Seductive Chaos
Page 83
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Gracie’s eyes were troubled. “He’s always that close, Viv. Even when you pushed him away.”
I chewed on my bottom lip stared down at my hands. “He told me he loved me,” I admitted in a whisper.
Gracie sat back down heavily. “He what?” she gasped.
“He said he loved me.”
“Wow.” I looked up at my friend and she seemed almost as dazed as I was.
“I’m pretty sure he wants us to be together,” I finished.
“You’re pretty sure? What does that mean?”
“It means we didn’t have a chance to really talk about it! I kicked him out!” I threw my hands into the air in frustration.
Gracie started to giggle. I looked at her sharply and she covered her mouth. But then she was laughing hysterically. And then I joined her. We were laughing like a couple of mentally unstable hyenas.
“You two are absurd!” Gracie chortled.
“I know!” I agreed.
“You seriously belong together. There’s no one out there that will ever put up with either of you for very long,” Gracie continued, settling down.
“Hey!” I whined, not liking the sound of that at all.
“It’s the truth! Look at yourself. Look at how you are together! You’re both overdramatic, narcissistic, attention seeking fools.” I started to bristle at the insult, even if I got the impression she didn’t mean it as one.
I wasn’t narcissistic was I? I could be dramatic. But narcissistic? Really?
“You’re both stubborn and unyielding. And 100% made for each other.”
“But the other women. . .” I started to say.
“Yeah, there’s that,” she said, getting serious.
“How can I ever trust him?” I asked, my voice a plea.
Gracie shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I could ever get past all that. But I’m not you. And I can’t pretend to understand the crazy dynamics of your relationship. Trust is something you will obviously have to work on if you want to be together. It will take time. Do you want to be with him?”
Did I want to be with Cole?
He drove me crazy. I hated and loved him in equal measure. He lit me on fire and stoked the flame.
When we were together, I didn’t want to be anywhere else.
When we were apart, I only wanted to be with him again.
Did I want to be with him? Yes I did. But at what cost to myself?
“I think I do. I just don’t know if I’m up for it.” I clenched my hands together in my lap.
“I guess you have your answer then. It doesn’t really matter what anyone else has to say about it. I can’t pretend to understand why you’d want to put yourself through that. But I’ll support you anyway. It’s what friends do. And if he ever touches another woman, I’ll break each and every one of his fingers. . .slowly. . .one at a time. Just for you, Viv,” Gracie promised, grinning.
I chuckled. “Good to know.”
23
I was back in Bakersville putting on my tuxedo. My nuts felt like they were in a vice and I was pretty sure I had picked up the wrong sized monkey suit.
I straightened the shiny silver tie and took the ring out of my lip. My hair was wild, but there wasn’t much I could do about that.
I looked like a f**king waiter.
The things guys did for the chicks they loved.
I smoothed out the collar and figured it was about as good as it was going to get.
I slung my black jacket over my shoulder and headed out the door.
Time for my grand gesture.
I just hoped I didn’t take a kick to the gut for the effort.
Four days ago I had been in New York. Four days ago I had finally figured out what I was going to do.
I had finally manned up and made a decision.
And it had been f**king liberating.
After playing with the guys at Garrett’s, not much more was said about the upcoming meeting and what we planned to do. We left it open ended and up in the air. Not the best plan when you were sitting down with your record label to talk about the future of your music.
But we were all still little too volatile. And even though we had a moment where we came together in total synch the way we always had been able to, it didn’t erase the months of bad blood that had built between us.
So I had left that day and gone home and packed for New York.
Jose met me at the airport on Tuesday around lunchtime. I had just landed and sent a quick text to Vivian. She had responded immediately. And even though the text had been short, it still made me happy.
I wasn’t sure with how we left things whether she would have written back at all.
But she had. And that gave me a sliver of hope on this otherwise shitty day.
I had flown up by myself. Jose had insisted that I come in before the other guys. He had arranged for someone to collect Jordan, Mitch, and Garrett just before the meeting.
“You and I have some shit to discuss,” Jose declared, steering me towards a black sedan. I threw my overnight bag in the back. I hadn’t known exactly what would happen once I got to New York, so I had come prepared to stay over. If things went south, I wasn’t sure I could head back to Bakersville right away.
Who knows where I’d end up?
“You are one hard ass**le to get ahold of. Is there a reason you haven’t returned any of my calls? I need to know what you’re planning to do today. I have people on the line waiting to know what you decide, Cole. This isn’t how shit is done!” Jose said tersely. He clenched his teeth as he wove through traffic.
I chewed on my bottom lip stared down at my hands. “He told me he loved me,” I admitted in a whisper.
Gracie sat back down heavily. “He what?” she gasped.
“He said he loved me.”
“Wow.” I looked up at my friend and she seemed almost as dazed as I was.
“I’m pretty sure he wants us to be together,” I finished.
“You’re pretty sure? What does that mean?”
“It means we didn’t have a chance to really talk about it! I kicked him out!” I threw my hands into the air in frustration.
Gracie started to giggle. I looked at her sharply and she covered her mouth. But then she was laughing hysterically. And then I joined her. We were laughing like a couple of mentally unstable hyenas.
“You two are absurd!” Gracie chortled.
“I know!” I agreed.
“You seriously belong together. There’s no one out there that will ever put up with either of you for very long,” Gracie continued, settling down.
“Hey!” I whined, not liking the sound of that at all.
“It’s the truth! Look at yourself. Look at how you are together! You’re both overdramatic, narcissistic, attention seeking fools.” I started to bristle at the insult, even if I got the impression she didn’t mean it as one.
I wasn’t narcissistic was I? I could be dramatic. But narcissistic? Really?
“You’re both stubborn and unyielding. And 100% made for each other.”
“But the other women. . .” I started to say.
“Yeah, there’s that,” she said, getting serious.
“How can I ever trust him?” I asked, my voice a plea.
Gracie shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I could ever get past all that. But I’m not you. And I can’t pretend to understand the crazy dynamics of your relationship. Trust is something you will obviously have to work on if you want to be together. It will take time. Do you want to be with him?”
Did I want to be with Cole?
He drove me crazy. I hated and loved him in equal measure. He lit me on fire and stoked the flame.
When we were together, I didn’t want to be anywhere else.
When we were apart, I only wanted to be with him again.
Did I want to be with him? Yes I did. But at what cost to myself?
“I think I do. I just don’t know if I’m up for it.” I clenched my hands together in my lap.
“I guess you have your answer then. It doesn’t really matter what anyone else has to say about it. I can’t pretend to understand why you’d want to put yourself through that. But I’ll support you anyway. It’s what friends do. And if he ever touches another woman, I’ll break each and every one of his fingers. . .slowly. . .one at a time. Just for you, Viv,” Gracie promised, grinning.
I chuckled. “Good to know.”
23
I was back in Bakersville putting on my tuxedo. My nuts felt like they were in a vice and I was pretty sure I had picked up the wrong sized monkey suit.
I straightened the shiny silver tie and took the ring out of my lip. My hair was wild, but there wasn’t much I could do about that.
I looked like a f**king waiter.
The things guys did for the chicks they loved.
I smoothed out the collar and figured it was about as good as it was going to get.
I slung my black jacket over my shoulder and headed out the door.
Time for my grand gesture.
I just hoped I didn’t take a kick to the gut for the effort.
Four days ago I had been in New York. Four days ago I had finally figured out what I was going to do.
I had finally manned up and made a decision.
And it had been f**king liberating.
After playing with the guys at Garrett’s, not much more was said about the upcoming meeting and what we planned to do. We left it open ended and up in the air. Not the best plan when you were sitting down with your record label to talk about the future of your music.
But we were all still little too volatile. And even though we had a moment where we came together in total synch the way we always had been able to, it didn’t erase the months of bad blood that had built between us.
So I had left that day and gone home and packed for New York.
Jose met me at the airport on Tuesday around lunchtime. I had just landed and sent a quick text to Vivian. She had responded immediately. And even though the text had been short, it still made me happy.
I wasn’t sure with how we left things whether she would have written back at all.
But she had. And that gave me a sliver of hope on this otherwise shitty day.
I had flown up by myself. Jose had insisted that I come in before the other guys. He had arranged for someone to collect Jordan, Mitch, and Garrett just before the meeting.
“You and I have some shit to discuss,” Jose declared, steering me towards a black sedan. I threw my overnight bag in the back. I hadn’t known exactly what would happen once I got to New York, so I had come prepared to stay over. If things went south, I wasn’t sure I could head back to Bakersville right away.
Who knows where I’d end up?
“You are one hard ass**le to get ahold of. Is there a reason you haven’t returned any of my calls? I need to know what you’re planning to do today. I have people on the line waiting to know what you decide, Cole. This isn’t how shit is done!” Jose said tersely. He clenched his teeth as he wove through traffic.
