Sincerely, Carter
Page 53

Still in shock, I grabbed my laptop bag and pulled out the letters he’d sent. (I was originally planning to give them all back to him unopened on the last day of my trip) I thumbed through them all and picked the most recent one, running my fingers along the phrase he’d written on the flap: “URGENT: Please read this, Ari.”
Dear Arizona,
I'm not going to bother with pleasantries or waste time telling you about what's going on at home with me because it doesn't matter. Not without you being here anyway.
So, I'll keep this short and to the point.
I didn’t mean one fucking word of what I said to you at the airport.
I do love you. I love you ‘in that way’ and it was much more than sex between us. I only wanted to make sure you left and pursued your dreams instead of staying back for me because I’ll always be here for you.
Always.
If I knew that what I said would make you give me the cold shoulder or stop talking to me, I can promise you that I never would’ve done it and I would take it back in a heartbeat.
Not talking to you for a few days was different.
Not talking to you for a few weeks was torture.
Not talking to you for MONTHS was (and still is) unbearable.
You’ve always meant the world to me, but it didn’t hit me just how much more you meant until you were gone…
I go to sleep, reaching for you—wanting to hear your voice before I shut my eyes. I wake up hoping to have you in my arms, and there are only so many days that I’m going to be able to stay sane without you…
For years we’ve joked about why I can’t last with anyone else for more than six months, and the answer has been right in front of my face all this time: You.
I’m pretty sure it’s been you since fourth grade, because now more than ever, I know that I’m supposed to be with you, and you’re supposed to be with me.
You belong to me, Ari, and you always will…
You’re more than ‘just’ my best friend, and I never want to be ‘just friends’ again.
Sincerely (in love with you),
Carter
I cried.
I re-read it a few more times, my heart racing with every word.
I re-folded it and stood up, heading back downstairs to the party. I needed to talk to Sean alone and get the hell away from all my friends and family so I could re-read the letter again before deciding what to do.
Sean’s eyes met mine as soon as my feet hit the grass, and he rushed over. “Whoa,” he said. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you crying? Do we need to go?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “Please…”
“Okay.” He wiped my tears away, waiting for me to stop. Then he forced a smile and put his arm around my waist.
Out the corner of my eyes, I saw Josh shaking his head at me, saw him seething at me like he was Carter.
I ignored him and gave my mom a hug in the kitchen—avoiding her “What’s wrong with you?” expression.
Sean grabbed my bag and we walked into the living room, where a few of my other friends were.
“Leaving already, Ari?” Nicole asked.
“Yeah…I’ll be sure to hit you up tomorrow, though.” I walked over and gave her a hug. “Thank you everyone for coming. It was good seeing you again.”
I gave everyone else hugs, noting that Carter was thankfully long gone.
I got into the rental car with Sean and turned my head toward the window—not saying anything.
“Um…” Sean sounded confused. “Where exactly are we going? All of our stuff is inside…”
“Just drive…”
“Okay…” He placed his hand on my knee and squeezed it, making me feel anything but aroused. I felt guilty and wrong.
He drove around mindlessly for nearly an hour—repeating some of the same streets over and over, and when I was finally able to think straight, I turned to face him.
“Can we stop there?” I pointed at Gayle’s.
“Are you hungry?”
“No, I um…” I paused. “I need to talk to you.”
“Is it about us?”
“Something like that…” I took a deep breath as he pulled into the parking lot.
He held the door open for me and we walked inside together.
I started to walk toward a booth in the back, but I spotted Carter, Josh, Nicole, and a few other people sitting across the room.
Of course they would think to come here afterwards, too…
I shot them all a short wave, and Carter’s deep blue eyes met mine.
Sean pressed his hand against the small of my back and led me over to a table, but I couldn’t stop looking at Carter.
“Ari?” Sean asked. “Why does it look like you’re going to cry?” He pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to me.
“I’m okay…” I realized Carter wasn’t taking his eyes off me, either.
“What do we need to talk about, Ari?” Sean asked.
“Us…” I answered him without looking at his face. “I don’t think—”
“You don’t think what?”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to keep that promise I made at the party.”
“Which part? Why aren’t you looking at me?”
“The whole thing, and I’m very sorry…” I noticed Carter standing up and walking over to us. “You’re a great guy, and I think you’ll make someone very happy one day, but—”
“I’m going to try this one more fucking time.” Carter stepped in front of our table, cutting me off. “Arizona Turner, I love you, I am in love with you, and I don’t give a fuck if you’re wearing some other man’s promise ring because what you have with him doesn’t have shit on what you have with me.”
“Excuse me?” Sean looked at Carter, livid. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Can you not see she’s here with me?”
“Not for much longer.” Carter kept his eyes on mine. “I sent you a letter every week telling you how I felt, telling you I didn’t mean any of what I said at the airport…I’ve already spent over six months without seeing you, without touching you, and I’m not letting you go back to France without at least talking to you—without telling you everything that I have to say.”
“Is this shit really happening?” Sean stood up, clenching his fists. “Do you not see me standing here? You think you can just talk to my girlfriend without my permission?”
Everyone in the diner was now silent and staring at the three of us.
“Ari…” Carter stepped even closer to me, reaching down and running his fingers through my hair. “I want you back…I need you back…”
“Let’s go, Ari.” Sean looked at me as he moved around the table. “We need to finish our conversation without this desperate asshole interrupting it.”
I didn’t get up.
“Ari?” He looked shocked. “Ari, are you seriously considering whatever this asshole is talking about? He’s been nothing but rude to you since we got here.”
“I’ve only been rude to you,” Carter countered, eyes still on mine.
“Ari, if you don’t leave with me right now, I’m going straight to the airport and I’m not coming back,” Sean said. “I also won’t be forgetting this shit anytime soon in France when you go back…What’s it going to be?”