“I should have told you sooner.” Patti’s tears came now, but I was too shocked to cry with her. “I’ve been selfish. I knew once I told you, there was no going back. Things would change forever. And there are so few of these half demons on earth. What were the chances you’d meet one?”
“I’m not mad at you,” I said. I couldn’t focus on one particular emotion when so much was firing away inside of me. “I just don’t get it. Demons and angels? Really? I mean, come on! This is... it’s...”
She walked to my dresser and picked up my Bible. I took a tissue from my nightstand and handed it to her. Patti dabbed her eyes and sniffed, then cleared her throat. She sat down and opened the book in her lap. Passing it to me, she pointed to Genesis, chapter six, verse four. I read it out loud.
“‘The Nephilim were on the earth in those days—and also afterward—when the sons of God went to the daughters of men and had children by them. They were the heroes of old, men of renown.’”
I looked up at her, hoping she might explain.
“I’ve done a lot of research over the years,” she said. “The sons of God are the angels. The daughters of men are simply human women. A Nephilim is the child of a heavenly angel or a demon. Demons are merely fallen angels. You are a Nephilim.”
The word seemed familiar.
“I thought Nephilim were giants. Like Goliath.”
“It does mean giant, but you know how the Bible is.” She gave a watery smile. “It’s hard to tell what you should take literally and what’s only metaphorical. It’s easier for people to think of them as a race of actual giant people that have come and gone, or as some genetic mutation. Scripture is full of references to angels and demons, but even believers tend to think of them as fable and fantasy. It’s hard to wrap our minds around so many things we can’t see.”
“But I don’t get it. How could angels or demons have children? They’re spirits, right?”
“They have to possess somebody.”
Eek! Demon possessions. This was getting worse and worse.
“I asked Sister Ruth a lot of questions, and she tried to explain the angelic hierarchy. There are messenger angels, like the one who came to me. The guardian angels are the most nurturing of the souls, chosen for their obedience. They can’t interfere in human lives unless they’re sent divine power to do so. If it’s not someone’s time to die, the guardian angels can perform healing miracles or prevent disasters. Otherwise all they can do is try to soothe our pain. It’s actually very beautiful to think about.” Her eyes stared off wistfully, and I realized she’d spent a lot of time thinking about it over the years.
“I had so many more questions for Sister Ruth, but there just wasn’t time. She gave me a message for you.” Patti’s hands shook as she took the Bible from me and closed it. “She said you’d need to go to her as soon as you were mature enough, which you are.”
“Okay, yes. Definitely.” I needed to meet this Sister Ruth. “Did she say why?”
“She wouldn’t tell me. She has knowledge she’ll share only with you, and it would be too dangerous to write it down. She also said you need to...” Here she closed her eyes and seemed to struggle. “... to see your father.”
It took a lot to make me mad, but thinking of my “father” made me angry now.
“I don’t want to see him.”
“I know. I told her I was against it. The thought of you being in the presence of a demon makes me sick. But I’ll tell you what she told me. She believes your parents were in love. And all angels are capable of the full range of emotion, even the fallen ones. So if he could love your mother, an angel of light, couldn’t he love you, too?”
I thought of his face on the day of my birth as he watched my mother die and her spirit ascend. Yes, he’d loved her. And his eyes had shown no ill will when they looked upon me that day either. But still. All these years without a single word...
“How did the nun know all this?”
“She said she’s one of a kind on earth, like you, only different from you and the others, though she didn’t explain how. Sister Ruth was definitely special. She had a peaceful presence, like you. I’m sorry I don’t have more information, Anna. It was a lot to take in that day.”
“It’s okay, Patti.”
Part of my brain, the realistic part, didn’t want to believe a word of what I was told, but the other half, the heartfelt spiritual part, knew without a doubt it was the truth. My heart usually led the way. But I was aware enough to know that when it all sank in, I would be terrified.
“Did she say anything else about, like, my nature?”
“You’re not evil, if that’s what you’re wondering.” She grabbed my hand and pulled it to her lap, holding it between both her own. “Your ability to feel other people’s emotions comes from your mother. All guardian angels can see and feel human emotions. From your father you’ll have a tendency toward a particular sin, but she didn’t know which one.”
Oh, I was pretty sure I knew. Hello, drugs and alcohol.
“But not evil,” I stated, for the record.
“No, honey, not evil. An evil soul rejects the goodness and love naturally embedded in us from being made in the image of our Creator. You’ll have to fight harder than the average human against temptations, but you can do it. You’re basically a regular girl, but you feel everything stronger, both the good and the bad.” She paused, looking down at my hand in her lap and rubbing it. “Do you forgive me, Anna?” she asked. “For not telling you sooner? I always thought it would make things harder on you if you knew, but now I don’t know whether I did the right thing.”
“I’m not mad at you,” I said. I couldn’t focus on one particular emotion when so much was firing away inside of me. “I just don’t get it. Demons and angels? Really? I mean, come on! This is... it’s...”
She walked to my dresser and picked up my Bible. I took a tissue from my nightstand and handed it to her. Patti dabbed her eyes and sniffed, then cleared her throat. She sat down and opened the book in her lap. Passing it to me, she pointed to Genesis, chapter six, verse four. I read it out loud.
“‘The Nephilim were on the earth in those days—and also afterward—when the sons of God went to the daughters of men and had children by them. They were the heroes of old, men of renown.’”
I looked up at her, hoping she might explain.
“I’ve done a lot of research over the years,” she said. “The sons of God are the angels. The daughters of men are simply human women. A Nephilim is the child of a heavenly angel or a demon. Demons are merely fallen angels. You are a Nephilim.”
The word seemed familiar.
“I thought Nephilim were giants. Like Goliath.”
“It does mean giant, but you know how the Bible is.” She gave a watery smile. “It’s hard to tell what you should take literally and what’s only metaphorical. It’s easier for people to think of them as a race of actual giant people that have come and gone, or as some genetic mutation. Scripture is full of references to angels and demons, but even believers tend to think of them as fable and fantasy. It’s hard to wrap our minds around so many things we can’t see.”
“But I don’t get it. How could angels or demons have children? They’re spirits, right?”
“They have to possess somebody.”
Eek! Demon possessions. This was getting worse and worse.
“I asked Sister Ruth a lot of questions, and she tried to explain the angelic hierarchy. There are messenger angels, like the one who came to me. The guardian angels are the most nurturing of the souls, chosen for their obedience. They can’t interfere in human lives unless they’re sent divine power to do so. If it’s not someone’s time to die, the guardian angels can perform healing miracles or prevent disasters. Otherwise all they can do is try to soothe our pain. It’s actually very beautiful to think about.” Her eyes stared off wistfully, and I realized she’d spent a lot of time thinking about it over the years.
“I had so many more questions for Sister Ruth, but there just wasn’t time. She gave me a message for you.” Patti’s hands shook as she took the Bible from me and closed it. “She said you’d need to go to her as soon as you were mature enough, which you are.”
“Okay, yes. Definitely.” I needed to meet this Sister Ruth. “Did she say why?”
“She wouldn’t tell me. She has knowledge she’ll share only with you, and it would be too dangerous to write it down. She also said you need to...” Here she closed her eyes and seemed to struggle. “... to see your father.”
It took a lot to make me mad, but thinking of my “father” made me angry now.
“I don’t want to see him.”
“I know. I told her I was against it. The thought of you being in the presence of a demon makes me sick. But I’ll tell you what she told me. She believes your parents were in love. And all angels are capable of the full range of emotion, even the fallen ones. So if he could love your mother, an angel of light, couldn’t he love you, too?”
I thought of his face on the day of my birth as he watched my mother die and her spirit ascend. Yes, he’d loved her. And his eyes had shown no ill will when they looked upon me that day either. But still. All these years without a single word...
“How did the nun know all this?”
“She said she’s one of a kind on earth, like you, only different from you and the others, though she didn’t explain how. Sister Ruth was definitely special. She had a peaceful presence, like you. I’m sorry I don’t have more information, Anna. It was a lot to take in that day.”
“It’s okay, Patti.”
Part of my brain, the realistic part, didn’t want to believe a word of what I was told, but the other half, the heartfelt spiritual part, knew without a doubt it was the truth. My heart usually led the way. But I was aware enough to know that when it all sank in, I would be terrified.
“Did she say anything else about, like, my nature?”
“You’re not evil, if that’s what you’re wondering.” She grabbed my hand and pulled it to her lap, holding it between both her own. “Your ability to feel other people’s emotions comes from your mother. All guardian angels can see and feel human emotions. From your father you’ll have a tendency toward a particular sin, but she didn’t know which one.”
Oh, I was pretty sure I knew. Hello, drugs and alcohol.
“But not evil,” I stated, for the record.
“No, honey, not evil. An evil soul rejects the goodness and love naturally embedded in us from being made in the image of our Creator. You’ll have to fight harder than the average human against temptations, but you can do it. You’re basically a regular girl, but you feel everything stronger, both the good and the bad.” She paused, looking down at my hand in her lap and rubbing it. “Do you forgive me, Anna?” she asked. “For not telling you sooner? I always thought it would make things harder on you if you knew, but now I don’t know whether I did the right thing.”
