My fingers tangled in the sheets, gripping them as he withdrew until only his head was inside me and then slammed back into me hard. I moaned as he gripped my hips, his fingers bruising my flesh as he held me in place. The sounds emanating from his throat were so f**king sexy, and I wished I could see what we looked like together right now.
I began to push back against him, meeting his thrusts eagerly as my release began to build. His hand slid over now sweat-soaked skin as he massaged my clit, his chest against my back. I began to tighten around him in waves of pleasure, but he pulled out before I finished, grabbing my shoulder and flipping me onto my back.
“I want to watch you come,” he growled as he climbed on top of me and slid back inside me. I let my eyes dance over his stomach muscles as they pulled and tightened with each thrust.
“Oh God,” I moaned as my orgasm began to build again.
“Look at me.”
I opened my eyes as pleasure ripped through me. “Ryder,” I panted as his mouth found mine, hard, and the warmth of his own release filled me.
We spent the rest of the day f**king away every bad memory and secret we shared, both desperate to take back control of our lives.
Resist
Chapter 22—Rellik
Resist: to abstain from, especially with difficulty or reluctance
I lay awake all night, watching Ella sleep. I struggled to resist the urge to wake her as she had a nightmare, her face twisted in pain. I was dying to know what was going on inside that beautiful head of hers.
She stirred and I held my breath, watching her eyes flutter open and the corners of her lips turn up into a smile when she saw me.
“How long have you been looking at me?” She pushed the hair from her face and bowed her back toward me as she stretched.
“A few hours.”
“I’m not sure if that’s really sweet or f**king creepy.”
“If you only knew the dirty thoughts I was thinking.”
“Only you could make that sound sexy.” I studied her face as her smile faded. “What?”
“You’re going to have to tell me what it is you need help with sooner or later.”
She sat up, clutching the sheet over her bare chest.
“It’s too early for this, Ryder.”
I reached out, gripping the ends of her hair that cascaded down her bare back and twisting the ends around my finger before letting it fall free. “Ella, there is nothing you can say that will change anything. I promised to help you. I keep my promises.”
“Those newspaper articles.” She glanced over her shoulder at me, and I nodded. “The ones about the Dream Killer? I think I know who he is.”
I pushed myself up to sit next to her. “Who?”
“My father.” Her eyes searched mine, desperate for me to believe her.
“What?”
“I know this sounds crazy, but it makes sense. If you read the articles, all the bodies found have a dream catcher somewhere near them. Before I went to live with my grandma, I always had to have a dream catcher above my bed. I called it my magic shield because it protected me from my nightmares about someone hiding in my closet.”
“Ella.” I ran my hand over my jaw as I shook my head.
“You don’t believe me. I f**king knew you wouldn’t believe me.”
“It’s not that. It’s just…dream catchers are a common item. It’s normal for kids to have them in their room.”
“Was it normal to hear noises coming from my parent’s closet, and being brave enough to open the door to find a man bound and gagged inside?”
* *
“Momma,” I screamed, unable to move as I stared into the desperate eyes of a man, tied to a chair that lay on its side. He was struggling to free his hands. Even gagged, I could tell he wanted my help.
“Get back to bed, Mikaella,” my father’s voice boomed from behind me as the closet door was pushed closed and he sank down to my eye level. “You know there are monsters in the closet who hurt little girls who don’t go to sleep. It’s past your bedtime.” He ran his large hand over my hair with a smile.
“Momma said monsters aren’t real.”
He clenched his jaw, his tone turning harsh. “Your momma’s a f**king liar. Get to bed. Daddy’s gonna take care of this one so he can’t hurt you.” He stood, towering over me with his large six-foot frame. I nodded and ran off to bed, unable to calm my erratic breathing. I sat on my bed, covers pulled up to my neck as I stared at my closet door, terrified that someone was inside.
* *
“What the f**k, Ella?”
“Doesn’t sound so crazy now, does it?”
“Actually, now it sounds really f**king crazy, but I understand why you think it’s your father. What is it you want me to do?”
“I need to know if he killed my mother.”
“You want me to confront a man who ties up people and shoves them in closets?”
“I want you to kill him.”
Special
Chapter 23—Ella
Special: better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual
“You want me to kill your father?” When Ryder repeated my words back to me, I knew I was losing my mind. I had just asked him to commit murder, and to be honest, I meant it.
“I know you don’t know me, and I know I’m asking a lot.” I shook my head, a nervous laugh escaping me. “I’ve f**king lost it.”
“Stop.” He tucked my hair behind my ear, his fingertips trailing down my cheek. “I feel like we know each other better than anyone. I know this isn’t something you’d say to anyone else.”
“I’ll tell you what I know about Bryce. You can walk away. You don’t have to do this just to get information.”
“Jesus Christ, Ella! I’m not helping you for Bryce. I’m doing it for you. Nothing’s changed.” His fingers gripped my chin, forcing me not to look away. “Nothing.”
I lurched forward, my lips pressing against his painfully hard. His hands slid down my back, gripping my bare ass as he guided me onto his lap. The sheet pulled free from my body as he lowered me onto his cock. My nails dug into the back of his neck as I sank down his length. I was desperate to be closer to him.
I rocked my hips, riding him as his lips found my neck, sucking and licking. His hands were all over my body, relishing every curve.
“I love watching you f**k me,” he groaned as he pulled my nipple between his teeth.
It didn’t matter how I felt about myself, Ryder had a way of making every flaw feel beautiful. I wondered if he made other women feel that way. The thought made my stomach sink, and I ducked my head.
“Hey?” His fingers went under my chin, and our bodies stilled as he raised my face, forcing me to look at him. “What’s wrong?” His eyes searched mine.
“You…you make me feel so…special.”
“You don’t think you are?”
“It’s not that.” I shrugged, but that was part of the problem.
“Ella.”
I ducked my head just as a tear fell, but I knew he had seen it. He pulled me against his chest, holding me while I broke down, until my sobs quieted and my body stilled. Carefully, he rolled us over and positioned himself between my legs. His fingers ran over my cheek as he wiped away my tears and very slowly entered me. I’d never made love before, never knew what loving a man could feel like, but with Ryder I could easily slip inside that fantasy.
He kissed me tenderly as he whispered my name against my lips, making me feel like I was the only woman in the world.
“You’re so beautiful,” he mumbled as my h*ps rolled against his. “So perfect.”
I was hungry now for his kisses, but he controlled the pace. There was a reason people like us chose hard and rough. Emotionally connecting with someone else wasn’t what we were looking for, and it was avoided at all costs. That’s how you kept from getting hurt.
I wrapped my arms around him and held his body tight against mine, needing to be as close as possible to him.
“You are special, Ella.” My body pulsed around him as he grew even harder. “You”—his eyes locked on to mine—“are one of a kind.”
He saw me. I wasn’t the girl who looked like Katie. He was doing this for me. I came undone whispering his name against his lips. His body tensed as he followed, panting my name.
Hurt
Chapter 24—Rellik
Hurt: to cause physical pain or injury
Ella rolled away from me, and I pulled her back against my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around her waist.
“I’d never done that before,” she said.
I pressed my lips against her bare shoulder. “Neither have I. I’m glad I was your first.”
She snuggled in tighter against me, her body fitting against mine like she was made to be there.
“I want you to think about what you asked me to do, Ella. I don’t want you to regret it later and hate me for it.”
“This isn’t something I asked from you on a whim. I would do it myself if I knew I could.”
“You don’t have to.”
She fell silent, and I struggled to ask her the question that was on my mind since she told me about her father. “Did he hurt you? Touch you?”
She shook her head and wiped her hand under her eye. “No. He was a different kind of monster.”
I pressed my lips against her temple, and she sighed. “And your mother?”
“I don’t think she ran from him. I think she gave herself to him so he wouldn’t come looking and find me.”
“Jesus, Ella.”
“The gun. I want you to use the gun.”
“I can’t shoot your dad with your weapon. They can trace it back to you with ballistics.”
“It’s not my gun.”
I propped myself up on my elbow and looked down at her. She rolled onto her back, a small smile playing on her lips. “A few months ago, I saw Coach at a grocery store. I waited for him to go inside, and when he did, I searched his glove box. I found the Alexander’s new address and that gun.” She shrugged. “Kill two birds with one stone.”
“You’re amazing.” I sat up, grabbing her hands and pulling her from the bed. “What are we waiting for?”
I quickly called Trigger and explained to him that I needed any information he could find on Ella’s mother. He agreed not to mention it to Phantom.
Sacrifice (2)
Chapter 25—Rellik
Sacrifice: destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else
Looking out at the rundown house, white paint peeling to reveal old, warped, rotten wood, my stomach turned. Inside would hold unspeakable secrets of torture and death. It was the physical manifestation of the evil that dwelled inside it. I gripped Ella’s hand, her eyes meeting mine. There was sadness in her gaze but no uncertainty.
“You don’t have to be here for this.” I rubbed my thumb against the back of her hand as she stared at the dilapidated building.
“I need answers.”
I swallowed hard as I climbed the broken front steps and pulled open the screen door that hung by one hinge. It squeaked loudly, and a man yelled from somewhere inside, followed by a loud, hacking cough. He pulled open the front door and narrowed his eyes. I looked him over in his dirty jeans stained will motor oil and dirty, white cotton shirt. My stomach rolled at the smell of mildew that wafted off him. I tugged the bill of my worn-out White Sox hat lower. He was much older than I’d expected. It was more than obvious that this frail man was not the dream killer. He may have been evil in his day, but there was no way he was carrying out violent murders across the coast. But that didn’t make him any less evil in Ella’s eyes.
“What?” he snapped. I glanced around him at the woman who stood behind him, shirt torn, bone-thin and covered in bruises. The same dead look in my eyes reflected in hers. She had suffered, seen things no one should.
His eyes went to Ella, and they lit up in recognition. “Mikaella?” He took a step forward, and I stepped to my right to get between them. His eyes narrowed as he looked me over.
“You best get out of my way before I move you myself.”
“I wouldn’t make threats if I were you.”
His gaze went back to Ella, and I knew he was trying to intimidate her to get his way.
“Ella is looking for her mother.”
His laughter caused my eye to twitch. I wouldn’t have spent another goddamn second talking to this ass**le, but she needed answers.
“Haven’t seen that dumb bitch in years.”
“We just want to know where she is.”
He looked me over suspiciously before shaking his head. “I already told you no. Now leave.” He slammed the door, and I sighed as I retreated down the stairs, glancing over my shoulder at the dilapidated house as he yelled obscenities inside, presumably at the woman. It was hard to walk away knowing just what went on in places like this, but I had no other choice.
At times like these, I was thankful I felt empty inside, because the guilt alone would have killed me. I pulled a cell phone from my pocket and dialed Trigger’s number. He was the only one of the guys who knew I still had Ella around. It rang twice before he picked up. The music in the background made it impossible to hear him.
“No luck.”
“None on this end either.” If there was an electronic trail, Trig would have found it. Ella’s mom had vanished with no trace.
“I guess it’s plan B then.”
There was a pregnant pause before the line went dead. I handed my phone to Ella, mumbling obscenities under my breath. “Go wait in the car. If he has answers, I will find them out for you.”
I began to push back against him, meeting his thrusts eagerly as my release began to build. His hand slid over now sweat-soaked skin as he massaged my clit, his chest against my back. I began to tighten around him in waves of pleasure, but he pulled out before I finished, grabbing my shoulder and flipping me onto my back.
“I want to watch you come,” he growled as he climbed on top of me and slid back inside me. I let my eyes dance over his stomach muscles as they pulled and tightened with each thrust.
“Oh God,” I moaned as my orgasm began to build again.
“Look at me.”
I opened my eyes as pleasure ripped through me. “Ryder,” I panted as his mouth found mine, hard, and the warmth of his own release filled me.
We spent the rest of the day f**king away every bad memory and secret we shared, both desperate to take back control of our lives.
Resist
Chapter 22—Rellik
Resist: to abstain from, especially with difficulty or reluctance
I lay awake all night, watching Ella sleep. I struggled to resist the urge to wake her as she had a nightmare, her face twisted in pain. I was dying to know what was going on inside that beautiful head of hers.
She stirred and I held my breath, watching her eyes flutter open and the corners of her lips turn up into a smile when she saw me.
“How long have you been looking at me?” She pushed the hair from her face and bowed her back toward me as she stretched.
“A few hours.”
“I’m not sure if that’s really sweet or f**king creepy.”
“If you only knew the dirty thoughts I was thinking.”
“Only you could make that sound sexy.” I studied her face as her smile faded. “What?”
“You’re going to have to tell me what it is you need help with sooner or later.”
She sat up, clutching the sheet over her bare chest.
“It’s too early for this, Ryder.”
I reached out, gripping the ends of her hair that cascaded down her bare back and twisting the ends around my finger before letting it fall free. “Ella, there is nothing you can say that will change anything. I promised to help you. I keep my promises.”
“Those newspaper articles.” She glanced over her shoulder at me, and I nodded. “The ones about the Dream Killer? I think I know who he is.”
I pushed myself up to sit next to her. “Who?”
“My father.” Her eyes searched mine, desperate for me to believe her.
“What?”
“I know this sounds crazy, but it makes sense. If you read the articles, all the bodies found have a dream catcher somewhere near them. Before I went to live with my grandma, I always had to have a dream catcher above my bed. I called it my magic shield because it protected me from my nightmares about someone hiding in my closet.”
“Ella.” I ran my hand over my jaw as I shook my head.
“You don’t believe me. I f**king knew you wouldn’t believe me.”
“It’s not that. It’s just…dream catchers are a common item. It’s normal for kids to have them in their room.”
“Was it normal to hear noises coming from my parent’s closet, and being brave enough to open the door to find a man bound and gagged inside?”
* *
“Momma,” I screamed, unable to move as I stared into the desperate eyes of a man, tied to a chair that lay on its side. He was struggling to free his hands. Even gagged, I could tell he wanted my help.
“Get back to bed, Mikaella,” my father’s voice boomed from behind me as the closet door was pushed closed and he sank down to my eye level. “You know there are monsters in the closet who hurt little girls who don’t go to sleep. It’s past your bedtime.” He ran his large hand over my hair with a smile.
“Momma said monsters aren’t real.”
He clenched his jaw, his tone turning harsh. “Your momma’s a f**king liar. Get to bed. Daddy’s gonna take care of this one so he can’t hurt you.” He stood, towering over me with his large six-foot frame. I nodded and ran off to bed, unable to calm my erratic breathing. I sat on my bed, covers pulled up to my neck as I stared at my closet door, terrified that someone was inside.
* *
“What the f**k, Ella?”
“Doesn’t sound so crazy now, does it?”
“Actually, now it sounds really f**king crazy, but I understand why you think it’s your father. What is it you want me to do?”
“I need to know if he killed my mother.”
“You want me to confront a man who ties up people and shoves them in closets?”
“I want you to kill him.”
Special
Chapter 23—Ella
Special: better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual
“You want me to kill your father?” When Ryder repeated my words back to me, I knew I was losing my mind. I had just asked him to commit murder, and to be honest, I meant it.
“I know you don’t know me, and I know I’m asking a lot.” I shook my head, a nervous laugh escaping me. “I’ve f**king lost it.”
“Stop.” He tucked my hair behind my ear, his fingertips trailing down my cheek. “I feel like we know each other better than anyone. I know this isn’t something you’d say to anyone else.”
“I’ll tell you what I know about Bryce. You can walk away. You don’t have to do this just to get information.”
“Jesus Christ, Ella! I’m not helping you for Bryce. I’m doing it for you. Nothing’s changed.” His fingers gripped my chin, forcing me not to look away. “Nothing.”
I lurched forward, my lips pressing against his painfully hard. His hands slid down my back, gripping my bare ass as he guided me onto his lap. The sheet pulled free from my body as he lowered me onto his cock. My nails dug into the back of his neck as I sank down his length. I was desperate to be closer to him.
I rocked my hips, riding him as his lips found my neck, sucking and licking. His hands were all over my body, relishing every curve.
“I love watching you f**k me,” he groaned as he pulled my nipple between his teeth.
It didn’t matter how I felt about myself, Ryder had a way of making every flaw feel beautiful. I wondered if he made other women feel that way. The thought made my stomach sink, and I ducked my head.
“Hey?” His fingers went under my chin, and our bodies stilled as he raised my face, forcing me to look at him. “What’s wrong?” His eyes searched mine.
“You…you make me feel so…special.”
“You don’t think you are?”
“It’s not that.” I shrugged, but that was part of the problem.
“Ella.”
I ducked my head just as a tear fell, but I knew he had seen it. He pulled me against his chest, holding me while I broke down, until my sobs quieted and my body stilled. Carefully, he rolled us over and positioned himself between my legs. His fingers ran over my cheek as he wiped away my tears and very slowly entered me. I’d never made love before, never knew what loving a man could feel like, but with Ryder I could easily slip inside that fantasy.
He kissed me tenderly as he whispered my name against my lips, making me feel like I was the only woman in the world.
“You’re so beautiful,” he mumbled as my h*ps rolled against his. “So perfect.”
I was hungry now for his kisses, but he controlled the pace. There was a reason people like us chose hard and rough. Emotionally connecting with someone else wasn’t what we were looking for, and it was avoided at all costs. That’s how you kept from getting hurt.
I wrapped my arms around him and held his body tight against mine, needing to be as close as possible to him.
“You are special, Ella.” My body pulsed around him as he grew even harder. “You”—his eyes locked on to mine—“are one of a kind.”
He saw me. I wasn’t the girl who looked like Katie. He was doing this for me. I came undone whispering his name against his lips. His body tensed as he followed, panting my name.
Hurt
Chapter 24—Rellik
Hurt: to cause physical pain or injury
Ella rolled away from me, and I pulled her back against my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around her waist.
“I’d never done that before,” she said.
I pressed my lips against her bare shoulder. “Neither have I. I’m glad I was your first.”
She snuggled in tighter against me, her body fitting against mine like she was made to be there.
“I want you to think about what you asked me to do, Ella. I don’t want you to regret it later and hate me for it.”
“This isn’t something I asked from you on a whim. I would do it myself if I knew I could.”
“You don’t have to.”
She fell silent, and I struggled to ask her the question that was on my mind since she told me about her father. “Did he hurt you? Touch you?”
She shook her head and wiped her hand under her eye. “No. He was a different kind of monster.”
I pressed my lips against her temple, and she sighed. “And your mother?”
“I don’t think she ran from him. I think she gave herself to him so he wouldn’t come looking and find me.”
“Jesus, Ella.”
“The gun. I want you to use the gun.”
“I can’t shoot your dad with your weapon. They can trace it back to you with ballistics.”
“It’s not my gun.”
I propped myself up on my elbow and looked down at her. She rolled onto her back, a small smile playing on her lips. “A few months ago, I saw Coach at a grocery store. I waited for him to go inside, and when he did, I searched his glove box. I found the Alexander’s new address and that gun.” She shrugged. “Kill two birds with one stone.”
“You’re amazing.” I sat up, grabbing her hands and pulling her from the bed. “What are we waiting for?”
I quickly called Trigger and explained to him that I needed any information he could find on Ella’s mother. He agreed not to mention it to Phantom.
Sacrifice (2)
Chapter 25—Rellik
Sacrifice: destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else
Looking out at the rundown house, white paint peeling to reveal old, warped, rotten wood, my stomach turned. Inside would hold unspeakable secrets of torture and death. It was the physical manifestation of the evil that dwelled inside it. I gripped Ella’s hand, her eyes meeting mine. There was sadness in her gaze but no uncertainty.
“You don’t have to be here for this.” I rubbed my thumb against the back of her hand as she stared at the dilapidated building.
“I need answers.”
I swallowed hard as I climbed the broken front steps and pulled open the screen door that hung by one hinge. It squeaked loudly, and a man yelled from somewhere inside, followed by a loud, hacking cough. He pulled open the front door and narrowed his eyes. I looked him over in his dirty jeans stained will motor oil and dirty, white cotton shirt. My stomach rolled at the smell of mildew that wafted off him. I tugged the bill of my worn-out White Sox hat lower. He was much older than I’d expected. It was more than obvious that this frail man was not the dream killer. He may have been evil in his day, but there was no way he was carrying out violent murders across the coast. But that didn’t make him any less evil in Ella’s eyes.
“What?” he snapped. I glanced around him at the woman who stood behind him, shirt torn, bone-thin and covered in bruises. The same dead look in my eyes reflected in hers. She had suffered, seen things no one should.
His eyes went to Ella, and they lit up in recognition. “Mikaella?” He took a step forward, and I stepped to my right to get between them. His eyes narrowed as he looked me over.
“You best get out of my way before I move you myself.”
“I wouldn’t make threats if I were you.”
His gaze went back to Ella, and I knew he was trying to intimidate her to get his way.
“Ella is looking for her mother.”
His laughter caused my eye to twitch. I wouldn’t have spent another goddamn second talking to this ass**le, but she needed answers.
“Haven’t seen that dumb bitch in years.”
“We just want to know where she is.”
He looked me over suspiciously before shaking his head. “I already told you no. Now leave.” He slammed the door, and I sighed as I retreated down the stairs, glancing over my shoulder at the dilapidated house as he yelled obscenities inside, presumably at the woman. It was hard to walk away knowing just what went on in places like this, but I had no other choice.
At times like these, I was thankful I felt empty inside, because the guilt alone would have killed me. I pulled a cell phone from my pocket and dialed Trigger’s number. He was the only one of the guys who knew I still had Ella around. It rang twice before he picked up. The music in the background made it impossible to hear him.
“No luck.”
“None on this end either.” If there was an electronic trail, Trig would have found it. Ella’s mom had vanished with no trace.
“I guess it’s plan B then.”
There was a pregnant pause before the line went dead. I handed my phone to Ella, mumbling obscenities under my breath. “Go wait in the car. If he has answers, I will find them out for you.”
