“What are you thinking about?” Jenn asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
“You.” I didn’t have time to look her in the eye and lie to her any longer. Her eyes grew wide and a pink blush slowly spread across her cheeks.
“Oh.” She looked down at her plate of food that she had pushed around to make it look like she had eaten.
“So, Shane. Have you had any deployments?” Jenn’s father asked me from across the table.
“Yes, sir. Iraq,” I replied and took a drink of my water.
“What brings you to Maine?”
“Family. My cousin and his wife moved up this way. I am from North Carolina.”
“Is that where you are stationed?”
“Yes, sir.”
“I work with Shane’s cousin. That’s how we met.” Jenn smiled at her father, joining in on the conversation.
“Really? Who is your cousin?” Thomas asked from the other end of the table.
“Jake Philips.” I cleared my throat as I glanced over at Thomas.
“Ahh… Yes, I remember Jenn complaining about him often.” He laughed as I ground my teeth.
“He’s been having a tough time lately,” I said, defending my cousin. I knew he was struggling to deal with things at home.
“Well, in this economy who isn’t?” Thomas asked as he picked up his glass of champagne. Gail tapped him on the arm to let him know she thought he had had enough.
“You seem to be doing just fine.” I looked over his ridiculously expensive outfit.
“I go after what I want. It’s a dog-eat-dog world. Why settle for a hamburger when I can have filet mignon?” He laughed and I saw his eyes glance to Jenn for a brief second. That was all it took. I sat my glass down and closed my eyes, struggling not to leap across the table and make good on my threat. Her hand landed on my thigh, and she gave it a small squeeze. Suddenly, she was all I saw.
“Don’t,” she whispered. “He is trying to upset you.”
“Nonsense. I’m just being honest,” Thomas laughed.
“You don’t have an honest or kind bone in your body,” she shot back as she glared at him.
“I think it’s time for some after-dinner drinks,” Jenn’s father called over the conversation as he flagged down a waiter. The guests collectively pushed back their chairs and made their way to the bar on the other side of the room as I turned to face Jenn.
“Don’t let him get to you.” She shook her head.
“He hurt you,” I pointed out.
“I know. And now I’m here with you and it upsets him.” She grinned. I took a lock of her hair and pulled the silky strands between my fingers. “Come on. I could use a drink.” She stood and held out her hand for me. I took it, weaving my fingers in hers as we made our way to the bar.
“What would you like?” I asked as we slid between the other guests.
“Mango mojito.”
“I’ll bring it to you.” I winked as she pulled away, her fingertips slipping from mine. I watched as she made her way to the group of women who were talking off to the side.
“Mango mojito and a Bud Light,” I called to the bartender as Thomas came up beside me.
“Mojito, huh? Lucky man.”
“Don’t.” I didn’t know how much longer I could listen to this ass**le run his mouth before I made sure it would need to be wired shut.
“My Gail is the adventurous type,” he shook his head and lowered his voice, “but you get a few mojitos in Jenn, and she will let you do things to her that you couldn’t imagine.”
I tried. I hope Jenn understands that I tried. But I couldn’t listen to him talk that way about her. I spun around with my fist cocked back and connected with the left side of Thomas’s face. He was out before his head hit the floor.
“Shane!” I heard Jenn scream as several hands grabbed my arms to keep me from hitting him again. He lay sprawled out on the floor in front of me like a dog as blood oozed from his lip.
“How could you?” Gail yelled as she sank down to the floor to look over Thomas. My eyes connected with Walter, Jenn’s father. He gave me a small nod before calling out to the crowd to calm down. Perhaps he wasn’t as big of a fan of Thomas as he led on. Jenn grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the front door of the restaurant. I knew I had made a mistake and I wanted to explain it to her, but I couldn’t bring myself to repeat his words. She had been humiliated enough.
“I tried,” I said as we got outside and I examined the knuckles of my right hand.
“You tried?” She laughed as her fingers tangled in her hair. I nodded, stretching my fingers to make sure I hadn’t broken any.
Jenn stepped closer, taking my hand in hers and examining them for herself. Even in her anger, she was more worried about me.
“Why did you do that, Shane?” She glanced up at me through her long, dark lashes.
“I know I said if anyone made you cry that I would make them cry, but I couldn’t wait for him to hurt you again.”
“Oh… He’s just a mean drunk.”
“And a lousy boyfriend.” I couldn’t keep from her that I knew who he was. “Are you mad at me?” I asked, as she rubbed her thumb over my tender knuckle.
“No. How could I be mad at you? You’re the only person who stands up for me.” She smiled as she leaned in and pressed her lips against my cheek.
“If it makes you feel any better, your father looked happy to see Thomas get knocked on his ass.”
Jenn laughed as she pulled back from me.
“You promised me dinner.”
“What are you hungry for?”
She cocked her head as she thought over her choices. I was happy to take her anywhere as long as it was away from these people.
“Pizza. Greasy, cheesy pizza.”
I laughed and motioned with my arm toward my car.
Jenn
March 25, 2010
“Wait…Alpha, Bravo, cheese-its…” I giggled as Shane tossed a piece of popcorn at my face. “Ahh! I can’t believe you just did that.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“I’ll secretly plot against you until I find the perfect moment to exact my revenge.”
“Is that right?” He smirked as he grabbed another piece of popcorn and tossed it at me. “I could take you.”
“You don’t want any of this.” I giggled as I flexed my arm to show him muscles.
“Maybe I do.” He winked before pouncing on me, grabbing my wrists and pushing them into the back of the couch beside my head.
“Not fair! I can’t move.” I wiggled my hips beneath him and he swallowed hard. I forced myself not to lean in the fraction of an inch it would take to kiss him.
“That’s the point.” He released my arms and sat back in his seat next to me on the couch. “Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo…”
“They probably held your toes to the fire and forced you to learn that stuff.”
“What do you think I do for a living?” he laughed. “It’s not hard. You just have to say the alphabet in your head as you say the words.”
“What is the point of all this anyway? We have been at it for hours and I can’t remember half of them.”
“It keeps people from misunderstanding each other. If I spell something out with the phonetic alphabet, you know without a doubt what I mean to say.”
I sighed and sank back into the couch against his side. He lifted his arm and draped it over my shoulder as he began the alphabet again. I drank a long sip from my beer as I listened to him, his chest rising and falling against my side. My eyes became heavier as I struggled to focus on the muted television in front of us.
I couldn’t fight sleep any longer, but I didn’t want to pull myself from Shane’s side. I let my eyes drift closed as I listened to the steady sound of his voice.
I felt him take the bottle from my hand, hearing the clink of it as it was set down on the coffee table.
My eyes fluttered open as Shane pushed off his jeans and kicked them to the floor. He ran his hand over his hair and blew out a deep breath. I snuggled into the cushion as his arms wrapped around me and pulled me against his chest.
Shane
March 26, 2010, Morning
Jenn curled into me and sighed as her fingers played with my T-shirt. Her leg was hitched over my waist.
“Are you not wearing pants?” I craned my neck to look at her.
“I was hot. You throw off a lot of heat.”
“Yeah, well, your feet are freezing.”
She smirked as she placed the soul of her foot on my calf.
“I wish you weren’t leaving,” she said as she tried to keep her foot on me while I squirmed.
My body stilled and I took a deep breath as I squeezed my eyes shut.
“I have something I need to tell you, Jenn.” My voice was somber and I knew she could feel the quickening of my heartbeat beneath her hand.
“What is it?” Her finger ran absentmindedly over the scar on my chest. I grabbed her hand, wrapping my fingers around hers to stop her. “It’s Chelsea. You’re getting back together with her.”
“No.” My arms tightened around her. “Never.” I kissed the top of her head as I tried to figure out how to break the news to her. “Remember when I told you I had been to Iraq?”
“Of course.”
My fingers squeezed hers as I blew out a long breath.
“I have to go back.”
She pulled from my grip and sat up so she could look me in the eye.
“That’s not funny.”
“I know it’s not.”
Her face went blank as she searched my eyes for the truth.
“When?” Her voice was barely a whisper as she pulled her hand free from mine.
“Please let me explain. Chelsea left me because I went to war.”
“You have been lying to me this whole time?” She stood up. “When?” she demanded.
“Jenn, I was scared to death.” I stood from the couch and reached my hand out to touch her arm, but she swatted me away. “Tomorrow. I leave tomorrow, just like I said.”
“Don’t,” she gasped, as tears began to pour from her eyes.
“Please,” I begged as I reached for her again.
“I trusted you.”
“You can trust me, Jenn. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m hurt, Shane.” She sobbed, wiping the tears from her cheeks. I sank back down on the couch and dropped my head in my hands. I didn’t know how to fix this. I didn’t even know what this was. The lines of our friendship were blurry at best and I didn’t know if they even existed after my confession.
“What were you going to do? Just disappear and let me think you were in North Carolina?”
“I was going to tell you, Jenn. I just wanted as much time with you as possible without all of this.”
“This wouldn’t be happening if you were just honest with me in the beginning.”
“And told you what? That I was heading back to war? That I may not live to make it back to see you again?” I stood and took a step toward her. “Do you think you would have gotten to know me if you knew then that you could lose me?”
“You got to know me knowing that when I found out, you could lose me.”
The stabbing feeling in my heart began again. That painful, gut-wrenching heartache that only Jenn could inflict. I was losing her before I even had her.
“Jenn, I need you. I can’t go back there not knowing if you are waiting here for me. I know we haven’t had much time, but I feel like you know me better than anyone. You have no idea how badly I needed someone like you in my life. I found you. I didn’t want that taken away.” I was laying all of my cards on the table. I couldn’t leave things unspoken between us. There was no time for games.
She looked up at me through tear-filled eyes.
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against my chest as she sobbed.
“It’s not fair,” she cried.
“I know.” I rested my head on top of hers.
“No. It’s not fair that you would assume I would do what she did. I wouldn’t do that to you. I’m not her.”
My grip tightened on her and she whimpered but didn’t ask me to ease up.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t,” she whispered as she pulled back to look into my tear-filled eyes. “I’m sad that you have to go, but I will still be right here when you get back, if you want me.”
I let go of her waist and placed a hand on either side of her face before nodding slightly and leaning closer until my forehead rested against hers.
“I want you,” I whispered. Her eyes fell closed as our lips touched. Her fingers slid from my chest up the length of my neck as she pulled me closer. He mouth parted and I ran my tongue over the edge of her upper lip. Our gentle kisses became hungry as her tongue brushed against mine and a quiet moan resonated from the back of her throat. I slid my fingers into her hair as we both gasped for air, consumed by each other.
Her fingers found the base of my shirt and she gripped it tightly as she pulled it up toward my head. I took a small step back from her, my eyes locked on hers as I finished pulling it over my head and threw it to the ground beside me.
Jenn sucked her lower lip between her teeth as her eyes danced over my body. Her fingers wrapped around her own T-shirt as she took a deep breath and pulled it over her head, letting it fall from her fingertips to the ground below.
“You are so beautiful.” I took a step forward and placed my hand on her lower back to pull her body closer to mine. Her fingers fell on bare flesh, sliding over my scarred heart. “I always thought a piece of my heart had been missing. Turns out that piece was you.”
“You.” I didn’t have time to look her in the eye and lie to her any longer. Her eyes grew wide and a pink blush slowly spread across her cheeks.
“Oh.” She looked down at her plate of food that she had pushed around to make it look like she had eaten.
“So, Shane. Have you had any deployments?” Jenn’s father asked me from across the table.
“Yes, sir. Iraq,” I replied and took a drink of my water.
“What brings you to Maine?”
“Family. My cousin and his wife moved up this way. I am from North Carolina.”
“Is that where you are stationed?”
“Yes, sir.”
“I work with Shane’s cousin. That’s how we met.” Jenn smiled at her father, joining in on the conversation.
“Really? Who is your cousin?” Thomas asked from the other end of the table.
“Jake Philips.” I cleared my throat as I glanced over at Thomas.
“Ahh… Yes, I remember Jenn complaining about him often.” He laughed as I ground my teeth.
“He’s been having a tough time lately,” I said, defending my cousin. I knew he was struggling to deal with things at home.
“Well, in this economy who isn’t?” Thomas asked as he picked up his glass of champagne. Gail tapped him on the arm to let him know she thought he had had enough.
“You seem to be doing just fine.” I looked over his ridiculously expensive outfit.
“I go after what I want. It’s a dog-eat-dog world. Why settle for a hamburger when I can have filet mignon?” He laughed and I saw his eyes glance to Jenn for a brief second. That was all it took. I sat my glass down and closed my eyes, struggling not to leap across the table and make good on my threat. Her hand landed on my thigh, and she gave it a small squeeze. Suddenly, she was all I saw.
“Don’t,” she whispered. “He is trying to upset you.”
“Nonsense. I’m just being honest,” Thomas laughed.
“You don’t have an honest or kind bone in your body,” she shot back as she glared at him.
“I think it’s time for some after-dinner drinks,” Jenn’s father called over the conversation as he flagged down a waiter. The guests collectively pushed back their chairs and made their way to the bar on the other side of the room as I turned to face Jenn.
“Don’t let him get to you.” She shook her head.
“He hurt you,” I pointed out.
“I know. And now I’m here with you and it upsets him.” She grinned. I took a lock of her hair and pulled the silky strands between my fingers. “Come on. I could use a drink.” She stood and held out her hand for me. I took it, weaving my fingers in hers as we made our way to the bar.
“What would you like?” I asked as we slid between the other guests.
“Mango mojito.”
“I’ll bring it to you.” I winked as she pulled away, her fingertips slipping from mine. I watched as she made her way to the group of women who were talking off to the side.
“Mango mojito and a Bud Light,” I called to the bartender as Thomas came up beside me.
“Mojito, huh? Lucky man.”
“Don’t.” I didn’t know how much longer I could listen to this ass**le run his mouth before I made sure it would need to be wired shut.
“My Gail is the adventurous type,” he shook his head and lowered his voice, “but you get a few mojitos in Jenn, and she will let you do things to her that you couldn’t imagine.”
I tried. I hope Jenn understands that I tried. But I couldn’t listen to him talk that way about her. I spun around with my fist cocked back and connected with the left side of Thomas’s face. He was out before his head hit the floor.
“Shane!” I heard Jenn scream as several hands grabbed my arms to keep me from hitting him again. He lay sprawled out on the floor in front of me like a dog as blood oozed from his lip.
“How could you?” Gail yelled as she sank down to the floor to look over Thomas. My eyes connected with Walter, Jenn’s father. He gave me a small nod before calling out to the crowd to calm down. Perhaps he wasn’t as big of a fan of Thomas as he led on. Jenn grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the front door of the restaurant. I knew I had made a mistake and I wanted to explain it to her, but I couldn’t bring myself to repeat his words. She had been humiliated enough.
“I tried,” I said as we got outside and I examined the knuckles of my right hand.
“You tried?” She laughed as her fingers tangled in her hair. I nodded, stretching my fingers to make sure I hadn’t broken any.
Jenn stepped closer, taking my hand in hers and examining them for herself. Even in her anger, she was more worried about me.
“Why did you do that, Shane?” She glanced up at me through her long, dark lashes.
“I know I said if anyone made you cry that I would make them cry, but I couldn’t wait for him to hurt you again.”
“Oh… He’s just a mean drunk.”
“And a lousy boyfriend.” I couldn’t keep from her that I knew who he was. “Are you mad at me?” I asked, as she rubbed her thumb over my tender knuckle.
“No. How could I be mad at you? You’re the only person who stands up for me.” She smiled as she leaned in and pressed her lips against my cheek.
“If it makes you feel any better, your father looked happy to see Thomas get knocked on his ass.”
Jenn laughed as she pulled back from me.
“You promised me dinner.”
“What are you hungry for?”
She cocked her head as she thought over her choices. I was happy to take her anywhere as long as it was away from these people.
“Pizza. Greasy, cheesy pizza.”
I laughed and motioned with my arm toward my car.
Jenn
March 25, 2010
“Wait…Alpha, Bravo, cheese-its…” I giggled as Shane tossed a piece of popcorn at my face. “Ahh! I can’t believe you just did that.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“I’ll secretly plot against you until I find the perfect moment to exact my revenge.”
“Is that right?” He smirked as he grabbed another piece of popcorn and tossed it at me. “I could take you.”
“You don’t want any of this.” I giggled as I flexed my arm to show him muscles.
“Maybe I do.” He winked before pouncing on me, grabbing my wrists and pushing them into the back of the couch beside my head.
“Not fair! I can’t move.” I wiggled my hips beneath him and he swallowed hard. I forced myself not to lean in the fraction of an inch it would take to kiss him.
“That’s the point.” He released my arms and sat back in his seat next to me on the couch. “Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo…”
“They probably held your toes to the fire and forced you to learn that stuff.”
“What do you think I do for a living?” he laughed. “It’s not hard. You just have to say the alphabet in your head as you say the words.”
“What is the point of all this anyway? We have been at it for hours and I can’t remember half of them.”
“It keeps people from misunderstanding each other. If I spell something out with the phonetic alphabet, you know without a doubt what I mean to say.”
I sighed and sank back into the couch against his side. He lifted his arm and draped it over my shoulder as he began the alphabet again. I drank a long sip from my beer as I listened to him, his chest rising and falling against my side. My eyes became heavier as I struggled to focus on the muted television in front of us.
I couldn’t fight sleep any longer, but I didn’t want to pull myself from Shane’s side. I let my eyes drift closed as I listened to the steady sound of his voice.
I felt him take the bottle from my hand, hearing the clink of it as it was set down on the coffee table.
My eyes fluttered open as Shane pushed off his jeans and kicked them to the floor. He ran his hand over his hair and blew out a deep breath. I snuggled into the cushion as his arms wrapped around me and pulled me against his chest.
Shane
March 26, 2010, Morning
Jenn curled into me and sighed as her fingers played with my T-shirt. Her leg was hitched over my waist.
“Are you not wearing pants?” I craned my neck to look at her.
“I was hot. You throw off a lot of heat.”
“Yeah, well, your feet are freezing.”
She smirked as she placed the soul of her foot on my calf.
“I wish you weren’t leaving,” she said as she tried to keep her foot on me while I squirmed.
My body stilled and I took a deep breath as I squeezed my eyes shut.
“I have something I need to tell you, Jenn.” My voice was somber and I knew she could feel the quickening of my heartbeat beneath her hand.
“What is it?” Her finger ran absentmindedly over the scar on my chest. I grabbed her hand, wrapping my fingers around hers to stop her. “It’s Chelsea. You’re getting back together with her.”
“No.” My arms tightened around her. “Never.” I kissed the top of her head as I tried to figure out how to break the news to her. “Remember when I told you I had been to Iraq?”
“Of course.”
My fingers squeezed hers as I blew out a long breath.
“I have to go back.”
She pulled from my grip and sat up so she could look me in the eye.
“That’s not funny.”
“I know it’s not.”
Her face went blank as she searched my eyes for the truth.
“When?” Her voice was barely a whisper as she pulled her hand free from mine.
“Please let me explain. Chelsea left me because I went to war.”
“You have been lying to me this whole time?” She stood up. “When?” she demanded.
“Jenn, I was scared to death.” I stood from the couch and reached my hand out to touch her arm, but she swatted me away. “Tomorrow. I leave tomorrow, just like I said.”
“Don’t,” she gasped, as tears began to pour from her eyes.
“Please,” I begged as I reached for her again.
“I trusted you.”
“You can trust me, Jenn. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m hurt, Shane.” She sobbed, wiping the tears from her cheeks. I sank back down on the couch and dropped my head in my hands. I didn’t know how to fix this. I didn’t even know what this was. The lines of our friendship were blurry at best and I didn’t know if they even existed after my confession.
“What were you going to do? Just disappear and let me think you were in North Carolina?”
“I was going to tell you, Jenn. I just wanted as much time with you as possible without all of this.”
“This wouldn’t be happening if you were just honest with me in the beginning.”
“And told you what? That I was heading back to war? That I may not live to make it back to see you again?” I stood and took a step toward her. “Do you think you would have gotten to know me if you knew then that you could lose me?”
“You got to know me knowing that when I found out, you could lose me.”
The stabbing feeling in my heart began again. That painful, gut-wrenching heartache that only Jenn could inflict. I was losing her before I even had her.
“Jenn, I need you. I can’t go back there not knowing if you are waiting here for me. I know we haven’t had much time, but I feel like you know me better than anyone. You have no idea how badly I needed someone like you in my life. I found you. I didn’t want that taken away.” I was laying all of my cards on the table. I couldn’t leave things unspoken between us. There was no time for games.
She looked up at me through tear-filled eyes.
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against my chest as she sobbed.
“It’s not fair,” she cried.
“I know.” I rested my head on top of hers.
“No. It’s not fair that you would assume I would do what she did. I wouldn’t do that to you. I’m not her.”
My grip tightened on her and she whimpered but didn’t ask me to ease up.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t,” she whispered as she pulled back to look into my tear-filled eyes. “I’m sad that you have to go, but I will still be right here when you get back, if you want me.”
I let go of her waist and placed a hand on either side of her face before nodding slightly and leaning closer until my forehead rested against hers.
“I want you,” I whispered. Her eyes fell closed as our lips touched. Her fingers slid from my chest up the length of my neck as she pulled me closer. He mouth parted and I ran my tongue over the edge of her upper lip. Our gentle kisses became hungry as her tongue brushed against mine and a quiet moan resonated from the back of her throat. I slid my fingers into her hair as we both gasped for air, consumed by each other.
Her fingers found the base of my shirt and she gripped it tightly as she pulled it up toward my head. I took a small step back from her, my eyes locked on hers as I finished pulling it over my head and threw it to the ground beside me.
Jenn sucked her lower lip between her teeth as her eyes danced over my body. Her fingers wrapped around her own T-shirt as she took a deep breath and pulled it over her head, letting it fall from her fingertips to the ground below.
“You are so beautiful.” I took a step forward and placed my hand on her lower back to pull her body closer to mine. Her fingers fell on bare flesh, sliding over my scarred heart. “I always thought a piece of my heart had been missing. Turns out that piece was you.”
