“Then f**king explain it to me, Ella. Give me a chance to help you, or I am walking away.”
“You’d still help me?” Her wide, emerald eyes searched mine for the truth. “Why?”
“As much as I want to hate you right now, I don’t. Something about you has made me start to care again, to feel. I owe you for that, but make no mistake—when that debt is paid, I want you gone.”
Her bottom lip quivered, and I had to look away. I didn’t want to hurt her, and I had to resist the urge to comfort her. As much as I wanted to know what brought her into my life, I was dying to find out who had her so scared.
“I understand,” she whispered with a sniffle.
“Then you better start talking.”
She motioned with her chin toward the overhang of the building, and I followed her to get out of the rain. Her hair was dripping water over her shirt, which now clung to her curves.
She was good at appearing fragile, and it was hard to separate the image she portrayed from the reality of the situation.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t. I’m not asking for more of your lies. Just tell me the truth.”
With a heavy sigh, her shoulders fell. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“Stalker?” I shook my head. “Too simple. You can do better than that.”
Her eyes met mine, glaring. “I’m not a stalker. I didn’t know who you were at first. You wouldn’t even tell me your real name. My name is Mikaella Martin. Ella is my nickname. When I was little, my mom left me with my grandma. She said it was only temporary and she was trying to protect me from something. She never came back. My grandma died shortly after, and I have had no one.”
“Life is rarely fair. I’m still not seeing where I fit into all of this.”
“No one ever told me why my mom was scared for my safety. It took years of digging and research to even find out what had happened to her.”
“What happened?” I shoved my hands in my pockets, struggling to see where all this was going.
“She’s dead. At least I think she’s dead. Murdered. I can’t prove it.”
“And you thought I’d understand? Losing a parent gave us some common ground?”
“No. Katie.”
“Don’t you dare talk about Katie.” I struggled to contain my anger, but Ella was twisting a knife into my heart.
“I don’t want to bond with you over losing someone. Our bond is Katie.” Her eyes were pleading with me to understand, but if she thought looking like Katie was going to help her cause, she was sadly f**king mistaken.
“Katie killed herself. She wasn’t murdered. You have one minute to explain what the f**k you’re talking about, or I swear to f**king God, I’ll call the number and lead whoever it is you’re running from to your f**king door.”
“You wouldn’t.” She left the cover of the porch as she struggled to collect her thoughts.
“You have no idea what I’m capable of, Ella.”
I followed Ella from under the cover of the hotel back into the downpour. She stood with her back to me only a few feet away.
“What is it you’re not telling me?” I yelled over the sound of the rain. She shook her head and looked toward the ground.
“I can’t.” Her voice trailed off as her shoulders shook under her sobs.
“Goddamn it, Ella!”
I waited for her to respond, but she remained silent. Wiping my hand over my wet face, I brushed away the drops that clung to my skin.
“I saw the look on your face when you mentioned the picture,” I said. I began to pace, struggling to keep my anger under control. “You knew her. Who are you, a cousin or something?”
“No.”
“You’re f**king lying to me.” I couldn’t calm my thoughts. I was clinging desperately to my last thread of sanity.
“I didn’t know her. I couldn’t have.”
“Why is that?” I stepped closer, the energy in my body causing me to shift my weight from foot to foot. The anticipation of the truth was rushing through my veins like a high. If you could overdose on pain, I would gladly welcome the emptiness of the end over the not knowing.
With a deep breath, she closed her eyes and shook her head, her dampened hair falling over her pained face. She was struggling with her own demons, and part of me felt drawn to her because of that.
“Because she had already died before the Alexanders adopted me.”
My body stilled, frozen as the words she had spoken washed over me. I hadn’t felt fear like this since the night Katie died. All these years I’d struggled to move on, and the Alexanders had simply replaced Katie like a f**king family pet.
“What the f**k did you just say?” Grabbing her shoulders with each hand, I held her in front of me, afraid she would run from her own past that she had struggled to keep a secret.
“You aren’t the only one who saw Katie when you looked at me.” Her eyes met mine, pleading for understanding. She looked as though she was going to be physically ill.
“And Bryce?” Squeezing my eyes closed, I braced for the harsh truth that leaving Bryce alive that day I’d kicked his ass had not only taken Katie’s life but also destroyed Ella’s.
“I’ve read the articles. They suspected sexual assault, but with the rain, there was little evidence. Not enough to tie you to it…or anyone else.”
“Ella.” I clutched my chest, the crippling pain too much to endure. Bryce hadn’t been successful in his attack on Katie, but it was more than apparent something had happened. She wouldn’t have ended her life otherwise. Regardless of what anyone else thought, I would have never hurt Katie.
She nodded as a sob escaped her. “I know it wasn’t you.” Her body lurched forward as she began to cry, confirming what I’d known all along. I wished I’d left the bullets in the gun. The sweet pain of death would have been fractional compared to the torture that was unleashed with her words.
“I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t fathom the idea of Bryce’s cycle of abuse continuing. My eyes searched hers as I struggled to ask her the questions I didn’t want to know the answers to. I pulled her against my chest, squeezing her tightly, trying to absorb her cries, take her pain as my own. My fingers clutched her hair as I held her cheek against my heart.
“This is all my fault. I should have f**king killed him eight years ago.”
She shook her head and pulled back fractionally from my chest, her eyes swimming and the red making the green even more vibrant. “It’s not too late.”
Evidence
Chapter 21—Ella
Evidence: the available body of facts or information indicating whether a belief or proposition is true or valid
For the first time, I was able to look him in the eye and not feel shame or regret. We saw each other now for exactly who we were, without the lies and masks in place. No one suffered through the things we’d been through and came out the other side with clean hands. I needed closure, to be able to sleep again at night without the monsters plaguing my nightmares. I needed a magic shield, and that was Ryder.
“I have more than enough evidence to prove what kind of monster he is, but I need your help first.”
“What is it you need me to do, sweetheart?”
“Right now, just don’t let me go.”
He pulled me back against him, squeezing me painfully tight as I held my breath, hoping he would agree once he knew what I needed from him. This was the first time I’d confessed to anyone what I’d endured and to know that he believed me made me feel closer to him than I’d ever been to anyone in my life. But there were more confessions to be made. My past was much darker.
“This is all my fault, Ella. Had I…” His voice trailed off, his muscles growing tense against me. “I’ll do whatever it is you need.”
I let my eyes fall closed, reveling in his compassion as the rain washed away our secrets, baptizing us in our new commitment for righting the wrongs.
He pressed his lips to the top of my head. “Anyone who hurt you will regret it. I promise.” The coldness and conviction in his voice sent a chill down my spine, but I’d never felt safer. “I promise, Ella.”
I was tired of running from my past, but facing it was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever done. Ryder was struggling to hold it together as it was, and facing Bryce might break the final thread of sanity he’d been clinging to. But I needed his help, and in return I’d give him the answers he’d been seeking since he was sixteen.
“Let’s get you out of the rain.” He ran his hand over my back, noticing the chill caused by his words. I tucked my damp hair behind my ears as I bent down to pick up the scattered contents of my purse, ruined from the weather.
I shoved them back in my bag as Ryder unlocked the door to the room and stepped aside for me to enter. My mind immediately went to the last night we’d spent together, but what we did paled in comparison to the intimate moment we’d just shared.
He closed the door behind us, the sound of the lock causing me to jump. “Let me get you some dry clothes.” He walked around me and placed his bag on the dresser, dripping onto the carpet as he dug through the contents.
I gripped my T-shirt and pulled it over my head, shaking my hair as it clung to my skin. Ryder’s eyes met mine before drifting over my chest.
My fingers went to the button of my jeans, undoing them and pulling the zipper down before sliding them down my legs. I stood in front of him in only damp, purple panties, completely exposed for the first time in my life.
“Ella.” His voice was laced with pain as he shook his head fractionally, gripping the bag tightly in his fists.
“Don’t do that. Don’t look at me with pity.”
“You think I pity you? You’re one of the strongest f**king women I’ve ever met. I don’t deserve to get to touch you. Not after what happened to you.”
“You’re the only person I want to touch me.”
“You don’t mean that.” He looked to the ground, the muscles jumping over his jaw, doubt plaguing him.
“Ryder, all I want right now is for you to f**k me like you’ve never wanted anyone more.” I was putting myself out on a limb, and fear of rejection caused my nerves to stand on end. The seconds it took him to think over what I said agonizing. “Please.”
“That’s easy, sweetheart.” He pulled his wet shirt over his head and tossed it on the ground, drops of water running down the ridges of his abdomen and disappearing into the waist of his boxers. Before he could change his mind, I stepped in front of him, my fingers quickly undoing the button of his jeans and sliding the zipper over his hardening cock.
“Please, don’t be gentle with me,” I whispered, my words breathier than I intended. But their meaning was not lost as his fingers wrapped around my ribs, and he pressed me hard against the wall, the evidence of how much he wanted me against my stomach.
“Are you sure this is what you want, darling?” I could tell he was struggling to keep control over himself, but all I wanted was for him to let go and take me as if I weren’t a victim. I knew he had been holding himself back for years, pretending to not care. But I needed him to prove to me now that he did. No more bullshit. No more hiding.
“I’ve never wanted anyone more, Ryder.”
“I’d take it all away if I could.”
“It’s not your fault. What happened to her…to me…not your fault.”
His gaze went from my eyes to my lips, and I knew that he saw me now, the way I saw him. It was real. He saw me as Ella. The lies, the guilt, all fell away in this moment, and we were free to share our pain. His h*ps pressed hard against mine, and I pushed back with equal force, determined to prove I wouldn’t break under his touch.
I pressed my lips against his, tentative at first, begging for the desire I knew he felt. He groaned as my lips parted and I ran the tip of my tongue over his lower lip. My wet chest slid against his, causing my ni**les to harden as he bit down gently on my lower lip, tugging at it with a wicked grin.
I looped my arms around his neck and pulled him back against me so I could continue our kiss. Slipping his hand between us, he freed himself from his boxers and pressed the head of his c**k against my clit.
“Don’t tease me,” I moaned, rocking my h*ps forward. He slid my panties to the side as he slid his head lower, to my entrance.
“I don’t want to be gentle.”
“I want you any way I can have you.” I giggled as he lifted me off my feet, my legs wrapping around his waist. My laughter died in my throat as he began to enter me, his forehead pressed against mine. We shared the same air, the same secrets. It was all so real, so raw. It was painful, but not physically. Unraveling in his arms, his body rocked against mine. He fisted his hand in my hair, holding my mouth against his as he turned and gently laid me on the bed.
“Any way?” His eyebrow cocked as he took his boxers completely off. “Roll over, sweetheart.”
I nervously rolled onto my stomach. Ryder’s fingers looped around my panties and slowly began to drag them down my legs as he pressed his lips against my right ass cheek, his facial hair tickling me and causing me to laugh. He spread my legs apart slightly so he could kneel behind me as he gripped my h*ps and pulled me up on my knees.
He placed his palm in the center of my back and pressed against me until I lowered from my hands to my elbows.
“God, you’re f**king beautiful.” His hand was on the small of my back as his other gripped his cock, which was now pressed against my entrance. Painfully slow, he entered me, hissing between his teeth when he was completely inside of me.
“You’d still help me?” Her wide, emerald eyes searched mine for the truth. “Why?”
“As much as I want to hate you right now, I don’t. Something about you has made me start to care again, to feel. I owe you for that, but make no mistake—when that debt is paid, I want you gone.”
Her bottom lip quivered, and I had to look away. I didn’t want to hurt her, and I had to resist the urge to comfort her. As much as I wanted to know what brought her into my life, I was dying to find out who had her so scared.
“I understand,” she whispered with a sniffle.
“Then you better start talking.”
She motioned with her chin toward the overhang of the building, and I followed her to get out of the rain. Her hair was dripping water over her shirt, which now clung to her curves.
She was good at appearing fragile, and it was hard to separate the image she portrayed from the reality of the situation.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t. I’m not asking for more of your lies. Just tell me the truth.”
With a heavy sigh, her shoulders fell. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“Stalker?” I shook my head. “Too simple. You can do better than that.”
Her eyes met mine, glaring. “I’m not a stalker. I didn’t know who you were at first. You wouldn’t even tell me your real name. My name is Mikaella Martin. Ella is my nickname. When I was little, my mom left me with my grandma. She said it was only temporary and she was trying to protect me from something. She never came back. My grandma died shortly after, and I have had no one.”
“Life is rarely fair. I’m still not seeing where I fit into all of this.”
“No one ever told me why my mom was scared for my safety. It took years of digging and research to even find out what had happened to her.”
“What happened?” I shoved my hands in my pockets, struggling to see where all this was going.
“She’s dead. At least I think she’s dead. Murdered. I can’t prove it.”
“And you thought I’d understand? Losing a parent gave us some common ground?”
“No. Katie.”
“Don’t you dare talk about Katie.” I struggled to contain my anger, but Ella was twisting a knife into my heart.
“I don’t want to bond with you over losing someone. Our bond is Katie.” Her eyes were pleading with me to understand, but if she thought looking like Katie was going to help her cause, she was sadly f**king mistaken.
“Katie killed herself. She wasn’t murdered. You have one minute to explain what the f**k you’re talking about, or I swear to f**king God, I’ll call the number and lead whoever it is you’re running from to your f**king door.”
“You wouldn’t.” She left the cover of the porch as she struggled to collect her thoughts.
“You have no idea what I’m capable of, Ella.”
I followed Ella from under the cover of the hotel back into the downpour. She stood with her back to me only a few feet away.
“What is it you’re not telling me?” I yelled over the sound of the rain. She shook her head and looked toward the ground.
“I can’t.” Her voice trailed off as her shoulders shook under her sobs.
“Goddamn it, Ella!”
I waited for her to respond, but she remained silent. Wiping my hand over my wet face, I brushed away the drops that clung to my skin.
“I saw the look on your face when you mentioned the picture,” I said. I began to pace, struggling to keep my anger under control. “You knew her. Who are you, a cousin or something?”
“No.”
“You’re f**king lying to me.” I couldn’t calm my thoughts. I was clinging desperately to my last thread of sanity.
“I didn’t know her. I couldn’t have.”
“Why is that?” I stepped closer, the energy in my body causing me to shift my weight from foot to foot. The anticipation of the truth was rushing through my veins like a high. If you could overdose on pain, I would gladly welcome the emptiness of the end over the not knowing.
With a deep breath, she closed her eyes and shook her head, her dampened hair falling over her pained face. She was struggling with her own demons, and part of me felt drawn to her because of that.
“Because she had already died before the Alexanders adopted me.”
My body stilled, frozen as the words she had spoken washed over me. I hadn’t felt fear like this since the night Katie died. All these years I’d struggled to move on, and the Alexanders had simply replaced Katie like a f**king family pet.
“What the f**k did you just say?” Grabbing her shoulders with each hand, I held her in front of me, afraid she would run from her own past that she had struggled to keep a secret.
“You aren’t the only one who saw Katie when you looked at me.” Her eyes met mine, pleading for understanding. She looked as though she was going to be physically ill.
“And Bryce?” Squeezing my eyes closed, I braced for the harsh truth that leaving Bryce alive that day I’d kicked his ass had not only taken Katie’s life but also destroyed Ella’s.
“I’ve read the articles. They suspected sexual assault, but with the rain, there was little evidence. Not enough to tie you to it…or anyone else.”
“Ella.” I clutched my chest, the crippling pain too much to endure. Bryce hadn’t been successful in his attack on Katie, but it was more than apparent something had happened. She wouldn’t have ended her life otherwise. Regardless of what anyone else thought, I would have never hurt Katie.
She nodded as a sob escaped her. “I know it wasn’t you.” Her body lurched forward as she began to cry, confirming what I’d known all along. I wished I’d left the bullets in the gun. The sweet pain of death would have been fractional compared to the torture that was unleashed with her words.
“I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t fathom the idea of Bryce’s cycle of abuse continuing. My eyes searched hers as I struggled to ask her the questions I didn’t want to know the answers to. I pulled her against my chest, squeezing her tightly, trying to absorb her cries, take her pain as my own. My fingers clutched her hair as I held her cheek against my heart.
“This is all my fault. I should have f**king killed him eight years ago.”
She shook her head and pulled back fractionally from my chest, her eyes swimming and the red making the green even more vibrant. “It’s not too late.”
Evidence
Chapter 21—Ella
Evidence: the available body of facts or information indicating whether a belief or proposition is true or valid
For the first time, I was able to look him in the eye and not feel shame or regret. We saw each other now for exactly who we were, without the lies and masks in place. No one suffered through the things we’d been through and came out the other side with clean hands. I needed closure, to be able to sleep again at night without the monsters plaguing my nightmares. I needed a magic shield, and that was Ryder.
“I have more than enough evidence to prove what kind of monster he is, but I need your help first.”
“What is it you need me to do, sweetheart?”
“Right now, just don’t let me go.”
He pulled me back against him, squeezing me painfully tight as I held my breath, hoping he would agree once he knew what I needed from him. This was the first time I’d confessed to anyone what I’d endured and to know that he believed me made me feel closer to him than I’d ever been to anyone in my life. But there were more confessions to be made. My past was much darker.
“This is all my fault, Ella. Had I…” His voice trailed off, his muscles growing tense against me. “I’ll do whatever it is you need.”
I let my eyes fall closed, reveling in his compassion as the rain washed away our secrets, baptizing us in our new commitment for righting the wrongs.
He pressed his lips to the top of my head. “Anyone who hurt you will regret it. I promise.” The coldness and conviction in his voice sent a chill down my spine, but I’d never felt safer. “I promise, Ella.”
I was tired of running from my past, but facing it was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever done. Ryder was struggling to hold it together as it was, and facing Bryce might break the final thread of sanity he’d been clinging to. But I needed his help, and in return I’d give him the answers he’d been seeking since he was sixteen.
“Let’s get you out of the rain.” He ran his hand over my back, noticing the chill caused by his words. I tucked my damp hair behind my ears as I bent down to pick up the scattered contents of my purse, ruined from the weather.
I shoved them back in my bag as Ryder unlocked the door to the room and stepped aside for me to enter. My mind immediately went to the last night we’d spent together, but what we did paled in comparison to the intimate moment we’d just shared.
He closed the door behind us, the sound of the lock causing me to jump. “Let me get you some dry clothes.” He walked around me and placed his bag on the dresser, dripping onto the carpet as he dug through the contents.
I gripped my T-shirt and pulled it over my head, shaking my hair as it clung to my skin. Ryder’s eyes met mine before drifting over my chest.
My fingers went to the button of my jeans, undoing them and pulling the zipper down before sliding them down my legs. I stood in front of him in only damp, purple panties, completely exposed for the first time in my life.
“Ella.” His voice was laced with pain as he shook his head fractionally, gripping the bag tightly in his fists.
“Don’t do that. Don’t look at me with pity.”
“You think I pity you? You’re one of the strongest f**king women I’ve ever met. I don’t deserve to get to touch you. Not after what happened to you.”
“You’re the only person I want to touch me.”
“You don’t mean that.” He looked to the ground, the muscles jumping over his jaw, doubt plaguing him.
“Ryder, all I want right now is for you to f**k me like you’ve never wanted anyone more.” I was putting myself out on a limb, and fear of rejection caused my nerves to stand on end. The seconds it took him to think over what I said agonizing. “Please.”
“That’s easy, sweetheart.” He pulled his wet shirt over his head and tossed it on the ground, drops of water running down the ridges of his abdomen and disappearing into the waist of his boxers. Before he could change his mind, I stepped in front of him, my fingers quickly undoing the button of his jeans and sliding the zipper over his hardening cock.
“Please, don’t be gentle with me,” I whispered, my words breathier than I intended. But their meaning was not lost as his fingers wrapped around my ribs, and he pressed me hard against the wall, the evidence of how much he wanted me against my stomach.
“Are you sure this is what you want, darling?” I could tell he was struggling to keep control over himself, but all I wanted was for him to let go and take me as if I weren’t a victim. I knew he had been holding himself back for years, pretending to not care. But I needed him to prove to me now that he did. No more bullshit. No more hiding.
“I’ve never wanted anyone more, Ryder.”
“I’d take it all away if I could.”
“It’s not your fault. What happened to her…to me…not your fault.”
His gaze went from my eyes to my lips, and I knew that he saw me now, the way I saw him. It was real. He saw me as Ella. The lies, the guilt, all fell away in this moment, and we were free to share our pain. His h*ps pressed hard against mine, and I pushed back with equal force, determined to prove I wouldn’t break under his touch.
I pressed my lips against his, tentative at first, begging for the desire I knew he felt. He groaned as my lips parted and I ran the tip of my tongue over his lower lip. My wet chest slid against his, causing my ni**les to harden as he bit down gently on my lower lip, tugging at it with a wicked grin.
I looped my arms around his neck and pulled him back against me so I could continue our kiss. Slipping his hand between us, he freed himself from his boxers and pressed the head of his c**k against my clit.
“Don’t tease me,” I moaned, rocking my h*ps forward. He slid my panties to the side as he slid his head lower, to my entrance.
“I don’t want to be gentle.”
“I want you any way I can have you.” I giggled as he lifted me off my feet, my legs wrapping around his waist. My laughter died in my throat as he began to enter me, his forehead pressed against mine. We shared the same air, the same secrets. It was all so real, so raw. It was painful, but not physically. Unraveling in his arms, his body rocked against mine. He fisted his hand in my hair, holding my mouth against his as he turned and gently laid me on the bed.
“Any way?” His eyebrow cocked as he took his boxers completely off. “Roll over, sweetheart.”
I nervously rolled onto my stomach. Ryder’s fingers looped around my panties and slowly began to drag them down my legs as he pressed his lips against my right ass cheek, his facial hair tickling me and causing me to laugh. He spread my legs apart slightly so he could kneel behind me as he gripped my h*ps and pulled me up on my knees.
He placed his palm in the center of my back and pressed against me until I lowered from my hands to my elbows.
“God, you’re f**king beautiful.” His hand was on the small of my back as his other gripped his cock, which was now pressed against my entrance. Painfully slow, he entered me, hissing between his teeth when he was completely inside of me.
