I want you to meet her. Her name is Skylar. I can’t believe she’s actually here.”
Henry was awake, staring vacantly, humming but non-responsive. That didn’t stop Mitch from talking to him in the same manner he would were he expecting the boy to say something back.
Mitch kissed him on the head. “You feel better now that I’m here, don’t you? I love you, buddy.”
A feeling so intense it was unidentifiable built inside my heart upon seeing Mitch as a father like this. Yet, his situation was different than most. You had to be an extraordinary person to parent a child who needed round the clock care and still demonstrate the patience and love he clearly had for Henry.
I coughed so that he knew I was there.
Mitch sat up. “How long were you standing there?”
“Not long.”
“Come in.” He turned to Henry who was calm but staring into space. “Henry, this is who I was telling you about…Daddy’s special friend. This is Skylar.”
I sat at the edge of the bed. “Hi, Henry. It’s so nice to meet you.”
He said nothing and didn’t look at me. He blinked a few times as he stared at the wall.
“Is he feeling better?”
“Yeah. He’s used to me putting him to bed. So, I think he was just acting up for my mother. As soon as I got up here, he stopped crying. I brought him here to my room in the hopes that if I lay down with him, he’d fall asleep. I’ll transfer him back to his own bed once he’s out, but he’s a little wired from all the jumping.”
I was still looking up at Mitch when I felt Henry reach for my hand. I looked down at his tiny dimpled fingers, which were now gripping my own. My palm was facing up as he began folding my fingers down one by one as if he were counting as he went along. Then, I would open my hand up again and he would repeat it. Even though he wouldn’t look at me, he was looking at my hand.
“Does he do this a lot?” I smiled.
“No. He doesn’t usually touch people like that. He seems to be playing with you, though.”
After a few more rounds of the same pattern of opening and closing in sequence, he stopped and just continued to hold my hand without making eye contact. I could feel Mitch staring at me as I looked down at Henry’s hand in mine. When I got a closer look at the boy’s face, I realized he really was the spitting image of Mitch. There was no physical sign of her. I continued to stare in awe at the beautiful human being I once perceived as the main source of my angst. In reality, he was an angel.
Mitch startled me when he placed his hand over Henry’s and mine. My entire body warmed upon his touch.
“Thank you for coming upstairs to meet him. I didn’t want to pressure you, but I’m really glad you did.”
“He’s beautiful, Mitch.”
“Thank you.”
“And you’re an amazing father.”
He looked down at our hands then up at me. “You have no idea how much that means to hear you say that. I like to think that everything happens for a reason, even the bad stuff. I just know I was meant to be his father, you know? I don’t regret having him. Hurting you is my only regret.”
“You need your strength for this little boy. I really see that now. Don’t waste your energy worrying about the past. I’m strong. I’m fine. He needs you now.”
“He does need me.” His eyes seemed to be glowing in the darkness as he stared into mine. “But I need you.”
I didn’t know what to say. Despite my declaration of strength, I felt like I wanted to cry…not exactly out of sadness. Out of what, I couldn’t be sure. Henry was now fast asleep. I slipped my hand from beneath Mitch and Henry’s and stood up. “You should take him to his room. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
“I’m sorry. It just came out. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just said what I felt in that moment.”
I turned around in the doorway. “It’s okay. See you down there.”
I went down the stairs as fast as I could to avoid his seeing that I was about to cry.
Janis got up from the table. “Well?”
She could see that my eyes were watering and hugged me.
“He’s so beautiful, Janis. He held my hand and was playing a game with me.”
As my head leaned against her shoulder, the seriousness of this situation really hit me. She was right. I had to make sure I didn’t cross any lines if I wasn’t planning to leave Kevin. This wasn’t a game. Mitch still had strong feelings for me and couldn’t afford to have his heart broken. I couldn’t afford to fall in love with that little boy and hurt both of them if I chose to stay with Kevin.
I wiped my eyes just as I heard footsteps behind me and then Mitch’s deep, smooth voice.
“Apparently, Skylar’s presence did the trick. Henry’s out like a light now. Ready to head back?”
“Yes.” I hugged Janis one last time. “It was so nice to see you again.”
“You, too, honey. Don’t be a stranger.”
***
Mitch was deep in thought the entire car ride home while I kept thinking about Henry.
By the time he pulled into my driveway, the silence had become impossible to take any longer. “Are you okay?”
He rubbed his temples, looking frustrated. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
He suddenly turned to me. “It’s just…not easy.”
“What?”
“You really want to know? I was supposed to be…” He wiggled his fingers into air quotations. “Respecting your situation. It might be better if I just let you go inside because if I start talking right now—”
“What’s not easy?”
I flinched when he reached his hand over to my cheek and rubbed his thumb along my chin. “Pretending that you’re just a friend.”
My heart felt like it was trapped inside my chest along with all the words that wanted to escape held captive by an overwhelming fear of my own emotions.
