I put a hand on the door and made my way inside. The lights were down low but there was a glow from the heart monitor and other medical machines Kallie was hooked up to. She had the hospital bed elevated and she was partially sitting up with a tiny, blanket-wrapped bundle in her arms. When she caught sight of me she smiled and tilted her chin so that I would come closer. She looked tired and a little ragged but there was definitely a glow about her that made her look absolutely beautiful. Her hair was in a tangled mess on top of her head and she had shadows under her eyes, but her smile lit up the room and had me smiling back even though my heart was in my throat.
“How you feeling?” I took slow steps toward the bed, faltering when the baby started to fuss as he searched for comfort and food.
“Like I was sawed in half and superglued back together.” She lifted an eyebrow at me and her smile grew even bigger. “So never better.” She lifted a hand and motioned me closer. “Come meet Royce.” She brushed a finger over his cheek. “He looks just like Wheeler. I hope he gets his dimples.”
I let out a startled laugh that her thoughts mirrored my own. Those dimples were in high demand, it seemed.
It took me longer than it should have to get to the edge of the bed, and when I did I felt my heart fall right out of my chest and land at that little boy’s feet. His face was scrunched and irritated, red and splotchy, his eyes squeezed shut, and his miniature hands curled into fists where they rested against Kallie’s chest. He had a tuft of fuzzy hair on his head that was clearly the same reddish brown as his father’s. It was way too early to actually tell but my heart agreed with Kallie that he looked just like Wheeler. I felt like a fool for ever questioning whether or not I could handle loving someone that was so much a part of the man that lived inside of my heart. This little boy was created by the best man I had ever known, so there should have been no doubt that he would own me the second I laid eyes on him.
Tentatively, I reached out so I could rub my knuckle over his velvety soft cheek. “He’s beautiful. I’m so proud of both of you, Kallie.”
She blinked her eyes and I noticed they had tears in them. “I’m proud of you too, Poppy. I wasn’t sure you were going to come in.”
My smile was lopsided and my breath caught as Royce’s eyes flickered open and looked up at me. They were muddy, newborn blue, but I would bet good money they turned to pretty, pale blue as he got older. He was going to be a little mini-Wheeler and I was going to have a heartbreaker on my hands. “I thought it was going to hurt, that all I was going to feel was loss, but I don’t. All I feel is grateful you’re both okay, that he’s healthy and here. I’m lucky to have all of you in my life, lucky that you trust me to be in his. There is so much happiness and celebration happening inside of me right now that there is no room for that ache and the hurt.” It might come later when I was alone, when it was quiet and I had a chance to process everything, but for now all I felt was full of goodness and love for that little boy.
“You want to hold him? You should see him when Wheeler holds him. He looks like a little doll.” She snickered and lifted the baby up in my direction. “You might as well get used to it. I have a feeling you’ll be giving him plenty of brothers and sisters to play with in the not-so-distant future. Wheeler was born to be a family man and I’m so glad he found someone that can make all his dreams come true.”
I stared at the baby for a long minute trying to decide if I could actually take him from her. It felt like such a big step, one I knew I was going to have to take eventually, but that didn’t mean I felt prepared for it at all. As if sensing my hesitation, the baby started to wiggle, arms waving and body moving. Kallie made a startled noise and I reached out and grabbed him to make sure he was secure before I could think about what I was doing.
As soon as my hands wrapped around the precious bundle and his sweet, baby scent hit my nose, I knew it would all be okay. I pulled Royce to my chest, buried my nose in the curve of his neck, and blinked away the tears that flooded my eyes. He moved into my heart right next to his dad and I wasn’t at all surprised he took up nearly as much room.
The last of my demons were dead, crushed under the weight of my very full and overflowing heart.
I brushed a fingertip over one of the baby’s feather-soft eyebrows and told him in all seriousness, “I’m all in with you too, little man.” I couldn’t get any deeper in if I tried. I was drowning in love and it was the one time in my life I wasn’t wishing to be saved.
MY EYES SNAPPED open when the baby monitor next to the bed emitted a soft cry. Sometimes I thought I was dreaming when Royce started fussing in the middle of the night. I thought I was hearing another baby cry, one I would never get the chance to hold, to cuddle and care for. Those painful thoughts always quickly dissipated because there was an adorable baby boy that looked just like his daddy across the hallway that needed me to be present, not caught up in the web of what might have been.
Wheeler let out a groan from somewhere behind me and tightened the arm he had locked around my middle. His long legs shifted behind mine and I felt him roll over onto his back with a sigh. “I got him.” His voice was raspy with sleep but alert. I don’t think either one of us slept soundly when it was his week with Royce. The baby had just crossed the six-month mark, so Wheeler’s time with him had exponentially increased from when he was a newborn and had to spend the majority of his time with Kallie.
I pushed up from the warm cocoon of the covers and brushed my hair off my face. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and climbed to my feet. Wheeler looked up at me, pale blue eyes practically glowing up at me in the dark. I bent to find the T-shirt he had peeled off me hours earlier and slipped it on over my head, which made him groan again. I had to have a mini tug-of-war with Happy, who was curled up on the garment, in order to get it back. He was no longer a little dog, but his goofy disposition hadn’t changed one bit. He rolled on his back, legs in the air, kicking as I tried to get my shirt free. That sent all my naked parts jiggling and moving in ways that made Wheeler groan once more. This one sounded like he was actually suffering some kind of torture. It made me grin, so I put a hand on the bed and leaned over so I could touch my mouth lightly to his. “I got him. You have to work in the morning and I’m off. Go back to sleep.”
His eyes blinked at me, slow and sleepy. His mouth kicked into a grin, and even with the lack of light in the room, those dimples did me in. The monitor made another noise but now Royce was really awake and obviously agitated, so I heard him cry out from the other room. “You sure?”
“How you feeling?” I took slow steps toward the bed, faltering when the baby started to fuss as he searched for comfort and food.
“Like I was sawed in half and superglued back together.” She lifted an eyebrow at me and her smile grew even bigger. “So never better.” She lifted a hand and motioned me closer. “Come meet Royce.” She brushed a finger over his cheek. “He looks just like Wheeler. I hope he gets his dimples.”
I let out a startled laugh that her thoughts mirrored my own. Those dimples were in high demand, it seemed.
It took me longer than it should have to get to the edge of the bed, and when I did I felt my heart fall right out of my chest and land at that little boy’s feet. His face was scrunched and irritated, red and splotchy, his eyes squeezed shut, and his miniature hands curled into fists where they rested against Kallie’s chest. He had a tuft of fuzzy hair on his head that was clearly the same reddish brown as his father’s. It was way too early to actually tell but my heart agreed with Kallie that he looked just like Wheeler. I felt like a fool for ever questioning whether or not I could handle loving someone that was so much a part of the man that lived inside of my heart. This little boy was created by the best man I had ever known, so there should have been no doubt that he would own me the second I laid eyes on him.
Tentatively, I reached out so I could rub my knuckle over his velvety soft cheek. “He’s beautiful. I’m so proud of both of you, Kallie.”
She blinked her eyes and I noticed they had tears in them. “I’m proud of you too, Poppy. I wasn’t sure you were going to come in.”
My smile was lopsided and my breath caught as Royce’s eyes flickered open and looked up at me. They were muddy, newborn blue, but I would bet good money they turned to pretty, pale blue as he got older. He was going to be a little mini-Wheeler and I was going to have a heartbreaker on my hands. “I thought it was going to hurt, that all I was going to feel was loss, but I don’t. All I feel is grateful you’re both okay, that he’s healthy and here. I’m lucky to have all of you in my life, lucky that you trust me to be in his. There is so much happiness and celebration happening inside of me right now that there is no room for that ache and the hurt.” It might come later when I was alone, when it was quiet and I had a chance to process everything, but for now all I felt was full of goodness and love for that little boy.
“You want to hold him? You should see him when Wheeler holds him. He looks like a little doll.” She snickered and lifted the baby up in my direction. “You might as well get used to it. I have a feeling you’ll be giving him plenty of brothers and sisters to play with in the not-so-distant future. Wheeler was born to be a family man and I’m so glad he found someone that can make all his dreams come true.”
I stared at the baby for a long minute trying to decide if I could actually take him from her. It felt like such a big step, one I knew I was going to have to take eventually, but that didn’t mean I felt prepared for it at all. As if sensing my hesitation, the baby started to wiggle, arms waving and body moving. Kallie made a startled noise and I reached out and grabbed him to make sure he was secure before I could think about what I was doing.
As soon as my hands wrapped around the precious bundle and his sweet, baby scent hit my nose, I knew it would all be okay. I pulled Royce to my chest, buried my nose in the curve of his neck, and blinked away the tears that flooded my eyes. He moved into my heart right next to his dad and I wasn’t at all surprised he took up nearly as much room.
The last of my demons were dead, crushed under the weight of my very full and overflowing heart.
I brushed a fingertip over one of the baby’s feather-soft eyebrows and told him in all seriousness, “I’m all in with you too, little man.” I couldn’t get any deeper in if I tried. I was drowning in love and it was the one time in my life I wasn’t wishing to be saved.
MY EYES SNAPPED open when the baby monitor next to the bed emitted a soft cry. Sometimes I thought I was dreaming when Royce started fussing in the middle of the night. I thought I was hearing another baby cry, one I would never get the chance to hold, to cuddle and care for. Those painful thoughts always quickly dissipated because there was an adorable baby boy that looked just like his daddy across the hallway that needed me to be present, not caught up in the web of what might have been.
Wheeler let out a groan from somewhere behind me and tightened the arm he had locked around my middle. His long legs shifted behind mine and I felt him roll over onto his back with a sigh. “I got him.” His voice was raspy with sleep but alert. I don’t think either one of us slept soundly when it was his week with Royce. The baby had just crossed the six-month mark, so Wheeler’s time with him had exponentially increased from when he was a newborn and had to spend the majority of his time with Kallie.
I pushed up from the warm cocoon of the covers and brushed my hair off my face. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and climbed to my feet. Wheeler looked up at me, pale blue eyes practically glowing up at me in the dark. I bent to find the T-shirt he had peeled off me hours earlier and slipped it on over my head, which made him groan again. I had to have a mini tug-of-war with Happy, who was curled up on the garment, in order to get it back. He was no longer a little dog, but his goofy disposition hadn’t changed one bit. He rolled on his back, legs in the air, kicking as I tried to get my shirt free. That sent all my naked parts jiggling and moving in ways that made Wheeler groan once more. This one sounded like he was actually suffering some kind of torture. It made me grin, so I put a hand on the bed and leaned over so I could touch my mouth lightly to his. “I got him. You have to work in the morning and I’m off. Go back to sleep.”
His eyes blinked at me, slow and sleepy. His mouth kicked into a grin, and even with the lack of light in the room, those dimples did me in. The monitor made another noise but now Royce was really awake and obviously agitated, so I heard him cry out from the other room. “You sure?”
