When they finally pulled up, Trigger jumped out of the passenger seat and held it open for me. I slid in, thanking him as he closed the door and got in the back with Phantom. Hangman was behind the wheel, and he took off as I gave him directions toward the Alexanders’ home.
“Explain what the hell is going on,” Phantom snapped.
“Ryder…Rellik…ugh…is going after Katie’s parents.”
“He told you about Katie?”
“I already knew about her.” I swallowed hard, rubbing my hands together nervously. I didn’t want to rehash my past. I just wanted Ryder safe. “The Alexanders were my foster family.”
“Holy shit,” Hangman mumbled as he shook his head.
“Why the parents? Why now?” Trig leaned forward in the backseat.
I wiped a stray tear from my eye and cleared my throat as I held up the note. Trig took it, turning on one of the small overhead lights as he read it aloud. My heart broke all over again for Ryder as I pictured his face in the woods. He knew then he was going to leave me behind, and last night was him telling me good-bye.
“Maybe we should call the police.”
“No.” Trig held the note out for me, and I nodded in agreement. I always knew I’d have to face them again, but I never thought it would be like this. “Whatever he plans to do, he is going to do. We won’t be able to stop him.”
“We have to stop him. We have to.” I knew Ryder wasn’t planning on getting away with anything. Had I not shown up in his life, he would be oblivious to Bryce’s whereabouts and the note left by Katie.
As we pulled up in front of the Alexanders’ home, I began to mumble under my breath, rapidly counting as every nerve in my body seemed to catch fire. Fear settled deep in my belly as the panic attack began to take over. Ryder’s car was parked right in front of us. It was the middle of the night, but the living-room light was on, and I could see the movement of shadows behind the pale curtain. I waited for the others to get out before we crossed the street. Time seemed to slow, and I was thankful because I didn’t want to know what was on the other side of those walls.
Phantom climbed the porch and pressed against the front door. It swung open, squeaking on its hinges. “Maybe you should wait out here.”
“No.” I pushed by him, and he grabbed my wrists just as my eyes landed on Ryder, who sat in a chair, his elbows on his knees as he hung his head. I wished I could see his face, but I didn’t need to when I saw Janel and Coach on the couch in front of him. They looked terrified, but no one was making a sound—no one but Macie, who babbled incoherently as Janel bounced her on her knee.
“Ryder,” I whispered as I took a step closer. He shook his head but didn’t move as he turned his pocketknife over in his hands.
“How could you do this to us?” Janel called out, and Ryder’s head snapped up, the tension in the room palpable.
“How could you do this to Katie? To me?” I asked, jumping as Trigger placed his hand on my shoulder, encouraging me to be strong.
“What are you talking about? How dare you talk about my daughter?”
I held up the note, the paper shaking as I swallowed back my fear. “Katie left a note. You let Bryce hurt her. You let him hurt me.”
I couldn’t keep my eyes off Macie, with her short, dark hair and big green eyes. I took another step until I was beside Ryder.
“The baby,” he said. His voice was rough, as if he’d been fighting back tears.
I glanced down at him as his pain-filled eyes met mine.
“One of your scars.” He wasn’t asking. He already knew the truth.
My throat closed as my hand instinctively went to my lower stomach, to the largest of my scars from my C-section.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know you’d come here. You didn’t tell me what Katie had said.” I shook my head, fighting to keep my tears at bay. Had we both been honest, we wouldn’t be in this mess right now. I could only imagine the disgust he must feel for me, knowing I had a child with a monster like Bryce.
“I thought you’d hate me,” I whispered.
He stood slowly as he glanced at the family, unremorseful about the terror they felt. “What’s her name?”
“Macie, after my grandmother.”
“Go get her.” He nodded slightly in their direction. I glanced down at the knife in his hand, the tendons in his arm tensing as he gripped it tightly. Macie was probably the only reason they were still alive. I walked slowly toward the couch, placing my hands under Macie’s arms and fighting against Janel’s grip before lifting her to my chest and hugging her tightly as I burst into tears. I had dreamed about this moment for months, dying inside every day I had to be away from her.
Macie began to whimper, and I bounced her as I tried to keep her calm, tugging on her yellow nightgown.
Innocent
Chapter 33—Rellik
Innocent: not guilty of a crime or offense
I couldn’t walk away from what had been done to Katie and Ella, but I’d never expected that from all this would come an innocent child. Ella held the baby tightly against her chest, and there was no animosity, only love.
From all of this tragedy, another life had been created, and now I had to decide if I was going to take more away. I couldn’t think clearly, couldn’t contain the onslaught of emotions. The last thing I expected was to feel ambivalent toward those who had caused so much pain.
“Rellik, it’s not too late to walk away,” Phantom called out as Ella walked back toward the door.
“I promised Ella I would finish this.”
“You have finished this.” Phantom looked to Ella, who was kissing Macie’s head, whispering sweetly to her child.
“She won’t ever feel safe until they’re all gone.”
“Ryder, I won’t feel safe if I lose you.” Her voice shook as she clutched her child tighter, and I turned my attention to her. “You’re my magic shield.”
I shook my head, pressing the tip of the knife blade against my palm, my head spinning with doubt. “Ella, you deserve so much better, and I deserve nothing. Macie deserves so much better than what I can give anyone.”
“I love you.” Her words cut through me, shredding any last hope of being able to walk away. With a thunderous clap, the storm that had been brewing for all these years was upon us. Macie began to cry, Ella’s eyes widened, and I could feel the sensation of warmth on my chest.
Was this love? Excruciating pain radiated through my body in waves. My fingers went to my shirt, and I pulled back crimson-coated fingers as the color grew, bleeding out into the gray. My legs gave out, and I fell to my knees. My eyes met Ella. She was frozen in terror. The muffled shouts and screams faded out around me as my eyes closed, and I drifted off into my eternal nightmare.
Love
Chapter 34—Ella
Love: an intense feeling of deep affection
This was love. It was giving your heart to someone else with the understanding that it may be taken away.
I screamed, fingers clawing at my flesh as I begged to go to his side. Hangman wrapped his arms around me, cradling Macie and blocking me from danger.
Trigger wasted no time as he tackled Coach, struggling to disarm him. My eyes met Ryder’s, his fading and mine wide. This was why he didn’t want me to love him. He knew this feeling and wanted to spare me the agony. People die, but love doesn’t waver.
Phantom was on his knees, hands against Ryder’s chest as he fought to keep my love from leaving me. I couldn’t breathe, not knowing if his next breath might be his last.
Janel was screaming as another shot was fired. Everyone was shouting, and soon the voices came from strangers as police swarmed inside the small home. Ryder was placed on a stretcher, his eyes closed as they rushed him out of the house and into a waiting ambulance.
“I need to go with him,” I said, panicked as Hangman forced me to sit. Coach was wheeled by me on a stretcher, the white cloth that covered his body stained red like a Rorschach test.
I gave my statement as quickly as possible, handing over Katie’s suicide note to the police. The fact that Ryder had been shot in the back led the police to determine Ryder was the victim, not the aggressor. After they learned that Janel had been keeping my child from me, and that she knew about the abuse I’d been forced to endure, I was allowed to go to the hospital to be by Ryder’s side. Janel was going to finally get what she deserved, and it was only a matter of time before Bryce did as well. I tried not to think about the agonizing year I’d spent without my daughter. I had no choice but to flee the abuse I’d endured and I had no way to take care of a child. Keeping her from ending up in the system was the only way I could ensure I’d get her back, so when Janel told me I could never take her from her, I knew I’d have to wait until I was old enough to come back for her.
I grabbed Macie’s car seat from Janel’s car and placed it in the back of the Barracuda, hurrying to get to the hospital. I couldn’t fathom not being by Ryder’s side when he was in so much pain. When I arrived, he was in emergency surgery, and I couldn’t get any information, just sad eyes and pity.
“She’s beautiful. How old is she?” I glanced up at a nurse who stood by my side in heart-covered scrubs.
“Almost two.” I smiled at Macie as I stood her up on my knees.
“She looks just like you.”
I ran my hands through Macie’s messy hair, relieved that when I looked at her, I didn’t see any of Bryce.
“Want to get her a snack? I have some diapers too, if she needs changed.”
I hesitated, looking down the hall. The guys hadn’t arrived, and it had been nearly two hours.
“Come on. I promise you’ll know as soon as he is able to have visitors.”
Reluctantly, I nodded and stood. The nurse put her hand on my shoulder and guided me toward the vending machines.
The nurse bought Macie a bag of gold cheesy fish and an apple juice. I changed her and sat her down in the waiting room, allowing her to eat her snack.
Just as I was able to rock Macie to sleep, Ryder’s mother and stepfather walked through the door.
“Ella, what happened?” Kirsten’s eyes danced over the baby on my lap.
“Ryder was helping me.” I closed my eyes, hating that I’d have to live this nightmare again.
I broke down, giving as much detail as I could stomach, omitting anything that would reflect badly on Ryder. It was more than apparent Ryder still held a lot of resentment for being locked away. I didn’t want to overstep and give more than he would want me to share.
Oblivion
Chapter 35—Rellik
Oblivion: the state of being unaware or unconscious of what is happening
I blinked awake, the light painful on my eyes and my head swimming. I was high, my body liquid.
“Stay,” a voice commanded as I felt pressure against my shoulder. I struggled against the force but couldn’t move.
“His vitals are good,” another voice called out. “You dodged a bullet, son. So to speak.”
I drifted back off into oblivion, but it wasn’t Katie’s face I saw. I stared into Ella’s wide, frightened eyes when she thought she had lost me forever. Before that moment I’d never thought anyone would care if I died. Truth be told, I thought they would be relieved, not having to carry the burden of knowing me any longer. I lived with reckless abandon, convinced that death would finally cease the perpetual ache of losing the girl I loved. I never thought it was possible to have that feeling again. My heart was broken, but so was Ella’s, and those pieces fit together. In my darkest hours, she found something in me to love, even when I couldn’t love myself. In all of the evil I’d done, I’d somehow managed to save her, and she would save me from myself.
“I love you.”
Those words. Ella was the only reason my heart still had the will to beat. I couldn’t leave it unsaid again. I needed to make sure she knew that I loved her.
I had no idea how much time had passed since I had been shot, but as my eyes blinked open, all the pain in the world couldn’t stop me from smiling at the sight of Ella. The fluorescent lighting overhead looked like a halo around her beautiful face. Perfect for the angel she was to me.
“You scared me,” she said with a smile as her eyes clouded over with tears.
“I love you.” I couldn’t waste another minute without letting her know how I felt.
“I love you.” She wrapped her thin fingers around mine and squeezed my hand.
I tried to sit up, but the pain was too much, and I groaned in agony as a nurse patted my left arm. “Don’t try to get up just yet. Give your body time to heal.”
“Where’s Macie?” Panic began to set in as I realized Ella’s arms were empty.
“Your mother is holding her.” She glanced over her shoulder as my mother stepped forward.
“How are you feeling?” my mother asked as she rubbed her hand over Macie’s back.
“Complete.” I reached my hand out, and my mother dipped lower so I could run my fingers over Macie’s head. My mother smiled as she took a step back, and Phantom took her place next to me.
“You scared the hell out of us.”
I sighed, not wanting to hear how I put our band on the line for Ella.
“But now I know why. Next time, call me first. I would have been there with you.”
“I will.” I nodded as I stared at Ella, unable to take my eyes off her.
“All right, enough of this sappy shit,” Hangman called from the foot of the bed and everyone laughed, easing the tension.
“Don’t say shit in front of his mom, man.” Trig slapped Hang on the chest.
“Explain what the hell is going on,” Phantom snapped.
“Ryder…Rellik…ugh…is going after Katie’s parents.”
“He told you about Katie?”
“I already knew about her.” I swallowed hard, rubbing my hands together nervously. I didn’t want to rehash my past. I just wanted Ryder safe. “The Alexanders were my foster family.”
“Holy shit,” Hangman mumbled as he shook his head.
“Why the parents? Why now?” Trig leaned forward in the backseat.
I wiped a stray tear from my eye and cleared my throat as I held up the note. Trig took it, turning on one of the small overhead lights as he read it aloud. My heart broke all over again for Ryder as I pictured his face in the woods. He knew then he was going to leave me behind, and last night was him telling me good-bye.
“Maybe we should call the police.”
“No.” Trig held the note out for me, and I nodded in agreement. I always knew I’d have to face them again, but I never thought it would be like this. “Whatever he plans to do, he is going to do. We won’t be able to stop him.”
“We have to stop him. We have to.” I knew Ryder wasn’t planning on getting away with anything. Had I not shown up in his life, he would be oblivious to Bryce’s whereabouts and the note left by Katie.
As we pulled up in front of the Alexanders’ home, I began to mumble under my breath, rapidly counting as every nerve in my body seemed to catch fire. Fear settled deep in my belly as the panic attack began to take over. Ryder’s car was parked right in front of us. It was the middle of the night, but the living-room light was on, and I could see the movement of shadows behind the pale curtain. I waited for the others to get out before we crossed the street. Time seemed to slow, and I was thankful because I didn’t want to know what was on the other side of those walls.
Phantom climbed the porch and pressed against the front door. It swung open, squeaking on its hinges. “Maybe you should wait out here.”
“No.” I pushed by him, and he grabbed my wrists just as my eyes landed on Ryder, who sat in a chair, his elbows on his knees as he hung his head. I wished I could see his face, but I didn’t need to when I saw Janel and Coach on the couch in front of him. They looked terrified, but no one was making a sound—no one but Macie, who babbled incoherently as Janel bounced her on her knee.
“Ryder,” I whispered as I took a step closer. He shook his head but didn’t move as he turned his pocketknife over in his hands.
“How could you do this to us?” Janel called out, and Ryder’s head snapped up, the tension in the room palpable.
“How could you do this to Katie? To me?” I asked, jumping as Trigger placed his hand on my shoulder, encouraging me to be strong.
“What are you talking about? How dare you talk about my daughter?”
I held up the note, the paper shaking as I swallowed back my fear. “Katie left a note. You let Bryce hurt her. You let him hurt me.”
I couldn’t keep my eyes off Macie, with her short, dark hair and big green eyes. I took another step until I was beside Ryder.
“The baby,” he said. His voice was rough, as if he’d been fighting back tears.
I glanced down at him as his pain-filled eyes met mine.
“One of your scars.” He wasn’t asking. He already knew the truth.
My throat closed as my hand instinctively went to my lower stomach, to the largest of my scars from my C-section.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know you’d come here. You didn’t tell me what Katie had said.” I shook my head, fighting to keep my tears at bay. Had we both been honest, we wouldn’t be in this mess right now. I could only imagine the disgust he must feel for me, knowing I had a child with a monster like Bryce.
“I thought you’d hate me,” I whispered.
He stood slowly as he glanced at the family, unremorseful about the terror they felt. “What’s her name?”
“Macie, after my grandmother.”
“Go get her.” He nodded slightly in their direction. I glanced down at the knife in his hand, the tendons in his arm tensing as he gripped it tightly. Macie was probably the only reason they were still alive. I walked slowly toward the couch, placing my hands under Macie’s arms and fighting against Janel’s grip before lifting her to my chest and hugging her tightly as I burst into tears. I had dreamed about this moment for months, dying inside every day I had to be away from her.
Macie began to whimper, and I bounced her as I tried to keep her calm, tugging on her yellow nightgown.
Innocent
Chapter 33—Rellik
Innocent: not guilty of a crime or offense
I couldn’t walk away from what had been done to Katie and Ella, but I’d never expected that from all this would come an innocent child. Ella held the baby tightly against her chest, and there was no animosity, only love.
From all of this tragedy, another life had been created, and now I had to decide if I was going to take more away. I couldn’t think clearly, couldn’t contain the onslaught of emotions. The last thing I expected was to feel ambivalent toward those who had caused so much pain.
“Rellik, it’s not too late to walk away,” Phantom called out as Ella walked back toward the door.
“I promised Ella I would finish this.”
“You have finished this.” Phantom looked to Ella, who was kissing Macie’s head, whispering sweetly to her child.
“She won’t ever feel safe until they’re all gone.”
“Ryder, I won’t feel safe if I lose you.” Her voice shook as she clutched her child tighter, and I turned my attention to her. “You’re my magic shield.”
I shook my head, pressing the tip of the knife blade against my palm, my head spinning with doubt. “Ella, you deserve so much better, and I deserve nothing. Macie deserves so much better than what I can give anyone.”
“I love you.” Her words cut through me, shredding any last hope of being able to walk away. With a thunderous clap, the storm that had been brewing for all these years was upon us. Macie began to cry, Ella’s eyes widened, and I could feel the sensation of warmth on my chest.
Was this love? Excruciating pain radiated through my body in waves. My fingers went to my shirt, and I pulled back crimson-coated fingers as the color grew, bleeding out into the gray. My legs gave out, and I fell to my knees. My eyes met Ella. She was frozen in terror. The muffled shouts and screams faded out around me as my eyes closed, and I drifted off into my eternal nightmare.
Love
Chapter 34—Ella
Love: an intense feeling of deep affection
This was love. It was giving your heart to someone else with the understanding that it may be taken away.
I screamed, fingers clawing at my flesh as I begged to go to his side. Hangman wrapped his arms around me, cradling Macie and blocking me from danger.
Trigger wasted no time as he tackled Coach, struggling to disarm him. My eyes met Ryder’s, his fading and mine wide. This was why he didn’t want me to love him. He knew this feeling and wanted to spare me the agony. People die, but love doesn’t waver.
Phantom was on his knees, hands against Ryder’s chest as he fought to keep my love from leaving me. I couldn’t breathe, not knowing if his next breath might be his last.
Janel was screaming as another shot was fired. Everyone was shouting, and soon the voices came from strangers as police swarmed inside the small home. Ryder was placed on a stretcher, his eyes closed as they rushed him out of the house and into a waiting ambulance.
“I need to go with him,” I said, panicked as Hangman forced me to sit. Coach was wheeled by me on a stretcher, the white cloth that covered his body stained red like a Rorschach test.
I gave my statement as quickly as possible, handing over Katie’s suicide note to the police. The fact that Ryder had been shot in the back led the police to determine Ryder was the victim, not the aggressor. After they learned that Janel had been keeping my child from me, and that she knew about the abuse I’d been forced to endure, I was allowed to go to the hospital to be by Ryder’s side. Janel was going to finally get what she deserved, and it was only a matter of time before Bryce did as well. I tried not to think about the agonizing year I’d spent without my daughter. I had no choice but to flee the abuse I’d endured and I had no way to take care of a child. Keeping her from ending up in the system was the only way I could ensure I’d get her back, so when Janel told me I could never take her from her, I knew I’d have to wait until I was old enough to come back for her.
I grabbed Macie’s car seat from Janel’s car and placed it in the back of the Barracuda, hurrying to get to the hospital. I couldn’t fathom not being by Ryder’s side when he was in so much pain. When I arrived, he was in emergency surgery, and I couldn’t get any information, just sad eyes and pity.
“She’s beautiful. How old is she?” I glanced up at a nurse who stood by my side in heart-covered scrubs.
“Almost two.” I smiled at Macie as I stood her up on my knees.
“She looks just like you.”
I ran my hands through Macie’s messy hair, relieved that when I looked at her, I didn’t see any of Bryce.
“Want to get her a snack? I have some diapers too, if she needs changed.”
I hesitated, looking down the hall. The guys hadn’t arrived, and it had been nearly two hours.
“Come on. I promise you’ll know as soon as he is able to have visitors.”
Reluctantly, I nodded and stood. The nurse put her hand on my shoulder and guided me toward the vending machines.
The nurse bought Macie a bag of gold cheesy fish and an apple juice. I changed her and sat her down in the waiting room, allowing her to eat her snack.
Just as I was able to rock Macie to sleep, Ryder’s mother and stepfather walked through the door.
“Ella, what happened?” Kirsten’s eyes danced over the baby on my lap.
“Ryder was helping me.” I closed my eyes, hating that I’d have to live this nightmare again.
I broke down, giving as much detail as I could stomach, omitting anything that would reflect badly on Ryder. It was more than apparent Ryder still held a lot of resentment for being locked away. I didn’t want to overstep and give more than he would want me to share.
Oblivion
Chapter 35—Rellik
Oblivion: the state of being unaware or unconscious of what is happening
I blinked awake, the light painful on my eyes and my head swimming. I was high, my body liquid.
“Stay,” a voice commanded as I felt pressure against my shoulder. I struggled against the force but couldn’t move.
“His vitals are good,” another voice called out. “You dodged a bullet, son. So to speak.”
I drifted back off into oblivion, but it wasn’t Katie’s face I saw. I stared into Ella’s wide, frightened eyes when she thought she had lost me forever. Before that moment I’d never thought anyone would care if I died. Truth be told, I thought they would be relieved, not having to carry the burden of knowing me any longer. I lived with reckless abandon, convinced that death would finally cease the perpetual ache of losing the girl I loved. I never thought it was possible to have that feeling again. My heart was broken, but so was Ella’s, and those pieces fit together. In my darkest hours, she found something in me to love, even when I couldn’t love myself. In all of the evil I’d done, I’d somehow managed to save her, and she would save me from myself.
“I love you.”
Those words. Ella was the only reason my heart still had the will to beat. I couldn’t leave it unsaid again. I needed to make sure she knew that I loved her.
I had no idea how much time had passed since I had been shot, but as my eyes blinked open, all the pain in the world couldn’t stop me from smiling at the sight of Ella. The fluorescent lighting overhead looked like a halo around her beautiful face. Perfect for the angel she was to me.
“You scared me,” she said with a smile as her eyes clouded over with tears.
“I love you.” I couldn’t waste another minute without letting her know how I felt.
“I love you.” She wrapped her thin fingers around mine and squeezed my hand.
I tried to sit up, but the pain was too much, and I groaned in agony as a nurse patted my left arm. “Don’t try to get up just yet. Give your body time to heal.”
“Where’s Macie?” Panic began to set in as I realized Ella’s arms were empty.
“Your mother is holding her.” She glanced over her shoulder as my mother stepped forward.
“How are you feeling?” my mother asked as she rubbed her hand over Macie’s back.
“Complete.” I reached my hand out, and my mother dipped lower so I could run my fingers over Macie’s head. My mother smiled as she took a step back, and Phantom took her place next to me.
“You scared the hell out of us.”
I sighed, not wanting to hear how I put our band on the line for Ella.
“But now I know why. Next time, call me first. I would have been there with you.”
“I will.” I nodded as I stared at Ella, unable to take my eyes off her.
“All right, enough of this sappy shit,” Hangman called from the foot of the bed and everyone laughed, easing the tension.
“Don’t say shit in front of his mom, man.” Trig slapped Hang on the chest.
