Seductive Chaos
Page 47

I looked good. I grinned. This is what we had been working toward for the last five years.
My smile started to slip. I really didn’t see what the big deal was. Yeah, so the other guys were more in the background. So maybe you couldn’t see their faces clearly.
It was still a great freaking picture.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and automatically started to dial Vivian’s number. When it started to ring, I realized what I was doing and hung up.
I had just done it out of habit. Not a big deal. So what if I hadn’t spoken with her since Raleigh. The fact that I still haven’t hooked up with anyone else had absolutely nothing to do with her and everything to do with the fact that I had been so damn busy.
I ran my hands through my hair and sighed. Despite my arguments to the contrary, I couldn’t deny that I wanted to tell her about the CD. I wanted to talk to her about all this stuff going on with the band.
I didn’t realize how much I liked having someone to listen to my shit until I didn’t have that certain someone anymore.
What would it hurt to call her? It’s not like I was asking her to fly out and f**k me.
Though if she wanted to, I’d fly her out in an instant.
I had to rearrange my junk. My pants had gotten uncomfortably tight all of a sudden.
No, I just wanted to check in and make sure she hadn’t gone off the deep end. I bet she was depressed. Eating her weight in ice cream and watching chick flicks. It was only right that I make sure she didn’t do something stupid in her misery over losing me.
I mean, we may not be screwing anymore, but I still cared about what happened to her. And I was convinced that she was probably wallowing in bed.
I dialed Vivian’s number again and listened to it ring. Yeah, this was just me being a nice guy.
“Hello.”
My chest twisted and my gut knotted up.
“Vivian! Hey! I was just calling-”
“You’ve reached my voicemail. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” Beep!
I turned off my phone and dropped it onto the bed beside me. I looked at the Generation Rejects CD again. Where was the pride? The excitement? The over the moon f**king joy?
I was king of the castle but the crown was proving to be pretty damn heavy.
Jordan and the other guys weren’t really talking to me. I felt like the invisible man. Personally I thought I wasn’t the only one that could be accused of a big ego.
I had done the Spin interview and then Primal Terror had asked me to sing a song with them a couple of shows ago and now it had become part of their set. The crowd had eaten it up.
Then I had done some press for the label. But it’s not like the rest of the band weren’t there. But I had answered most of the questions. It had just seemed to be the natural thing to do.
And last night, a local newspaper in De Moines had interviewed us and the reporter had called us “Cole Brandt and the Generation Rejects.” Mitch had jumped all over that one.
“We’re just the Generation Rejects,” he had said angrily. I rolled my eyes, annoyed by his attitude.
And when Jose suggested I start writing some songs for the band, Garrett had put down his guitar and walked off.
“How’s it going?” Jose asked, sitting down beside me. I was hanging out on the loading dock while the roadies set up our equipment for tonight’s gig. We were due to go on stage in three hours.
“It’s going,” I said. I wish I smoked. I could use something to do with my hands. I was feeling antsy and jittery. And not remotely pumped like I normally was before a show.
“I spoke with the other guys a few minutes ago. They mentioned you wouldn’t come to sound check.”
Of course they’d make me out to be a f**king diva. Like I was the one with the bad attitude. I felt myself getting angry all over again.
“They didn’t like my suggestion to try out the new song. They told me to take a hike. So I did. I don’t need that shit,” I defended. All I had done was say we should try out the song Garrett and I had written a couple of weeks ago with an added vocal run at the end. I thought it would go over well with the audience. Jordan and Mitch had said it was just another excuse to make the set all about me.
There had been some yelling. I may or may not have told them to go f**k themselves. And yeah, I had left. Needing some space wasn’t a crime. And it definitely didn’t make me the bad guy.
“Understood. But you need to be a professional and get your ass back in there. If they want to act like children, so be it. But that doesn’t mean you have to. I want to see you succeed, Cole. And sometimes that means rising above the bullshit,” Jose said, clasping me on the back.
Lately it seemed Jose Suarez was the only one who had my back. My friends had turned on me. Vivian had left me. Despite how popular I was becoming, I was really f**king lonely.
“Thanks, man,” I said. Jose nodded and left me to go talk to the roadies.
I stared down at my phone, scrolling through my contacts. I had no one to call. Everyone I would have normally talked to weren’t currently speaking to me.
I shoved my phone back in my pocket and went around to the front of the venue where a small crowd of people had already congregated.
I was recognized pretty quickly and the sound of female squeals did a lot to alleviate my sour mood.
A girl caught my eye instantly. I startled at the sight of her from behind. Her long, strawberry-blonde hair hung down her back and I could have sworn it was Vivian.
My heart started beating frantically and I headed towards her quickly. What was Vivian doing here? My joy was immediate and overwhelming.