Author: Robyn Carr
Cee Jay looked up at him, smiling. She disconnected from her call and stood from the booth. Gina could see the happy expression on her face, and then it fell into a serious look as she listened to Mac.
And then they walked out of the diner, Mac striding in front of his ex-wife and leaving her to follow. He walked across the street to his department vehicle while Cee Jay momentarily disappeared. And then Gina saw her drive by, following Mac in a shiny sports car convertible. Her car wasn’t white, it wasn’t beige or soft gold. It was pearl.
Then Gina had to sit down. Her legs would no longer hold her up.
Six
Mac called Deputy Steve Pritkus at home. “Steve, can you cover the town for a few hours? I have a family emergency.”
“Everything all right, Mac?”
Far from all right. Far! “No injuries, Steve. Just a situation that has to be dealt with immediately. I can explain more later. It’s sensitive. Should I call Charlie?”
“Nope, I got it. I’ll be parked in front of the office in ten.”
“Thanks, I owe you one.”
Mac then drove to a Denny’s restaurant on the outskirts of Bandon, parked and went inside. Cee Jay pulled up right beside him but he didn’t wait for her; he just walked straight into the restaurant. When he faced the hostess holding her menus, he pointed to the booth he wanted, far to the rear of the restaurant. “Just two coffees,” he said. “No menus today.”
“Whatever you want, Officer,” she said with a smile.
Mac took a seat in the booth with his back to the wall, facing the restaurant. Cops never sat with their back to the crowd. A few moments later Cee Jay came in and, seeing her, he scowled. Well, she’d done all right for herself. She probably thought herself tempting, looking so fetching and sophisticated. Well, hell, Cee Jay had always been pretty. But now she looked elegant, as well, and it pissed him off. Here he’d been scrimping, saving, trying to inch by on a deputy’s paycheck with three kids and she was driving a brand-new Lexus coup convertible. He hated her.
She slid into the booth. Her smile was a little subdued. The waitress was immediately there with two coffees, then departed just as quickly.
“What do you want, Cecilia Jayne?”
She was a bit taken aback by the formal use of her name. “It’s been a very long time. I wanted to see how you were.”
“Just fine. That it?”
“I thought we could talk. How are the kids?”
“Just fine. And I don’t want to talk.”
“Mac, look, I know what I did was wrong. I’m sorry. It took a lot of time to work up the courage to come here, and to apologize. I know there’s no way I can make it up to you. I was a screwed-up abused foster kid and shouldn’t have gotten married at the age of sixteen. I shouldn’t have—”
“You had a nice family,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Shows what you know,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “They weren’t my family, they were about the eighth one and they were only nice in public. It was awful. I suffered. I was messed up and was trying to escape.”
Mac’s eyes narrowed, as well. Being in law enforcement, he wasn’t easily duped by how people appeared on the outside. Just a couple of months ago he’d arrested a seventeen-year-old for battery, for beating up his elderly father, and he came from the richest, snootiest family in town. The kid had everything, and it still wasn’t enough.
He was trying to remember Cee Jay at sixteen—she was a cheerleader, in lots of school clubs, always looked well-heeled, had a curfew that was too liberal and could borrow the family car often. They let her talk on the phone till all hours. He’d been to her house many times. There were a lot of kids in that house, but he’d grown up with Aunt Lou. Hell, Lou did more yelling and disciplining than Mac had ever seen at Cee Jay’s foster home.
He had been silent too long. Since she’d said “I...was trying to escape.”
“And so you did,” he said. “Are we done here?”
“Mac, I want to see my kids.”
“You signed away custodial guardianship and visitation, Cee Jay. I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave now. Leave town, leave the area, like you did before.”
“Will you please listen to me? Mac, I made a terrible mistake, but I was twenty-three and had three kids. I was half-nuts. I just about had my life together, my mental health straightened out, when you sent the divorce and custody papers. It was very clear—you were done waiting around for me and you didn’t want me near our kids. I was devastated, but I was also feeling terribly guilty. I couldn’t blame you—so I just signed. That was almost five years ago and I regretted it almost immediately. I want a second chance. I’m begging you.”
He rested one forearm on the table. “Do you have any idea what you did to our children? The babies cried day and night. Ryan wandered aimlessly around the house calling out for you. Dee Dee was so screwed up—she stopped sleeping, napping, just couldn’t get comfortable, couldn’t be soothed. But that’s nothing to what it did to Eve! We could hardly get her to go to school, she was so afraid you’d come home and she wouldn’t be there. She wet the bed, threw up, cried herself to sleep, wouldn’t socialize with the kids at school. I had at least two kids in my bed every night for a year, usually three. Cee Jay! You fucked up the whole family because you couldn’t take it! Because getting laid by some golf pro looked better to you than bottles and diapers! No, you are not coming back into their lives now! Keep me posted on your location and when they’re over eighteen, I’ll tell them where they can find you if they want to see you or talk to you.”
Her lips thinned, her nose grew pink and a couple of fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Her voice was a whisper. “I want to make amends.”
“Not this year, Cee Jay. Is this part of some program? Because the rule is—make amends where it doesn’t cause any harm. This—this would cause harm.”
“But no, I don’t want to cause any pain. I just want to know them.”
“We. Can’t. Trust. You.”
“I give you my word!”
“Your word isn’t worth shit around here.”
“I can’t believe how unforgiving you are,” she murmured, wiping her eyes. “You were never like this before.”
“I’ve been burned real good,” he said. “I’m a big boy, I can take it. But my kids are vulnerable. You mess with my kids and you’re going to see how unforgiving I can be.”
“Mac, they’re not just yours....”
“Yes, they are. Because their mother abandoned them and then signed them away. Don’t you dare screw them up and hurt them now. Don’t you dare.”
She straightened. “I’m going to file to amend the custody agreement. You’ll hear from my lawyer.”
“Fine,” he said smoothly. He pulled a notepad out of his pocket. “You can have your lawyer call my lawyer.” He scribbled down a name and city—he hadn’t talked to Sidney Mikowski in almost five years. “Until you get a ruling from a judge, stay out of Thunder Point.”
“You can’t tell me where I can be.”
“Yes. I can. I’ll have a restraining order before close of business today and it will be my absolute pleasure to arrest you. And, if you sue for custody I think you’ll find that I’ll be suing for back support. That car out there—the price tag on that should help with tuitions and braces.”
“God, you’re so hostile! I never expected this rage from you!”
He leaned toward her. “Do you have any idea how long I hoped you’d think of your children, even if you didn’t think about what you’d done to me? Do you have any idea? I prayed for a phone call! For years I waited, hoping you’d send one of them a fucking birthday card, but there was nothing! I even decided that for the sake of the kids I wouldn’t make you grovel too much, if you’d just promise not to stray again.” He sat back. “Cecilia Jayne, I’m afraid I got over that little fantasy quite a while ago. You can’t just stroll into town and pick up where you left off. It’s over. There are consequences—you’ll just have to live with that.”
“I am living with it!”
“Leave, Cee Jay. Leave and don’t look back. This meeting is over.” Mac stood and fished out his wallet, throwing a ten on the table for the coffee, extreme overpayment. Her clothing, jewelry and car made him act as if he was a rich man when in fact he’d struggled with money every day for the past ten years. He was going to struggle for the next ten. Probably twenty.
“Who are you with now, Mac? I know you’re not remarried—I checked. Gotta love that internet. So, who is it?”
“We’re done talking,” he said.
“Not that washed-out little blonde at the diner, is it?” A fierce look must have come into his eyes because she laughed.
Ah, there was the true Cee Jay. One minute crying, the next laughing, always manipulating. “What are you really after?” he asked. “Tell me now because I’m going to find out. Are you looking for money? Because I don’t have any. If I did, I’d give it to you to make you go away, but it’s been a real challenge holding it together. What do you really want? You’re not exactly dressed for Little League or soccer practices.”
“I want a chance to reconnect,” she said.
He stared down at her. “Not gonna happen. Drive carefully.” And he walked out of the restaurant.
* * *
Mac sat in the Denny’s parking lot. No judge would give him a restraining order, not even a judge who was his biggest fan. Cee Jay hadn’t threatened any of them. That was just all talk and, by now, if Cee Jay had called her lawyer, she probably knew that. He dialed Lou’s cell phone. “Where are you?” he asked her.
“Grocery store. You have some special request?”
“And the kids?”
“Dee Dee’s at gymnastics, Ryan is at soccer, Eve is at cheer practice. Or maybe that’s over and she’s with Ashley—Ashley drove today and gave Eve a ride. Why?”
God, he thought. Did Cee Jay have any idea what these lessons, teams and activities cost? Just the sign-ups alone without factoring in uniforms, gear and associated costs were a strain. Twenty dollars for this gymnastics meet, twenty bucks for the bus for that soccer tournament out of town. Just to get your kid in the parks-and-rec soccer league was over fifty bucks. Then there were uniforms, shoes, your turn supplying sports drinks and bottled water and snacks, then there were regular pizza parties and barbeques to celebrate wins and season close. Piano, gymnastics, dance and cheerleading—those were expensive teams, lessons and uniforms. It never stopped. More than the money, which was always tight, the emotional and time investment could be exhausting. It took more than bread and water to raise a family. If he hadn’t had Lou the past ten years, he’d have been completely lost.
“I need a couple of things, Lou. I need you to gather up the kids and get them all home. And I need you to stay cool.”
“Why? Are we under nuclear attack?”
“Cee Jay’s in town. She wants to see them.”
“What!” Lou shrieked.
“I have to talk to the kids before they hear from some other source that their mother is around. And, Lou, Cee Jay rules apply. Do not lose your cool. Do not. I already lost mine a little....”
“Did you strangle her?” Lou asked with a shaky voice.
“No, but I wanted to.”
“You’re an underachiever. Oh, God,” she said. “Oh, dear God.”
Cee Jay rules actually had been Lou’s suggestion, but in the end it was harder for Lou than it was for Mac. They never said nasty things about Cee Jay in front of the kids—it simply wouldn’t serve any purpose to trash their mother. Wasn’t it hard enough on them to know she left them?
Cee Jay looked up at him, smiling. She disconnected from her call and stood from the booth. Gina could see the happy expression on her face, and then it fell into a serious look as she listened to Mac.
And then they walked out of the diner, Mac striding in front of his ex-wife and leaving her to follow. He walked across the street to his department vehicle while Cee Jay momentarily disappeared. And then Gina saw her drive by, following Mac in a shiny sports car convertible. Her car wasn’t white, it wasn’t beige or soft gold. It was pearl.
Then Gina had to sit down. Her legs would no longer hold her up.
Six
Mac called Deputy Steve Pritkus at home. “Steve, can you cover the town for a few hours? I have a family emergency.”
“Everything all right, Mac?”
Far from all right. Far! “No injuries, Steve. Just a situation that has to be dealt with immediately. I can explain more later. It’s sensitive. Should I call Charlie?”
“Nope, I got it. I’ll be parked in front of the office in ten.”
“Thanks, I owe you one.”
Mac then drove to a Denny’s restaurant on the outskirts of Bandon, parked and went inside. Cee Jay pulled up right beside him but he didn’t wait for her; he just walked straight into the restaurant. When he faced the hostess holding her menus, he pointed to the booth he wanted, far to the rear of the restaurant. “Just two coffees,” he said. “No menus today.”
“Whatever you want, Officer,” she said with a smile.
Mac took a seat in the booth with his back to the wall, facing the restaurant. Cops never sat with their back to the crowd. A few moments later Cee Jay came in and, seeing her, he scowled. Well, she’d done all right for herself. She probably thought herself tempting, looking so fetching and sophisticated. Well, hell, Cee Jay had always been pretty. But now she looked elegant, as well, and it pissed him off. Here he’d been scrimping, saving, trying to inch by on a deputy’s paycheck with three kids and she was driving a brand-new Lexus coup convertible. He hated her.
She slid into the booth. Her smile was a little subdued. The waitress was immediately there with two coffees, then departed just as quickly.
“What do you want, Cecilia Jayne?”
She was a bit taken aback by the formal use of her name. “It’s been a very long time. I wanted to see how you were.”
“Just fine. That it?”
“I thought we could talk. How are the kids?”
“Just fine. And I don’t want to talk.”
“Mac, look, I know what I did was wrong. I’m sorry. It took a lot of time to work up the courage to come here, and to apologize. I know there’s no way I can make it up to you. I was a screwed-up abused foster kid and shouldn’t have gotten married at the age of sixteen. I shouldn’t have—”
“You had a nice family,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Shows what you know,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “They weren’t my family, they were about the eighth one and they were only nice in public. It was awful. I suffered. I was messed up and was trying to escape.”
Mac’s eyes narrowed, as well. Being in law enforcement, he wasn’t easily duped by how people appeared on the outside. Just a couple of months ago he’d arrested a seventeen-year-old for battery, for beating up his elderly father, and he came from the richest, snootiest family in town. The kid had everything, and it still wasn’t enough.
He was trying to remember Cee Jay at sixteen—she was a cheerleader, in lots of school clubs, always looked well-heeled, had a curfew that was too liberal and could borrow the family car often. They let her talk on the phone till all hours. He’d been to her house many times. There were a lot of kids in that house, but he’d grown up with Aunt Lou. Hell, Lou did more yelling and disciplining than Mac had ever seen at Cee Jay’s foster home.
He had been silent too long. Since she’d said “I...was trying to escape.”
“And so you did,” he said. “Are we done here?”
“Mac, I want to see my kids.”
“You signed away custodial guardianship and visitation, Cee Jay. I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave now. Leave town, leave the area, like you did before.”
“Will you please listen to me? Mac, I made a terrible mistake, but I was twenty-three and had three kids. I was half-nuts. I just about had my life together, my mental health straightened out, when you sent the divorce and custody papers. It was very clear—you were done waiting around for me and you didn’t want me near our kids. I was devastated, but I was also feeling terribly guilty. I couldn’t blame you—so I just signed. That was almost five years ago and I regretted it almost immediately. I want a second chance. I’m begging you.”
He rested one forearm on the table. “Do you have any idea what you did to our children? The babies cried day and night. Ryan wandered aimlessly around the house calling out for you. Dee Dee was so screwed up—she stopped sleeping, napping, just couldn’t get comfortable, couldn’t be soothed. But that’s nothing to what it did to Eve! We could hardly get her to go to school, she was so afraid you’d come home and she wouldn’t be there. She wet the bed, threw up, cried herself to sleep, wouldn’t socialize with the kids at school. I had at least two kids in my bed every night for a year, usually three. Cee Jay! You fucked up the whole family because you couldn’t take it! Because getting laid by some golf pro looked better to you than bottles and diapers! No, you are not coming back into their lives now! Keep me posted on your location and when they’re over eighteen, I’ll tell them where they can find you if they want to see you or talk to you.”
Her lips thinned, her nose grew pink and a couple of fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Her voice was a whisper. “I want to make amends.”
“Not this year, Cee Jay. Is this part of some program? Because the rule is—make amends where it doesn’t cause any harm. This—this would cause harm.”
“But no, I don’t want to cause any pain. I just want to know them.”
“We. Can’t. Trust. You.”
“I give you my word!”
“Your word isn’t worth shit around here.”
“I can’t believe how unforgiving you are,” she murmured, wiping her eyes. “You were never like this before.”
“I’ve been burned real good,” he said. “I’m a big boy, I can take it. But my kids are vulnerable. You mess with my kids and you’re going to see how unforgiving I can be.”
“Mac, they’re not just yours....”
“Yes, they are. Because their mother abandoned them and then signed them away. Don’t you dare screw them up and hurt them now. Don’t you dare.”
She straightened. “I’m going to file to amend the custody agreement. You’ll hear from my lawyer.”
“Fine,” he said smoothly. He pulled a notepad out of his pocket. “You can have your lawyer call my lawyer.” He scribbled down a name and city—he hadn’t talked to Sidney Mikowski in almost five years. “Until you get a ruling from a judge, stay out of Thunder Point.”
“You can’t tell me where I can be.”
“Yes. I can. I’ll have a restraining order before close of business today and it will be my absolute pleasure to arrest you. And, if you sue for custody I think you’ll find that I’ll be suing for back support. That car out there—the price tag on that should help with tuitions and braces.”
“God, you’re so hostile! I never expected this rage from you!”
He leaned toward her. “Do you have any idea how long I hoped you’d think of your children, even if you didn’t think about what you’d done to me? Do you have any idea? I prayed for a phone call! For years I waited, hoping you’d send one of them a fucking birthday card, but there was nothing! I even decided that for the sake of the kids I wouldn’t make you grovel too much, if you’d just promise not to stray again.” He sat back. “Cecilia Jayne, I’m afraid I got over that little fantasy quite a while ago. You can’t just stroll into town and pick up where you left off. It’s over. There are consequences—you’ll just have to live with that.”
“I am living with it!”
“Leave, Cee Jay. Leave and don’t look back. This meeting is over.” Mac stood and fished out his wallet, throwing a ten on the table for the coffee, extreme overpayment. Her clothing, jewelry and car made him act as if he was a rich man when in fact he’d struggled with money every day for the past ten years. He was going to struggle for the next ten. Probably twenty.
“Who are you with now, Mac? I know you’re not remarried—I checked. Gotta love that internet. So, who is it?”
“We’re done talking,” he said.
“Not that washed-out little blonde at the diner, is it?” A fierce look must have come into his eyes because she laughed.
Ah, there was the true Cee Jay. One minute crying, the next laughing, always manipulating. “What are you really after?” he asked. “Tell me now because I’m going to find out. Are you looking for money? Because I don’t have any. If I did, I’d give it to you to make you go away, but it’s been a real challenge holding it together. What do you really want? You’re not exactly dressed for Little League or soccer practices.”
“I want a chance to reconnect,” she said.
He stared down at her. “Not gonna happen. Drive carefully.” And he walked out of the restaurant.
* * *
Mac sat in the Denny’s parking lot. No judge would give him a restraining order, not even a judge who was his biggest fan. Cee Jay hadn’t threatened any of them. That was just all talk and, by now, if Cee Jay had called her lawyer, she probably knew that. He dialed Lou’s cell phone. “Where are you?” he asked her.
“Grocery store. You have some special request?”
“And the kids?”
“Dee Dee’s at gymnastics, Ryan is at soccer, Eve is at cheer practice. Or maybe that’s over and she’s with Ashley—Ashley drove today and gave Eve a ride. Why?”
God, he thought. Did Cee Jay have any idea what these lessons, teams and activities cost? Just the sign-ups alone without factoring in uniforms, gear and associated costs were a strain. Twenty dollars for this gymnastics meet, twenty bucks for the bus for that soccer tournament out of town. Just to get your kid in the parks-and-rec soccer league was over fifty bucks. Then there were uniforms, shoes, your turn supplying sports drinks and bottled water and snacks, then there were regular pizza parties and barbeques to celebrate wins and season close. Piano, gymnastics, dance and cheerleading—those were expensive teams, lessons and uniforms. It never stopped. More than the money, which was always tight, the emotional and time investment could be exhausting. It took more than bread and water to raise a family. If he hadn’t had Lou the past ten years, he’d have been completely lost.
“I need a couple of things, Lou. I need you to gather up the kids and get them all home. And I need you to stay cool.”
“Why? Are we under nuclear attack?”
“Cee Jay’s in town. She wants to see them.”
“What!” Lou shrieked.
“I have to talk to the kids before they hear from some other source that their mother is around. And, Lou, Cee Jay rules apply. Do not lose your cool. Do not. I already lost mine a little....”
“Did you strangle her?” Lou asked with a shaky voice.
“No, but I wanted to.”
“You’re an underachiever. Oh, God,” she said. “Oh, dear God.”
Cee Jay rules actually had been Lou’s suggestion, but in the end it was harder for Lou than it was for Mac. They never said nasty things about Cee Jay in front of the kids—it simply wouldn’t serve any purpose to trash their mother. Wasn’t it hard enough on them to know she left them?
