“You all right, son?” I was going to nod in response when a teenager that was almost as tall as me came around the corner. Tall and lanky, Dalen in person bore a striking resemblance to me when I was the same age. He had the same darker than gold skin tone and the same not quite brown or blond hair color as I did. His features took strongly from his father, but his eyes were like mine, a hazel that borrowed heavily from the ocean blue that his mother had been blessed with. He wasn’t a baby or a little boy anymore. He was a young man, a teenager with an obvious chip on his shoulder if the way he narrowed his eyes at me and tilted his head in blatant challenge was any indication. I’d missed watching my little brother grow up, missed watching him become someone that I knew I would be proud of, and while the desert was an easy place to forget about that, here in this house where I had grown up it was impossible to ignore.
I felt my mouth open, but no words came out. My brother and I stared at each other, me stunned and in shock as the real ramifications of my disappearance slammed into me hard enough to knock me over. Dalen didn’t look happy or relieved to see me, and I couldn’t blame him. I was a stranger … made one through my own bad choices.
“Hi. I’m Dalen.” He took a step towards Dixie and extended a hand. She gave the massive paw a shake and smiled at him. His voice was deep like Jules’s and echoed the same strong southern tones that colored all of our speech. The boy was good-looking and polite. I had a pang of worry that this town couldn’t appreciate everything he had going for him the way they had squandered my distinctive contributions. I never felt like I belonged anywhere until I joined the army and I didn’t want that for him.
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Dixie. I’m a friend of your brother’s.”
Dalen shot me a look from the corner of his eye as he let Dixie’s hand fall. “I would say I’ve heard a lot about you but that would be a lie. We haven’t heard much about anything where Dash is concerned in a long time. I had Calvin’s mom stop so I could pick up some barbecue for dinner when she picked us up after practice.” He turned so that his back was to me and asked Jules with scorn clearly threaded into his tone, “I already ate. Is it cool if I go do homework in my room?”
He didn’t want to be around me. I sucked in a sharp breath and gave Jules a little chin lift when he looked at me over his other son’s head. I wasn’t about to force the boy to endure my company or any kind of brotherly bonding.
“That’s fine but you aren’t going to make a habit of hiding out while your brother is home. I haven’t had both my boys under the same roof in way too long. You’re going to indulge your old man and let me enjoy having my family all together.” He clapped the teen on the shoulder and gave him a little shake. “We’ve got to get Dash out to one of your games while he’s here.”
Dalen snorted in a very teenaged way and stepped away from Jules. He shot me a scathing look and turned on his heel. “Like he suddenly cares what’s going on in our lives. He’s more worried about what’s happening to strangers in a different country than he is about what’s happening here. He wouldn’t have bothered to come home if Elma Mae hadn’t hurt herself.” The words were sharp and cutting. They were also far too cynical to come from someone so young.
“Dalen.” Jules didn’t even bother to sound like he was going to lay into the boy for putting the truth out there but he did sound exasperated, which let me know this wasn’t the first time my little brother had mentioned how he truly felt about my absence in his life.
I held up a hand before Jules could launch into dad mode. “It’s cool. Dalen doesn’t have to hang around if he doesn’t want to. He’s old enough to decide who he invests his time and energy in. I made some hard choices when I was close to his age and I can’t stand here and say I don’t regret most of them. I’m not going to force my company on you, Dalen, and I’m not going to ask you to pretend like you’re happy to see me if you aren’t.”
The kid gave me a look over his shoulder that spoke volumes. I had secret fears and insecurities that I struggled to keep at bay, so did my little brother, and me being home had more than mine rearing up and fighting to break free. He left us standing in the entryway locked in an awkward silence.
Jules sighed and lifted a hand so that he could rub it over the top of his head. “Sorry about that. I guess I shoulda warned you that he’s been a little out of sorts since I told him you were on your way home. He was so young when you shipped out … I don’t think he remembers that he used to look at you like you hung the moon and the stars.”
I grunted and reached for Dixie’s bag that he was still holding on to. “Can’t say I blame him. I did a shit job trying to be a part of his life these last ten years. I’d be pissed if I was in his shoes. You want this stuff in my old room?”
He dipped his chin in a nod. “Yeah. Haven’t changed it much since you left. Guess I wanted it to be familiar when you came back.” A wry grin tugged at his mouth and made his goatee twitch. “Reminds me of the good ole days when I stick my head in there.”
I cringed. “We had good ole days? I don’t recall those.” They were obscured by too much tragedy and misfortune. The bad memories tended to engulf the good ones. They fed on them like hungry vultures and left nothing but bones picked clean.
“Then you need to try harder, son. You two go and get settled. I’ll leave dinner in the kitchen. Don’t feel like you have to rush on my account. It sounds like you had a long trip to get here.”
I felt my mouth open, but no words came out. My brother and I stared at each other, me stunned and in shock as the real ramifications of my disappearance slammed into me hard enough to knock me over. Dalen didn’t look happy or relieved to see me, and I couldn’t blame him. I was a stranger … made one through my own bad choices.
“Hi. I’m Dalen.” He took a step towards Dixie and extended a hand. She gave the massive paw a shake and smiled at him. His voice was deep like Jules’s and echoed the same strong southern tones that colored all of our speech. The boy was good-looking and polite. I had a pang of worry that this town couldn’t appreciate everything he had going for him the way they had squandered my distinctive contributions. I never felt like I belonged anywhere until I joined the army and I didn’t want that for him.
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Dixie. I’m a friend of your brother’s.”
Dalen shot me a look from the corner of his eye as he let Dixie’s hand fall. “I would say I’ve heard a lot about you but that would be a lie. We haven’t heard much about anything where Dash is concerned in a long time. I had Calvin’s mom stop so I could pick up some barbecue for dinner when she picked us up after practice.” He turned so that his back was to me and asked Jules with scorn clearly threaded into his tone, “I already ate. Is it cool if I go do homework in my room?”
He didn’t want to be around me. I sucked in a sharp breath and gave Jules a little chin lift when he looked at me over his other son’s head. I wasn’t about to force the boy to endure my company or any kind of brotherly bonding.
“That’s fine but you aren’t going to make a habit of hiding out while your brother is home. I haven’t had both my boys under the same roof in way too long. You’re going to indulge your old man and let me enjoy having my family all together.” He clapped the teen on the shoulder and gave him a little shake. “We’ve got to get Dash out to one of your games while he’s here.”
Dalen snorted in a very teenaged way and stepped away from Jules. He shot me a scathing look and turned on his heel. “Like he suddenly cares what’s going on in our lives. He’s more worried about what’s happening to strangers in a different country than he is about what’s happening here. He wouldn’t have bothered to come home if Elma Mae hadn’t hurt herself.” The words were sharp and cutting. They were also far too cynical to come from someone so young.
“Dalen.” Jules didn’t even bother to sound like he was going to lay into the boy for putting the truth out there but he did sound exasperated, which let me know this wasn’t the first time my little brother had mentioned how he truly felt about my absence in his life.
I held up a hand before Jules could launch into dad mode. “It’s cool. Dalen doesn’t have to hang around if he doesn’t want to. He’s old enough to decide who he invests his time and energy in. I made some hard choices when I was close to his age and I can’t stand here and say I don’t regret most of them. I’m not going to force my company on you, Dalen, and I’m not going to ask you to pretend like you’re happy to see me if you aren’t.”
The kid gave me a look over his shoulder that spoke volumes. I had secret fears and insecurities that I struggled to keep at bay, so did my little brother, and me being home had more than mine rearing up and fighting to break free. He left us standing in the entryway locked in an awkward silence.
Jules sighed and lifted a hand so that he could rub it over the top of his head. “Sorry about that. I guess I shoulda warned you that he’s been a little out of sorts since I told him you were on your way home. He was so young when you shipped out … I don’t think he remembers that he used to look at you like you hung the moon and the stars.”
I grunted and reached for Dixie’s bag that he was still holding on to. “Can’t say I blame him. I did a shit job trying to be a part of his life these last ten years. I’d be pissed if I was in his shoes. You want this stuff in my old room?”
He dipped his chin in a nod. “Yeah. Haven’t changed it much since you left. Guess I wanted it to be familiar when you came back.” A wry grin tugged at his mouth and made his goatee twitch. “Reminds me of the good ole days when I stick my head in there.”
I cringed. “We had good ole days? I don’t recall those.” They were obscured by too much tragedy and misfortune. The bad memories tended to engulf the good ones. They fed on them like hungry vultures and left nothing but bones picked clean.
“Then you need to try harder, son. You two go and get settled. I’ll leave dinner in the kitchen. Don’t feel like you have to rush on my account. It sounds like you had a long trip to get here.”
