The Best Kind of Trouble
Page 32
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“So tell him.”
“No way. They’re not doing anything wrong, Tuesday. They’re my buttons, and they’re there because I’m messed up. I can’t make him responsible for that. I just have to find a way to be used to it.”
“I think you can tell him without it making him responsible for your issues,” Tuesday, ever reasonable, suggested. “Eric and I had our share of stuff we had to get past. I had to tell him about the racist shit his brother would say when he wasn’t around. You’re the one who told me to.”
“Well, you were worried he wouldn’t believe you! Eric loved you like crazy. He knew you wouldn’t have made up something about his family like that. And he believed you and supported you.”
Tuesday nodded emphatically. “Yes. That’s my point. If you just said, hey, you know my childhood was sort of insane, and when you’re like this with your brothers, it sometimes reminds me of that. You’re not telling him not to be that with his family, you’re letting him know why you might react a certain way. He digs you. He wants to do the right thing.”
“I can’t make him responsible for my bullshit. I won’t make him responsible for it. It’s my stuff, not his. Maybe it’ll, you know, normal me up, just being around it and getting used to it.”
Tuesday heaved a put-upon sigh. “Here’s the place in our program where I underline how it’s not your fault that you were raised the way you were. The adults in your life f**ked you over. It’s not your stuff, either. It’s theirs. He could help you with that.”
“Ugh. Can we talk about something else?”
“No. Come on, Natalie. You had a chaotic life, but you overcame that and made yourself into something better. Why be ashamed of that?”
“I’m not ashamed of that. I’m proud of what I’ve made out of my life. But I don’t want him to feel bad for the way he is. It’s normal to roll around and punch your brothers and all that stuff. If I told him, he’d want to stop to make me feel better. That’s not fair to him. Eventually, he’d come to resent me for it. His family would. I don’t want to get between him and his obviously healthy and close relationship with his family because of my unhealthy relationship with mine. Anyway, why are you on this topic so hard?”
Again the sigh. “Bob called this morning while you were in the shower.”
“He what?” Her stomach revolted. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m telling you now.”
Bob was Robert Clayton the third. Her father.
“What did he want? Or do I really even need to ask?”
Tuesday shrugged. “The usual. He swears he’s been clean for ninety days. Wants to talk with you.”
She’d done the making-amends step with him many times now. Sometimes he was genuine. He meant to keep himself clean. Sometimes he meant it when he said he was sorry. But eventually he’d end up a mess, and she’d be sucked back into his life, cleaning up after him.
The past two times she’d refused to hear it. Building walls around herself where her father was concerned was a self-defense, and one she didn’t feel bad about anymore.
“Damn it. My grandmother must have given him the number.” Natalie had changed it because she didn’t want him having it. And she’d told her grandmother she didn’t want him to know it.
“You know how she is.”
“Yes, well, that’s why he’s the way he is.”
“You’ll call Monday and change it. I told him not to call again.”
“You shouldn’t have to deal with a changing phone number every year or so because of this.”
“Whatever. You’re not him. Thank God. If you want, we’ll change the phone number and you can decide to tell your grandmother or not. She’s going to give it to him regardless. She can’t say no. So if you give her the number again, she’ll do the same to Bob. You know how it works. I don’t care either way. I just want you to keep your guard up.”
Damn it.
* * *
PADDY WAS WAITING on her doorstep when they got back from the hike.
“I bring Fran’s Chocolates.” He thrust a box her way, and she took it with a quick kiss.
She wasn’t always super affectionate in public so when she was, it made him extra happy.
He waved at Tuesday. “How was the hike?”
“It was good. The leaves are starting to change.”
They went inside, and she popped the lid off the box and they gorged on chocolates.
He leaned back in his chair and watched Nat and Tuesday enjoy his gift. Paddy liked Tuesday a great deal. She protected Natalie fiercely but also seemed to push her when she needed pushing.
“You two want to come up and watch movies at my place? We just got a bunch of new DVDs. There’s that sci-fi one you were talking about last week.” He’d called in some favors for it, but the way her eyes lit, he was glad he had.
“Really? Awesome. Tuesday and I were going to hang out, though. We haven’t had much girl time. Maybe tomorrow?”
Tuesday scoffed. “We can have girl time watching movies in your boyfriend’s giant swanky screening room. He has a movie-popcorn-popper thingy. Way better than microwave popcorn.”
Natalie smirked in Tuesday’s direction but then let her off the hook. “Okay, then. I need a shower. I’m sweaty and gross. We’ll be up in a bit. Should we bring anything?” She tiptoed up to kiss him again.
“No way. They’re not doing anything wrong, Tuesday. They’re my buttons, and they’re there because I’m messed up. I can’t make him responsible for that. I just have to find a way to be used to it.”
“I think you can tell him without it making him responsible for your issues,” Tuesday, ever reasonable, suggested. “Eric and I had our share of stuff we had to get past. I had to tell him about the racist shit his brother would say when he wasn’t around. You’re the one who told me to.”
“Well, you were worried he wouldn’t believe you! Eric loved you like crazy. He knew you wouldn’t have made up something about his family like that. And he believed you and supported you.”
Tuesday nodded emphatically. “Yes. That’s my point. If you just said, hey, you know my childhood was sort of insane, and when you’re like this with your brothers, it sometimes reminds me of that. You’re not telling him not to be that with his family, you’re letting him know why you might react a certain way. He digs you. He wants to do the right thing.”
“I can’t make him responsible for my bullshit. I won’t make him responsible for it. It’s my stuff, not his. Maybe it’ll, you know, normal me up, just being around it and getting used to it.”
Tuesday heaved a put-upon sigh. “Here’s the place in our program where I underline how it’s not your fault that you were raised the way you were. The adults in your life f**ked you over. It’s not your stuff, either. It’s theirs. He could help you with that.”
“Ugh. Can we talk about something else?”
“No. Come on, Natalie. You had a chaotic life, but you overcame that and made yourself into something better. Why be ashamed of that?”
“I’m not ashamed of that. I’m proud of what I’ve made out of my life. But I don’t want him to feel bad for the way he is. It’s normal to roll around and punch your brothers and all that stuff. If I told him, he’d want to stop to make me feel better. That’s not fair to him. Eventually, he’d come to resent me for it. His family would. I don’t want to get between him and his obviously healthy and close relationship with his family because of my unhealthy relationship with mine. Anyway, why are you on this topic so hard?”
Again the sigh. “Bob called this morning while you were in the shower.”
“He what?” Her stomach revolted. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m telling you now.”
Bob was Robert Clayton the third. Her father.
“What did he want? Or do I really even need to ask?”
Tuesday shrugged. “The usual. He swears he’s been clean for ninety days. Wants to talk with you.”
She’d done the making-amends step with him many times now. Sometimes he was genuine. He meant to keep himself clean. Sometimes he meant it when he said he was sorry. But eventually he’d end up a mess, and she’d be sucked back into his life, cleaning up after him.
The past two times she’d refused to hear it. Building walls around herself where her father was concerned was a self-defense, and one she didn’t feel bad about anymore.
“Damn it. My grandmother must have given him the number.” Natalie had changed it because she didn’t want him having it. And she’d told her grandmother she didn’t want him to know it.
“You know how she is.”
“Yes, well, that’s why he’s the way he is.”
“You’ll call Monday and change it. I told him not to call again.”
“You shouldn’t have to deal with a changing phone number every year or so because of this.”
“Whatever. You’re not him. Thank God. If you want, we’ll change the phone number and you can decide to tell your grandmother or not. She’s going to give it to him regardless. She can’t say no. So if you give her the number again, she’ll do the same to Bob. You know how it works. I don’t care either way. I just want you to keep your guard up.”
Damn it.
* * *
PADDY WAS WAITING on her doorstep when they got back from the hike.
“I bring Fran’s Chocolates.” He thrust a box her way, and she took it with a quick kiss.
She wasn’t always super affectionate in public so when she was, it made him extra happy.
He waved at Tuesday. “How was the hike?”
“It was good. The leaves are starting to change.”
They went inside, and she popped the lid off the box and they gorged on chocolates.
He leaned back in his chair and watched Nat and Tuesday enjoy his gift. Paddy liked Tuesday a great deal. She protected Natalie fiercely but also seemed to push her when she needed pushing.
“You two want to come up and watch movies at my place? We just got a bunch of new DVDs. There’s that sci-fi one you were talking about last week.” He’d called in some favors for it, but the way her eyes lit, he was glad he had.
“Really? Awesome. Tuesday and I were going to hang out, though. We haven’t had much girl time. Maybe tomorrow?”
Tuesday scoffed. “We can have girl time watching movies in your boyfriend’s giant swanky screening room. He has a movie-popcorn-popper thingy. Way better than microwave popcorn.”
Natalie smirked in Tuesday’s direction but then let her off the hook. “Okay, then. I need a shower. I’m sweaty and gross. We’ll be up in a bit. Should we bring anything?” She tiptoed up to kiss him again.
