Author: Robyn Carr
Tonight Stu locked the diner door behind her and said goodbye. She’d barely taken two steps when she heard, “Ashley?”
She just about jumped out of her skin! She whirled to see that right behind her, Downy was leaning against one of the lampposts on the street, not far from the diner’s front door. “Oh, my God, you scared me!”
“Sorry, Ash,” he said, stepping toward her. He had his arm in a sling. “I just wanted to see you.”
“What happened?” she asked, nodding toward the sling.
“Nothing too much. Dislocated shoulder. I’m resting it for a couple of days, then it’ll be fine.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Nah, it’s okay. Ash, listen, I’m sorry. About everything.”
She felt color rising up her neck. Then she realized it was anger and not self-pity and that felt so good. “Is that right? Well, it’s over.” And she turned to head for home.
“Wait a sec,” he said. “Can we talk? For just a minute?”
She turned back to him. “What on earth can we talk about, Downy? You’re sorry, it’s over, we’re done.”
“No, look,” he said. “I made mistakes, all right?”
“No kidding! Crap, why didn’t Frank tell me you were going to be home?”
“I just got here a couple of hours ago. I’m not sure Frank even knew I was coming.”
“And you’re going right back, right? Because you’re staying at school all summer....”
He gave a pathetic shrug. “Plans change. I’m home for the summer.”
“Well, the girlfriend must hate that.”
“We broke up,” he said. “Ash, I made some bad decisions. Really bad. I need you to listen to me.”
She shook her head. “I really don’t care what bad decisions you made. You didn’t care about me, about my feelings, about anything. Do you really think I’m going to worry about you now? Just go home. Your mommy will snuggle you, not me!”
“I got cut from the team. My scholarship’s in trouble. I might not have one anymore. I couldn’t play and then we lost. Maybe not because of me, but I wasn’t there to help. And they’re all pissed.”
“Cut?” she said, curious in spite of herself. “Pissed? How could they be angry if you got hurt?”
“I didn’t get hurt playing. I was mad and went to a batting cage and swung a bat for hours and hours and got unhinged.”
It didn’t make any sense to her. “Why’d they cut you, then?”
He looked down and shook his head. He tilted his head to the bench. “Will you sit down with me?”
“No,” she said. “You can sit there and I’ll sit over here. But only for a minute. And only because I’m curious.”
He sat down on one side of the diner door while she was on the other. And they just looked at each other. Finally she said, “Well, what? What do you want to tell me?”
“That girl, Selena. She seriously messed me up.”
“Oh, brother,” Ashley said, standing up.
“No, really.” He stood, as well, wisely keeping his distance. “She gave me pills she said were vitamins, supplement drinks for strength, but there were steroids in them. Low dose, oral steroids. I kept them in my locker because why wouldn’t I? Then someone accused me of using performance enhancers. They looked at the pills, tested me for doping and...everything came crashing down. It’s all a big misunderstanding. I didn’t know I was doing anything wrong. It’s not like I injected it.”
“Bullshit,” she said. Ashley looked at him in astonishment for a second. Then she laughed. She put a hand over her mouth.
“You think that’s funny?”
“No,” she said. “I think it’s a lie. Or maybe an excuse. I know you, Downy. You know steroids—you’ve used them in the past. They’re not illegal—my grandmother takes steroids for her knees. I think you told me the doctor gave one of your little brothers growth hormone because they were behind in growth. Or sometimes you can find small, supposedly safe amounts or protein drinks that are supposed to have nonsteroid enhancers, but they sure act like steroids—they bulk you up and make you cranky and short-tempered. We’ve argued about it. You like that stuff—you like being really strong. You’re addicted to being strong. She didn’t slip anything by you.”
He shook his head. “She said it was undetectable. She gave it to me in a vitamin pill bottle.”
“Right. But you knew.”
He looked at her pleadingly. “I knew I shouldn’t, but there were rumors about being an early draft pick and I wanted to hit everything, catch everything, run faster.... I felt like it was a chance, a safe chance, that wouldn’t hurt anyone and would make me just a little better. I wanted that break so bad, Ash!”
“You’re an athlete! You know what the problems with steroids are! Not only does it hurt your body, your personality, but it changes the playing field so it’s not athlete against athlete but athlete against superdrugs! And you can’t blame this on some girl.”
“It was her,” he said. “I think she used me and tricked me. I think she wanted me to do whatever it took to go pro. She wanted to hook up with a ballplayer.”
“Well, we’d all give you the prize for being stupid, except you and me—we’re in a dead heat for that prize.”
His brow wrinkled in confusion; he didn’t get it. “Ash, give me another chance. I’ll make it up to you. I swear to God.”
“No.”
He took a step toward her; she took a step back. “I need you, Ash. I need help to get through this. I need to feel like someone’s on my side. Please.”
“No.”
“Ashley, I’ve been wrecked by this. I know I made mistakes, but Jesus, nothing I did is so bad I should have to go through this! I lost everything! Everyone is pissed at me and no one understands the pressure I was under. Everyone was counting on me—my team, my friends, my family....”
She just shook her head. She actually did feel sorry for him. But not that sorry. “What happened to you, Downy? You went to State as this town’s shining star. You had a nice girlfriend who would never cheat on you, a full ride scholarship so you could get an education—something a lot of us little people are working our tails off to try to pay for. You even had agents sniffing around, telling you you’d go pro before you’re even dry behind the ears. And how did you respect all that? You decided to break all the rules. You cheated. You hurt everyone and now you want them all to be a little more understanding, to let it go. You know what, Downy? You have your work cut out for you, because you’re going to have to earn back the respect you lost.”
He was quiet for a moment, then he said, “Tell me what to do, Ash. I’ll do whatever you want.”
She smiled and shook her head. “Hey, there’s nothing for you to do for me—I’m over you. I think when an altered naked picture of me went out to about four hundred cell phones and Facebook friends and you shrugged it off and said, it was just a joke, that put the last nail in the coffin.”
“Hey, come on, I was mad about that! We had a fight about that! That was wrong, that she did that!”
“And you couldn’t even call me, explain and say you were sorry? I went through all that alone, and did you care? Nothing is ever your fault. Yeah, you have a long way to go. Good luck, Downy.”
She turned and walked away. He called to her; she heard him but she didn’t turn around. In that moment, with a smile on her face, Ashley knew she was finally well and truly over Crawford Downy. When Ashley was home, she found her mom and Mac sitting on the porch steps, a little votive candle between them. She told them she was tired and went inside.
Ashley went to her room, got into her little boxers and tank top and sat cross-legged on her bed with her cell phone in her hand. It was ten. Probably too late. But she took a chance and put through the call. When he said hello, she said, “Eric? It’s Ashley. It’s late, I know—should I try you another time?”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I was going through some paperwork and I’d love an excuse to stop that. What’s up?”
“I would have called earlier, but I worked at the diner until after nine.”
“You put in some long days, don’t you, Ashley?”
“Sometimes, I do. This is very last-minute, but I don’t have to go to work until three on Sunday afternoon and I’m not working at the deli at all that day. Would you like to come to Thunder Point and go paddleboarding? I think you have potential.”
He laughed. “I wouldn’t miss it. What time?”
“Can you be at my house at about ten?”
“I’ll be there.”
* * *
On Sunday morning they launched off the marina dock and even though the bay was completely calm, Eric went in almost immediately. And getting back on the board wasn’t exactly graceful. “I know we’ve been over this, but you’re a good swimmer. Right?” Ashley asked. “I’m not going to have to save your life, am I?”
He spit and sputtered. “I’m a good swimmer.”
“Take your time. It’s a good day on the bay.”
“It’s a beautiful day all around,” he said.
But after that first big splash, Eric found his footing and kept up with her. They paddled around the bay, skirting the big, protruding rocks. A couple of small sailboats left the marina and headed out to the Pacific.
“Does everyone in this town have some kind of board or boat?” he asked.
“Just about. A lot of people like to dive, but the best diving is up the coast a little bit. There are a few places where the water is deep and clear and there’s lots of marine life. A few of us have taken our boards up there, past Coos Bay.”
“You don’t dive?”
She shrugged. “Diving gear is pretty expensive.” At the mouth of the bay, she stopped and sat down on her board, just enjoying the endless expanse of ocean. “You don’t want to get too far to either side out here,” she cautioned. “There are some sharp rocks and big waves at the tips of the points. It’s best to stay in the center and if a boat’s on the way in, get out of the way.”
Eric sat down. He was quiet for a moment. “This is awesome,” he finally said. “What made you decide to call me?”
“You’re a pretty nice guy,” she said. She turned and looked at him. “I’m glad I didn’t know you when you weren’t.”
“Me, too,” he said. “Thanks for giving me a chance.”
“I guess it can’t hurt to get to know the other half of my DNA.” She laid down on the board and looked up at the sky. “I saw my ex-boyfriend last night.”
Eric, still sitting, looked down at her. “How’d that happen?”
“He’s back in town and was waiting for me outside the diner. He’s now sorry and would like a second chance with me. But this is all because he’s in big trouble and was cut from the team and might lose his scholarship.” She turned to look at him. “Doping. He claims the new girlfriend messed him up, got him doping and then dumped him. Of course, it’s not his fault and is all a big misunderstanding.”
Eric whistled.
“He was a star in high school,” she said. “All-conference football and baseball. He was the Homecoming king. Maybe I didn’t see it then, but I thought he wore it pretty well—that kind of popularity. I thought he was a nice guy. He was a nice guy, I think. He looked out for his younger brothers and I think he was loyal to me. We talked on the phone and texted many times a day—something he stopped having time for when a new girl came along. But I also remember—he used all kinds of supplements when he was strength training. Nonsteroid, he said. But he didn’t think there was anything wrong with steroids, if you weren’t competing. Downy’s a big guy—very strong. He saw a chance at going pro real young and he didn’t want to miss it. He caved. He caved all over the place—gave in to the pretty, snotty college girl, the drugs, probably other things. He wanted it all and he was willing to take a lot of chances and... Well, he lost it all.”
Tonight Stu locked the diner door behind her and said goodbye. She’d barely taken two steps when she heard, “Ashley?”
She just about jumped out of her skin! She whirled to see that right behind her, Downy was leaning against one of the lampposts on the street, not far from the diner’s front door. “Oh, my God, you scared me!”
“Sorry, Ash,” he said, stepping toward her. He had his arm in a sling. “I just wanted to see you.”
“What happened?” she asked, nodding toward the sling.
“Nothing too much. Dislocated shoulder. I’m resting it for a couple of days, then it’ll be fine.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Nah, it’s okay. Ash, listen, I’m sorry. About everything.”
She felt color rising up her neck. Then she realized it was anger and not self-pity and that felt so good. “Is that right? Well, it’s over.” And she turned to head for home.
“Wait a sec,” he said. “Can we talk? For just a minute?”
She turned back to him. “What on earth can we talk about, Downy? You’re sorry, it’s over, we’re done.”
“No, look,” he said. “I made mistakes, all right?”
“No kidding! Crap, why didn’t Frank tell me you were going to be home?”
“I just got here a couple of hours ago. I’m not sure Frank even knew I was coming.”
“And you’re going right back, right? Because you’re staying at school all summer....”
He gave a pathetic shrug. “Plans change. I’m home for the summer.”
“Well, the girlfriend must hate that.”
“We broke up,” he said. “Ash, I made some bad decisions. Really bad. I need you to listen to me.”
She shook her head. “I really don’t care what bad decisions you made. You didn’t care about me, about my feelings, about anything. Do you really think I’m going to worry about you now? Just go home. Your mommy will snuggle you, not me!”
“I got cut from the team. My scholarship’s in trouble. I might not have one anymore. I couldn’t play and then we lost. Maybe not because of me, but I wasn’t there to help. And they’re all pissed.”
“Cut?” she said, curious in spite of herself. “Pissed? How could they be angry if you got hurt?”
“I didn’t get hurt playing. I was mad and went to a batting cage and swung a bat for hours and hours and got unhinged.”
It didn’t make any sense to her. “Why’d they cut you, then?”
He looked down and shook his head. He tilted his head to the bench. “Will you sit down with me?”
“No,” she said. “You can sit there and I’ll sit over here. But only for a minute. And only because I’m curious.”
He sat down on one side of the diner door while she was on the other. And they just looked at each other. Finally she said, “Well, what? What do you want to tell me?”
“That girl, Selena. She seriously messed me up.”
“Oh, brother,” Ashley said, standing up.
“No, really.” He stood, as well, wisely keeping his distance. “She gave me pills she said were vitamins, supplement drinks for strength, but there were steroids in them. Low dose, oral steroids. I kept them in my locker because why wouldn’t I? Then someone accused me of using performance enhancers. They looked at the pills, tested me for doping and...everything came crashing down. It’s all a big misunderstanding. I didn’t know I was doing anything wrong. It’s not like I injected it.”
“Bullshit,” she said. Ashley looked at him in astonishment for a second. Then she laughed. She put a hand over her mouth.
“You think that’s funny?”
“No,” she said. “I think it’s a lie. Or maybe an excuse. I know you, Downy. You know steroids—you’ve used them in the past. They’re not illegal—my grandmother takes steroids for her knees. I think you told me the doctor gave one of your little brothers growth hormone because they were behind in growth. Or sometimes you can find small, supposedly safe amounts or protein drinks that are supposed to have nonsteroid enhancers, but they sure act like steroids—they bulk you up and make you cranky and short-tempered. We’ve argued about it. You like that stuff—you like being really strong. You’re addicted to being strong. She didn’t slip anything by you.”
He shook his head. “She said it was undetectable. She gave it to me in a vitamin pill bottle.”
“Right. But you knew.”
He looked at her pleadingly. “I knew I shouldn’t, but there were rumors about being an early draft pick and I wanted to hit everything, catch everything, run faster.... I felt like it was a chance, a safe chance, that wouldn’t hurt anyone and would make me just a little better. I wanted that break so bad, Ash!”
“You’re an athlete! You know what the problems with steroids are! Not only does it hurt your body, your personality, but it changes the playing field so it’s not athlete against athlete but athlete against superdrugs! And you can’t blame this on some girl.”
“It was her,” he said. “I think she used me and tricked me. I think she wanted me to do whatever it took to go pro. She wanted to hook up with a ballplayer.”
“Well, we’d all give you the prize for being stupid, except you and me—we’re in a dead heat for that prize.”
His brow wrinkled in confusion; he didn’t get it. “Ash, give me another chance. I’ll make it up to you. I swear to God.”
“No.”
He took a step toward her; she took a step back. “I need you, Ash. I need help to get through this. I need to feel like someone’s on my side. Please.”
“No.”
“Ashley, I’ve been wrecked by this. I know I made mistakes, but Jesus, nothing I did is so bad I should have to go through this! I lost everything! Everyone is pissed at me and no one understands the pressure I was under. Everyone was counting on me—my team, my friends, my family....”
She just shook her head. She actually did feel sorry for him. But not that sorry. “What happened to you, Downy? You went to State as this town’s shining star. You had a nice girlfriend who would never cheat on you, a full ride scholarship so you could get an education—something a lot of us little people are working our tails off to try to pay for. You even had agents sniffing around, telling you you’d go pro before you’re even dry behind the ears. And how did you respect all that? You decided to break all the rules. You cheated. You hurt everyone and now you want them all to be a little more understanding, to let it go. You know what, Downy? You have your work cut out for you, because you’re going to have to earn back the respect you lost.”
He was quiet for a moment, then he said, “Tell me what to do, Ash. I’ll do whatever you want.”
She smiled and shook her head. “Hey, there’s nothing for you to do for me—I’m over you. I think when an altered naked picture of me went out to about four hundred cell phones and Facebook friends and you shrugged it off and said, it was just a joke, that put the last nail in the coffin.”
“Hey, come on, I was mad about that! We had a fight about that! That was wrong, that she did that!”
“And you couldn’t even call me, explain and say you were sorry? I went through all that alone, and did you care? Nothing is ever your fault. Yeah, you have a long way to go. Good luck, Downy.”
She turned and walked away. He called to her; she heard him but she didn’t turn around. In that moment, with a smile on her face, Ashley knew she was finally well and truly over Crawford Downy. When Ashley was home, she found her mom and Mac sitting on the porch steps, a little votive candle between them. She told them she was tired and went inside.
Ashley went to her room, got into her little boxers and tank top and sat cross-legged on her bed with her cell phone in her hand. It was ten. Probably too late. But she took a chance and put through the call. When he said hello, she said, “Eric? It’s Ashley. It’s late, I know—should I try you another time?”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I was going through some paperwork and I’d love an excuse to stop that. What’s up?”
“I would have called earlier, but I worked at the diner until after nine.”
“You put in some long days, don’t you, Ashley?”
“Sometimes, I do. This is very last-minute, but I don’t have to go to work until three on Sunday afternoon and I’m not working at the deli at all that day. Would you like to come to Thunder Point and go paddleboarding? I think you have potential.”
He laughed. “I wouldn’t miss it. What time?”
“Can you be at my house at about ten?”
“I’ll be there.”
* * *
On Sunday morning they launched off the marina dock and even though the bay was completely calm, Eric went in almost immediately. And getting back on the board wasn’t exactly graceful. “I know we’ve been over this, but you’re a good swimmer. Right?” Ashley asked. “I’m not going to have to save your life, am I?”
He spit and sputtered. “I’m a good swimmer.”
“Take your time. It’s a good day on the bay.”
“It’s a beautiful day all around,” he said.
But after that first big splash, Eric found his footing and kept up with her. They paddled around the bay, skirting the big, protruding rocks. A couple of small sailboats left the marina and headed out to the Pacific.
“Does everyone in this town have some kind of board or boat?” he asked.
“Just about. A lot of people like to dive, but the best diving is up the coast a little bit. There are a few places where the water is deep and clear and there’s lots of marine life. A few of us have taken our boards up there, past Coos Bay.”
“You don’t dive?”
She shrugged. “Diving gear is pretty expensive.” At the mouth of the bay, she stopped and sat down on her board, just enjoying the endless expanse of ocean. “You don’t want to get too far to either side out here,” she cautioned. “There are some sharp rocks and big waves at the tips of the points. It’s best to stay in the center and if a boat’s on the way in, get out of the way.”
Eric sat down. He was quiet for a moment. “This is awesome,” he finally said. “What made you decide to call me?”
“You’re a pretty nice guy,” she said. She turned and looked at him. “I’m glad I didn’t know you when you weren’t.”
“Me, too,” he said. “Thanks for giving me a chance.”
“I guess it can’t hurt to get to know the other half of my DNA.” She laid down on the board and looked up at the sky. “I saw my ex-boyfriend last night.”
Eric, still sitting, looked down at her. “How’d that happen?”
“He’s back in town and was waiting for me outside the diner. He’s now sorry and would like a second chance with me. But this is all because he’s in big trouble and was cut from the team and might lose his scholarship.” She turned to look at him. “Doping. He claims the new girlfriend messed him up, got him doping and then dumped him. Of course, it’s not his fault and is all a big misunderstanding.”
Eric whistled.
“He was a star in high school,” she said. “All-conference football and baseball. He was the Homecoming king. Maybe I didn’t see it then, but I thought he wore it pretty well—that kind of popularity. I thought he was a nice guy. He was a nice guy, I think. He looked out for his younger brothers and I think he was loyal to me. We talked on the phone and texted many times a day—something he stopped having time for when a new girl came along. But I also remember—he used all kinds of supplements when he was strength training. Nonsteroid, he said. But he didn’t think there was anything wrong with steroids, if you weren’t competing. Downy’s a big guy—very strong. He saw a chance at going pro real young and he didn’t want to miss it. He caved. He caved all over the place—gave in to the pretty, snotty college girl, the drugs, probably other things. He wanted it all and he was willing to take a lot of chances and... Well, he lost it all.”
