Real Vampires Hate Skinny Jeans
Page 5

“Are you kidding? I used to love my tea that way when I was alive.” I frowned. “But keep it. Your inventions tend to give me bad aftershocks. That’s why you were analyzing my blood. Any luck with that?” I’d had a horrible reaction to one of Ian’s better efforts, a drug that allowed vampires to eat solid food. It had worked great on Penny. Me? I’d had horrible pain after the meal and still had a slightly swollen tummy as a souvenir. Death sleep should have gotten rid of it but for some reason it lingered. Too bad the food hadn’t even been that great.
I’d let Ian take a blood sample after that to see what was up with me. This hadn’t been the first drug of his that had given me bad side effects. The scientist in Ian had been eager to explore the reasons why I was the only vampire to react the way I did.
“Your blood sample is why I came over. The DNA thing is secondary.” Ian settled into a chair while I sat on the large table I used when I worked on merchandise.
I’d worn a short black skirt and bright blue blouse that matched my eyes. I hadn’t tucked in the blouse of course. I never tuck, especially not after the tummy thing, but I still felt like I was doing a pretty good job with the figure I had. Ian seemed to appreciate the view of my legs in high heels and the fact that the blouse had a deep vee neckline. His eyes gleamed as he looked me over. I didn’t mind a little admiration from a hot guy.
“So tell me, Ian. What did you find out? Was there something in my blood that explains why my reactions to your drugs are always so weird?” I unscrewed the top of my bottle of synthetic and took a swallow.
“Yes, there was. You were never human.”
I spewed. Yep. Blood went everywhere, hitting Ian right in his handsome face to drip on his black knit shirt. I coughed and choked and set the bottle down beside me. I have to admit, Ian took it well. He jumped up and found a roll of paper towels in the bathroom, wiping his face and hair then handing me several to clear up the damage to myself.
I blotted my face where tears rolled down my cheeks. Swell, mascara leaks. I jumped off the table and walked into the bathroom. I hadn’t heard right. Or this was Ian’s idea of a sick joke. He and Jerry were ancient enemies. This was a MacDonald’s way of getting even with a Campbell. Ian knew Jerry and I were tight. I finished repairing my makeup then stormed out to face the doctor.
“Okay, Dr. Death, now tell me the truth. What was in my blood? And don’t give that bull about not being human. I know when I’m being jerked around.” I put my hands on my hips.
Ian stood and faced me. He was a good foot taller than my five foot five but I had on heels. Still, it was a long way up to give him a hard look. I managed.
“I’m not kidding, Glory. I wish I was. I ran every test I knew of. Compared your sample to literally hundreds of others from different vampires and humans. I’ve had your blood for months now, you know.” Ian put his hands on my shoulders. He tried to look sympathetic but was more intrigued than anything else. I didn’t like that. It made me think he was telling the truth.
“Yes, it’s been months. I figured I was low on your priority list. Penny told me you have lots of experiments going. And then there was your move from California in the middle of that. I didn’t expect…” I stepped back from him. His gaze was too intense. He was reading my mind so I threw up a block. Of course any probe of his mind hit a blank wall, solid as steel.
“This isn’t about a MacDonald versus Campbell feud, Glory. I swear it. I don’t give a damn about the Campbells. I told Blade that. We’ve avoided each other since I moved here and we both like it that way.” Ian gestured to the chair and I sank into it.
“If I’m not, uh, never was human, what the hell does that mean?” Of course I’d been born to humans. My parents had lived in London. I’d married young to get away from their strictly religious household and, in just a few years, been widowed. Jerry had taken my mortality away when he’d turned me vampire. Before then, I’d been an ordinary female. One hundred percent. “You’re wrong. Run more tests.”
“I’ve run dozens. A hundred or more.” Ian leaned against the table. “Like I said, I compared your blood to humans first. I got samples by mesmerizing some on the street, different ages, sexes, even nationalities. When that didn’t give me a match, I went to other vampires. I even found a blond, blue-eyed English-origin female vampire, similar age. There was an anomaly. You simply don’t fit. So I started on other paranormals—the fae, shape-shifters, weres—to see if that’s what you could have been before you were turned. So far, no luck.”
“I don’t believe you. I have fangs. I drink blood. I fall asleep at dawn. I’m a perfectly normal vampire, right?” I heard my own defensiveness but it kept me from throwing up all over Ian’s expensive Italian loafers.
“Are you? There’s that tummy bulge you keep complaining about. Penny told me you gripe about it endlessly. Yes, don’t bother trying to hide it. That was just the latest in your weird reactions to my formulas.” Ian caught my hand in the act of jerking down my blouse where it was supposed to do the camouflage thing.
“I don’t believe you. Jerry would say you’re poisoning me. And now you’re playing mind games. Not ever human? Don’t make me laugh.” I shot out of the chair, unable to just sit still when he was trying to make everything I knew into a lie.
“You don’t believe me? Ask Penny. I had her rerun every test, just in case you copped this attitude.” Ian held my shoulders and met my eyes so I could look into his mind and see the truth there.
“Oh, shit.” The next thing I knew Ian had me back in the chair, my head between my knees. Great. I was turning into one of those females who fainted at the drop of a hat. Well, maybe this was a bit more than a hat drop. More like an ocean liner hitting an iceberg. Okay, I’d always been a drama queen. But this news deserved a three-act play, was Billy Shakespeare worthy. I sighed and pushed his hands off me before I sat up.
“Seriously, Ian. I have memories of my human life. I had parents, a husband, worked at the Globe for crying out loud.” I saw my hands shaking. There. Human hands, no weird claws or… My mind froze. Ian took them, holding them tight. He was on his knees in front of me, staring into my eyes like he could will me to his way of thinking. I looked away, not about to be whammied into something.
“We both know how false memories can be planted, Glory. It’s possible those things never happened to you. That your life before you met Blade wasn’t what you think.” Ian sighed and stood. “I’m sorry if you don’t like what you hear, but I’m just reporting what I found.”
“Don’t you think Jerry would have noticed when he met me if I was something other than…?” I swallowed. “You know.”
“You’d think so.” Ian stared down at me, studying me like I was a really interesting lab rat. “Penny has told me the story about how you met Campbell. Some romantic nonsense.” Ian smiled. “Seems he was struck by Cupid’s arrow.”
“Don’t mock what you obviously don’t understand.” I pressed my hands to my eyes. What did this mean? How could it possibly be true?
“You’re right. Love that could last for centuries sounds like a magic spell or an obsession.” Ian snapped his fingers. “Maybe I should try to find a druid. Legend has it that they’re extinct, but I know better. Ireland. That’s where—”
“Stop it! I don’t believe you.” I held my hand to my stomach, still not sure I wasn’t going to hurl as I faced him on rubbery legs.
“It’s science, Glory. Believe that. Now I want to take a new blood sample from you. Compare it to more entities. I know what you’re not, but I’m determined to figure out what you are. Or rather were.” The bastard actually looked intrigued, still studying me with a clinical detachment that made me squirm. He stepped closer and sniffed me.
“What? I don’t smell like a demon, I know that. I’m way too familiar with their reek.” I put a hand in the middle of his firm stomach and pushed.
“You’re right. Not demon. I already compared your blood to a demon anyway. Well, to Valdez, who is part demon as you know. He didn’t want to give me his blood until I told him it was to help you. Interesting relationship you two have.” Ian tapped his chin and looked at me. I wasn’t about to share so he went on. “Anyway, I’ve never had such a challenge. I’m determined to solve this puzzle.”
“Swell. Glad to be entertaining.” I collapsed on the chair again, not up to standing. “What other paranormals haven’t you tested besides a druid?”
“Penny says you know a Siren. Is she still around?” Ian pulled a small notebook and pen out of his jeans pocket. Of course he was going to take notes. Penny had stacks of similar notebooks in the apartment. Now I really was a glorified lab rat. Glory-fied. I bit back a hysterical giggle.
“Aggie. Yes, sure. Why not a god while you’re at it? Maybe I’m Zeus’s girlfriend, on break from Olympus. Sometimes Aggie’s boss, the Storm God, hangs around the lakes here. Bet he’d love to give you a blood sample.” I did laugh then and earned a sharp look from Ian.
“You need one of my vampire tranquilizers, Glory?” He reached into his pocket.
“No, thank you. With my luck, it would do the opposite. Send me into a frenzy and then make my thighs explode into massive drumsticks.” I leaned back and closed my eyes. “God, Ian, this is crazy.” I felt his hand on my shoulder and looked up at him. Sympathy. It made me want to lean against him and sob. Nope. If I started, I might not be able to stop.
“I’m just trying to cover all avenues of investigation, Glory.” Ian squeezed my shoulder then stepped back, pen in hand. “You want to give me the Siren’s number?”
“I’ll call her.” I sighed, my mind whirling. “Anyone else? I still think you’re wrong. I remember my mother and father. Too many details to be faked. Dad was a baker. My mother…” I cleared my throat. Details. Were there really so many? I tried to concentrate. “She read the Bible out loud every night after supper. Does that sound nonhuman to you?” But could I quote any verses? Other than the ones I’d learned myself going to church in recent years?