Cass tutted and threw her hair back. “I’ll kill the f**kers if they dare. I swear it, Molls. You stick with me!”
Molly laughed at Cass, but Ally hadn’t joined in the humor. As Rome’s cousin, she knew what his parents were capable of. If her searching eyes were anything to go off, she wasn’t letting Molly out of her sight either.
The whole gang now knew she was pregnant, but what surprised me was how little interest Austin had taken in it. He’d been distracted. Had barely been around campus except for training, and, worst of all, he wasn’t seeing me… at all.
Since we made love, he’d never been around, he’d barely called me, texted me, and we hadn’t once been back to the summerhouse like he’d promised.
I just can’t understand what I’ve done.
It is because he is disgusted by you, Lexington. Did you think once he f**ked you that he would not find flaws all over your body? Did you think he would want you again when you could not even take off your clothes?
With my stomach rolling at the voice’s words, I stood and decided to go for a walk. Molly grabbed my arm in concern. “You okay, Lex? You seem a little down. You’re worrying me, sweetheart.”
Leaning down, I kissed Molly’s head and patted her growing stomach. “I’m good. Just need a drink and a little fresh air.”
Molly went back to talking with Cass and Ally, and I wandered off in the vast plantation’s landscaped gardens until no one was around. As I found myself walking toward a huge water fountain, the sounds of hushed voices pulled my attention, and curious, I followed the voices around a long row of high hedges.
Peeping my head around the corner, my heart sank. Austin stood against the hedge with his hand in his black suit jacket’s inner pocket, and he was taking out packets… small plastic packets… filled with white powder.
No… no… no…
“Thanks, man,” said a student I didn’t know as he took the packet and walked off through a gap in the hedge. I watched as Austin began counting notes, put them in his pocket, and leaned back against a stone garden statue, running his hands down his face.
My feet were moving toward him before I even noticed. “You’re dealing?” I whispered, devastation in my voice.
Austin whipped his head in my direction and stood straight, his expression changing from guilt to forced indifference.
“Pix, you need to get the f**k out of here… now.” Austin was cold and really kind of aggressive. Just like he was at the quad when we first met months ago.
Standing my ground, I folded my arms across my long black dress and said, “I will not go away!” I reached out with my hand and pulled on the sleeve of his jacket. “You’re dealing drugs, aren’t you? That’s why you haven’t been around.”
Austin looked all around us and, gripping my arm, pulled me into the cutout spot in the hedge. We were completely hidden from view.
“Keep your f**kin’ voice down, Pix!” he whispered loudly, anger distorting his usually beautiful face.
I reared back. I didn’t recognize this person before me.
“Don’t you dare speak to me like that!” I snapped back, and I saw the flash of guilt ghost across his face. Stepping closer still, inhaling his rainwater scent, I asked, “How long has this been going on? Why haven’t you spoken to me about this? Why haven’t you spoken to me, full stop?”
“Because my mamma’s f**kin’ dying, Pix! She’s now on her final weeks, and we need the money to pay for it! This,”—he tapped his jacket where his pocket was situated underneath—“is what’s gonna give her the meds and care she needs to not die choking on her own spit because we ain’t got insurance to get her help. Can’t you understand that?”
My eyes filled with tears when he added, “And what I really don’t need is shit from you about it! I haven’t called you because I’m trying to protect you. I’m trying to protect everyone! Christ!”
“Austin…” I trailed off and ran my hand down his cheek. He immediately closed his eyes and found comfort in my touch.
“Pix, please. Trust me. I’m trying to protect you. Even if you don’t see it.”
His eyes opened and I asked, “Have you thought about football? What you’re risking?” When Austin just stared at me blankly, I really started to panic. There was no emotion, no fight, nothing, just numbness.
“Austin! Your football!”
He sighed. “I couldn’t give a shit about football no more. I’ll get the Tide the championship trophy, but all my focus is on Mamma and her medical bills now, not the f**kin’ NFL!”
“But your Momma wants you to do well in football, and Levi—”
Austin met me toe to toe and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Levi, right now, is lying in his bed, beat to shit because he got made to go on the drive-by because I chose to take you home. My fourteen-year-old brother got sliced with a knife across his stomach because I chose to go with you rather than do my duty to my family and stay with them myself!”
I felt sick. Levi was knifed? And… and…
“You regret making love to me,” I whispered, and Austin’s eyes that were staring at the brick pathway snapped to mine.
His face contorted, and he suddenly cupped my cheeks with his hands. “Pix, f**k… no, I don’t regret making love to you. How could I? My head’s just f**ked up. Everything’s going so wrong and I don’t know how to f**kin’ deal with it all. I’m trying to do what’s best for everyone.”
Molly laughed at Cass, but Ally hadn’t joined in the humor. As Rome’s cousin, she knew what his parents were capable of. If her searching eyes were anything to go off, she wasn’t letting Molly out of her sight either.
The whole gang now knew she was pregnant, but what surprised me was how little interest Austin had taken in it. He’d been distracted. Had barely been around campus except for training, and, worst of all, he wasn’t seeing me… at all.
Since we made love, he’d never been around, he’d barely called me, texted me, and we hadn’t once been back to the summerhouse like he’d promised.
I just can’t understand what I’ve done.
It is because he is disgusted by you, Lexington. Did you think once he f**ked you that he would not find flaws all over your body? Did you think he would want you again when you could not even take off your clothes?
With my stomach rolling at the voice’s words, I stood and decided to go for a walk. Molly grabbed my arm in concern. “You okay, Lex? You seem a little down. You’re worrying me, sweetheart.”
Leaning down, I kissed Molly’s head and patted her growing stomach. “I’m good. Just need a drink and a little fresh air.”
Molly went back to talking with Cass and Ally, and I wandered off in the vast plantation’s landscaped gardens until no one was around. As I found myself walking toward a huge water fountain, the sounds of hushed voices pulled my attention, and curious, I followed the voices around a long row of high hedges.
Peeping my head around the corner, my heart sank. Austin stood against the hedge with his hand in his black suit jacket’s inner pocket, and he was taking out packets… small plastic packets… filled with white powder.
No… no… no…
“Thanks, man,” said a student I didn’t know as he took the packet and walked off through a gap in the hedge. I watched as Austin began counting notes, put them in his pocket, and leaned back against a stone garden statue, running his hands down his face.
My feet were moving toward him before I even noticed. “You’re dealing?” I whispered, devastation in my voice.
Austin whipped his head in my direction and stood straight, his expression changing from guilt to forced indifference.
“Pix, you need to get the f**k out of here… now.” Austin was cold and really kind of aggressive. Just like he was at the quad when we first met months ago.
Standing my ground, I folded my arms across my long black dress and said, “I will not go away!” I reached out with my hand and pulled on the sleeve of his jacket. “You’re dealing drugs, aren’t you? That’s why you haven’t been around.”
Austin looked all around us and, gripping my arm, pulled me into the cutout spot in the hedge. We were completely hidden from view.
“Keep your f**kin’ voice down, Pix!” he whispered loudly, anger distorting his usually beautiful face.
I reared back. I didn’t recognize this person before me.
“Don’t you dare speak to me like that!” I snapped back, and I saw the flash of guilt ghost across his face. Stepping closer still, inhaling his rainwater scent, I asked, “How long has this been going on? Why haven’t you spoken to me about this? Why haven’t you spoken to me, full stop?”
“Because my mamma’s f**kin’ dying, Pix! She’s now on her final weeks, and we need the money to pay for it! This,”—he tapped his jacket where his pocket was situated underneath—“is what’s gonna give her the meds and care she needs to not die choking on her own spit because we ain’t got insurance to get her help. Can’t you understand that?”
My eyes filled with tears when he added, “And what I really don’t need is shit from you about it! I haven’t called you because I’m trying to protect you. I’m trying to protect everyone! Christ!”
“Austin…” I trailed off and ran my hand down his cheek. He immediately closed his eyes and found comfort in my touch.
“Pix, please. Trust me. I’m trying to protect you. Even if you don’t see it.”
His eyes opened and I asked, “Have you thought about football? What you’re risking?” When Austin just stared at me blankly, I really started to panic. There was no emotion, no fight, nothing, just numbness.
“Austin! Your football!”
He sighed. “I couldn’t give a shit about football no more. I’ll get the Tide the championship trophy, but all my focus is on Mamma and her medical bills now, not the f**kin’ NFL!”
“But your Momma wants you to do well in football, and Levi—”
Austin met me toe to toe and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Levi, right now, is lying in his bed, beat to shit because he got made to go on the drive-by because I chose to take you home. My fourteen-year-old brother got sliced with a knife across his stomach because I chose to go with you rather than do my duty to my family and stay with them myself!”
I felt sick. Levi was knifed? And… and…
“You regret making love to me,” I whispered, and Austin’s eyes that were staring at the brick pathway snapped to mine.
His face contorted, and he suddenly cupped my cheeks with his hands. “Pix, f**k… no, I don’t regret making love to you. How could I? My head’s just f**ked up. Everything’s going so wrong and I don’t know how to f**kin’ deal with it all. I’m trying to do what’s best for everyone.”
