“I don’t even know what to say. Cassie, you’re so strong. Why didn’t you tell me before? Why hide this? Of course it freaked you out when I grabbed your neck like that. He must have when he hurt you, didn’t he?”
She jumped up. “Yes! Yes, okay? I don’t want to do this. I didn’t tell you because I hate it. I hate that it happened to me and that I let it happen. I hate the person I was and I hate that anyone would know I allowed someone to do those sorts of things to me.”
Gracefully, he stood and went to her. “You didn’t allow it. It happened to you and you got out. And damn if you did all the right things but were failed. I’m sorry.” A gentle hand moved to her cheek and his fingertips traced the line of her jaw.
“You’re not disgusted? Freaked out?”
“Of course I’m disgusted. But not by you, Cassie. How can any man do that to the woman he’s supposed to love and cherish? How can a man turn that love into something sick and twisted? Look at you. How can any man have had you at his side and perverted it instead of rejoiced in it? Fuck, I want to kill him for harming you!” Dropping his hand, he began to pace.
“Okay so here’s what we’ll do, you’ll be sure to get me the order of no contact from LA. My father can help you and get you in to see a judge to get it extended to here. Does the bastard know where you are now? We should assume he’s looking for you and take precautions. We’ll get you some better locks, a security system too. One of the guys I work with does installation of security systems on the…”
“Whoa!” She yelled, making the time out motion with her hands. “I’m fine. I’m dealing. I’m moving on. I am so f**king done with the legal system right now it’s not funny. Let’s talk about something else please.”
“Hell no we won’t talk about something else. Cassie, you can’t just ignore this. You have to take care of the legalities so I can protect you better if he comes to town. In fact, why don’t you give me the name and number of the cop you dealt with and I’ll give him a call and he can fill me in and I can handle things for you that way.”
Her eyes widened. “This is not going to happen. Do you understand me, Shane Chase? You will not manage me. I can take care of myself.”
“Yeah, sure! That’s why this guy hurt you so bad that when people bump into you in a nightclub you totally shut down.”
“You think you can wish all that away? Step in and make it gone? Poof, Cassie was never beaten up and raped by her ex? Stalked, nearly fired because of the harassment at the workplace? You. Can’t. Save. Me! It’s done. It’s over.”
“I have some skill and expertise here. I’m willing to overlook the fact that you didn’t even tell me until tonight about the years of abuse, but it’s unacceptable that you won’t let me help when I have the damned ability. I want to protect you. I know what you need.”
“I have had enough, and I mean always and forever, of men thinking they can protect me and that they know what I need more than I do. I do not need another pushy, overbearing, control freak man in my life. I do not need to be taken care of. Never again. Never again, do you understand me? I will not ever let anyone take me over and make me feel like I deserve to be beaten and treated like nothing. I like you, Shane, but not enough to give you my soul.”
“Are you comparing me to your ex-husband? Oh f**k no. You will not. I’ve made a lot of mistakes with people in my life. Trusted the wrong ones, didn’t trust the right ones, hurt those who trusted me. But I am not that filth you were married to. I care about you, Cassie. More than I’ve cared about a woman in…” he shoved a hand through his hair, “…damn it, I’ve never cared about a woman this much. Have I harmed you, Cassie? Have I used my size to intimidate you? Does my wanting to be a cop and help you and keep you safe begin to compare to a man who’d punch your head?” His eyes were vivid with emotion and it cut straight to her gut.
“I don’t want your soul. I want your heart. I can wait for it and I want it of your own free will. But I’d never harm you to get it. If you’ll let me, I’ll cherish you, not control you. I can’t promise not to be an arrogant ass. Hell, I am an arrogant ass. But I can’t bear to think you’d class me with him. It’s not fair of you.”
Standing there, arms crossed defensively over her chest, she realized she’d just had a heated argument with him but he’d never jumped at her or menaced her. He’d raised his voice, yes, but not once did she feel afraid. Irritated, hell yes. The man irritated the heck out of her and it was clear he had white knight tendencies. But he was right, she wasn’t being fair and he wasn’t anything like Terry.
Sighing, she moved forward one step and then another until she reached him. She placed her palm over his heart and looked into his face. “You’re right. It’s not right. And I don’t think you’re like Terry. God, you’re a million miles away from his zip code.” She pulled back.
“But I don’t know if I can promise not to react again to something like this. Or anything. The panic attacks happen less and less frequently but when they do, they’re pretty bad. And I can’t be managed. You’re a very in charge type, Shane. I have to make choices for myself. Even if it seems stupid to you, it’s everything to me. You should move on. Find a normal woman without baggage.”
“Are you dumping me?” A smile played at the corners of his mouth.
She jumped up. “Yes! Yes, okay? I don’t want to do this. I didn’t tell you because I hate it. I hate that it happened to me and that I let it happen. I hate the person I was and I hate that anyone would know I allowed someone to do those sorts of things to me.”
Gracefully, he stood and went to her. “You didn’t allow it. It happened to you and you got out. And damn if you did all the right things but were failed. I’m sorry.” A gentle hand moved to her cheek and his fingertips traced the line of her jaw.
“You’re not disgusted? Freaked out?”
“Of course I’m disgusted. But not by you, Cassie. How can any man do that to the woman he’s supposed to love and cherish? How can a man turn that love into something sick and twisted? Look at you. How can any man have had you at his side and perverted it instead of rejoiced in it? Fuck, I want to kill him for harming you!” Dropping his hand, he began to pace.
“Okay so here’s what we’ll do, you’ll be sure to get me the order of no contact from LA. My father can help you and get you in to see a judge to get it extended to here. Does the bastard know where you are now? We should assume he’s looking for you and take precautions. We’ll get you some better locks, a security system too. One of the guys I work with does installation of security systems on the…”
“Whoa!” She yelled, making the time out motion with her hands. “I’m fine. I’m dealing. I’m moving on. I am so f**king done with the legal system right now it’s not funny. Let’s talk about something else please.”
“Hell no we won’t talk about something else. Cassie, you can’t just ignore this. You have to take care of the legalities so I can protect you better if he comes to town. In fact, why don’t you give me the name and number of the cop you dealt with and I’ll give him a call and he can fill me in and I can handle things for you that way.”
Her eyes widened. “This is not going to happen. Do you understand me, Shane Chase? You will not manage me. I can take care of myself.”
“Yeah, sure! That’s why this guy hurt you so bad that when people bump into you in a nightclub you totally shut down.”
“You think you can wish all that away? Step in and make it gone? Poof, Cassie was never beaten up and raped by her ex? Stalked, nearly fired because of the harassment at the workplace? You. Can’t. Save. Me! It’s done. It’s over.”
“I have some skill and expertise here. I’m willing to overlook the fact that you didn’t even tell me until tonight about the years of abuse, but it’s unacceptable that you won’t let me help when I have the damned ability. I want to protect you. I know what you need.”
“I have had enough, and I mean always and forever, of men thinking they can protect me and that they know what I need more than I do. I do not need another pushy, overbearing, control freak man in my life. I do not need to be taken care of. Never again. Never again, do you understand me? I will not ever let anyone take me over and make me feel like I deserve to be beaten and treated like nothing. I like you, Shane, but not enough to give you my soul.”
“Are you comparing me to your ex-husband? Oh f**k no. You will not. I’ve made a lot of mistakes with people in my life. Trusted the wrong ones, didn’t trust the right ones, hurt those who trusted me. But I am not that filth you were married to. I care about you, Cassie. More than I’ve cared about a woman in…” he shoved a hand through his hair, “…damn it, I’ve never cared about a woman this much. Have I harmed you, Cassie? Have I used my size to intimidate you? Does my wanting to be a cop and help you and keep you safe begin to compare to a man who’d punch your head?” His eyes were vivid with emotion and it cut straight to her gut.
“I don’t want your soul. I want your heart. I can wait for it and I want it of your own free will. But I’d never harm you to get it. If you’ll let me, I’ll cherish you, not control you. I can’t promise not to be an arrogant ass. Hell, I am an arrogant ass. But I can’t bear to think you’d class me with him. It’s not fair of you.”
Standing there, arms crossed defensively over her chest, she realized she’d just had a heated argument with him but he’d never jumped at her or menaced her. He’d raised his voice, yes, but not once did she feel afraid. Irritated, hell yes. The man irritated the heck out of her and it was clear he had white knight tendencies. But he was right, she wasn’t being fair and he wasn’t anything like Terry.
Sighing, she moved forward one step and then another until she reached him. She placed her palm over his heart and looked into his face. “You’re right. It’s not right. And I don’t think you’re like Terry. God, you’re a million miles away from his zip code.” She pulled back.
“But I don’t know if I can promise not to react again to something like this. Or anything. The panic attacks happen less and less frequently but when they do, they’re pretty bad. And I can’t be managed. You’re a very in charge type, Shane. I have to make choices for myself. Even if it seems stupid to you, it’s everything to me. You should move on. Find a normal woman without baggage.”
“Are you dumping me?” A smile played at the corners of his mouth.
