We rode quietly for a few minutes, the pace slow but steady to allow for Boss’s injured legs. I could see the broken branches and turned over earth where we had barreled our way through the forest. It was a clear as day trail that any shady character growing drugs in a remote location could follow right back to the rest of the group. I was nervous about stumbling onto something we obviously weren’t supposed to find, but I knew that Cy would do whatever it took to keep me and the rest of the riders safe. He wasn’t a cowboy, but he was a good man, a man who took responsibility for those in his care seriously. He was a man who would stand between any kind of threat and those who needed his protection.
“How do you know your dues have been paid?” I asked the question so quietly that I wasn’t sure he heard me.
His arm tightened around my middle as I laced my fingers through his where he held me, keeping my other wrist held tightly to my chest to protect it from the jarring steps the horse took.
“You just know. Suddenly, there’s something or someone in front of you that you know you’ve earned.”
“What if they’re only in front of you for a split second? Is it really a reward if you don’t have the time to fully appreciate it?” I rubbed my thumb over his wrist and felt his pulse kick under the caress.
“Of course it is, because even if you only get the pleasure of enjoying what you’ve been given for a second, or a minute, or a day, you still get to experience it. That experience will stay with you forever and that’s the reward. No one can take those memories away from you. No one can strip you of the moments you’ve had. Even if the trophy is gone, you still won it and that victory lasts forever.”
My head hurt and so did my heart. The ache in my chest was vastly different from the one that lived there after Chris’s machinations and manipulation. This pain was dull and deep. It was one that took up all the available space and let me know when I left this place and this man, there was a good chance I was going to be leaving a part of myself behind with him.
“Honestly, I’ve never felt like much of a prize. I mentioned that my mother was also kind of a mess but that doesn’t even really touch it. She got knocked up by accident and my grandparents had to beg her to keep me. She dumped me on them the second I took a breath. She was always around when I was growing up, but she was never in my life, which made the fact she didn’t want anything to do with me even more obvious. My grandparents worked themselves to death making sure I had a wonderful, happy, and secure childhood. They loved me harder than most of the other kids’ actual parents did. For some reason none of it ever blocked out the fact I wasn’t wanted. My mother’s rejection made me defensive and distrustful. I never let anyone get very close. Honestly, the only person who refused to respect my boundaries and KEEP OUT signs was Em.” I laughed a little. “I think she pushed so hard because I was so desperate not to be her friend. She was sick of being used by other girls because she was, and is, so pretty and well liked. Everyone wanted to bask in her glow and I was all about hiding in the shadows.”
He rubbed his chin on the top of my head which made some of my curly hair cling to his scruff.
“Maybe she’s just smart. Everything that is precious and valuable is usually kept behind glass. It takes someone unafraid of the shards and the edges to break through that so that they can get to the treasure inside. Your friend doesn’t seem like she’s scared of much. She has wild in her eyes and adventure in her soul. Even with all the crazy stuff happening on this ride, she’s having the time of her life. She isn’t scared of a little bit of work and I can almost guarantee she knew that the cuts and scrapes of your friendship would be worth it, if she broke through your shield to get at you.” Mr. Personality had given way to Mr. Philosopher and his words were doing things to my insides that were never going to be undone.
“For a guy who everyone says isn’t very good with people, you have a way of handling them and understanding them that is pretty remarkable.”
I couldn’t keep the praise out of my tone but he made me want to hit him when he replied with a dry, “Just women, remember? I know women and horses.”
I wished I could turn around and glare at him but didn’t want to risk setting us of balance so I settled for a snappy, “Do you pretend to be such a jerk most of the time so your brothers don’t bug you about being more hands-on with the guests?”
He made a noise low in his throat that was halfway between a laugh and a grunt. “I don’t have the time or the patience for most of the people who want to come out here and play cowboy. I’m too busy looking after my family and my land to take the time to be invested in anyone who is only going to be in my life for a few days. I’m happy to take their money and show them a good time, but I don’t care about who they are or where they’re from. Occasionally, a pretty girl from the city finds her way into my bed before she makes her way back home and we both have a pleasant memory of her visit here. Who she is doesn’t matter to me, only what she’s willing to offer.” I stiffened at that particular admission but like everything else about him, his honesty was real and unfiltered. “Who you are matters to me, Leo. I want to know why you’re the one who is on my mind all the time.” His head moved and his lips were suddenly by my ears. “You pissed me off and turned me on the second you opened your mouth. I knew in that second, that for whatever reason, you were here for me. We only get this moment, Sunshine, just one, so it needs to matter to you as much as it matters to me.”
“How do you know your dues have been paid?” I asked the question so quietly that I wasn’t sure he heard me.
His arm tightened around my middle as I laced my fingers through his where he held me, keeping my other wrist held tightly to my chest to protect it from the jarring steps the horse took.
“You just know. Suddenly, there’s something or someone in front of you that you know you’ve earned.”
“What if they’re only in front of you for a split second? Is it really a reward if you don’t have the time to fully appreciate it?” I rubbed my thumb over his wrist and felt his pulse kick under the caress.
“Of course it is, because even if you only get the pleasure of enjoying what you’ve been given for a second, or a minute, or a day, you still get to experience it. That experience will stay with you forever and that’s the reward. No one can take those memories away from you. No one can strip you of the moments you’ve had. Even if the trophy is gone, you still won it and that victory lasts forever.”
My head hurt and so did my heart. The ache in my chest was vastly different from the one that lived there after Chris’s machinations and manipulation. This pain was dull and deep. It was one that took up all the available space and let me know when I left this place and this man, there was a good chance I was going to be leaving a part of myself behind with him.
“Honestly, I’ve never felt like much of a prize. I mentioned that my mother was also kind of a mess but that doesn’t even really touch it. She got knocked up by accident and my grandparents had to beg her to keep me. She dumped me on them the second I took a breath. She was always around when I was growing up, but she was never in my life, which made the fact she didn’t want anything to do with me even more obvious. My grandparents worked themselves to death making sure I had a wonderful, happy, and secure childhood. They loved me harder than most of the other kids’ actual parents did. For some reason none of it ever blocked out the fact I wasn’t wanted. My mother’s rejection made me defensive and distrustful. I never let anyone get very close. Honestly, the only person who refused to respect my boundaries and KEEP OUT signs was Em.” I laughed a little. “I think she pushed so hard because I was so desperate not to be her friend. She was sick of being used by other girls because she was, and is, so pretty and well liked. Everyone wanted to bask in her glow and I was all about hiding in the shadows.”
He rubbed his chin on the top of my head which made some of my curly hair cling to his scruff.
“Maybe she’s just smart. Everything that is precious and valuable is usually kept behind glass. It takes someone unafraid of the shards and the edges to break through that so that they can get to the treasure inside. Your friend doesn’t seem like she’s scared of much. She has wild in her eyes and adventure in her soul. Even with all the crazy stuff happening on this ride, she’s having the time of her life. She isn’t scared of a little bit of work and I can almost guarantee she knew that the cuts and scrapes of your friendship would be worth it, if she broke through your shield to get at you.” Mr. Personality had given way to Mr. Philosopher and his words were doing things to my insides that were never going to be undone.
“For a guy who everyone says isn’t very good with people, you have a way of handling them and understanding them that is pretty remarkable.”
I couldn’t keep the praise out of my tone but he made me want to hit him when he replied with a dry, “Just women, remember? I know women and horses.”
I wished I could turn around and glare at him but didn’t want to risk setting us of balance so I settled for a snappy, “Do you pretend to be such a jerk most of the time so your brothers don’t bug you about being more hands-on with the guests?”
He made a noise low in his throat that was halfway between a laugh and a grunt. “I don’t have the time or the patience for most of the people who want to come out here and play cowboy. I’m too busy looking after my family and my land to take the time to be invested in anyone who is only going to be in my life for a few days. I’m happy to take their money and show them a good time, but I don’t care about who they are or where they’re from. Occasionally, a pretty girl from the city finds her way into my bed before she makes her way back home and we both have a pleasant memory of her visit here. Who she is doesn’t matter to me, only what she’s willing to offer.” I stiffened at that particular admission but like everything else about him, his honesty was real and unfiltered. “Who you are matters to me, Leo. I want to know why you’re the one who is on my mind all the time.” His head moved and his lips were suddenly by my ears. “You pissed me off and turned me on the second you opened your mouth. I knew in that second, that for whatever reason, you were here for me. We only get this moment, Sunshine, just one, so it needs to matter to you as much as it matters to me.”
