Shade swallowed hard. His worst fear was losing their child, losing that connection with Lily. Now Shade understood why Fat Louise had been staring at Lily.
Lily enfolded Fat Louise in her arms.
“I know I should be getting over it since I was only two months along, but I had already picked out names, and I was pestering Crazy Bitch to take me shopping for a crib. I love babies. I’ve always wanted a lot, and I didn’t miss Cade as much when I felt his baby in me.”
After several minutes, Fat Louise managed to gather herself.
Lily released her, taking her hand. “There’s no need to be jealous.” She placed Fat Louise’s hand on her stomach. “We can share. I know nothing will replace the one you lost, but when you want one to hug or love, you can hold this one. He needs a godmother,” Lily said hesitantly.
Shade felt a lump in his throat as he stared at his wife. She amazed him more each day. Lily didn’t have a selfish bone in her body. She was willing to share the most precious thing to her with a woman who had lost her own. Lily’s first instinct was to help heal the void left behind.
He knew Fat Louise was hurting; however, he hadn’t felt any emotion for her other than the increasing fear he had about Lily losing the child she carried. He had known all along he wasn’t worthy of Lily yet had always swept the thought away. It would not change anything, because the one thing he couldn’t and wouldn’t do was let her go. Ever.
“I would be honored.”
“That’s settled then.” She looked toward Cade before dropping her voice. “Cade is throwing me dirty looks. He thinks I’ve upset you.”
Shade straightened, walking toward Cade. Stud and Dozer were talking to him, but they broke off when he neared.
“Shade,” Stud greeted him.
“Stud, Dozer.” Shade returned the greeting.
“You met Traveler yet?” Stud asked.
“Briefly.” Shade gave him a nod.
“He was one of the men on the helicopter who rescued us in Mexico,” Cade explained briefly.
“Your kid picked the biggest pumpkin,” Shade remarked to Stud, watching Sex Piston struggle to lift the large pumpkin.
Stud stood up. “I better go help.” He grinned as he left.
Dozer stood up also, going to help with the pumpkins Stud’s girls were struggling to carry.
Shade turned back to Lily, seeing Fat Louise smiling at her.
“She yours?” Cade asked.
“Yeah, she’s mine.” Shade lifted his hand with his wedding ring. “You and Fat Louise?”
“Depends who you’re asking.”
“I’m asking you.” Shade lifted a brow.
“Then, yes, she’s mine.”
Shade’s lips quirked. “How you getting along with the rest of the crew?”
“Depends on what day of the week it is.”
Both men were still laughing when Lily stood, throwing the cups away before coming toward him with a mischievous smile.
“I wish Jane would look at me that way,” Cade said softly.
“Wishes are like rainbows; they’re always going to be out of reach. Jane is sitting right there, so there’s nothing stopping you from putting that smile on her face.”
Chapter 84
“How was the drive back with Cash?” Lily looked up from doing the dishes.
Shade walked behind her, slipping his arms around her waist and placing his hands on her abdomen. Every time he touched her, he felt a surge of possession go through his body.
“Pretty well considering he spent four months in a rehabilitation center. We stopped and he went in to see his grandmother before we brought him back to the clubhouse.” He released her as she dried her hands on a dish towel.
“I love his grandmother. I bet she was happy to see him.”
“I couldn’t tell. She was too busy giving him a hard time over Rachel.”
“She’s grown attached to Rachel since she’s been living with her,” Lily defended her.
Shade shook his head at his wife, hugging her close. “Could you just once agree with me about someone?”
Lily giggled. “I will when you’re right. Was Rachel there?”
Shaded nodded. “She didn’t say more than she was glad he was out.”
“I can’t say I blame her after he humiliated her at Mrs. Langley’s party.”
“Cash let his temper get away from him, and he regrets it. Rachel might as well get over it and move on.”
“It’s not so easy for women to get over being hurt that way. This is a small town, and Rachel’s dealt with the gossip about her family selling weed her whole life. She didn’t need Cash making her first time fodder for the local gossips,” Lily snapped angrily.
“Why are you getting mad at me? I wasn’t the one who did it.”
“You’re the one taking up for him.”
“I’m not taking up for him. What’s going on between Rachel and Cash is between them.”
“There is no Rachel and Cash.”
“If you say so. How was work at the church store today?”
When Lily sighed, moving to the living room then going out the front door and closing it behind her, Shade followed.
“Why did you just walk off and leave without answering me?”
“I thought that was what you wanted.”
Shade sighed.
Lily angrily spun around to face him. “Don’t do that!”
Shade stared at her in surprise. “Do what?”
“Patronize me. I’m not a child,” she snapped, stomping her foot.
“Then don’t act like one.”
Lily stormed past him, running into the house and up the stairs to the bedroom.
Shade followed her again, swallowing down his anger and trying to figure out what had set her off. He had heard pregnant women became overly emotional, so perhaps her behavior was hormones. He was going to have to research it and find out.
“What are you doing now?”
“I’m going to take a shower and go to bed. I have a headache.”
“Oh, that’s why you’re acting—”
“Like a child?” Lily finished for him. She sat down on the side of the bed, staring up at him with unhappy eyes. “You treat me like one all the time. If I become angry about something, you change the subject. If I don’t like something, you fix it. You’re constantly trying to make me happy.”
“And all of that is what’s making you angry?”
“Yes, because it’s not normal the way you do it.”
Shade went ice-cold at her words.
“You don’t try to make yourself happy. You’re going to become bored and find someone else who does things the way you like them without giving me a chance to prove I can handle things on my own.” Lily stared down at the nightgown in her hands.
Shade knelt down in front of her. “I didn’t realize I was doing that.”
Lily reached out to touch his cheek then let her hand fall to the bed. “Shade, you’ve already won my heart, so you don’t have to keep fighting for it anymore. There’s nothing left to win.”
“Yes, there is,” Shade said softly. “Lily, are you happy?”
Lily enfolded Fat Louise in her arms.
“I know I should be getting over it since I was only two months along, but I had already picked out names, and I was pestering Crazy Bitch to take me shopping for a crib. I love babies. I’ve always wanted a lot, and I didn’t miss Cade as much when I felt his baby in me.”
After several minutes, Fat Louise managed to gather herself.
Lily released her, taking her hand. “There’s no need to be jealous.” She placed Fat Louise’s hand on her stomach. “We can share. I know nothing will replace the one you lost, but when you want one to hug or love, you can hold this one. He needs a godmother,” Lily said hesitantly.
Shade felt a lump in his throat as he stared at his wife. She amazed him more each day. Lily didn’t have a selfish bone in her body. She was willing to share the most precious thing to her with a woman who had lost her own. Lily’s first instinct was to help heal the void left behind.
He knew Fat Louise was hurting; however, he hadn’t felt any emotion for her other than the increasing fear he had about Lily losing the child she carried. He had known all along he wasn’t worthy of Lily yet had always swept the thought away. It would not change anything, because the one thing he couldn’t and wouldn’t do was let her go. Ever.
“I would be honored.”
“That’s settled then.” She looked toward Cade before dropping her voice. “Cade is throwing me dirty looks. He thinks I’ve upset you.”
Shade straightened, walking toward Cade. Stud and Dozer were talking to him, but they broke off when he neared.
“Shade,” Stud greeted him.
“Stud, Dozer.” Shade returned the greeting.
“You met Traveler yet?” Stud asked.
“Briefly.” Shade gave him a nod.
“He was one of the men on the helicopter who rescued us in Mexico,” Cade explained briefly.
“Your kid picked the biggest pumpkin,” Shade remarked to Stud, watching Sex Piston struggle to lift the large pumpkin.
Stud stood up. “I better go help.” He grinned as he left.
Dozer stood up also, going to help with the pumpkins Stud’s girls were struggling to carry.
Shade turned back to Lily, seeing Fat Louise smiling at her.
“She yours?” Cade asked.
“Yeah, she’s mine.” Shade lifted his hand with his wedding ring. “You and Fat Louise?”
“Depends who you’re asking.”
“I’m asking you.” Shade lifted a brow.
“Then, yes, she’s mine.”
Shade’s lips quirked. “How you getting along with the rest of the crew?”
“Depends on what day of the week it is.”
Both men were still laughing when Lily stood, throwing the cups away before coming toward him with a mischievous smile.
“I wish Jane would look at me that way,” Cade said softly.
“Wishes are like rainbows; they’re always going to be out of reach. Jane is sitting right there, so there’s nothing stopping you from putting that smile on her face.”
Chapter 84
“How was the drive back with Cash?” Lily looked up from doing the dishes.
Shade walked behind her, slipping his arms around her waist and placing his hands on her abdomen. Every time he touched her, he felt a surge of possession go through his body.
“Pretty well considering he spent four months in a rehabilitation center. We stopped and he went in to see his grandmother before we brought him back to the clubhouse.” He released her as she dried her hands on a dish towel.
“I love his grandmother. I bet she was happy to see him.”
“I couldn’t tell. She was too busy giving him a hard time over Rachel.”
“She’s grown attached to Rachel since she’s been living with her,” Lily defended her.
Shade shook his head at his wife, hugging her close. “Could you just once agree with me about someone?”
Lily giggled. “I will when you’re right. Was Rachel there?”
Shaded nodded. “She didn’t say more than she was glad he was out.”
“I can’t say I blame her after he humiliated her at Mrs. Langley’s party.”
“Cash let his temper get away from him, and he regrets it. Rachel might as well get over it and move on.”
“It’s not so easy for women to get over being hurt that way. This is a small town, and Rachel’s dealt with the gossip about her family selling weed her whole life. She didn’t need Cash making her first time fodder for the local gossips,” Lily snapped angrily.
“Why are you getting mad at me? I wasn’t the one who did it.”
“You’re the one taking up for him.”
“I’m not taking up for him. What’s going on between Rachel and Cash is between them.”
“There is no Rachel and Cash.”
“If you say so. How was work at the church store today?”
When Lily sighed, moving to the living room then going out the front door and closing it behind her, Shade followed.
“Why did you just walk off and leave without answering me?”
“I thought that was what you wanted.”
Shade sighed.
Lily angrily spun around to face him. “Don’t do that!”
Shade stared at her in surprise. “Do what?”
“Patronize me. I’m not a child,” she snapped, stomping her foot.
“Then don’t act like one.”
Lily stormed past him, running into the house and up the stairs to the bedroom.
Shade followed her again, swallowing down his anger and trying to figure out what had set her off. He had heard pregnant women became overly emotional, so perhaps her behavior was hormones. He was going to have to research it and find out.
“What are you doing now?”
“I’m going to take a shower and go to bed. I have a headache.”
“Oh, that’s why you’re acting—”
“Like a child?” Lily finished for him. She sat down on the side of the bed, staring up at him with unhappy eyes. “You treat me like one all the time. If I become angry about something, you change the subject. If I don’t like something, you fix it. You’re constantly trying to make me happy.”
“And all of that is what’s making you angry?”
“Yes, because it’s not normal the way you do it.”
Shade went ice-cold at her words.
“You don’t try to make yourself happy. You’re going to become bored and find someone else who does things the way you like them without giving me a chance to prove I can handle things on my own.” Lily stared down at the nightgown in her hands.
Shade knelt down in front of her. “I didn’t realize I was doing that.”
Lily reached out to touch his cheek then let her hand fall to the bed. “Shade, you’ve already won my heart, so you don’t have to keep fighting for it anymore. There’s nothing left to win.”
“Yes, there is,” Shade said softly. “Lily, are you happy?”
