The reflection in the mirror hardly resembled me. Maybe it was the florescent lighting of the office’s restroom, but the terror clawing at my insides looked like it found an outlet.
My eyes sealed tight as I fought to gain control. Deep, even breaths helped, but they still couldn’t stop the shaking. I let out a harsh breath and looked down at the sink, at the phone that sat there, and the message from Noah that stared back at me.
Vincent Marconi is on his way here.
I bent over further as a dry heave ripped its way through me.
What were we going to do?
The door swung open, startling me, and Caroline stepped in. She stopped as soon as she saw me, her eyes widening. Her course changed from the stall to me.
“What’s wrong?” She stopped in front of me, worry filling her face.
Tears filled my eyes, and I picked up the phone and handed it to her.
“Did you get a new phone?” She was confused as she searched for the button to light up the screen. Her eyes scanned it, and she gasped as it registered. “Lila?”
“It’s a burner phone.”
“Burner phone? What the hell? Are you a criminal now?”
I shook my head. “No. With them watching us, I was sure they were monitoring our phones as well. Noah picked this one up for me, and he’s the only one that has the number. He’s been keeping me up to date on the things Nate keeps from me.”
“Jesus Christ… I… Does this mean what I think it means?”
I nodded.
Her brow scrunched. “What do you mean by ‘keeps from you’?”
I shook my head and let out a strangled chuckle. “You know him. He wants to protect me, keep me calm, so he takes the burden on himself and doesn’t tell me everything.”
“And here you are hiding a phone from him. Double standard much?”
“Because I have to keep him calm.” My face scrunched up and my arms wrapped around my waist. “He’s so far gone. Worse than when we met.”
She sighed. “Because it’s happening again.”
I nodded. “He swings between destructive anger, depression, extreme anxiety, and hard passion in a span of five minutes.”
She pulled her arms up and matched my stance. “Fuck. I didn’t even notice he was that messed up.”
“He’s not as bad at the office and can hide it better here.”
“What are you going to do? If he’s coming, you’re running…right?”
I sighed. “I don’t know. Running isn’t going to help. They’ll find us.”
“Are you sure?”
“Where would we go?”
She threw her arms up in the air. “Anywhere! Just go. Leave.”
I sighed. My brain whirled around all the things we would need to do. What was worse was that I didn’t even believe myself when I thought it could be done.
The morning was shit, and the afternoon wasn’t looking any better, especially when Owen came back from the break room with empty cups. At least the meds I took were helping and the tightness in my chest had eased.
“Let’s go get some coffee,” Nathan called from the door, startling me.
Shit.
I forced a smile, hiding the festering news as I looked up from the file I’d been buried in, watching him as he strode in. “A break?” I turned in my chair to face him as he walked around my desk.
He nodded. “The coffee machine is broken, so I thought I could pull you away and take a break with my wife.”
I quirked a brow at him. “You of all people should know we don’t take breaks.”
“Yeah, but, as I said, there’s no coffee. How are you going to get your caffeine fix?”
I pursed my lips. He was right—I’d go into withdrawal.
We headed out, promising to bring back one for Owen, and walked the few blocks to the coffee shop.
Nathan’s smile was forced as he looked down at me. My smile was forced as well. We were both keeping things from each other, and more than just the anxiety.
“So, do I get some special cream for my coffee today?” My attempt at banter sounded like I was trying too hard to my own ears, but his lip twitched. It may have been a poor go, but it did its job of giving levity to the air around us.
“I’m sure we could arrange that.” His arm wrapped around me, holding me close as we walked.
He tried not to be obvious, but I caught his gaze moving around, looking for them. I pulled myself tighter into him, knowing time was a precious commodity.
There was a small line when we entered, and I decided to forgo my usual regular coffee and go for something sweeter—a white mocha. Nathan paid, and we moved down to wait. His ring tone blared from his pocket, and he pulled his phone out, his brow scrunching as he looked down at the screen.
“Sorry, I have to take this.” His lips pressed against my forehead, then he turned and headed for the door, putting the phone up to his ear.
His back was to me as I stared out the window at him. He’d been so stressed lately. Nightmares, anxiety, anger. Every day he got closer to snapping, and I wondered when it would come, or if the Marconi would get us first. In light of my text from Noah, I knew the answer.
I blew out a breath and turned back to the counter to grab our drinks along with a carrier. My cheeks heated as I set them down to add the creamer to Owen’s. Nathan’s kinky stunt made me blush every time I’d gotten a coffee since then.
Once completed, I grabbed the cups and headed toward the door, but he was missing.
My heart stopped, and everything began to move in slow motion.
The carrier slipped from my hands, but I was already racing out the door, not caring that the hot liquid splashed on me as they hit the floor.
Panic gripped me as my vision narrowed in on him. His eyes were wide, searching around while his hands shook and his breath came out in clipped pants, face flush with anger. The phone that had once been in his hand was shattered on the ground—the glass cracked, the back popped off, and the battery lying a foot away.
People were staring at him with whispered words, wondering what was going on. There was an officer approaching, and I quickened my pace to his side.
“Nathan, what’s wrong?”
His angry eyes snapped to mine, then he wrapped his arms around me, turning us so that his back was to the street.
“I’ll protect you.”
“From what? Baby, what happened?”
My eyes sealed tight as I fought to gain control. Deep, even breaths helped, but they still couldn’t stop the shaking. I let out a harsh breath and looked down at the sink, at the phone that sat there, and the message from Noah that stared back at me.
Vincent Marconi is on his way here.
I bent over further as a dry heave ripped its way through me.
What were we going to do?
The door swung open, startling me, and Caroline stepped in. She stopped as soon as she saw me, her eyes widening. Her course changed from the stall to me.
“What’s wrong?” She stopped in front of me, worry filling her face.
Tears filled my eyes, and I picked up the phone and handed it to her.
“Did you get a new phone?” She was confused as she searched for the button to light up the screen. Her eyes scanned it, and she gasped as it registered. “Lila?”
“It’s a burner phone.”
“Burner phone? What the hell? Are you a criminal now?”
I shook my head. “No. With them watching us, I was sure they were monitoring our phones as well. Noah picked this one up for me, and he’s the only one that has the number. He’s been keeping me up to date on the things Nate keeps from me.”
“Jesus Christ… I… Does this mean what I think it means?”
I nodded.
Her brow scrunched. “What do you mean by ‘keeps from you’?”
I shook my head and let out a strangled chuckle. “You know him. He wants to protect me, keep me calm, so he takes the burden on himself and doesn’t tell me everything.”
“And here you are hiding a phone from him. Double standard much?”
“Because I have to keep him calm.” My face scrunched up and my arms wrapped around my waist. “He’s so far gone. Worse than when we met.”
She sighed. “Because it’s happening again.”
I nodded. “He swings between destructive anger, depression, extreme anxiety, and hard passion in a span of five minutes.”
She pulled her arms up and matched my stance. “Fuck. I didn’t even notice he was that messed up.”
“He’s not as bad at the office and can hide it better here.”
“What are you going to do? If he’s coming, you’re running…right?”
I sighed. “I don’t know. Running isn’t going to help. They’ll find us.”
“Are you sure?”
“Where would we go?”
She threw her arms up in the air. “Anywhere! Just go. Leave.”
I sighed. My brain whirled around all the things we would need to do. What was worse was that I didn’t even believe myself when I thought it could be done.
The morning was shit, and the afternoon wasn’t looking any better, especially when Owen came back from the break room with empty cups. At least the meds I took were helping and the tightness in my chest had eased.
“Let’s go get some coffee,” Nathan called from the door, startling me.
Shit.
I forced a smile, hiding the festering news as I looked up from the file I’d been buried in, watching him as he strode in. “A break?” I turned in my chair to face him as he walked around my desk.
He nodded. “The coffee machine is broken, so I thought I could pull you away and take a break with my wife.”
I quirked a brow at him. “You of all people should know we don’t take breaks.”
“Yeah, but, as I said, there’s no coffee. How are you going to get your caffeine fix?”
I pursed my lips. He was right—I’d go into withdrawal.
We headed out, promising to bring back one for Owen, and walked the few blocks to the coffee shop.
Nathan’s smile was forced as he looked down at me. My smile was forced as well. We were both keeping things from each other, and more than just the anxiety.
“So, do I get some special cream for my coffee today?” My attempt at banter sounded like I was trying too hard to my own ears, but his lip twitched. It may have been a poor go, but it did its job of giving levity to the air around us.
“I’m sure we could arrange that.” His arm wrapped around me, holding me close as we walked.
He tried not to be obvious, but I caught his gaze moving around, looking for them. I pulled myself tighter into him, knowing time was a precious commodity.
There was a small line when we entered, and I decided to forgo my usual regular coffee and go for something sweeter—a white mocha. Nathan paid, and we moved down to wait. His ring tone blared from his pocket, and he pulled his phone out, his brow scrunching as he looked down at the screen.
“Sorry, I have to take this.” His lips pressed against my forehead, then he turned and headed for the door, putting the phone up to his ear.
His back was to me as I stared out the window at him. He’d been so stressed lately. Nightmares, anxiety, anger. Every day he got closer to snapping, and I wondered when it would come, or if the Marconi would get us first. In light of my text from Noah, I knew the answer.
I blew out a breath and turned back to the counter to grab our drinks along with a carrier. My cheeks heated as I set them down to add the creamer to Owen’s. Nathan’s kinky stunt made me blush every time I’d gotten a coffee since then.
Once completed, I grabbed the cups and headed toward the door, but he was missing.
My heart stopped, and everything began to move in slow motion.
The carrier slipped from my hands, but I was already racing out the door, not caring that the hot liquid splashed on me as they hit the floor.
Panic gripped me as my vision narrowed in on him. His eyes were wide, searching around while his hands shook and his breath came out in clipped pants, face flush with anger. The phone that had once been in his hand was shattered on the ground—the glass cracked, the back popped off, and the battery lying a foot away.
People were staring at him with whispered words, wondering what was going on. There was an officer approaching, and I quickened my pace to his side.
“Nathan, what’s wrong?”
His angry eyes snapped to mine, then he wrapped his arms around me, turning us so that his back was to the street.
“I’ll protect you.”
“From what? Baby, what happened?”
