“You don’t need me. You’re gonna end up leaving my biker trash ass,” I choke out. I can’t help it. This is some scary shit. Never has a women grabbed a hold of me like her and I don’t want that feeling to ever go away.
“Why would I do that? I love you.”
“You’re too good for me. You don’t belong in my world. Fuck, is it hot in here?” I say shrugging outta my cut.
What in the hell is happening to me?
“I don’t belong in your world,” she repeats in disbelief. “I’m too good for you? I’m a murderer and a woman who was repeatedly raped, Brax. And even after all that, you still want me and you still love me. You’re scaring me. I can’t lose you too Brax. I can’t do it. Not after Lana. I just can’t; please don’t leave me because you think I’m too good for you and you think I don’t belong here with you. Please, please don’t,” she cries. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the money. I just want it because my mother left it for me. We don’t even have to spend it. I won’t spend it. Just don’t force me away.”
She thinks this is because she’s rich? Fuck, I’ve never made her cry. Not because of me. Not because of something I’ve said. Yeah, not liking this feeling either. Stupid f**king feelings. I don’t understand them.
“I’m sorry, Angel. I’m sorry I said that. I don’t mean it. Fuck, I don’t mean any of that. C’mere,” I rush out. I just need to hold her and take everything I just made her feel away.
“You made my heart hurt,” she sobs out.
“I’m so f**king sorry, baby,” I say wrapping her in my arms. “I’m not gonna lie and say that your money doesn’t intimidate me because it does.”
“I don’t know why. You probably have that in the gold pipeline, probably even more.”
Uh my woman has ears. “Yeah but the man is still supposed to take care of the woman.” I laugh, stroking her back.
“I thought we weren’t the usual kind of couple? That falls under pretenses that aren’t like us, Brax.”
Dammit, why does she do that? Always justifies shit.
“You’re right. We’re not. Let’s agree to just love, spoil and f**k one another equally, yeah?”
She looks up, her gold eyes trained on me, wide, serious and staring straight into the depths of my soul.
“Don’t leave me, Brax.”
“Never,” I say truthfully.
She’s my Winter for my hottest summer days. She’s the Angel for my hell. I will never leave her. She will have to do the leaving and even if she did leave, she’d still own every single inch of me.
31
It’s been three days since I’ve talked to my uncle and he released my money. As per our agreement with the lawyers, they are not responsible or liable for any future lawsuits because they released my money early. I needed someone to sign in that place and to my shock, my uncle did. It’s a shock because if my mother were to ever come around, ever find this out, and be angry about it, he would be responsible for paying back what I spent between those years.
I imagine this is why he made me agree to one holiday a year. He wants to be able to find me and still know everything there is to know about me. I don’t blame him. It’s a lot of money. I have access to Lana’s account and I have donated her trust fund that to an advocate program for victims of violence. I obviously did the donation through her stage name. Victims who receive care and treatment will think of the woman named Hazel who helped changed their life. That is the best feeling in the world. I know deep down it was the right thing to do. I know I would have her complete blessing on it too.
Braxxon is out on club business or so he says. He didn’t take anyone with him and that’s not like him when he’s out on club business. I trust him. I really do. It’s just that he’s up to something and I can’t figure out what it is. Ever since our conversation the other day, I’ve been on edge that he’s gonna end up leaving me. I know he will never cheat on me now that we’ve said I love you, but he will leave me if he feels it’s better for me and that’s one scary feeling to have.
My love for him is so deep and so powerful it alone owns me.
Tatiana graduated yesterday and it was so touching to be able to share that with her. It was a piece of normality that I needed. The fact that I’m still sane is a miracle. This has been the roughest year of my life. I hope the chaos and bad shit stays in this year too and leaves my future alone.
I’m sitting on the couch in the community room surfing through spas on my laptop. I want to give Tatiana a spa weekend with Berry for her graduation. I want Berry to be the one to take her because I feel like Berry could use it. She lost her husband and she has been so good to me; she deserves some R&R.
“Winter,” Rap says walking up to me. “Someone’s at the gate saying she’s Tatiana’s mother. I can’t find any of the brothers and you’re the only ol’ lady around. I’m getting ready to call ZZ, but this bitch is persistent.”
“Shit. Okay. Call ZZ and I’ll hold her off,” I say closing my laptop. “Just like any other day, nothing but drama. How much longer you got left, Rap?”
He smiles. “Just one month.”
I hope they vote him in. He sure as hell deserves it.
“Good. All right, is this woman hostile? Do I need my gun or anything?”
“Why would I do that? I love you.”
“You’re too good for me. You don’t belong in my world. Fuck, is it hot in here?” I say shrugging outta my cut.
What in the hell is happening to me?
“I don’t belong in your world,” she repeats in disbelief. “I’m too good for you? I’m a murderer and a woman who was repeatedly raped, Brax. And even after all that, you still want me and you still love me. You’re scaring me. I can’t lose you too Brax. I can’t do it. Not after Lana. I just can’t; please don’t leave me because you think I’m too good for you and you think I don’t belong here with you. Please, please don’t,” she cries. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the money. I just want it because my mother left it for me. We don’t even have to spend it. I won’t spend it. Just don’t force me away.”
She thinks this is because she’s rich? Fuck, I’ve never made her cry. Not because of me. Not because of something I’ve said. Yeah, not liking this feeling either. Stupid f**king feelings. I don’t understand them.
“I’m sorry, Angel. I’m sorry I said that. I don’t mean it. Fuck, I don’t mean any of that. C’mere,” I rush out. I just need to hold her and take everything I just made her feel away.
“You made my heart hurt,” she sobs out.
“I’m so f**king sorry, baby,” I say wrapping her in my arms. “I’m not gonna lie and say that your money doesn’t intimidate me because it does.”
“I don’t know why. You probably have that in the gold pipeline, probably even more.”
Uh my woman has ears. “Yeah but the man is still supposed to take care of the woman.” I laugh, stroking her back.
“I thought we weren’t the usual kind of couple? That falls under pretenses that aren’t like us, Brax.”
Dammit, why does she do that? Always justifies shit.
“You’re right. We’re not. Let’s agree to just love, spoil and f**k one another equally, yeah?”
She looks up, her gold eyes trained on me, wide, serious and staring straight into the depths of my soul.
“Don’t leave me, Brax.”
“Never,” I say truthfully.
She’s my Winter for my hottest summer days. She’s the Angel for my hell. I will never leave her. She will have to do the leaving and even if she did leave, she’d still own every single inch of me.
31
It’s been three days since I’ve talked to my uncle and he released my money. As per our agreement with the lawyers, they are not responsible or liable for any future lawsuits because they released my money early. I needed someone to sign in that place and to my shock, my uncle did. It’s a shock because if my mother were to ever come around, ever find this out, and be angry about it, he would be responsible for paying back what I spent between those years.
I imagine this is why he made me agree to one holiday a year. He wants to be able to find me and still know everything there is to know about me. I don’t blame him. It’s a lot of money. I have access to Lana’s account and I have donated her trust fund that to an advocate program for victims of violence. I obviously did the donation through her stage name. Victims who receive care and treatment will think of the woman named Hazel who helped changed their life. That is the best feeling in the world. I know deep down it was the right thing to do. I know I would have her complete blessing on it too.
Braxxon is out on club business or so he says. He didn’t take anyone with him and that’s not like him when he’s out on club business. I trust him. I really do. It’s just that he’s up to something and I can’t figure out what it is. Ever since our conversation the other day, I’ve been on edge that he’s gonna end up leaving me. I know he will never cheat on me now that we’ve said I love you, but he will leave me if he feels it’s better for me and that’s one scary feeling to have.
My love for him is so deep and so powerful it alone owns me.
Tatiana graduated yesterday and it was so touching to be able to share that with her. It was a piece of normality that I needed. The fact that I’m still sane is a miracle. This has been the roughest year of my life. I hope the chaos and bad shit stays in this year too and leaves my future alone.
I’m sitting on the couch in the community room surfing through spas on my laptop. I want to give Tatiana a spa weekend with Berry for her graduation. I want Berry to be the one to take her because I feel like Berry could use it. She lost her husband and she has been so good to me; she deserves some R&R.
“Winter,” Rap says walking up to me. “Someone’s at the gate saying she’s Tatiana’s mother. I can’t find any of the brothers and you’re the only ol’ lady around. I’m getting ready to call ZZ, but this bitch is persistent.”
“Shit. Okay. Call ZZ and I’ll hold her off,” I say closing my laptop. “Just like any other day, nothing but drama. How much longer you got left, Rap?”
He smiles. “Just one month.”
I hope they vote him in. He sure as hell deserves it.
“Good. All right, is this woman hostile? Do I need my gun or anything?”
