Author: Robyn Carr
“Do you feel a little sorry for him?” Eric asked.
She nodded. And then in a very quiet voice she added, “But he sure didn’t feel sorry for me. He was cruel. When I was broken he told me to go away and quit bothering him.”
Eric smiled at her. “I don’t think you’re broken anymore.”
“I’m much stronger. But I might never have another boyfriend. I don’t ever want to feel that bad again.”
He laughed.
“You think that’s funny, what I went through?” she asked, an edge to her voice.
“Not at all. I was just thinking, you’re young. You’ll get past that and take a chance again. You know why? Because you’ll look around and notice that even though you had a very painful experience, no one gets through this life without some major disappointments and hurts. You’ll see that a lot of people had it even worse than you and you’ll take notice. You’ll see that to get through life you have to be strong and smart and patient and humble. What happened to Downy? A classic example of hubris—the deadliest of sins. And I know—I was there. I wasn’t lucky enough to go there with a ball and full scholarship—but I thought I was above it all, invincible, more important than anyone else.”
“Hubris?”
“Arrogance. Pride before the fall. The feeling that the universe is there to serve up our selfish wants no matter what it does to other people. Downy let down his teammates and his school and his girl. But I stole from people.”
She thought about this for a moment. “Well, he should be ashamed. Most of us have to work real hard just for a chance to go to college. He had it all and threw it away by wanting still more.”
“Sometimes you learn your best lessons when you add up all your losses.”
She lifted an eyebrow at him. “Most of the time you don’t sound like a grease monkey.”
He grinned. “Is that right?”
“You know who’s been just supernice to me for the last three months? Downy’s brother. Frank.”
“Is he a lot like Downy?”
She sat up. “Nothing like Downy. I’ve known Frank forever—we’ve been in school together since kindergarten. He was always the skinny little runt with the thick glasses, but so smart it was scary. The bigger kids used to pick on him and try to beat him up and if not for Downy... Well, Downy was his bodyguard and Frank was the nerd. But Frank has changed a little bit lately—he’s grown up, for one thing. He’s taller, stronger, got contacts. He’s actually good-looking, but you can tell he doesn’t know it. He likes to sail and paddleboard, so he built muscle. He’s not an athlete like Downy, but he has an appointment at MIT for an early admission scholarship.”
“Seriously?” Eric asked, surprised and impressed.
She nodded. “All in one family. Why couldn’t I get some of that?”
He chuckled. “You have what you need, Ashley. I promise. Hey, your mom knows I came over to board with you, doesn’t she?”
“Of course. She said she hopes I don’t end up disappointed.”
“She has good reason to worry about that,” he admitted. “That’ll take time. Hey, you almost ready for some lunch? We can come back out after, if you feel like it.”
“Sure. Let’s go in.”
Eighteen
Sarah had continued to put off talking to Landon about her potential change of assignment. In fact, she had been in some denial. It had been a while since Buzz had dropped the bombshell on her and as the days, and then weeks, passed with no confirmation she found herself taking the irrational position that if she didn’t think about it, maybe it wouldn’t happen. But she was going to have to deal with this. School had been out for less than a week and Landon was already talking about football practice starting up in August. He was working at Cooper’s part-time for the summer and was running and lifting weights, getting ready.
She’d been in her office for thirty minutes when her phone rang. She should have looked at the caller ID. She innocently answered, “Dupre.” And then she just listened to the voice on the other end of the line. Orders were being cut, she’d receive them in a few days—and she was going to Miami. She was slated to move in August, but she had two weeks to either accept the transfer or resign her commission. If she planned to accept the new assignment the chances were excellent that she’d be offered a promotion within a few months of her arrival in Florida.
That’s what service meant—you go where you’re needed, when you’re needed. And she was needed in Florida.
Sarah hung up the phone and sat, stunned, for a few minutes. She needed to talk to Buzz. She went to his office, tapped on the door, went inside as he looked up. She closed the door but she didn’t sit down. “I just got my orders,” she said.
He turned away from his computer screen. “Was it what I heard?”
She nodded. “Miami.”
“What are you going to do?”
She shook her head. “I guess I’m going to talk to Landon....”
“What about your guy? Cooper. Have you talked to him?”
And say what? she asked herself. Goodbye? “I haven’t told anyone. I wanted to wait until I knew for sure. First, I’m going to talk to Landon. What do you say to a sixteen-year-old kid who is looking at being king of the world in his senior year? You know the story, Buzz. What do I say?”
“I don’t know,” Buzz said. “I have a sixteen-year-old kid and he thinks I can pick money off the tree out back. So does his mother, for that matter. I’ve had to do the hard, unpopular things and it has cost me. I don’t know what else I could’ve done, but the price was high.”
She looked down. He’d probably paid the ultimate price for the less than stable lifestyle and she knew why he was here, why she was here. He loved the Coast Guard; he believed in their mission just as she did. In every branch of military service there was instability and risk, it took its toll on relationships.
“Need a couple of days off?” Buzz asked her.
She shook her head. “I’m fine. I’ll get back to work. I think better when I’m busy.”
“If I can do anything...”
“Thanks,” she said. “If I think of anything, I’ll let you know.”
For the next couple of days she tried not to let on that her brain was about to explode, trying to decide how to do what she had to do. Landon didn’t really notice—he had his new job on the beach, which he loved, and Eve, who he loved even more. Cooper noticed; he asked if there was another evaluation coming up and she said, “We’re facing some transfers and the whole station is going to have to adjust and figure out how to fill some gaps. But I’ll figure it out, don’t worry.”
Just when she was about to sit down and spill her guts to Cooper they learned that Austin and Spencer were coming for another visit. The toy hauler was ready for guests once again and Sarah knew she’d have to put off talking to Landon and Cooper just a few days longer.
* * *
The activity around the RV led to every person from the road to the beach asking what was going on.
“Spencer and Austin are coming for a visit, now that they’re both on summer vacation,” Cooper said. And he said it over and over again. “Kind of last-minute, but it’s a good thing. Austin loves being on the water and it saves me a trip to Texas to visit him.”
Late Friday afternoon when the deck and bar were full of beachcombers and neighbors and folks from neighboring towns out for a summer evening, the back door burst open and little freckle-faced Austin stood grinning in the doorway. “Hey, Cooper! I’m here!”
Cooper’s face lit up and he laughed, coming around the bar. “So you are,” he said. “Nothing like an entrance!” He put out his arms and Austin leaped into them.
“Can we go out on the bay for a while?”
“You’ve been here less than a minute. And I’m a little busy here. Does your dad feel like taking you out?”
“He wants to unload and unpack,” Austin said with a pout. “And eat something. But I want to go out on the bay!”
Sarah leaned on the bar. “Hey, Austin,” she called. And to Cooper she said, “I can cover this if you want to go ahead. Landon will help me and Rawley is still here.”
“You sure?” he asked.
“I’m sure.”
Cooper put Austin on his feet. “Fifteen minutes. I’ll run you around the bay on the Jet Ski. Get your suit on.”
“Yay!” He wiggled out of Cooper’s arms and headed for the toy hauler.
Cooper had never longed for children, but he wasn’t opposed to the idea. He figured he might have one or two someday, which was one of the reasons the idea of marriage hadn’t spooked him. But he had no idea one skinny, goofy, freckled little kid could bring him so much happiness. Five minutes later he had Austin in a life vest and on the back of the Jet Ski. When he’d bought this thing, it was in his head that he’d be loading a variety of beautiful bikini-clad young women behind him, holding on to him, but not one of them could have given him as much pleasure as this kid. His kid.
A half hour later he had Austin off the bay, sitting at a table on the deck, devouring a pizza. Spencer was having a beer, his feet up on the railing.
“You didn’t want to take him out on the Jet Ski?” Cooper asked, joking.
“I’ve just spent hours traveling with him. He wiggles worse than a box of worms and he is a talking machine.”
After dinner, Cooper had him fishing off the end of the dock, and then they played checkers for a while. Spencer coaxed Austin into the shower and by the time the sun was setting, Spencer had him tucked into bed in the trailer. After Landon and Rawley left, Cooper lit the little candles on the deck tables. He had a half-dozen customers enjoying the last of the sunset over the Pacific. Finally Spencer reappeared, showered and changed.
“I better have another beer,” he told Cooper. “Can I help myself?”
“Of course,” he said. “In fact, you can bring me one.”
Cooper scooted his chair close to Sarah and put an arm around her. The beach began to come alive beneath the deck and a couple of fires appeared.
Spencer was back with the beers and sat down with a heavy, exhausted sigh. He was quiet as he took in the last of the sun’s pink rays over the ocean. He took a pull on his beer. “Doesn’t get any better than this,” he said.
“Is he asleep?” Cooper asked.
“Oh, hell no,” Spencer said. “The TV is on and I told him to call me if he needs anything.”
“He’ll pass out pretty soon. I tired him out the best I could,” Cooper said.
“How can something so small wear a person out so thoroughly? Listen, I have to tell you something,” Spencer said. “I hope you’ll take this as good news. There’s a professional reason for us being here. Your football coach and athletic director is retiring and I applied for the job.”
“You did what?” Cooper asked, sitting straighter.
“Not good news?” Spencer asked.
“Hey, I didn’t say that, but why didn’t you tell me that’s why you were coming? Maybe I could’ve said something to someone. I knew about Coach Rayborough retiring!”
“You haven’t been here that long. I didn’t think you’d be tight with the coach.”
“Well, I’m not and I was pretty surprised to be included in the discussion. But what about your family?”
“My parents are in the same nursing home in Missouri. I have some aunts out there but I’m an only child. The last time we visited, my mom couldn’t remember who Austin was. I don’t know how long it’ll be before they’re gone, but probably not long. You’re probably thinking of Bridget’s family, too. They’re grieving and I think they’re going to be grieving for a long time.” He shook his head sadly. “We’ve had enough of death and illness. Austin and I need a fresh start. I like your little town. And Austin loves it.”
“Do you feel a little sorry for him?” Eric asked.
She nodded. And then in a very quiet voice she added, “But he sure didn’t feel sorry for me. He was cruel. When I was broken he told me to go away and quit bothering him.”
Eric smiled at her. “I don’t think you’re broken anymore.”
“I’m much stronger. But I might never have another boyfriend. I don’t ever want to feel that bad again.”
He laughed.
“You think that’s funny, what I went through?” she asked, an edge to her voice.
“Not at all. I was just thinking, you’re young. You’ll get past that and take a chance again. You know why? Because you’ll look around and notice that even though you had a very painful experience, no one gets through this life without some major disappointments and hurts. You’ll see that a lot of people had it even worse than you and you’ll take notice. You’ll see that to get through life you have to be strong and smart and patient and humble. What happened to Downy? A classic example of hubris—the deadliest of sins. And I know—I was there. I wasn’t lucky enough to go there with a ball and full scholarship—but I thought I was above it all, invincible, more important than anyone else.”
“Hubris?”
“Arrogance. Pride before the fall. The feeling that the universe is there to serve up our selfish wants no matter what it does to other people. Downy let down his teammates and his school and his girl. But I stole from people.”
She thought about this for a moment. “Well, he should be ashamed. Most of us have to work real hard just for a chance to go to college. He had it all and threw it away by wanting still more.”
“Sometimes you learn your best lessons when you add up all your losses.”
She lifted an eyebrow at him. “Most of the time you don’t sound like a grease monkey.”
He grinned. “Is that right?”
“You know who’s been just supernice to me for the last three months? Downy’s brother. Frank.”
“Is he a lot like Downy?”
She sat up. “Nothing like Downy. I’ve known Frank forever—we’ve been in school together since kindergarten. He was always the skinny little runt with the thick glasses, but so smart it was scary. The bigger kids used to pick on him and try to beat him up and if not for Downy... Well, Downy was his bodyguard and Frank was the nerd. But Frank has changed a little bit lately—he’s grown up, for one thing. He’s taller, stronger, got contacts. He’s actually good-looking, but you can tell he doesn’t know it. He likes to sail and paddleboard, so he built muscle. He’s not an athlete like Downy, but he has an appointment at MIT for an early admission scholarship.”
“Seriously?” Eric asked, surprised and impressed.
She nodded. “All in one family. Why couldn’t I get some of that?”
He chuckled. “You have what you need, Ashley. I promise. Hey, your mom knows I came over to board with you, doesn’t she?”
“Of course. She said she hopes I don’t end up disappointed.”
“She has good reason to worry about that,” he admitted. “That’ll take time. Hey, you almost ready for some lunch? We can come back out after, if you feel like it.”
“Sure. Let’s go in.”
Eighteen
Sarah had continued to put off talking to Landon about her potential change of assignment. In fact, she had been in some denial. It had been a while since Buzz had dropped the bombshell on her and as the days, and then weeks, passed with no confirmation she found herself taking the irrational position that if she didn’t think about it, maybe it wouldn’t happen. But she was going to have to deal with this. School had been out for less than a week and Landon was already talking about football practice starting up in August. He was working at Cooper’s part-time for the summer and was running and lifting weights, getting ready.
She’d been in her office for thirty minutes when her phone rang. She should have looked at the caller ID. She innocently answered, “Dupre.” And then she just listened to the voice on the other end of the line. Orders were being cut, she’d receive them in a few days—and she was going to Miami. She was slated to move in August, but she had two weeks to either accept the transfer or resign her commission. If she planned to accept the new assignment the chances were excellent that she’d be offered a promotion within a few months of her arrival in Florida.
That’s what service meant—you go where you’re needed, when you’re needed. And she was needed in Florida.
Sarah hung up the phone and sat, stunned, for a few minutes. She needed to talk to Buzz. She went to his office, tapped on the door, went inside as he looked up. She closed the door but she didn’t sit down. “I just got my orders,” she said.
He turned away from his computer screen. “Was it what I heard?”
She nodded. “Miami.”
“What are you going to do?”
She shook her head. “I guess I’m going to talk to Landon....”
“What about your guy? Cooper. Have you talked to him?”
And say what? she asked herself. Goodbye? “I haven’t told anyone. I wanted to wait until I knew for sure. First, I’m going to talk to Landon. What do you say to a sixteen-year-old kid who is looking at being king of the world in his senior year? You know the story, Buzz. What do I say?”
“I don’t know,” Buzz said. “I have a sixteen-year-old kid and he thinks I can pick money off the tree out back. So does his mother, for that matter. I’ve had to do the hard, unpopular things and it has cost me. I don’t know what else I could’ve done, but the price was high.”
She looked down. He’d probably paid the ultimate price for the less than stable lifestyle and she knew why he was here, why she was here. He loved the Coast Guard; he believed in their mission just as she did. In every branch of military service there was instability and risk, it took its toll on relationships.
“Need a couple of days off?” Buzz asked her.
She shook her head. “I’m fine. I’ll get back to work. I think better when I’m busy.”
“If I can do anything...”
“Thanks,” she said. “If I think of anything, I’ll let you know.”
For the next couple of days she tried not to let on that her brain was about to explode, trying to decide how to do what she had to do. Landon didn’t really notice—he had his new job on the beach, which he loved, and Eve, who he loved even more. Cooper noticed; he asked if there was another evaluation coming up and she said, “We’re facing some transfers and the whole station is going to have to adjust and figure out how to fill some gaps. But I’ll figure it out, don’t worry.”
Just when she was about to sit down and spill her guts to Cooper they learned that Austin and Spencer were coming for another visit. The toy hauler was ready for guests once again and Sarah knew she’d have to put off talking to Landon and Cooper just a few days longer.
* * *
The activity around the RV led to every person from the road to the beach asking what was going on.
“Spencer and Austin are coming for a visit, now that they’re both on summer vacation,” Cooper said. And he said it over and over again. “Kind of last-minute, but it’s a good thing. Austin loves being on the water and it saves me a trip to Texas to visit him.”
Late Friday afternoon when the deck and bar were full of beachcombers and neighbors and folks from neighboring towns out for a summer evening, the back door burst open and little freckle-faced Austin stood grinning in the doorway. “Hey, Cooper! I’m here!”
Cooper’s face lit up and he laughed, coming around the bar. “So you are,” he said. “Nothing like an entrance!” He put out his arms and Austin leaped into them.
“Can we go out on the bay for a while?”
“You’ve been here less than a minute. And I’m a little busy here. Does your dad feel like taking you out?”
“He wants to unload and unpack,” Austin said with a pout. “And eat something. But I want to go out on the bay!”
Sarah leaned on the bar. “Hey, Austin,” she called. And to Cooper she said, “I can cover this if you want to go ahead. Landon will help me and Rawley is still here.”
“You sure?” he asked.
“I’m sure.”
Cooper put Austin on his feet. “Fifteen minutes. I’ll run you around the bay on the Jet Ski. Get your suit on.”
“Yay!” He wiggled out of Cooper’s arms and headed for the toy hauler.
Cooper had never longed for children, but he wasn’t opposed to the idea. He figured he might have one or two someday, which was one of the reasons the idea of marriage hadn’t spooked him. But he had no idea one skinny, goofy, freckled little kid could bring him so much happiness. Five minutes later he had Austin in a life vest and on the back of the Jet Ski. When he’d bought this thing, it was in his head that he’d be loading a variety of beautiful bikini-clad young women behind him, holding on to him, but not one of them could have given him as much pleasure as this kid. His kid.
A half hour later he had Austin off the bay, sitting at a table on the deck, devouring a pizza. Spencer was having a beer, his feet up on the railing.
“You didn’t want to take him out on the Jet Ski?” Cooper asked, joking.
“I’ve just spent hours traveling with him. He wiggles worse than a box of worms and he is a talking machine.”
After dinner, Cooper had him fishing off the end of the dock, and then they played checkers for a while. Spencer coaxed Austin into the shower and by the time the sun was setting, Spencer had him tucked into bed in the trailer. After Landon and Rawley left, Cooper lit the little candles on the deck tables. He had a half-dozen customers enjoying the last of the sunset over the Pacific. Finally Spencer reappeared, showered and changed.
“I better have another beer,” he told Cooper. “Can I help myself?”
“Of course,” he said. “In fact, you can bring me one.”
Cooper scooted his chair close to Sarah and put an arm around her. The beach began to come alive beneath the deck and a couple of fires appeared.
Spencer was back with the beers and sat down with a heavy, exhausted sigh. He was quiet as he took in the last of the sun’s pink rays over the ocean. He took a pull on his beer. “Doesn’t get any better than this,” he said.
“Is he asleep?” Cooper asked.
“Oh, hell no,” Spencer said. “The TV is on and I told him to call me if he needs anything.”
“He’ll pass out pretty soon. I tired him out the best I could,” Cooper said.
“How can something so small wear a person out so thoroughly? Listen, I have to tell you something,” Spencer said. “I hope you’ll take this as good news. There’s a professional reason for us being here. Your football coach and athletic director is retiring and I applied for the job.”
“You did what?” Cooper asked, sitting straighter.
“Not good news?” Spencer asked.
“Hey, I didn’t say that, but why didn’t you tell me that’s why you were coming? Maybe I could’ve said something to someone. I knew about Coach Rayborough retiring!”
“You haven’t been here that long. I didn’t think you’d be tight with the coach.”
“Well, I’m not and I was pretty surprised to be included in the discussion. But what about your family?”
“My parents are in the same nursing home in Missouri. I have some aunts out there but I’m an only child. The last time we visited, my mom couldn’t remember who Austin was. I don’t know how long it’ll be before they’re gone, but probably not long. You’re probably thinking of Bridget’s family, too. They’re grieving and I think they’re going to be grieving for a long time.” He shook his head sadly. “We’ve had enough of death and illness. Austin and I need a fresh start. I like your little town. And Austin loves it.”
