Taking the pen again, I scribbled down, “Elsie.”
“Elsie,” Lexi read when I held up the pad of paper. Her smile returned. “What a beautiful name.” Lexi’s smile faded, and she asked, “How old are you, Elsie?”
I had to think hard about when I had my last birthday. Living on the streets, birthdays and dates didn’t really matter.
Calculating the months in my head, I wrote, “Eighteen. I will be nineteen in a couple of weeks.”
Lexi nodded again, and said, “Just a bit younger than Levi.” At the mention of Levi again, my heart seemed to miss a beat and the same warmth from before infused my body.
Lexi, stood from the bed. “I’m going to get you some food, Elsie. You need to eat to build your strength. You got too thin out on the streets.”
Something worrying seemed to cross Lexi’s face. She moved closer to me, and this time she sat right by my side. Lexi took a deep breath, and said, “Elsie, because you’re eighteen, it’s up to you whether you choose to stay here and get better, or leave.” My chest tightened as she spoke, then she added, “I want you to stay. I can’t bear the thought of you returning to the streets.” Her hand then landed on my arm and traveled down to my wrist that was covered by my bracelet, one of the two bracelets I never took off. Her thumb delicately ran over the metal, directly over the scar that was hidden below.
Dumbfuck, no one wants you. No one can stand that voice. No one can stand your stupid written notes.
I met Lexi’s eyes, Annabelle’s denigrating voice once again pushing through as Lexi shined a light on my biggest shame. But Lexi’s obvious sympathy and understanding only shone back at me, the haunting cruel voice of Annabelle floating to the farthest reaches of my mind.
“I don’t know anything about your life, and I would never presume to understand what you have been through, but you’re safe now. And if you let us, we would all like to help you in any way we can.”
This time, the tears brimming in my eyes fell onto my cheeks. No one had ever shown me such unconditional kindness before. In the past, these offers always came with terms that I would never agree to.
I was overcome.
Lexi didn’t say anything else on the matter. Instead she got to her feet and walked to the door. Just before leaving, she said, “Levi has been real worried about you, Elsie. He’s been coming up here every day after his classes to make sure y’all are well. He keeps you company. He sits by your bed and keeps you safe.” What she said caused the pulse in my neck to increase in speed and all I could think of was the boy from the alley, the one who brought me coffee and let me rest on his shoulder, cared for me. I didn’t understand the how or the why, but it filled me with happiness all the same.
Lexi left the room, and after a while, returned with food. As soon as I had eaten, Lexi showed me the bathroom attached to the room, and clothes that she had bought me. It all felt like a dream. She kept me company for a while, but it wasn’t long before my body felt drained.
Lexi stood. “You need to sleep, honey. It’s gonna take you a while to fight the pneumonia. Sleep as much as you can.”
My eyes were shut before I’d even had a chance to say thank you. I didn’t know how long I slept, but the night had drawn in when I heard the sound of a deep voice coming from beyond the bedroom door. The room was dark, and when it became clear who that voice belonged to, I closed my eyes again. My heart pounded as I heard the door open and he stepped through.
“She’s exhausted, Lev,” a female voice said. I recognized it as Lexi’s.
The silence stretched for a few seconds, before the deep voice asked, “But she was awake today? She spoke to you?” I fought for breath as I listened to the boy’s deep graveled voice. And his accent, it was southern and strong, causing my cheeks to glow. The sound of his soft sweet drawl suited the shy boy who had cared for me. And his beautiful voice, if I remembered correctly, suited his beautiful face.
“She didn’t speak,” Lexi whispered. “She told me she couldn’t. But she wrote on a pad of paper. Her name is Elsie, Lev. She’s eighteen, nearly nineteen.”
“Elsie,” Levi repeated, then cleared his throat. The way his voice wrapped around my name sent butterflies straight to my stomach.
“She’s a sweet girl, Lev. I can see why you wanted to help her. Beautiful too,” Lexi added. “But then I’m sure you already saw that for yourself.”
I heard the floorboards creak as if someone was rocking back and forth on their feet. “Yeah,” Levi suddenly whispered, and I felt like I had melted into the soft mattress.
Levi thought me beautiful?
“I’m just gonna sit with her a while, Lex.”
“Okay, honey,” Lexi replied. I heard the door close. Levi and I were alone, together, in the room.
I wanted to lift my head. I wanted to see what Levi Carillo looked like, without me being sick and confused. And I really wanted to thank him. I wanted to thank him for saving me—for caring enough to want to.
No one had ever cared before.
But I couldn’t. I was too terrified. With this boy, fear held my body and mind captive, leaving me frozen on the bed, eyes closed, faking sleep.
The chair’s legs beside me scraped on the floor, then I felt Levi’s presence as he faced me and sat down. I was sure he’d see through the fact that I was awake; that or the loud beating of my heart would be picked up by his perfect hearing and reveal how unnerved I felt in his presence. But nothing of the like happened. Levi sat in silence. I breathed steadily through my panic.
I listened, thankful my right ear was not laying on the pillow so I could hear him. His scent drifted into my nose, bringing in tow a feeling of peace. His scent was spiced and warm. It was strange, but it reminded me of the feeling of holding cold hands to an open fire, of drinking a hot drink on a winter’s night—welcomed, and calming… needed.
Levi didn’t move the entire time he sat there, but it was long enough for my pretend sleep to change into true sleep. As my breathing evened out, and my mind drifted away, I felt rough fingers land ever so gently on mine, and a voice at my ear whisper, “Goodnight, Elsie. Sleep tight.”
At the sound of the bedroom door closing, I mentally touched my face; for the briefest of moments I thought there was a whisper of a smile on my lips. No, I corrected, I was sure it was there, because it had to match the ghost of a smile that had taken root in my heart.
* * * * *
I woke during the night and a deep unease immediately crept over me. The room was pitch black. I didn’t like the darkness. I felt the stirrings of anxiety thread across my chest, and I reached out to search for the bedside light. My hand hopped over the wooden side table, until I found a wire and, at the end, a switch. I clicked it on and a dull glowing light filled the room. I breathed deep, holding my chest.
I hated the dark.
The voices came in the dark. Annabelle’s cruel words attacked me at night, when I was most vulnerable, when the memories hurt the worst.
I sat up. The clock on the nightstand told me it was past midnight. I touched my head, it was damp and sticky. My eyes drifted across to the bathroom and, before I knew it, my legs were carrying me through to the huge shower. I didn’t want to wake anybody, but Lexi had assured me that no one would be disturbed by me from this room in the house.
“Elsie,” Lexi read when I held up the pad of paper. Her smile returned. “What a beautiful name.” Lexi’s smile faded, and she asked, “How old are you, Elsie?”
I had to think hard about when I had my last birthday. Living on the streets, birthdays and dates didn’t really matter.
Calculating the months in my head, I wrote, “Eighteen. I will be nineteen in a couple of weeks.”
Lexi nodded again, and said, “Just a bit younger than Levi.” At the mention of Levi again, my heart seemed to miss a beat and the same warmth from before infused my body.
Lexi, stood from the bed. “I’m going to get you some food, Elsie. You need to eat to build your strength. You got too thin out on the streets.”
Something worrying seemed to cross Lexi’s face. She moved closer to me, and this time she sat right by my side. Lexi took a deep breath, and said, “Elsie, because you’re eighteen, it’s up to you whether you choose to stay here and get better, or leave.” My chest tightened as she spoke, then she added, “I want you to stay. I can’t bear the thought of you returning to the streets.” Her hand then landed on my arm and traveled down to my wrist that was covered by my bracelet, one of the two bracelets I never took off. Her thumb delicately ran over the metal, directly over the scar that was hidden below.
Dumbfuck, no one wants you. No one can stand that voice. No one can stand your stupid written notes.
I met Lexi’s eyes, Annabelle’s denigrating voice once again pushing through as Lexi shined a light on my biggest shame. But Lexi’s obvious sympathy and understanding only shone back at me, the haunting cruel voice of Annabelle floating to the farthest reaches of my mind.
“I don’t know anything about your life, and I would never presume to understand what you have been through, but you’re safe now. And if you let us, we would all like to help you in any way we can.”
This time, the tears brimming in my eyes fell onto my cheeks. No one had ever shown me such unconditional kindness before. In the past, these offers always came with terms that I would never agree to.
I was overcome.
Lexi didn’t say anything else on the matter. Instead she got to her feet and walked to the door. Just before leaving, she said, “Levi has been real worried about you, Elsie. He’s been coming up here every day after his classes to make sure y’all are well. He keeps you company. He sits by your bed and keeps you safe.” What she said caused the pulse in my neck to increase in speed and all I could think of was the boy from the alley, the one who brought me coffee and let me rest on his shoulder, cared for me. I didn’t understand the how or the why, but it filled me with happiness all the same.
Lexi left the room, and after a while, returned with food. As soon as I had eaten, Lexi showed me the bathroom attached to the room, and clothes that she had bought me. It all felt like a dream. She kept me company for a while, but it wasn’t long before my body felt drained.
Lexi stood. “You need to sleep, honey. It’s gonna take you a while to fight the pneumonia. Sleep as much as you can.”
My eyes were shut before I’d even had a chance to say thank you. I didn’t know how long I slept, but the night had drawn in when I heard the sound of a deep voice coming from beyond the bedroom door. The room was dark, and when it became clear who that voice belonged to, I closed my eyes again. My heart pounded as I heard the door open and he stepped through.
“She’s exhausted, Lev,” a female voice said. I recognized it as Lexi’s.
The silence stretched for a few seconds, before the deep voice asked, “But she was awake today? She spoke to you?” I fought for breath as I listened to the boy’s deep graveled voice. And his accent, it was southern and strong, causing my cheeks to glow. The sound of his soft sweet drawl suited the shy boy who had cared for me. And his beautiful voice, if I remembered correctly, suited his beautiful face.
“She didn’t speak,” Lexi whispered. “She told me she couldn’t. But she wrote on a pad of paper. Her name is Elsie, Lev. She’s eighteen, nearly nineteen.”
“Elsie,” Levi repeated, then cleared his throat. The way his voice wrapped around my name sent butterflies straight to my stomach.
“She’s a sweet girl, Lev. I can see why you wanted to help her. Beautiful too,” Lexi added. “But then I’m sure you already saw that for yourself.”
I heard the floorboards creak as if someone was rocking back and forth on their feet. “Yeah,” Levi suddenly whispered, and I felt like I had melted into the soft mattress.
Levi thought me beautiful?
“I’m just gonna sit with her a while, Lex.”
“Okay, honey,” Lexi replied. I heard the door close. Levi and I were alone, together, in the room.
I wanted to lift my head. I wanted to see what Levi Carillo looked like, without me being sick and confused. And I really wanted to thank him. I wanted to thank him for saving me—for caring enough to want to.
No one had ever cared before.
But I couldn’t. I was too terrified. With this boy, fear held my body and mind captive, leaving me frozen on the bed, eyes closed, faking sleep.
The chair’s legs beside me scraped on the floor, then I felt Levi’s presence as he faced me and sat down. I was sure he’d see through the fact that I was awake; that or the loud beating of my heart would be picked up by his perfect hearing and reveal how unnerved I felt in his presence. But nothing of the like happened. Levi sat in silence. I breathed steadily through my panic.
I listened, thankful my right ear was not laying on the pillow so I could hear him. His scent drifted into my nose, bringing in tow a feeling of peace. His scent was spiced and warm. It was strange, but it reminded me of the feeling of holding cold hands to an open fire, of drinking a hot drink on a winter’s night—welcomed, and calming… needed.
Levi didn’t move the entire time he sat there, but it was long enough for my pretend sleep to change into true sleep. As my breathing evened out, and my mind drifted away, I felt rough fingers land ever so gently on mine, and a voice at my ear whisper, “Goodnight, Elsie. Sleep tight.”
At the sound of the bedroom door closing, I mentally touched my face; for the briefest of moments I thought there was a whisper of a smile on my lips. No, I corrected, I was sure it was there, because it had to match the ghost of a smile that had taken root in my heart.
* * * * *
I woke during the night and a deep unease immediately crept over me. The room was pitch black. I didn’t like the darkness. I felt the stirrings of anxiety thread across my chest, and I reached out to search for the bedside light. My hand hopped over the wooden side table, until I found a wire and, at the end, a switch. I clicked it on and a dull glowing light filled the room. I breathed deep, holding my chest.
I hated the dark.
The voices came in the dark. Annabelle’s cruel words attacked me at night, when I was most vulnerable, when the memories hurt the worst.
I sat up. The clock on the nightstand told me it was past midnight. I touched my head, it was damp and sticky. My eyes drifted across to the bathroom and, before I knew it, my legs were carrying me through to the huge shower. I didn’t want to wake anybody, but Lexi had assured me that no one would be disturbed by me from this room in the house.
