“Take it slow. We’re all here as your friends, Cassie.” Penny squeezed her hand.
“The hitting started. Well wait, back up a bit. The emotional and mental abuse started after the control. If I questioned anything he did, he’d grind me down. Make me think I was stupid or mean to him, that I didn’t love him or appreciate what he did for me. I’m a smart woman, graduated at the top of my class but he made me feel stupid. Worthless. Invisible. Ugly.” She gulped the last of her margarita and winced as the icy drink made her head ache. Still, she held up her glass and Penny refilled it.
“He didn’t hit me all the time. He didn’t need to really. I was so afraid to do anything wrong, I had no life outside of my job and our marriage. Being his wife was a full time job. He made me weigh in every Friday. If I gained a pound or lost more than two, he’d punish me.”
The other women cringed but stayed quiet, letting her tell her story in her own way.
“He was a doctor. He knew just where to hit where it would hurt me but not do outward damage. Kidney punches so hard I urinated blood. He punched me in the head, no bruises that way but I developed a vision problem so he stopped that. All of the physical stuff was where it wouldn’t show. On my stomach and lower back, my thighs were a favorite place.” Her voice seemed so calm as she related it all. Almost like she was reading it, or even talking about someone else. It was the only way she could get through it.
“Anyway, it all started getting really bad two years ago. The physical abuse was getting severe enough that my co-workers began to suspect something was wrong. He was questioned by his boss, which only made things worse for me. Our sex life,” Cassie shuddered, “was awful. He raped me more often than I consented. It was like this one part of me I could control. He couldn’t make me want him or even pretend to.” Her voice became choked and tears welled up. Maggie moved closer and stroked a hand over her hair.
“I wanted to leave. I don’t know why I didn’t. I was afraid. He told me he’d find me and kill me. I believed him. I had every reason to. I took birth control shots and thank heaven I never got pregnant because he really wanted kids.
“And then my father died and he deteriorated because I had money. A lot of it. In his crazy mind, enough to leave him. He became paranoid. He’d weep, begging me to forgive him one day and beat me nearly bloody the next. I was missing work and I knew it was a matter of time before I lost my job or he killed me.”
She got up and went into the kitchen and took two shots of the tequila, wiping her hand on the back of her mouth before coming back. “Okay, I think I’m better now.” Her words were slurred a bit but she wanted to finish it. Or at least most of it.
“My boss was…is a wonderful woman. Really supportive. I love her to this day. Anyway, she cornered me in her office and demanded that I tell her the truth. I’d been lying so long, hiding it that I started to deny it automatically but for some reason, I shook it off and told her the truth. Showed her the bruises on my back and stomach and she called the cops and my brother. The cops took my statement and pictures and my brother made me move out of the house and in with him.
“I filed for divorce and we started going through the process. It sucked but my ex couldn’t do much. My brother is a hot shot family law attorney and he had my back. There were pictures and lots of evidence from people who’d seen my physical problems getting worse at work. I got my divorce but I gave him the house and the car and the vacation house and all the clothes he ever bought me. I wanted to be free, I didn’t care about the stuff. I just took what I brought into that house and my books.
“But it wasn’t enough. And he wouldn’t stop. I thought I had my life back but he wasn’t going to let me. He just pretended to and he attacked me. A little over year ago. Bad.” She couldn’t detail that night. Could not.
She shook her head hard and began to cry. “I can’t say more.”
The women, her friends, surrounded her and enveloped her into a hug as they murmured. Comforting her.
She cried a long time until she couldn’t anymore and sat back, head on the couch.
“Girl, I don’t know how you came out of that clusterfuck with such a good head on your shoulders. You’re a strong woman, Cassie. I admire you.”
Cassie moved her head enough to look at Liv in utter disbelief. “Strong? I let this ass**le f**k me over and beat me up, rape me, for four years! I’m not strong. I’m a doormat. I was weak and stupid.”
Penny moved, holding her upper arms. “You are not stupid, Cassie. Domestic violence happens to women across class lines, across educational backgrounds, across race and religion. It happens to all kinds of women. It’s the frog in the pot syndrome. You didn’t know the water was boiling until it was too late. That makes you human, not stupid.”
“And that’s what these ass**le abusers do. They make you believe you deserve it. It’s a mindfuck. He worked you over physically as well as mentally. But you got out. That’s the key here, Cassie. I can’t believe what you’ve gone through. No wonder you get spooked by men. It’s amazing to me how totally together you are.” Liv’s voice was tinged with anger.
“I’m not some charity case you know. I heard all this at my group counseling. You must all think I’m such a flake. I thank God my father never lived to see how it ended.”
Penny shook her head. “I think you’re amazing. I’ve thought that since the first day you came into the store and I continue to think so. You’re a survivor, Cassie. He took your life for four years but you took it back. You’re here, working, living, dating even. This doesn’t change the way I feel about you. You’re my friend.”
“The hitting started. Well wait, back up a bit. The emotional and mental abuse started after the control. If I questioned anything he did, he’d grind me down. Make me think I was stupid or mean to him, that I didn’t love him or appreciate what he did for me. I’m a smart woman, graduated at the top of my class but he made me feel stupid. Worthless. Invisible. Ugly.” She gulped the last of her margarita and winced as the icy drink made her head ache. Still, she held up her glass and Penny refilled it.
“He didn’t hit me all the time. He didn’t need to really. I was so afraid to do anything wrong, I had no life outside of my job and our marriage. Being his wife was a full time job. He made me weigh in every Friday. If I gained a pound or lost more than two, he’d punish me.”
The other women cringed but stayed quiet, letting her tell her story in her own way.
“He was a doctor. He knew just where to hit where it would hurt me but not do outward damage. Kidney punches so hard I urinated blood. He punched me in the head, no bruises that way but I developed a vision problem so he stopped that. All of the physical stuff was where it wouldn’t show. On my stomach and lower back, my thighs were a favorite place.” Her voice seemed so calm as she related it all. Almost like she was reading it, or even talking about someone else. It was the only way she could get through it.
“Anyway, it all started getting really bad two years ago. The physical abuse was getting severe enough that my co-workers began to suspect something was wrong. He was questioned by his boss, which only made things worse for me. Our sex life,” Cassie shuddered, “was awful. He raped me more often than I consented. It was like this one part of me I could control. He couldn’t make me want him or even pretend to.” Her voice became choked and tears welled up. Maggie moved closer and stroked a hand over her hair.
“I wanted to leave. I don’t know why I didn’t. I was afraid. He told me he’d find me and kill me. I believed him. I had every reason to. I took birth control shots and thank heaven I never got pregnant because he really wanted kids.
“And then my father died and he deteriorated because I had money. A lot of it. In his crazy mind, enough to leave him. He became paranoid. He’d weep, begging me to forgive him one day and beat me nearly bloody the next. I was missing work and I knew it was a matter of time before I lost my job or he killed me.”
She got up and went into the kitchen and took two shots of the tequila, wiping her hand on the back of her mouth before coming back. “Okay, I think I’m better now.” Her words were slurred a bit but she wanted to finish it. Or at least most of it.
“My boss was…is a wonderful woman. Really supportive. I love her to this day. Anyway, she cornered me in her office and demanded that I tell her the truth. I’d been lying so long, hiding it that I started to deny it automatically but for some reason, I shook it off and told her the truth. Showed her the bruises on my back and stomach and she called the cops and my brother. The cops took my statement and pictures and my brother made me move out of the house and in with him.
“I filed for divorce and we started going through the process. It sucked but my ex couldn’t do much. My brother is a hot shot family law attorney and he had my back. There were pictures and lots of evidence from people who’d seen my physical problems getting worse at work. I got my divorce but I gave him the house and the car and the vacation house and all the clothes he ever bought me. I wanted to be free, I didn’t care about the stuff. I just took what I brought into that house and my books.
“But it wasn’t enough. And he wouldn’t stop. I thought I had my life back but he wasn’t going to let me. He just pretended to and he attacked me. A little over year ago. Bad.” She couldn’t detail that night. Could not.
She shook her head hard and began to cry. “I can’t say more.”
The women, her friends, surrounded her and enveloped her into a hug as they murmured. Comforting her.
She cried a long time until she couldn’t anymore and sat back, head on the couch.
“Girl, I don’t know how you came out of that clusterfuck with such a good head on your shoulders. You’re a strong woman, Cassie. I admire you.”
Cassie moved her head enough to look at Liv in utter disbelief. “Strong? I let this ass**le f**k me over and beat me up, rape me, for four years! I’m not strong. I’m a doormat. I was weak and stupid.”
Penny moved, holding her upper arms. “You are not stupid, Cassie. Domestic violence happens to women across class lines, across educational backgrounds, across race and religion. It happens to all kinds of women. It’s the frog in the pot syndrome. You didn’t know the water was boiling until it was too late. That makes you human, not stupid.”
“And that’s what these ass**le abusers do. They make you believe you deserve it. It’s a mindfuck. He worked you over physically as well as mentally. But you got out. That’s the key here, Cassie. I can’t believe what you’ve gone through. No wonder you get spooked by men. It’s amazing to me how totally together you are.” Liv’s voice was tinged with anger.
“I’m not some charity case you know. I heard all this at my group counseling. You must all think I’m such a flake. I thank God my father never lived to see how it ended.”
Penny shook her head. “I think you’re amazing. I’ve thought that since the first day you came into the store and I continue to think so. You’re a survivor, Cassie. He took your life for four years but you took it back. You’re here, working, living, dating even. This doesn’t change the way I feel about you. You’re my friend.”
