He hit me. I crave to say it. The words beg for freedom, but there’s a whisper of guilt—a whisper that I’m stupid and that if I say more, then the entire world will see my shame...that they will judge and crucify me.
I was stupid. I fell for the wrong guy. He hurt me and I paid. He hurt me and I broke. He hurt me and the rest of the world will forever condemn.
“It’s okay,” Mom says again as she rocks the two of us. “We’re going to be okay.”
Chapter 76
West
Even though I talked to John on the phone and told him I’m still competing next Saturday and would appreciate his help, I’m apprehensive as I walk into the gym. He agreed to see me but didn’t agree to what I asked.
The moment the door shuts behind me, I drop my head. Damn. In the ring and in full gear, Kaden and Jax knock out a kick series.
John’s office sits dark and, if I’m manning up, forward is my only option. I broke the heart of a person they love. If I’m lucky, I’ll leave here with bones still intact.
I weave through the bags and call out to them, “Is John here?”
Their heads snap up in unison. The scratching of Velcro being undone breaks through the silence. Jax flies under the ropes and throws his headgear and gloves to the side. “Gotta death wish, Young?”
I show him the palm stop sign. “I’m here to talk to John. He knows I’m coming.”
With sweat pouring down his body, Jax mock glances around the gym. “Don’t see him.”
“Look, I made a mistake. I broke up with Haley because my dad said he’d pay for her college if I did.”
Jax advances on me like I said nothing. “I think you’re full of shit. I think now that Haley’s gone you want the benefit of this gym without having to respect the girl.”
“Where’s John?”
“Dunno. He told us to be here. Guess he wanted to give us an early Christmas present.”
Fuck. I’ve been set up. Jax widens his stance and I mirror the position and tighten my fist. Haley’s voice screams in my head to hold up my guard, but I don’t want to invite the hit. I’m not searching for a fight. “I’d get on my knees in front of Haley, tell her the truth and beg her to take me back if I could.”
Fire blazes out of his eyes. “Wrong choice of words.”
Jax swings and my guard goes up. I duck below the hit and sidestep out of the way. “I don’t want to fight you.”
“Too bad.”
He throws the cross and I block and meet the jab. Jax gains the low kick, but I quickly spin out of reach. “Fight!” Jax yells. “Are you a f**king man or not?”
“I’m not fighting you. I’m not here to fight you.”
We begin the dance. He attacks, and I counter but keep my blows to the block. Jax goes for the cross again, but in a snap he’s at my knees and I’m down. Dammit. I roll to keep him from gaining position and jump to my feet, guard up, ready to go again.
I do a double take when Jax leans against the ring and drinks from a water bottle. “Haley’s right. He sucks at the floor.”
Kaden slips under the ropes. “I needed more time. Never said I was a miracle worker.”
“We’ve got a week. Surely you can teach him some crazy shit by then.”
“Something’s better than nothing.” He nods at me. “You’re lucky she taught you how to block so damn well. You’re going to need it against Matt. He’s got a mean hook.”
I lower my arms when John emerges from the locker room. “She hasn’t taught him how to block a hook or an undercut. She was sticking to basics.”
Jax’s shoulders shake as he laughs. “Basics against Matt. Maybe she wanted him to die.”
Son of a bitch. “What the hell is going on?”
“Checking to see if you’re salvageable,” answers John. “And good thing for you, you kept that temper in check. Otherwise, your ass would be out of my gym.”
“Did you really break up with her because your dad would pay her tuition?” Kaden asks.
All three of them stare at me in silence and I keep my fists tight in case they don’t agree with my decision. “Yeah, but by showing here I’ve negated the deal.”
“She wouldn’t have accepted the money,” says Jax. “Haley has more class than that.”
She has more class than to be with me. Jax may not have thrown a physical hit, but he landed a blow full of guilt. “I know that now.”
“Does this look like the YMCA, girls?” asks John. “We’ve got a week until the fight.”
Jax straps on his gear and I angle my body so John knows I’m talking to him alone, but I have no doubt Jax and Kaden are listening. “I don’t deserve her forgiveness, but when this is done...tell Haley I kept my word and she’s worth fighting for.”
John pats my shoulder as he enters the ring. “That she is. Now get changed and get your ass on my floor.”
Chapter 77
Haley
I have never envied anyone in my life like I envy Maggie. Lying next to me, Maggie’s arms are flung over her head. One socked foot hangs off the bed; the other sockless foot has broken free of the blankets. Only her middle is covered. She breathes lightly, rhythmically and I wish I could share such deep, dreamless sleep.
When I sleep, I dream of West: of his smile, his laughter, his hands on me. We kiss and we touch and when our bodies are intertwined, West whispers he loves me and every time...I wake up feeling cold and alone and with tears.
Tonight, maybe I won’t sleep. Insomnia sounds like a wonderful habit.
For once, sleep isn’t a problem for my father. He’s turned away from me, tucked tightly in a ball on the other bed. Maybe this will mean he’s on some sort of road to recovery. Unfortunately, I’m pretty numb on hope.
“I don’t know, Dad...” Mom dragged the phone with her into the bathroom. She’s called John every night since we left and each night she emerges with red, puffy eyes. After John’s car broke down, we spent almost a week at my mother’s cousin’s house. Now, we’re back on the road. The door to the bathroom clicks open and a ray of light floods the cramped room.
“Haley,” whispers Mom. “Kaden wants to talk to you.”
I slide off the bed and Mom squeezes out of the bathroom as I slip in.
“Are you sure?” I ask. Kaden avoids conversation in person. He loathes phones.
Her answer is the closed door. Limited on options, I sit on the edge of the tub and press the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
I was stupid. I fell for the wrong guy. He hurt me and I paid. He hurt me and I broke. He hurt me and the rest of the world will forever condemn.
“It’s okay,” Mom says again as she rocks the two of us. “We’re going to be okay.”
Chapter 76
West
Even though I talked to John on the phone and told him I’m still competing next Saturday and would appreciate his help, I’m apprehensive as I walk into the gym. He agreed to see me but didn’t agree to what I asked.
The moment the door shuts behind me, I drop my head. Damn. In the ring and in full gear, Kaden and Jax knock out a kick series.
John’s office sits dark and, if I’m manning up, forward is my only option. I broke the heart of a person they love. If I’m lucky, I’ll leave here with bones still intact.
I weave through the bags and call out to them, “Is John here?”
Their heads snap up in unison. The scratching of Velcro being undone breaks through the silence. Jax flies under the ropes and throws his headgear and gloves to the side. “Gotta death wish, Young?”
I show him the palm stop sign. “I’m here to talk to John. He knows I’m coming.”
With sweat pouring down his body, Jax mock glances around the gym. “Don’t see him.”
“Look, I made a mistake. I broke up with Haley because my dad said he’d pay for her college if I did.”
Jax advances on me like I said nothing. “I think you’re full of shit. I think now that Haley’s gone you want the benefit of this gym without having to respect the girl.”
“Where’s John?”
“Dunno. He told us to be here. Guess he wanted to give us an early Christmas present.”
Fuck. I’ve been set up. Jax widens his stance and I mirror the position and tighten my fist. Haley’s voice screams in my head to hold up my guard, but I don’t want to invite the hit. I’m not searching for a fight. “I’d get on my knees in front of Haley, tell her the truth and beg her to take me back if I could.”
Fire blazes out of his eyes. “Wrong choice of words.”
Jax swings and my guard goes up. I duck below the hit and sidestep out of the way. “I don’t want to fight you.”
“Too bad.”
He throws the cross and I block and meet the jab. Jax gains the low kick, but I quickly spin out of reach. “Fight!” Jax yells. “Are you a f**king man or not?”
“I’m not fighting you. I’m not here to fight you.”
We begin the dance. He attacks, and I counter but keep my blows to the block. Jax goes for the cross again, but in a snap he’s at my knees and I’m down. Dammit. I roll to keep him from gaining position and jump to my feet, guard up, ready to go again.
I do a double take when Jax leans against the ring and drinks from a water bottle. “Haley’s right. He sucks at the floor.”
Kaden slips under the ropes. “I needed more time. Never said I was a miracle worker.”
“We’ve got a week. Surely you can teach him some crazy shit by then.”
“Something’s better than nothing.” He nods at me. “You’re lucky she taught you how to block so damn well. You’re going to need it against Matt. He’s got a mean hook.”
I lower my arms when John emerges from the locker room. “She hasn’t taught him how to block a hook or an undercut. She was sticking to basics.”
Jax’s shoulders shake as he laughs. “Basics against Matt. Maybe she wanted him to die.”
Son of a bitch. “What the hell is going on?”
“Checking to see if you’re salvageable,” answers John. “And good thing for you, you kept that temper in check. Otherwise, your ass would be out of my gym.”
“Did you really break up with her because your dad would pay her tuition?” Kaden asks.
All three of them stare at me in silence and I keep my fists tight in case they don’t agree with my decision. “Yeah, but by showing here I’ve negated the deal.”
“She wouldn’t have accepted the money,” says Jax. “Haley has more class than that.”
She has more class than to be with me. Jax may not have thrown a physical hit, but he landed a blow full of guilt. “I know that now.”
“Does this look like the YMCA, girls?” asks John. “We’ve got a week until the fight.”
Jax straps on his gear and I angle my body so John knows I’m talking to him alone, but I have no doubt Jax and Kaden are listening. “I don’t deserve her forgiveness, but when this is done...tell Haley I kept my word and she’s worth fighting for.”
John pats my shoulder as he enters the ring. “That she is. Now get changed and get your ass on my floor.”
Chapter 77
Haley
I have never envied anyone in my life like I envy Maggie. Lying next to me, Maggie’s arms are flung over her head. One socked foot hangs off the bed; the other sockless foot has broken free of the blankets. Only her middle is covered. She breathes lightly, rhythmically and I wish I could share such deep, dreamless sleep.
When I sleep, I dream of West: of his smile, his laughter, his hands on me. We kiss and we touch and when our bodies are intertwined, West whispers he loves me and every time...I wake up feeling cold and alone and with tears.
Tonight, maybe I won’t sleep. Insomnia sounds like a wonderful habit.
For once, sleep isn’t a problem for my father. He’s turned away from me, tucked tightly in a ball on the other bed. Maybe this will mean he’s on some sort of road to recovery. Unfortunately, I’m pretty numb on hope.
“I don’t know, Dad...” Mom dragged the phone with her into the bathroom. She’s called John every night since we left and each night she emerges with red, puffy eyes. After John’s car broke down, we spent almost a week at my mother’s cousin’s house. Now, we’re back on the road. The door to the bathroom clicks open and a ray of light floods the cramped room.
“Haley,” whispers Mom. “Kaden wants to talk to you.”
I slide off the bed and Mom squeezes out of the bathroom as I slip in.
“Are you sure?” I ask. Kaden avoids conversation in person. He loathes phones.
Her answer is the closed door. Limited on options, I sit on the edge of the tub and press the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
