Then he stopped, breathing lightly against my mouth, not uttering one word. Releasing his fingers from mine, he caged his arms around my head, elbows to the rug, almost like he was protecting me from what was to come.
Gritting his teeth, he pushed forward, and I winced as a sharp pain sliced through my lower half. Austin stilled as he filled me completely, and I focused on his rapid heartbeat against my naked br**sts, his heavy breathing in my ear, and my tense legs began to relax.
Austin’s right hand drifted down my side until he gripped my thigh, hooking it over his bent arm. With his head still tucked in the crook between my neck and shoulder, he began rocking forward in a slow and steady rhythm.
Soon, the pain seemed to fade away, and as Austin picked up speed, a new kind of pressure built at my spine. I clung to the damp skin of Austin’s back just to anchor myself from lifting off the floor.
Small whimpers began slipping from my lips, and Austin groaned in response.
As my nails dug into Austin’s back, he raised his head, his hair falling forward to lay across his forehead in an adorable way, and his eyes grew laden as he gazed into mine.
“Austin…” I murmured and arched my back as a feeling so fierce bolted through my body.
A low growl rustled in Austin’s chest, and his hips thrust harder and faster, until my lips parted and a feeling so indescribable possessed my body, seizing any semblance of rational thought from my mind.
I shattered into tiny pieces.
I was weightless.
I fought to cling to Austin, and I met his dark eyes just as they squeezed shut and his mouth gaped. As Austin’s body stilled, his muscles corded and a low hiss slipped from between his full lips.
With shaking arms, Austin fell on top of me, his hands still braced at my sides and our bodies slick with sweat. Rolling my eyes north, I could see the full moon shining in through the clear pane of the skylight, and I could once again make out the crackled sounds of burning wood as my head began to clear.
Moments later, Austin raised his head and stared at me for what seemed like an eternity. Eyes glistening, he asked softly, “Why the war paint, Pix?” His thumb wiped at my cheek, and it was then I realized I was crying.
Glancing away, feeling as though he were speaking directly to the deepest part of my soul, I said, “Because I want to be someone else. Someone who’s not me.”
Austin flinched as though I’d wounded him, and he replied, “That’s not the full reason. You’re still hiding who you are from me. There’s some other reason. Something bigger.”
My heart flipped. I wanted to tell him the real reason, but I just couldn’t do it. Couldn’t even admit it to myself yet. So I simply hushed out, “But it’s the only one I can give you right now.”
Austin leaned down and brushed a kiss to my lips, and I pulled back to ask, “Why all the tattoos?”
Austin’s jaw clenched and he cleared his throat, glancing away at the fire for what seemed like a lifetime. On a sigh, he eventually said, “People only ever thought I was Italian trailer trash. After trying so hard for so long to make them think different, I figured I may as well just live up to their expectations and look like Italian trash too.”
I narrowed my eyes as my stomach fell, and I whispered back, “That’s not the full reason either. You’re still hiding from me too.”
Austin sighed and nuzzled his cheek against mine. “But it’s the only one I can give you right now.”
I huffed a small laugh at our purposely evasive answers and wondered if we’d ever get to a place where all our secrets would be laid on the table. But I quickly chased them away, trying to embrace the gravity of the moment right here, right now.
Wrapping my arms around Austin’s head, I laid a kiss to his hair and said, “Thank you, Austin. Thank you for making me feel so special.”
Tears this time freely ran down my cheeks, and Austin lifted his head, his face full with awe. “No, thank you, Pix. Thank you for being so special to want to be with a goddamn f**k-up like me. I have no idea why you were brought into my life, but I thank God every day.”
Twenty minutes later, wrapped in a thin blanket and in front of an open fire, a messed-up boy and a messed-up girl fell asleep under the stars, holding each other in their arms… and for the first time in their turbulent lives, they felt fully exposed and completely understood.
Chapter Nineteen
Austin
The hypnotizing motion of Lexi’s warm breath against my neck almost had me falling back to sleep when I woke in the dawn, birds chirping outside the summerhouse walls, indicating morning had broken.
Squeezing my eyes shut to rid them of sleep, I instinctively rolled closer to Pix, and a chilly breeze cut under a gap in the thin blanket.
Turning my head behind me, I noticed the fire that had been roaring the night before had dwindled down to ash, and a light frost was creeping up the skylight’s glass, its heavy pattern almost like a kaleidoscope when the strong rays of the sun reflected off the pane.
As I followed the hazy pattern of a sunbeam, it led me straight to the contented face of Pix tucked into my side, and all I could do was stare.
She was f**kin’ gorgeous.
Her fresh face was free of makeup and her tiny arms were wrapped around my stomach, her pale skin stark against the dark tone of my tattooed abs. My arms weren’t wrapped around her in return, though. It was like even in sleep, my mind knew to respect her boundaries. Pix’s dress straps were firmly back in place, her chest no longer exposed, and my heart kind of sank when I realized she must have covered herself during the night. I hated that she thought so little of herself. That she had to be plagued with insecurities the first time we made love, the first time she ever made love. That she didn’t feel comfortable enough with me to bare her body completely.
Gritting his teeth, he pushed forward, and I winced as a sharp pain sliced through my lower half. Austin stilled as he filled me completely, and I focused on his rapid heartbeat against my naked br**sts, his heavy breathing in my ear, and my tense legs began to relax.
Austin’s right hand drifted down my side until he gripped my thigh, hooking it over his bent arm. With his head still tucked in the crook between my neck and shoulder, he began rocking forward in a slow and steady rhythm.
Soon, the pain seemed to fade away, and as Austin picked up speed, a new kind of pressure built at my spine. I clung to the damp skin of Austin’s back just to anchor myself from lifting off the floor.
Small whimpers began slipping from my lips, and Austin groaned in response.
As my nails dug into Austin’s back, he raised his head, his hair falling forward to lay across his forehead in an adorable way, and his eyes grew laden as he gazed into mine.
“Austin…” I murmured and arched my back as a feeling so fierce bolted through my body.
A low growl rustled in Austin’s chest, and his hips thrust harder and faster, until my lips parted and a feeling so indescribable possessed my body, seizing any semblance of rational thought from my mind.
I shattered into tiny pieces.
I was weightless.
I fought to cling to Austin, and I met his dark eyes just as they squeezed shut and his mouth gaped. As Austin’s body stilled, his muscles corded and a low hiss slipped from between his full lips.
With shaking arms, Austin fell on top of me, his hands still braced at my sides and our bodies slick with sweat. Rolling my eyes north, I could see the full moon shining in through the clear pane of the skylight, and I could once again make out the crackled sounds of burning wood as my head began to clear.
Moments later, Austin raised his head and stared at me for what seemed like an eternity. Eyes glistening, he asked softly, “Why the war paint, Pix?” His thumb wiped at my cheek, and it was then I realized I was crying.
Glancing away, feeling as though he were speaking directly to the deepest part of my soul, I said, “Because I want to be someone else. Someone who’s not me.”
Austin flinched as though I’d wounded him, and he replied, “That’s not the full reason. You’re still hiding who you are from me. There’s some other reason. Something bigger.”
My heart flipped. I wanted to tell him the real reason, but I just couldn’t do it. Couldn’t even admit it to myself yet. So I simply hushed out, “But it’s the only one I can give you right now.”
Austin leaned down and brushed a kiss to my lips, and I pulled back to ask, “Why all the tattoos?”
Austin’s jaw clenched and he cleared his throat, glancing away at the fire for what seemed like a lifetime. On a sigh, he eventually said, “People only ever thought I was Italian trailer trash. After trying so hard for so long to make them think different, I figured I may as well just live up to their expectations and look like Italian trash too.”
I narrowed my eyes as my stomach fell, and I whispered back, “That’s not the full reason either. You’re still hiding from me too.”
Austin sighed and nuzzled his cheek against mine. “But it’s the only one I can give you right now.”
I huffed a small laugh at our purposely evasive answers and wondered if we’d ever get to a place where all our secrets would be laid on the table. But I quickly chased them away, trying to embrace the gravity of the moment right here, right now.
Wrapping my arms around Austin’s head, I laid a kiss to his hair and said, “Thank you, Austin. Thank you for making me feel so special.”
Tears this time freely ran down my cheeks, and Austin lifted his head, his face full with awe. “No, thank you, Pix. Thank you for being so special to want to be with a goddamn f**k-up like me. I have no idea why you were brought into my life, but I thank God every day.”
Twenty minutes later, wrapped in a thin blanket and in front of an open fire, a messed-up boy and a messed-up girl fell asleep under the stars, holding each other in their arms… and for the first time in their turbulent lives, they felt fully exposed and completely understood.
Chapter Nineteen
Austin
The hypnotizing motion of Lexi’s warm breath against my neck almost had me falling back to sleep when I woke in the dawn, birds chirping outside the summerhouse walls, indicating morning had broken.
Squeezing my eyes shut to rid them of sleep, I instinctively rolled closer to Pix, and a chilly breeze cut under a gap in the thin blanket.
Turning my head behind me, I noticed the fire that had been roaring the night before had dwindled down to ash, and a light frost was creeping up the skylight’s glass, its heavy pattern almost like a kaleidoscope when the strong rays of the sun reflected off the pane.
As I followed the hazy pattern of a sunbeam, it led me straight to the contented face of Pix tucked into my side, and all I could do was stare.
She was f**kin’ gorgeous.
Her fresh face was free of makeup and her tiny arms were wrapped around my stomach, her pale skin stark against the dark tone of my tattooed abs. My arms weren’t wrapped around her in return, though. It was like even in sleep, my mind knew to respect her boundaries. Pix’s dress straps were firmly back in place, her chest no longer exposed, and my heart kind of sank when I realized she must have covered herself during the night. I hated that she thought so little of herself. That she had to be plagued with insecurities the first time we made love, the first time she ever made love. That she didn’t feel comfortable enough with me to bare her body completely.
