She began to squirm, and I tightened my arm, not to keep her from moving, but to make her feel safe. Lowering my mouth next to her ear, I whispered, “Anything that happened to you is on him. None of this is your fault. I’m here, sweetheart. It will be over soon.”
“I only knew the name of one of the guys he talked about a lot. I searched the little bit of information I had to find the house. But I have no idea when he goes there or if he is staying there full time.” She pulled from my grip, and I let her go. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and began to pace. “What if he’s not there?”
I pushed from the couch and stood in her path. “I will find him.” She stopped abruptly, her eyes filled with uncertainty. “I’m sorry I lied to you about who I was.”
She raised her hand slowly and brushed her fingertips across my temple and into my hair. “They are just things you’ve done, not who you are.”
“You have no idea who I am. It’s better that way.”
“I know most people would have looked the other way in that alley, but you didn’t. You saved me.”
“I nearly killed that guy. I would have killed him if you weren’t there. You were terrified…of me.”
“I wasn’t scared of you. I was scared of myself. I wanted him dead. I wanted him to suffer. He deserved to suffer.”
I ran my hands through my hair as I turned away from her. “You didn’t want that. Not really.” I turned back to her. “Thinking it and doing it are two different things, Ella.”
“You don’t know what I want.”
I nodded, swallowing back the lump in my throat. “I do.” I reached up slowly and tucked her long hair behind her ear, letting my fingers trail over her cheek before it fell to my side. I looked down from her tank top to her jogging shorts, desperate for the same thing, and no longer able to deny myself.
Inevitable
Chapter 30—Ella
Inevitable: certain to happen; unavoidable
His fingertips slid over the raised scars on my thigh, and I closed my eyes, forcing myself to ignore the embarrassment that welled inside of me.
“We all have scars, Ella. Some of us just have them on the inside.” His voice was gravelly and quiet. My body shivered as his warm breath blew over my ear.
“Where are yours?” I slowly opened my eyes as his long fingers wrapped around mine. He lifted my hand and placed it on his chest, directly over his heart. I could feel his pulse racing under my fingertips. The pained expression on his face mirrored what I was feeling inside. It was hard to let someone in, to trust him, when so many have let you down in the past.
I’d had sex with several men over the years, but letting them get to know me, to see the real me, was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I’d felt exposed, naked, under his gaze, and I was still wearing every stitch of my clothing. The worst part of it all, I could feel him pulling back. The idea of letting him in and knowing the hurt was inevitable felt like I was hovering over a flame. The warmth was comforting, but it would soon become all consuming. It would eventually devour me, destroy me. But I couldn’t walk away.
He took his free hand and slowly raised it, never breaking eye contact as he placed it on the center of my chest. My lips parted, and shallow, shaky breaths were the only sound we made. Soon we breathed in unison, heavier as gravity seemed to pull us closer together. I could taste the mint as his air became mine. His mouth opened wider, and for a moment I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead, he spoke.
“I want to see all of your scars, in the light.”
“They’re ugly.” I tried to pull my hand from under his, but he held it tightly against him.
“Nothing about you could ever be ugly.”
I dropped my gaze to his chest, and he bent his knees slightly to catch my eye again. “Nothing.”
My teeth dug into the sensitive flesh of my lower lip as he let go of my hand and removed the other from my chest. His fingertips curled around the bottom of my shirt, and he slowly began to raise it. I was glad he could no longer feel my heartbeat because it was pounding rapidly with every inch of my body that became exposed. The pad of his thumb lightly brushed against my skin and over my ribs as I struggled to control my breathing.
My mind raced with uncertainty, the panic spreading from my belly and winding its way through every fiber of my being. Ryder inched closer and pressed his forehead against mine, and the voices were silenced. My eyes fell closed as I let myself be absorbed by him, to focus on his breathing, which he had deliberately slowed. I matched my breaths to his, and his hands began to move my shirt further, over my ribs. They went behind my back as he reached my shoulder blades.
I stepped back fractionally as he pulled it over my head, his eyes never dropping below my face.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded, unable to swallow past the lump that had formed in my throat. He dropped the shirt at his side and looped his fingers in the band of my shorts. Slowly, painfully slowly, he dragged his fingers down my h*ps and over the tops of my thighs until the fabric fell free and dropped to my feet.
I was wearing nothing but a basic beige bra and teal underwear. “Had I known, I wouldn’t have worn something so plain.” I laughed nervously, and the side of his mouth pulled up into a smile.
“You look anything but plain.” His eyes lowered as he looked over the small scars that marred my body. His expression never changed to anything but admiration. He didn’t cringe at the extra thickness of my hips, or how my belly wasn’t perfectly flat.
I summoned all my courage and stepped forward, gripping the bottom of his shirt. I lifted it over the ridges of his abdomen, unable to look away from how perfectly sculpted his body was. What the hell could he possibly see when he looked at me? This guy could land any woman he wanted, no doubt he had in the past. As I reached his chest, he grabbed the shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it to the side.
I swallowed hard as I looked up at him. My fingers found the button of his jeans. I tried to keep my fingers from shaking as I tried to undo them.
“This doesn’t make you nervous at all?”
He laughed, his tongue running out over his lips in a gesture that made my panties feel like they melted right off my flesh.
“This isn’t who I am. That’s in here.” He tapped his fingertip against his temple. “And here.” He placed his palm over his heart.
“You’re braver than I am.” I shook my head.
“You don’t give yourself enough credit.” His fingers slid over mine, and I let my hands fall to my sides as he undid his pants and shoved them to the floor, stepping out of them. I glanced down at his boxers and laughed, my hand quickly covering my mouth.
“What?” His smirk grew, flashing perfect white teeth.
“Are you serious?” I pointed to his boxers, and he feigned embarrassment.
“It’s not polite to point at a man’s crotch and laugh.”
I was giggling uncontrollably. “Why is there a picture of an elephant head on your boxers?”
He glanced down at his boxers and shrugged. “It makes more sense when he has his trunk.”
“How does it…” My voice trailed off as momentary confusion turned to understanding, and I began to laugh so hard, tears ran down my cheeks.
“All right. That’s enough. Now I’m starting to regret taking my clothes off in front of you.”
I held up my hand, but I couldn’t stop. No sounds were even coming out anymore as I doubled over.
He folded his arms over his chest and cocked his eyebrow as he waited for me to regain my composure.
Adoration
Chapter 31—Rellik
Adoration: deep love and respect
I pretended to be upset, but seeing Ella’s eyes light up was all I had been hoping for since she came into my life. Her cheeks were bright red, and for once the tears were out of happiness.
“I found these in my old room. I thought you’d like them.”
I put my hands on her hips, and her giggles cut short. Leaning down, my mouth hovered over hers. “I could always take them off.” Sliding my boxers over my hips, I kicked them to the side. “That better?”
She nodded, rocking on her toes. I knew she wanted me to kiss her, but I didn’t want to forget this moment of her looking at me with adoration.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You’re so beautiful,” I mumbled as I pressed my lips to hers, the world evaporating around us as soon as we touched. I slid my fingers under her bra straps and pushed them off her shoulders as her hands went behind her back to unclasp. The bra fell down her arms and landed on the floor between us. She gripped her panties and slid them down her legs, kicking them to the side before pushing against my chest until the back of my legs hit the bed. I fell back with a chuckle, and she climbed onto the bed, straddling me. She rolled her hips, rubbing her wetness along the length of my cock.
I groaned, my dick painfully stiff. Gripping her shoulders, I flipped her onto her back, my body pressing her into the mattress. My mouth found hers, and I rocked my h*ps against her, causing her to whimper. She shoved hard against my shoulder, and I laughed, grabbing her hands and pinning them to the bed on either side of her head. She smirked, bucking her h*ps and biting down on my lower lip.
“Fuck.” I let go of one of her hands, and she pushed me off her. I slid off the side of the bed. She was daring me to chase her as she transferred her weight from foot to foot. “I’m going to make you pay for that.” My eyes narrowed as she raised her eyebrow.
I dove to her side of the bed and climbed off the side as she squealed and ran toward the hotel door, but there was nowhere for her to hide. I wrapped my arms around her waist as she laughed hysterically.
“You think that’s funny?” I spun her around, pressing her na**d chest against the door, pinning her there as I entered her from behind. Her fingers were splayed on the door, and I leaned forward, sliding my hand over hers and interlocking our fingers as my left hand gripped her hip. I f**ked her hard. I pressed my cheek against hers, loving the sound of us panting together.
“That feel good, sweetheart?”
“Yes,” she moaned, breathless.
“Tell me.”
“You feel…so good…inside of me, Ryder.”
I slammed into her again and again until her body began to tighten around me. I knew she was going to come soon.
“I think you were made for me, Ella.”
“I’m yours, Ryder,” she moaned, and it sent me over the edge. I came hard as her body pulsed around my dick.
I wish I’d had the courage to tell her that it was the other way around. From the moment I saw Ella, I never had a chance.
Secret
Chapter 32—Ella
Secret: not known or seen or not meant to be known or seen by others
I rolled over, stretching in the mess of covers, my body deliciously sore from the night before. As I reached for Ryder, my hand fell on an empty pillow, causing me to sit up in a panic. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust in the darkness, but it was very apparent I was alone.
“Ryder?” I jumped from the bed and turned on the light, momentarily blinded from the brightness. I grabbed my clothing scattered on the floor and began to pull them on quickly. I grabbed the hotel phone and quickly dialed his cell, desperate to hear his voice, but it went to a voice mail that hadn’t been set up.
“Fuck.” My eyes scanned the room, and that’s when I noticed his notebook that he had kept in his duffel bag on the table.
Picking it up, I flipped it open to a page marked by the note Katie had left for him in the woods. My eyes scanned it, blurring with tears as I discovered the horrible truths of her secret. The Alexanders knew what was happening. They gave her no choice, and they took me in knowing it would happen again. My hand went over my stomach as I dropped the letter on the table, my eyes focusing on the notebook page that had been marked.
I’ll open your cage, my sweet butterfly
One final page and all villains must die
Happy endings in reach but comes with a price
My love and my life are my sacrifice
I flipped the page, desperate for more of his words, but there was nothing.
“He’s going after her parents.” I flew around the room, struggling to figure out what I could do. There must be something I could do to stop him. I had no idea how much of a head start he had on me, but I had to find him before I lost him.
I pulled open the zipper on his duffel bag and began pulling out his belongings until I found the small scrap of paper with the phone number I had seen before. My fingers shook as I grabbed the phone and dialed the number.
“What did you do?” asked the deep voice, groggy from sleep. I recognized it immediately.
“Is this Phantom?” My voice cracked, afraid I was going to make things worse for Ryder, but I had no choice.
“How did you get this number? This is a burner phone.” He sounded more alert now and pissed off.
“It was in Ryder’s things. This…this is Ella, from the bar.”
“I know who the f**k this is. Where is he? Why didn’t he call me?”
My voice dropped to a whisper as I struggled with how much of the truth to share with him. Ryder made sure Trigger knew I was still around, but the other guys thought I was long gone. I wasn’t sure if he kept his other side a secret as well, the side that killed.
“He’s in trouble.”
The weight of the situation was crushing me, my heart struggling to beat against the fear. I told Phantom as few details as possible, and he promised he was on his way to get me. Pacing the sidewalk outside the hotel, I watched every vehicle that drove by, in hopes the next would be the guys.
“I only knew the name of one of the guys he talked about a lot. I searched the little bit of information I had to find the house. But I have no idea when he goes there or if he is staying there full time.” She pulled from my grip, and I let her go. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and began to pace. “What if he’s not there?”
I pushed from the couch and stood in her path. “I will find him.” She stopped abruptly, her eyes filled with uncertainty. “I’m sorry I lied to you about who I was.”
She raised her hand slowly and brushed her fingertips across my temple and into my hair. “They are just things you’ve done, not who you are.”
“You have no idea who I am. It’s better that way.”
“I know most people would have looked the other way in that alley, but you didn’t. You saved me.”
“I nearly killed that guy. I would have killed him if you weren’t there. You were terrified…of me.”
“I wasn’t scared of you. I was scared of myself. I wanted him dead. I wanted him to suffer. He deserved to suffer.”
I ran my hands through my hair as I turned away from her. “You didn’t want that. Not really.” I turned back to her. “Thinking it and doing it are two different things, Ella.”
“You don’t know what I want.”
I nodded, swallowing back the lump in my throat. “I do.” I reached up slowly and tucked her long hair behind her ear, letting my fingers trail over her cheek before it fell to my side. I looked down from her tank top to her jogging shorts, desperate for the same thing, and no longer able to deny myself.
Inevitable
Chapter 30—Ella
Inevitable: certain to happen; unavoidable
His fingertips slid over the raised scars on my thigh, and I closed my eyes, forcing myself to ignore the embarrassment that welled inside of me.
“We all have scars, Ella. Some of us just have them on the inside.” His voice was gravelly and quiet. My body shivered as his warm breath blew over my ear.
“Where are yours?” I slowly opened my eyes as his long fingers wrapped around mine. He lifted my hand and placed it on his chest, directly over his heart. I could feel his pulse racing under my fingertips. The pained expression on his face mirrored what I was feeling inside. It was hard to let someone in, to trust him, when so many have let you down in the past.
I’d had sex with several men over the years, but letting them get to know me, to see the real me, was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I’d felt exposed, naked, under his gaze, and I was still wearing every stitch of my clothing. The worst part of it all, I could feel him pulling back. The idea of letting him in and knowing the hurt was inevitable felt like I was hovering over a flame. The warmth was comforting, but it would soon become all consuming. It would eventually devour me, destroy me. But I couldn’t walk away.
He took his free hand and slowly raised it, never breaking eye contact as he placed it on the center of my chest. My lips parted, and shallow, shaky breaths were the only sound we made. Soon we breathed in unison, heavier as gravity seemed to pull us closer together. I could taste the mint as his air became mine. His mouth opened wider, and for a moment I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead, he spoke.
“I want to see all of your scars, in the light.”
“They’re ugly.” I tried to pull my hand from under his, but he held it tightly against him.
“Nothing about you could ever be ugly.”
I dropped my gaze to his chest, and he bent his knees slightly to catch my eye again. “Nothing.”
My teeth dug into the sensitive flesh of my lower lip as he let go of my hand and removed the other from my chest. His fingertips curled around the bottom of my shirt, and he slowly began to raise it. I was glad he could no longer feel my heartbeat because it was pounding rapidly with every inch of my body that became exposed. The pad of his thumb lightly brushed against my skin and over my ribs as I struggled to control my breathing.
My mind raced with uncertainty, the panic spreading from my belly and winding its way through every fiber of my being. Ryder inched closer and pressed his forehead against mine, and the voices were silenced. My eyes fell closed as I let myself be absorbed by him, to focus on his breathing, which he had deliberately slowed. I matched my breaths to his, and his hands began to move my shirt further, over my ribs. They went behind my back as he reached my shoulder blades.
I stepped back fractionally as he pulled it over my head, his eyes never dropping below my face.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded, unable to swallow past the lump that had formed in my throat. He dropped the shirt at his side and looped his fingers in the band of my shorts. Slowly, painfully slowly, he dragged his fingers down my h*ps and over the tops of my thighs until the fabric fell free and dropped to my feet.
I was wearing nothing but a basic beige bra and teal underwear. “Had I known, I wouldn’t have worn something so plain.” I laughed nervously, and the side of his mouth pulled up into a smile.
“You look anything but plain.” His eyes lowered as he looked over the small scars that marred my body. His expression never changed to anything but admiration. He didn’t cringe at the extra thickness of my hips, or how my belly wasn’t perfectly flat.
I summoned all my courage and stepped forward, gripping the bottom of his shirt. I lifted it over the ridges of his abdomen, unable to look away from how perfectly sculpted his body was. What the hell could he possibly see when he looked at me? This guy could land any woman he wanted, no doubt he had in the past. As I reached his chest, he grabbed the shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it to the side.
I swallowed hard as I looked up at him. My fingers found the button of his jeans. I tried to keep my fingers from shaking as I tried to undo them.
“This doesn’t make you nervous at all?”
He laughed, his tongue running out over his lips in a gesture that made my panties feel like they melted right off my flesh.
“This isn’t who I am. That’s in here.” He tapped his fingertip against his temple. “And here.” He placed his palm over his heart.
“You’re braver than I am.” I shook my head.
“You don’t give yourself enough credit.” His fingers slid over mine, and I let my hands fall to my sides as he undid his pants and shoved them to the floor, stepping out of them. I glanced down at his boxers and laughed, my hand quickly covering my mouth.
“What?” His smirk grew, flashing perfect white teeth.
“Are you serious?” I pointed to his boxers, and he feigned embarrassment.
“It’s not polite to point at a man’s crotch and laugh.”
I was giggling uncontrollably. “Why is there a picture of an elephant head on your boxers?”
He glanced down at his boxers and shrugged. “It makes more sense when he has his trunk.”
“How does it…” My voice trailed off as momentary confusion turned to understanding, and I began to laugh so hard, tears ran down my cheeks.
“All right. That’s enough. Now I’m starting to regret taking my clothes off in front of you.”
I held up my hand, but I couldn’t stop. No sounds were even coming out anymore as I doubled over.
He folded his arms over his chest and cocked his eyebrow as he waited for me to regain my composure.
Adoration
Chapter 31—Rellik
Adoration: deep love and respect
I pretended to be upset, but seeing Ella’s eyes light up was all I had been hoping for since she came into my life. Her cheeks were bright red, and for once the tears were out of happiness.
“I found these in my old room. I thought you’d like them.”
I put my hands on her hips, and her giggles cut short. Leaning down, my mouth hovered over hers. “I could always take them off.” Sliding my boxers over my hips, I kicked them to the side. “That better?”
She nodded, rocking on her toes. I knew she wanted me to kiss her, but I didn’t want to forget this moment of her looking at me with adoration.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You’re so beautiful,” I mumbled as I pressed my lips to hers, the world evaporating around us as soon as we touched. I slid my fingers under her bra straps and pushed them off her shoulders as her hands went behind her back to unclasp. The bra fell down her arms and landed on the floor between us. She gripped her panties and slid them down her legs, kicking them to the side before pushing against my chest until the back of my legs hit the bed. I fell back with a chuckle, and she climbed onto the bed, straddling me. She rolled her hips, rubbing her wetness along the length of my cock.
I groaned, my dick painfully stiff. Gripping her shoulders, I flipped her onto her back, my body pressing her into the mattress. My mouth found hers, and I rocked my h*ps against her, causing her to whimper. She shoved hard against my shoulder, and I laughed, grabbing her hands and pinning them to the bed on either side of her head. She smirked, bucking her h*ps and biting down on my lower lip.
“Fuck.” I let go of one of her hands, and she pushed me off her. I slid off the side of the bed. She was daring me to chase her as she transferred her weight from foot to foot. “I’m going to make you pay for that.” My eyes narrowed as she raised her eyebrow.
I dove to her side of the bed and climbed off the side as she squealed and ran toward the hotel door, but there was nowhere for her to hide. I wrapped my arms around her waist as she laughed hysterically.
“You think that’s funny?” I spun her around, pressing her na**d chest against the door, pinning her there as I entered her from behind. Her fingers were splayed on the door, and I leaned forward, sliding my hand over hers and interlocking our fingers as my left hand gripped her hip. I f**ked her hard. I pressed my cheek against hers, loving the sound of us panting together.
“That feel good, sweetheart?”
“Yes,” she moaned, breathless.
“Tell me.”
“You feel…so good…inside of me, Ryder.”
I slammed into her again and again until her body began to tighten around me. I knew she was going to come soon.
“I think you were made for me, Ella.”
“I’m yours, Ryder,” she moaned, and it sent me over the edge. I came hard as her body pulsed around my dick.
I wish I’d had the courage to tell her that it was the other way around. From the moment I saw Ella, I never had a chance.
Secret
Chapter 32—Ella
Secret: not known or seen or not meant to be known or seen by others
I rolled over, stretching in the mess of covers, my body deliciously sore from the night before. As I reached for Ryder, my hand fell on an empty pillow, causing me to sit up in a panic. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust in the darkness, but it was very apparent I was alone.
“Ryder?” I jumped from the bed and turned on the light, momentarily blinded from the brightness. I grabbed my clothing scattered on the floor and began to pull them on quickly. I grabbed the hotel phone and quickly dialed his cell, desperate to hear his voice, but it went to a voice mail that hadn’t been set up.
“Fuck.” My eyes scanned the room, and that’s when I noticed his notebook that he had kept in his duffel bag on the table.
Picking it up, I flipped it open to a page marked by the note Katie had left for him in the woods. My eyes scanned it, blurring with tears as I discovered the horrible truths of her secret. The Alexanders knew what was happening. They gave her no choice, and they took me in knowing it would happen again. My hand went over my stomach as I dropped the letter on the table, my eyes focusing on the notebook page that had been marked.
I’ll open your cage, my sweet butterfly
One final page and all villains must die
Happy endings in reach but comes with a price
My love and my life are my sacrifice
I flipped the page, desperate for more of his words, but there was nothing.
“He’s going after her parents.” I flew around the room, struggling to figure out what I could do. There must be something I could do to stop him. I had no idea how much of a head start he had on me, but I had to find him before I lost him.
I pulled open the zipper on his duffel bag and began pulling out his belongings until I found the small scrap of paper with the phone number I had seen before. My fingers shook as I grabbed the phone and dialed the number.
“What did you do?” asked the deep voice, groggy from sleep. I recognized it immediately.
“Is this Phantom?” My voice cracked, afraid I was going to make things worse for Ryder, but I had no choice.
“How did you get this number? This is a burner phone.” He sounded more alert now and pissed off.
“It was in Ryder’s things. This…this is Ella, from the bar.”
“I know who the f**k this is. Where is he? Why didn’t he call me?”
My voice dropped to a whisper as I struggled with how much of the truth to share with him. Ryder made sure Trigger knew I was still around, but the other guys thought I was long gone. I wasn’t sure if he kept his other side a secret as well, the side that killed.
“He’s in trouble.”
The weight of the situation was crushing me, my heart struggling to beat against the fear. I told Phantom as few details as possible, and he promised he was on his way to get me. Pacing the sidewalk outside the hotel, I watched every vehicle that drove by, in hopes the next would be the guys.
