The Best Goodbye
Page 37
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The light in Franny’s eyes dimmed some. I hated to be the cause of that, but how could I promise her something I wasn’t sure of?
“If he can be there, then he will be. That I do know,” I assured her, wanting to ease my too-blunt answer.
She smiled then. “I bet he’ll want to be. You can make a big, yummy red velvet cake. I love those. He does, too—he said so. I asked him. He’ll love yours. You make the best.”
“If red velvet is what you want, then that’s what I’ll make,” I assured her.
She seemed happy with this. Standing up, she walked over and kissed my cheek. “I’ll brush my teeth, and then I’ll be ready for school.”
I nodded, gave her a squeeze, and watched my little girl bounce off. I wanted her to have it all. And to her, Captain was part of that.
If only I could control everything in her life and fulfill all of her hopes and dreams.
• • •
Once Addy was at school and I was back home, I put on a pair of shorts and a tank top and decided it was a good time to clean the house from top to bottom. I was thankful it was Jamieson who answered when I called in sick. He told me he hoped I was better soon and was very professional and polite. I wondered how long his enthusiasm was going to last.
Not having to deal with Captain had been a major plus for me. I wasn’t sure if this would affect my night off, though. I knew he wanted to eat with Franny. I figured since he was still the boss, he’d make sure I was still off work that night.
Today’s plan was to clean and forget yesterday completely. Especially the moments in his office when I’d made a fool of myself by melting into him like an idiot. The way he had dismissed me so easily had felt like being doused with a bucket of cold water. After watching the way he’d treated women for the past month, I had thought I was smarter than that.
I didn’t blame Elle now. If he’d turned that smoldering, breathtaking intensity on her, no wonder she was obsessed with him. And he hadn’t turned her away, either. He’d taken what she was offering. My offering, however, was too inexperienced for him. Asshole. Womanizing asshole.
Once, I had been what he wanted. The fact I’d only been with him had made us closer. He’d been proud of it and made me feel special. Our eyes would lock across a crowded hallway at school, and we’d connect without words. It had bonded us in a way that ruined me for anyone else. I hadn’t wanted that kind of connection with someone else.
That had changed for him, though. He wanted other things now, and he didn’t want to teach me. Fine. Whatever. I didn’t need him, either. The only thing I hated was that his actions were tarnishing the memory of what we once had. I’d held the memory of one particular night close, and it had kept me warm when I was lonely. Now it was not enough. Or maybe I simply wasn’t enough.
Ten years ago
I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. Could others see that I was different? I felt different, and I could see the difference.
River had held me for hours last night after we’d had sex. Then he’d cleaned me up and taken care of my sheets early this morning, before pulling me back into his arms for a kiss and going back to his room.
I hadn’t been able to go back to sleep after he’d left. All I could do was smile as I stared at the ceiling, remembering every moment. It had hurt, but the way he had held me and whispered in my ear about how much he loved me had helped ease the throbbing until he could move again.
His face when he’d stilled and stared down at me, his jaw going slack and his eyes glazing over, had been beautiful. I wanted to see that again. Seeing the condom as he’d pulled it off, streaked with my blood, had startled me, but he’d taken his T-shirt and cleaned between my legs, telling me it was normal the first time. I trusted him. I didn’t feel that saying I loved him was enough now. It was so much more than that. He was what completed me. He made my life full.
Now River came up behind me, slipped his arms around my waist, and looked at our reflection in the mirror. I watched him as he turned his head to kiss my temple before looking back at me. Our eyes said more than we ever could.
His tanned arms were turning into the muscular arms of a man, and I loved having them around me. I also loved the way they’d flexed as he’d held himself over me last night. For a moment, I’d been lost in the way the muscles moved with each rock of his hips. Another thing about him that was beautiful.
“How do you feel?” he asked me, watching me closely.
The smile on my face should have told him all he needed to know. “Perfect.”
He swallowed hard and put his palm flat against my stomach and pulled me tighter against his chest. “Me, too.”
Captain
Her car was in the driveway when I pulled up to Addy’s house. When I’d gotten to the office and found out she’d called in sick, I had turned and walked right back out. She wasn’t sick. At least, I hoped she wasn’t. I was more than positive she’d called in sick to stay away from me. Which I deserved, dammit. Last night had gone wrong. I wanted to get close to her and have a relationship with my daughter.
I wanted Addy. There, I said it. I fucking wanted Addy. The idea of her with anyone else drove me mad. But how could I have her? The man I was now could never be someone she would love.
I parked my truck and headed for her door, not sure what I intended to say, but I had to say something. This thing between us had to be fixed for Franny’s sake—and my sanity. Sleeping last night had been impossible. The look on Addy’s face before she had turned and walked out of my office had taunted me. How could I protect her from me? I’d protected her from everyone else, but I’d never had to protect her from me.
“If he can be there, then he will be. That I do know,” I assured her, wanting to ease my too-blunt answer.
She smiled then. “I bet he’ll want to be. You can make a big, yummy red velvet cake. I love those. He does, too—he said so. I asked him. He’ll love yours. You make the best.”
“If red velvet is what you want, then that’s what I’ll make,” I assured her.
She seemed happy with this. Standing up, she walked over and kissed my cheek. “I’ll brush my teeth, and then I’ll be ready for school.”
I nodded, gave her a squeeze, and watched my little girl bounce off. I wanted her to have it all. And to her, Captain was part of that.
If only I could control everything in her life and fulfill all of her hopes and dreams.
• • •
Once Addy was at school and I was back home, I put on a pair of shorts and a tank top and decided it was a good time to clean the house from top to bottom. I was thankful it was Jamieson who answered when I called in sick. He told me he hoped I was better soon and was very professional and polite. I wondered how long his enthusiasm was going to last.
Not having to deal with Captain had been a major plus for me. I wasn’t sure if this would affect my night off, though. I knew he wanted to eat with Franny. I figured since he was still the boss, he’d make sure I was still off work that night.
Today’s plan was to clean and forget yesterday completely. Especially the moments in his office when I’d made a fool of myself by melting into him like an idiot. The way he had dismissed me so easily had felt like being doused with a bucket of cold water. After watching the way he’d treated women for the past month, I had thought I was smarter than that.
I didn’t blame Elle now. If he’d turned that smoldering, breathtaking intensity on her, no wonder she was obsessed with him. And he hadn’t turned her away, either. He’d taken what she was offering. My offering, however, was too inexperienced for him. Asshole. Womanizing asshole.
Once, I had been what he wanted. The fact I’d only been with him had made us closer. He’d been proud of it and made me feel special. Our eyes would lock across a crowded hallway at school, and we’d connect without words. It had bonded us in a way that ruined me for anyone else. I hadn’t wanted that kind of connection with someone else.
That had changed for him, though. He wanted other things now, and he didn’t want to teach me. Fine. Whatever. I didn’t need him, either. The only thing I hated was that his actions were tarnishing the memory of what we once had. I’d held the memory of one particular night close, and it had kept me warm when I was lonely. Now it was not enough. Or maybe I simply wasn’t enough.
Ten years ago
I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. Could others see that I was different? I felt different, and I could see the difference.
River had held me for hours last night after we’d had sex. Then he’d cleaned me up and taken care of my sheets early this morning, before pulling me back into his arms for a kiss and going back to his room.
I hadn’t been able to go back to sleep after he’d left. All I could do was smile as I stared at the ceiling, remembering every moment. It had hurt, but the way he had held me and whispered in my ear about how much he loved me had helped ease the throbbing until he could move again.
His face when he’d stilled and stared down at me, his jaw going slack and his eyes glazing over, had been beautiful. I wanted to see that again. Seeing the condom as he’d pulled it off, streaked with my blood, had startled me, but he’d taken his T-shirt and cleaned between my legs, telling me it was normal the first time. I trusted him. I didn’t feel that saying I loved him was enough now. It was so much more than that. He was what completed me. He made my life full.
Now River came up behind me, slipped his arms around my waist, and looked at our reflection in the mirror. I watched him as he turned his head to kiss my temple before looking back at me. Our eyes said more than we ever could.
His tanned arms were turning into the muscular arms of a man, and I loved having them around me. I also loved the way they’d flexed as he’d held himself over me last night. For a moment, I’d been lost in the way the muscles moved with each rock of his hips. Another thing about him that was beautiful.
“How do you feel?” he asked me, watching me closely.
The smile on my face should have told him all he needed to know. “Perfect.”
He swallowed hard and put his palm flat against my stomach and pulled me tighter against his chest. “Me, too.”
Captain
Her car was in the driveway when I pulled up to Addy’s house. When I’d gotten to the office and found out she’d called in sick, I had turned and walked right back out. She wasn’t sick. At least, I hoped she wasn’t. I was more than positive she’d called in sick to stay away from me. Which I deserved, dammit. Last night had gone wrong. I wanted to get close to her and have a relationship with my daughter.
I wanted Addy. There, I said it. I fucking wanted Addy. The idea of her with anyone else drove me mad. But how could I have her? The man I was now could never be someone she would love.
I parked my truck and headed for her door, not sure what I intended to say, but I had to say something. This thing between us had to be fixed for Franny’s sake—and my sanity. Sleeping last night had been impossible. The look on Addy’s face before she had turned and walked out of my office had taunted me. How could I protect her from me? I’d protected her from everyone else, but I’d never had to protect her from me.
