***
After dealing with morning traffic I’d finally arrived at the clubhouse only to cop shit off Griff after we finished going over club business.
“You talk to Velvet?” He was giving me the look he reserved for men he wanted to use as his personal punching bag.
“It’s none of your business, but yes I did.”
“And?”
“What the fuck, Griff? I don’t stick my nose in your business.”
“My business doesn’t include Velvet. That woman is a friend and I look out for my friends, brother. You included.”
“You can look out for me by leaving this the hell alone.”
“Why are you so hell bent on burying this? I thought you and Velvet were good friends.”
“We were.”
“Were?”
Fuck.
“Screwing her wrecked the friendship if you must know. Just like I knew it would. Women can’t mix the two.”
“You sure it’s all on her?”
“What the fuck?”
“I saw you knock back two chicks last night. Never seen that before, so I’ve gotta wonder why. And I can’t help but think that Velvet’s got something to do with it.”
“Got a lot of shit going on, brother. Velvet’s the least of my fuckin’ concerns,” I asserted, more than ready for this conversation to be over.
He contemplated what I’d said and then nodded slowly. “I hope Velvet’s still there when you’re ready to be honest with yourself. You two would be good for each other.”
I felt the desperate need to argue with him about that, but I saw Velvet enter the clubhouse and needed to escape the building more than I needed to argue. “I’ll catch you later, man,” I muttered as I made my hasty exit.
***
I arrived at Mum’s for family dinner that night and Carla grinned at me, raining some sunshine down into my shitty day. “Glad you could make it, big brother,” she greeted me with a hug.
I wrapped my arms around her and held on for a little longer than necessary. “Wouldn’t miss Mum’s cooking, babe,” I said as I reluctantly let her go.
She eyed me suspiciously. “What’s wrong, Nash?”
“Nothing. I’m good,” I said a little too enthusiastically.
“You’re forgetting who you’re talking to. I’m not one of your biker friends who doesn’t know you as well as I do; you can’t lie to me, so spill.”
I rubbed my face. “It’s just been one of those months,” I admitted.
Her face was a picture of kindness. “I get it,” she said, quietly.
I smiled at her, and reached out to squeeze her hand. “Thank you.” She knew exactly what was bothering me and I loved her for not forcing me to talk about it.
“Nash,” she whispered, “Next month is going to be bad, isn’t it?”
My chest constricted. “Yeah.”
The worst fucking hell.
Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked a couple of times and got herself under control. She faltered for a moment before saying, “I’m sorry.”
I pulled her to me and hugged her again. We clung to each other for a couple of minutes, neither saying a word, but there was no need for words. Besides, after ten years there were no more words to be said. Words wouldn’t bring him back.
Carla moved out of my hold. “You should come into the kitchen. I’ve got some news to tell everyone.” She changed the subject and managed to lighten the mood a little.
“Fuck, I hope you’re not going to tell us you’re getting married or some shit.”
She smacked me on the chest, and poked her tongue at me. “No, smartass, I’m not getting married.”
I laughed, and managed to shove some of the shit in my mind to the dark corners again; hidden just enough to be able to function.
She dragged me into the kitchen where the rest of our family was, and they greeted me with the usual Walker hospitality of ‘hey, asshole’ and ‘bout time you got here, dickhead’. I grumbled some shit back at them but my heart was warmed by the love I found in this room. It was a welcome distraction from everything else in my life at the moment.
“So,” Carla announced, “I’ve broken up with Jesse. For good this time.”
Relief laid a huge smile on my face; this was the best news I’d had in days. “Thank Christ for that.”
“Yeah, well, you were right about him, but don’t let that go to your head.”
“Shit, never say ‘you were right’ to Nash,” Erika chimed in.
“That’s the fucking truth,” Jamison agreed, “He’ll never let you forget it now.”
I raised my hands. “Nope, I promise not to remind you of just how often I’m right,” I winked at Carla, “but let the record show, it happens often.”
My mother rolled her eyes. “My cocky son. You haven’t changed much over the years.”
“And yet, you still love me just as much,” I joked with her.
“Most days. On the other days, I remind myself that there’s a nice guy in there somewhere.”
Erika chose this moment to bring up her issues with me. “I’m having one of those days with Nash today; reminding myself he’s not all bad.”
“You still going on about your neighbour?” I asked.
She put her hands on her hips and glared at me. “Yes, I’m still going on about that. Why did you confront him when I told you not to?”
After dealing with morning traffic I’d finally arrived at the clubhouse only to cop shit off Griff after we finished going over club business.
“You talk to Velvet?” He was giving me the look he reserved for men he wanted to use as his personal punching bag.
“It’s none of your business, but yes I did.”
“And?”
“What the fuck, Griff? I don’t stick my nose in your business.”
“My business doesn’t include Velvet. That woman is a friend and I look out for my friends, brother. You included.”
“You can look out for me by leaving this the hell alone.”
“Why are you so hell bent on burying this? I thought you and Velvet were good friends.”
“We were.”
“Were?”
Fuck.
“Screwing her wrecked the friendship if you must know. Just like I knew it would. Women can’t mix the two.”
“You sure it’s all on her?”
“What the fuck?”
“I saw you knock back two chicks last night. Never seen that before, so I’ve gotta wonder why. And I can’t help but think that Velvet’s got something to do with it.”
“Got a lot of shit going on, brother. Velvet’s the least of my fuckin’ concerns,” I asserted, more than ready for this conversation to be over.
He contemplated what I’d said and then nodded slowly. “I hope Velvet’s still there when you’re ready to be honest with yourself. You two would be good for each other.”
I felt the desperate need to argue with him about that, but I saw Velvet enter the clubhouse and needed to escape the building more than I needed to argue. “I’ll catch you later, man,” I muttered as I made my hasty exit.
***
I arrived at Mum’s for family dinner that night and Carla grinned at me, raining some sunshine down into my shitty day. “Glad you could make it, big brother,” she greeted me with a hug.
I wrapped my arms around her and held on for a little longer than necessary. “Wouldn’t miss Mum’s cooking, babe,” I said as I reluctantly let her go.
She eyed me suspiciously. “What’s wrong, Nash?”
“Nothing. I’m good,” I said a little too enthusiastically.
“You’re forgetting who you’re talking to. I’m not one of your biker friends who doesn’t know you as well as I do; you can’t lie to me, so spill.”
I rubbed my face. “It’s just been one of those months,” I admitted.
Her face was a picture of kindness. “I get it,” she said, quietly.
I smiled at her, and reached out to squeeze her hand. “Thank you.” She knew exactly what was bothering me and I loved her for not forcing me to talk about it.
“Nash,” she whispered, “Next month is going to be bad, isn’t it?”
My chest constricted. “Yeah.”
The worst fucking hell.
Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked a couple of times and got herself under control. She faltered for a moment before saying, “I’m sorry.”
I pulled her to me and hugged her again. We clung to each other for a couple of minutes, neither saying a word, but there was no need for words. Besides, after ten years there were no more words to be said. Words wouldn’t bring him back.
Carla moved out of my hold. “You should come into the kitchen. I’ve got some news to tell everyone.” She changed the subject and managed to lighten the mood a little.
“Fuck, I hope you’re not going to tell us you’re getting married or some shit.”
She smacked me on the chest, and poked her tongue at me. “No, smartass, I’m not getting married.”
I laughed, and managed to shove some of the shit in my mind to the dark corners again; hidden just enough to be able to function.
She dragged me into the kitchen where the rest of our family was, and they greeted me with the usual Walker hospitality of ‘hey, asshole’ and ‘bout time you got here, dickhead’. I grumbled some shit back at them but my heart was warmed by the love I found in this room. It was a welcome distraction from everything else in my life at the moment.
“So,” Carla announced, “I’ve broken up with Jesse. For good this time.”
Relief laid a huge smile on my face; this was the best news I’d had in days. “Thank Christ for that.”
“Yeah, well, you were right about him, but don’t let that go to your head.”
“Shit, never say ‘you were right’ to Nash,” Erika chimed in.
“That’s the fucking truth,” Jamison agreed, “He’ll never let you forget it now.”
I raised my hands. “Nope, I promise not to remind you of just how often I’m right,” I winked at Carla, “but let the record show, it happens often.”
My mother rolled her eyes. “My cocky son. You haven’t changed much over the years.”
“And yet, you still love me just as much,” I joked with her.
“Most days. On the other days, I remind myself that there’s a nice guy in there somewhere.”
Erika chose this moment to bring up her issues with me. “I’m having one of those days with Nash today; reminding myself he’s not all bad.”
“You still going on about your neighbour?” I asked.
She put her hands on her hips and glared at me. “Yes, I’m still going on about that. Why did you confront him when I told you not to?”
