Sincerely, Carter
Page 52
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“Can I address everyone for a second?” Sean tapped his cup with a spoon as he stood up.
Nicole smiled at me, Carter sipped his beer and looked away.
“First,” Sean said. “Thank you all for being so welcoming. Ari’s told me a lot about you all.”
“Clearly not enough…” Carter muttered and Sean shot me a look.
I smiled and shrugged, mouthing, “Ignore him.”
He kissed my lips before continuing. “I’ve lost all of my family in a horrific accident…All of my friends, too…” He winced. “So it means a lot to be around people who remind me that life isn’t all terrible…”
Nicole put her hand over her heart.
“Anyway…it’s taken years for me to get to a decent place, to feel like living life again,” he said, turning to look at me. “And I promised myself that if I found someone who made me feel something again, a feeling that I couldn’t ignore, that I would seize the moment because I know, personally, that life is way too short to wait to say something…”
Carter narrowed his eyes at Sean, leaning back in his chair.
Josh took a huge gulp of his drink.
“We haven’t known each other that long, Arizona, but…” He clasped my hand. “There’s something about you, about us, that makes me feel alive again. I’m not proposing, don’t worry—” He laughed. “But I am promising you that if you agree to be mine, I’ll be faithful and loyal to you for as long as we’re together.” He pulled out a small ring, a silver and gold band with an emerald jewel. “This is a promise ring…Do you accept?”
Smiling, I nodded and he placed it onto my finger—kissing my lips as everyone around the table clapped. Minus Josh and Carter.
Josh was shaking his head, murmuring. “This is exactly why I need weed…Even my blood pressure is going up...” He stood up from the table and forced a smile. “Congratulations, I’ll be right back. I need to get something out of my car.”
Sean kissed me again and sat down next to me. “I’m glad you accepted.”
“I’m glad I did, too.” I smiled back and took his plate. “I’m going to get more dessert from inside. You want anything?”
“Another mini-waffle.”
“So, you’re a fan of breakfast food now?”
“Only because you made it,” he said, still smiling.
I got up and stepped into the house, looking at the ring. It was beautiful, and I immediately knew that between him and Carter, Sean was the safer choice; he wouldn’t hurt me.
As I was tossing a paper plate into the trash, I felt familiar hands gripping my waist and spinning me around. Carter.
“Yes?” I asked. “Are you done sulking now? Done growling at me and Sean?”
“I love you.” He held me still and looked directly into my eyes. “I fucking love you, Arizona, and I always have…”
My heart immediately raced, but I ignored it. “It’s a little too late for that now, isn’t it? My boyfriend just made a speech.”
“So? You don’t love him.” He held me tighter. “You just think you like him because he lines up with a few things on your ridiculous spreadsheet.”
“Then why did I just accept his promise ring?”
“Because I didn’t jump up and stop you.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “And you know it.”
“You can say whatever you have to say right now. As soon as you let me go, I’m going back to him. A man who actually feels something when we’re together—a man who’ll actually feel something when we have sex—”
“If you ever have sex.” He cut me off.
“Did you really just say that?”
“I did and I meant it.”
“Let me go. Now.”
“No.” He bit my bottom lip, preventing me from finishing my sentence. “I’ve loved you since fourth grade. Since fourth fucking grade.”
“Glad you finally have the timeline right.”
“Stop it, Ari…” He kissed me. “I just didn’t know it. You’ve been there for every moment of my life and I’ve been there for yours, too. I do love you, I am in love with you, and I also know you better than you know yourself.”
“No, you just think you do…”
He ignored my rebuttal. “If I’d told you that I loved you at that airport, you wouldn’t have gone to France. You would’ve stayed here, and I didn’t want that for you.”
What? My heart stopped, and I hesitated. “What about telling me after takeoff? You still could’ve told me the truth.”
“You had a layover in Los Angeles…You would’ve come right back.”
“No, I wouldn’t have.”
“Yes. You fucking would have, Ari.”
“Then what about—”
“The first week you were gone?” He shook his head. “When you were as miserable in the program as you first were? You would’ve come home for any reason—especially with me telling you that I loved you…You wouldn’t have tried to stay and do your best… You wouldn’t have pursued your dream at the best place possible, and you would’ve settled, possibly regretting it in the long run.”
I didn’t say anything.
“I regret not telling you sooner, but I sent you letters to try and get this across. Since you were ignoring me, I tried to—”
“Please leave…” I felt tears falling.
“Ari…Please let me finish. There’s more I need to say to you.”
“No. I’ve heard enough, and I’m honored you put me before yourself, but…If you really love and respect me, you’ll leave…Right now.”
He looked as if someone had just sucked the life out of him. But he didn’t move.
So, I did.
Track 32. You Belong With Me (3:37)
I shut myself in my room and grabbed a pillow off my bed—holding it against my face and screaming into it as loudly as I could.
I did it one more time for good measure, not bothering to wipe away tears. I couldn’t believe Carter’s reasoning for not saying ‘I love you back’. That didn’t make any sense. I mean, of course I wanted him to tell me that he loved me back, but for him to assume that I would stay here and cling to him instead of pursing my own dreams? To make it seem like I was that love-struck?
No…I would’ve left regardless of what he said…I would’ve—
I suddenly stopped thinking as old memories began to play in front of me, one of the last serious relationships I’d had before Carter and Sean…
His name was Liam and he was supposed to be my soulmate. We were high school sweethearts and we were so cute together that it made Carter sick. Literally. (He got a migraine after being our third wheel at the annual fair, after we kept calling each other “sweetie” and talking about our future together.) Anyway, I’d always believed in planning ahead, and although I wasn’t totally convinced, I decided to attend the University of Pittsburgh with him instead of staying closer to home.
Three weeks later, I found out he’d been cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend and I became stuck with a college I never wanted, and a heartache that took over two years to heal.
Nicole smiled at me, Carter sipped his beer and looked away.
“First,” Sean said. “Thank you all for being so welcoming. Ari’s told me a lot about you all.”
“Clearly not enough…” Carter muttered and Sean shot me a look.
I smiled and shrugged, mouthing, “Ignore him.”
He kissed my lips before continuing. “I’ve lost all of my family in a horrific accident…All of my friends, too…” He winced. “So it means a lot to be around people who remind me that life isn’t all terrible…”
Nicole put her hand over her heart.
“Anyway…it’s taken years for me to get to a decent place, to feel like living life again,” he said, turning to look at me. “And I promised myself that if I found someone who made me feel something again, a feeling that I couldn’t ignore, that I would seize the moment because I know, personally, that life is way too short to wait to say something…”
Carter narrowed his eyes at Sean, leaning back in his chair.
Josh took a huge gulp of his drink.
“We haven’t known each other that long, Arizona, but…” He clasped my hand. “There’s something about you, about us, that makes me feel alive again. I’m not proposing, don’t worry—” He laughed. “But I am promising you that if you agree to be mine, I’ll be faithful and loyal to you for as long as we’re together.” He pulled out a small ring, a silver and gold band with an emerald jewel. “This is a promise ring…Do you accept?”
Smiling, I nodded and he placed it onto my finger—kissing my lips as everyone around the table clapped. Minus Josh and Carter.
Josh was shaking his head, murmuring. “This is exactly why I need weed…Even my blood pressure is going up...” He stood up from the table and forced a smile. “Congratulations, I’ll be right back. I need to get something out of my car.”
Sean kissed me again and sat down next to me. “I’m glad you accepted.”
“I’m glad I did, too.” I smiled back and took his plate. “I’m going to get more dessert from inside. You want anything?”
“Another mini-waffle.”
“So, you’re a fan of breakfast food now?”
“Only because you made it,” he said, still smiling.
I got up and stepped into the house, looking at the ring. It was beautiful, and I immediately knew that between him and Carter, Sean was the safer choice; he wouldn’t hurt me.
As I was tossing a paper plate into the trash, I felt familiar hands gripping my waist and spinning me around. Carter.
“Yes?” I asked. “Are you done sulking now? Done growling at me and Sean?”
“I love you.” He held me still and looked directly into my eyes. “I fucking love you, Arizona, and I always have…”
My heart immediately raced, but I ignored it. “It’s a little too late for that now, isn’t it? My boyfriend just made a speech.”
“So? You don’t love him.” He held me tighter. “You just think you like him because he lines up with a few things on your ridiculous spreadsheet.”
“Then why did I just accept his promise ring?”
“Because I didn’t jump up and stop you.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “And you know it.”
“You can say whatever you have to say right now. As soon as you let me go, I’m going back to him. A man who actually feels something when we’re together—a man who’ll actually feel something when we have sex—”
“If you ever have sex.” He cut me off.
“Did you really just say that?”
“I did and I meant it.”
“Let me go. Now.”
“No.” He bit my bottom lip, preventing me from finishing my sentence. “I’ve loved you since fourth grade. Since fourth fucking grade.”
“Glad you finally have the timeline right.”
“Stop it, Ari…” He kissed me. “I just didn’t know it. You’ve been there for every moment of my life and I’ve been there for yours, too. I do love you, I am in love with you, and I also know you better than you know yourself.”
“No, you just think you do…”
He ignored my rebuttal. “If I’d told you that I loved you at that airport, you wouldn’t have gone to France. You would’ve stayed here, and I didn’t want that for you.”
What? My heart stopped, and I hesitated. “What about telling me after takeoff? You still could’ve told me the truth.”
“You had a layover in Los Angeles…You would’ve come right back.”
“No, I wouldn’t have.”
“Yes. You fucking would have, Ari.”
“Then what about—”
“The first week you were gone?” He shook his head. “When you were as miserable in the program as you first were? You would’ve come home for any reason—especially with me telling you that I loved you…You wouldn’t have tried to stay and do your best… You wouldn’t have pursued your dream at the best place possible, and you would’ve settled, possibly regretting it in the long run.”
I didn’t say anything.
“I regret not telling you sooner, but I sent you letters to try and get this across. Since you were ignoring me, I tried to—”
“Please leave…” I felt tears falling.
“Ari…Please let me finish. There’s more I need to say to you.”
“No. I’ve heard enough, and I’m honored you put me before yourself, but…If you really love and respect me, you’ll leave…Right now.”
He looked as if someone had just sucked the life out of him. But he didn’t move.
So, I did.
Track 32. You Belong With Me (3:37)
I shut myself in my room and grabbed a pillow off my bed—holding it against my face and screaming into it as loudly as I could.
I did it one more time for good measure, not bothering to wipe away tears. I couldn’t believe Carter’s reasoning for not saying ‘I love you back’. That didn’t make any sense. I mean, of course I wanted him to tell me that he loved me back, but for him to assume that I would stay here and cling to him instead of pursing my own dreams? To make it seem like I was that love-struck?
No…I would’ve left regardless of what he said…I would’ve—
I suddenly stopped thinking as old memories began to play in front of me, one of the last serious relationships I’d had before Carter and Sean…
His name was Liam and he was supposed to be my soulmate. We were high school sweethearts and we were so cute together that it made Carter sick. Literally. (He got a migraine after being our third wheel at the annual fair, after we kept calling each other “sweetie” and talking about our future together.) Anyway, I’d always believed in planning ahead, and although I wasn’t totally convinced, I decided to attend the University of Pittsburgh with him instead of staying closer to home.
Three weeks later, I found out he’d been cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend and I became stuck with a college I never wanted, and a heartache that took over two years to heal.
