“Can I help you?” The older woman from behind the desk turned to face me, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose.
“I need a room for tonight. Two thirteen if it’s available.”
She studied me for a minute, pondering my odd room request. I wasn’t in the mood to explain.
“This isn’t the place for casual encounters. If you’re looking for something like that, you’re in the wrong town.” She raised her eyebrow in an attempt to appear authoritative. I laughed and struggled to maintain my composure.
“Yes, ma’am. Just looking for a three hots and a cot.”
“Well, we don’t serve food here, but there is a vending machine around the corner and a few restaurants within walking distance.” I nodded as she slid the key to the room across the counter. “That will be fifty-nine ninety-eight and check out is at eleven a.m. No later or I’ll have to charge you for an extra day.”
“Understood,” I replied as I pulled sixty dollars from my wallet and laid it on the counter. I grabbed the keys and my bags and made my way to my room for the night.
I was completely jetlagged and need to make a few phone calls to make sure my status wasn’t changed to AWOL.
I unlocked the door to the room and pushed it open with my bag. As I stepped inside, I crinkled my nose at the musty smell that assaulted me. I dropped my bags to the ground and groaned as I grabbed hold of my shoulder that was stinging in pain. The Army ages your body and mind quicker than any other job out there. I glanced around the room. The walls were painted a light blue that was dull and faded over the years. There was a small writing desk that sat across from the bed. It wasn’t home, but it would do. I grabbed the phone on the desk and called SATO to change my leave plans before I fell back onto the bed and closed my eyes and begged the memories to stay away long enough to get some rest.
May 5, 2008
“Can I buy you a drink?” I smiled as I sat down on the barstool next to a leggy blonde that had come in on her own.
“I can buy my own drinks.” She grinned and stared off at the rows of bottles behind the bar.
“Fair enough,” I sighed and took a sip from my mug. I glanced over my shoulder at the other soldiers who had accompanied me to the Raging Rooster, a small dive bar just outside of the base. They raised their glasses and laughed, knowing I was about to strike out. “You mind if I keep you company?”
“It’s a free country.” She smiled as her fingers traced the rim of her glass.
“That it is.” I laughed into my drink. Her eyes drifted to me as she scanned my camouflage uniform.
“I guess I should thank you for that.”
“If you really want to thank me, you can tell me your name.”
“Chelsea.”
Jenn
March 15, 2010, Monday,
Holstein and Leeman Advertising Agency, 8:00 a.m.
I hadn’t even gotten my blazer off before people were asking me to run errands and look over reports. I wanted to scream. This wasn’t where I expected myself to be just a day shy of my twenty-seventh birthday. I had hoped to advance further in my career as I had watched countless men do. I was nothing more than a glorified secretary, and my patience was wearing thin.
“Could you help me?” a voice called from behind me.
“Can’t anyone do anything for themselves around her?” I mumbled under my breath as I spun around in my chair. Two strong hands came down on the arms, stopping me from rotating with a sudden jolt. I was face to face with an incredibly rugged and handsome man I had never seen before.
“Where’s the fun in that, sunshine?” he asked with a wink. My heart leapt into my throat as I stared into his dark blue eyes.
“I was beginning to think you weren’t coming!” Jake called from across the hall as he made his way over. The stranger stood and held out his arms to hug him as my eyes traveled over his muscular physique.
“Sorry. I overslept.” Shane rubbed his hand over his dark, buzzed hair.
“An entire day?” Jake laughed and hit him playfully on the arm.
“Jet lag. Looks like you could use a few hours,” he laughed.
“Been a long week. This is Jenn.” Jake motioned toward me with his hand. My eyes never left Shane’s.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Shane.” He smiled politely and deep dimples settled into his sun-kissed face. He stretched out his hand for mine. I let my fingers slide across his palm as he gripped on to me tightly. His palm was rough and calloused from years of hard work. Electricity shot through me from that simple touch. I pulled my hand back and placed it on my lap. “So, congratulations are in order! I hear this one is going to be a girl?”
Jake’s face sank as he took a deep breath.
“You didn’t get my last letter? It probably went out after you already left. What day did you send that?” His eyes fell on me. My heart fell to the pit of my stomach. My hand slipped down into my blazer and I pulled out the addressed envelope and held it out to them.
“I’m so sorry, Jake. I had a lot on my mind.” It was only a matter of time before Jake found an excuse to fire me and I had just made his job easier.
“It would have missed him in transit anyway.” Jake’s hand ran over his hair as his eyes focused on the tile floor in front of him.
Shane took the letter from my hand and looked over the envelope before looking back at Jake.
“What happened?”
“It wasn’t meant to be.” He shrugged, trying to come off unfazed. “Two kids are a handful as is. The economy isn’t what it used to be.”
“I’m sorry.” He put his hand on Jake’s shoulder and gave him a sympathetic look. “At least you can keep trying,” he joked, hoping to lighten the mood. He slipped the letter into the back pocket of his jeans.
“I’m no quitter.” Jake smiled. “Sorry about Chelsea.”
Shane’s eyes glanced over at me and back at his cousin. “Already forgotten.” The muscles in his jaw ticked as he clenched it.
“Why don’t I take the day off? I know a great sushi place in town and May is just dying to see you.”
“Sounds good. I could use some real food and maybe a drink.”
“Jenn, can you handle my reports for the rest of the day?”
“Sure, no problem.” My mind reeled with the new information about Jake. I always thought he was just a mean person by nature. I never would have guessed so much was going on in his home life. I couldn’t fathom losing a child.
“Miller needs to be ready by tomorrow.”
“I won’t be in tomorrow. It’s my birthday and the start of my vacation.” I sighed inwardly as I thought of what that meant. Another day of broken promises.
“I’ll get one of the others to do it. Have a good time.”
“You too,” I called after the men as I watched them walk toward the elevator, my eyes fixed on Shane’s broad shoulders as I wondered where he had come from and who Chelsea was.
Shane
March 15, 2010, Monday, 9:00 p.m.
“You wouldn’t believe the blood. It was unreal. To this day, a ball slides across it and as soon as it hits the stains, it flies across the table.” I laughed, trying to hide the sadness in my voice.
“You see a lot over there? Is this, like, a daily thing?” Jake held up two fingers to the bartender.
“Nah. I mean, you’re always on edge.” I shrugged as I took a drink from my mug. “No different from living in Detroit.” I laughed and grabbed my fresh mug of beer, nodding to the bartender. “It’s a job.” Joking about the reality of life at war helped me get through it. Only those who saw it over there with me truly understood the toll it took on someone’s mind. I pushed my back into the corner as my eyes scanned the other patrons.
“An honorable job.” Jake held up his mug and I followed suit, clinking the glasses together.
“Thanks.” We both drank in silence. “I think I’ve lost my tolerance.”
“Mine gets stronger every day.” Jake took a drink of his beer as his eyes fixed on a neon beer sign behind the bar.
“I’m sorry, man. I know you guys wanted a big family.”
“Everything happens for a reason, right?”
I nodded but didn’t agree. What was the reason my mother died when I was so young? Why did I lose the woman I planned on spending my life with? I had seen things overseas that would haunt me for the rest of my life and no one would ever understand. There was no great plan in life. Sometimes bad things happened to good people. Life was nothing more than a series of events with no rhyme or reason.
“I know you probably hate Chelsea right now.”
“I don’t want to talk about her.” I glanced over at my cousin, my brother, and narrowed my eyes.
“I don’t pretend to understand what you have gone through and I can’t even begin to fathom how hard it was for you. But it is hard for all of us here too. It takes a strong person to be able to deal with that. When her sister was diagnosed with cancer, she needed someone. She was all alone down there. It’s life.”
“I get it. It happens all of the time. No big deal. I’m better off on my own.” I sighed and took another drink wishing I could be spared the humiliation of talking about her.
“Don’t do that, Shane. You don’t have to be the superhero. You can have feelings. No one would blame you if you were hurt or angry.”
“I wasn’t there for her. I let her down. I don’t deserve to be angry.” But I was. I was angry at myself. Had I not reenlisted in the Army, I would still be the one holding her at night and chasing away all of her fears.”
“No one sees it that way, Shane. Life throws us curve balls and we either dodge them or let them knock us down. This one knocked you down, but you can get back up. The Shane I know is a fighter. What happened to that guy?”
“The same could be said for you.” I raised my eyebrow.
Jenn
March 15, 2010, Monday, 9:00 p.m.
The phone rang again. I reached out to my side, never letting my eyes leave my book as I grabbed my phone and turned the volume all the way down. A text message buzzed through while it was still in my hand.
Answer your phone. It’s an emergency. – Mom
I threw my book on my bed and dialed my mother’s number. I was sure what constituted an emergency would be my mother finally remembering my birthday. I breathed a sigh of relief, happy someone had remembered.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as soon as the call connected.
“Well, isn’t this nice,” my mother replied.
“Mom, you said it was an emergency. I’m very busy.”
“Why haven’t you called Eusse?”
“I’m not interested,” I replied with my teeth clenched as I lay back onto my bed and clutched my pillow in my arms. I mentally began to count down from twenty as I closed my eyes.
“Oh, I didn’t realize you were so picky. It’s not like you’re getting any younger,” my mother snapped angrily.
I didn’t need reminding that in only a few hours, I would be another year older and still alone. But that was still no reason to settle for someone like Eusse.
“I’ll think about it.” I hated the way my voice shook as I spoke to her.
“Jenn, you have embarrassed me enough with this man. You need to grow up and stop acting like a child.”
“This is my life and I will see who I chose. Your name is about to be kicked off that list.” Anger consumed me as I struggled to keep my composure.
“You watch your tone, young lady.”
“I’m tired of you and everyone else in my life telling me what to do and who to see!” I turned off my phone and slipped it into the stand beside my bed. I grabbed the tiny metal cord that dangled from beneath the lampshade and pulled it, drowning myself in darkness. My mind replayed the date I had with Eusse as I drifted off into sleep.
Jenn
March 13, 2010, Saturday, 5:43 p.m.
“No, thank you.” I waved away the wine bottle that Eusse held over my glass. It was our second one and I was more than a little tipsy after barely touching my steak and lobster. I would have been much happier with a cheeseburger and fries. “I don’t think I can hold anymore.”
Eusse smiled, revealing deep lines around his mouth and eyes. He was much older than I was, but he had aged well. He took his credit card from his wallet and slid it over the bill, nodding once at the waiter who quickly came to remove it.
“I hear you live nearby. Your mother said your place is…quaint.”
I laughed, knowing that what my mother meant was unlivable. She hated my place, which made me love it even more. It was mine and my decision.
“It is very cozy.” Picking up my glass, I drank the last drops of my pinot noir.
“I’d like to see it.” He removed a pen from his pocket as the waiter placed the check and card back on the table.
“Have a great evening.” The waiter smiled before backing away to tend to his other tables.
“I don’t take people back to my place. It’s not much for entertaining.” The truth was, I didn’t know this man and had no desire to extend the date any longer.
“At least let me be a gentleman and walk you home. It wouldn’t be right for me to let you wonder the streets in your condition.”
There was no polite way to tell him no. He was doing what any gentleman would do, so I simply nodded and stood up. He rounded the table and looped his arm in mine.
“Shall we?”
It was still early and the blast of sunlight as the left the restaurant was unexpected. I wasn’t much of a drinker and the alcohol seemed to affect me tenfold once I was standing.
“I need a room for tonight. Two thirteen if it’s available.”
She studied me for a minute, pondering my odd room request. I wasn’t in the mood to explain.
“This isn’t the place for casual encounters. If you’re looking for something like that, you’re in the wrong town.” She raised her eyebrow in an attempt to appear authoritative. I laughed and struggled to maintain my composure.
“Yes, ma’am. Just looking for a three hots and a cot.”
“Well, we don’t serve food here, but there is a vending machine around the corner and a few restaurants within walking distance.” I nodded as she slid the key to the room across the counter. “That will be fifty-nine ninety-eight and check out is at eleven a.m. No later or I’ll have to charge you for an extra day.”
“Understood,” I replied as I pulled sixty dollars from my wallet and laid it on the counter. I grabbed the keys and my bags and made my way to my room for the night.
I was completely jetlagged and need to make a few phone calls to make sure my status wasn’t changed to AWOL.
I unlocked the door to the room and pushed it open with my bag. As I stepped inside, I crinkled my nose at the musty smell that assaulted me. I dropped my bags to the ground and groaned as I grabbed hold of my shoulder that was stinging in pain. The Army ages your body and mind quicker than any other job out there. I glanced around the room. The walls were painted a light blue that was dull and faded over the years. There was a small writing desk that sat across from the bed. It wasn’t home, but it would do. I grabbed the phone on the desk and called SATO to change my leave plans before I fell back onto the bed and closed my eyes and begged the memories to stay away long enough to get some rest.
May 5, 2008
“Can I buy you a drink?” I smiled as I sat down on the barstool next to a leggy blonde that had come in on her own.
“I can buy my own drinks.” She grinned and stared off at the rows of bottles behind the bar.
“Fair enough,” I sighed and took a sip from my mug. I glanced over my shoulder at the other soldiers who had accompanied me to the Raging Rooster, a small dive bar just outside of the base. They raised their glasses and laughed, knowing I was about to strike out. “You mind if I keep you company?”
“It’s a free country.” She smiled as her fingers traced the rim of her glass.
“That it is.” I laughed into my drink. Her eyes drifted to me as she scanned my camouflage uniform.
“I guess I should thank you for that.”
“If you really want to thank me, you can tell me your name.”
“Chelsea.”
Jenn
March 15, 2010, Monday,
Holstein and Leeman Advertising Agency, 8:00 a.m.
I hadn’t even gotten my blazer off before people were asking me to run errands and look over reports. I wanted to scream. This wasn’t where I expected myself to be just a day shy of my twenty-seventh birthday. I had hoped to advance further in my career as I had watched countless men do. I was nothing more than a glorified secretary, and my patience was wearing thin.
“Could you help me?” a voice called from behind me.
“Can’t anyone do anything for themselves around her?” I mumbled under my breath as I spun around in my chair. Two strong hands came down on the arms, stopping me from rotating with a sudden jolt. I was face to face with an incredibly rugged and handsome man I had never seen before.
“Where’s the fun in that, sunshine?” he asked with a wink. My heart leapt into my throat as I stared into his dark blue eyes.
“I was beginning to think you weren’t coming!” Jake called from across the hall as he made his way over. The stranger stood and held out his arms to hug him as my eyes traveled over his muscular physique.
“Sorry. I overslept.” Shane rubbed his hand over his dark, buzzed hair.
“An entire day?” Jake laughed and hit him playfully on the arm.
“Jet lag. Looks like you could use a few hours,” he laughed.
“Been a long week. This is Jenn.” Jake motioned toward me with his hand. My eyes never left Shane’s.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Shane.” He smiled politely and deep dimples settled into his sun-kissed face. He stretched out his hand for mine. I let my fingers slide across his palm as he gripped on to me tightly. His palm was rough and calloused from years of hard work. Electricity shot through me from that simple touch. I pulled my hand back and placed it on my lap. “So, congratulations are in order! I hear this one is going to be a girl?”
Jake’s face sank as he took a deep breath.
“You didn’t get my last letter? It probably went out after you already left. What day did you send that?” His eyes fell on me. My heart fell to the pit of my stomach. My hand slipped down into my blazer and I pulled out the addressed envelope and held it out to them.
“I’m so sorry, Jake. I had a lot on my mind.” It was only a matter of time before Jake found an excuse to fire me and I had just made his job easier.
“It would have missed him in transit anyway.” Jake’s hand ran over his hair as his eyes focused on the tile floor in front of him.
Shane took the letter from my hand and looked over the envelope before looking back at Jake.
“What happened?”
“It wasn’t meant to be.” He shrugged, trying to come off unfazed. “Two kids are a handful as is. The economy isn’t what it used to be.”
“I’m sorry.” He put his hand on Jake’s shoulder and gave him a sympathetic look. “At least you can keep trying,” he joked, hoping to lighten the mood. He slipped the letter into the back pocket of his jeans.
“I’m no quitter.” Jake smiled. “Sorry about Chelsea.”
Shane’s eyes glanced over at me and back at his cousin. “Already forgotten.” The muscles in his jaw ticked as he clenched it.
“Why don’t I take the day off? I know a great sushi place in town and May is just dying to see you.”
“Sounds good. I could use some real food and maybe a drink.”
“Jenn, can you handle my reports for the rest of the day?”
“Sure, no problem.” My mind reeled with the new information about Jake. I always thought he was just a mean person by nature. I never would have guessed so much was going on in his home life. I couldn’t fathom losing a child.
“Miller needs to be ready by tomorrow.”
“I won’t be in tomorrow. It’s my birthday and the start of my vacation.” I sighed inwardly as I thought of what that meant. Another day of broken promises.
“I’ll get one of the others to do it. Have a good time.”
“You too,” I called after the men as I watched them walk toward the elevator, my eyes fixed on Shane’s broad shoulders as I wondered where he had come from and who Chelsea was.
Shane
March 15, 2010, Monday, 9:00 p.m.
“You wouldn’t believe the blood. It was unreal. To this day, a ball slides across it and as soon as it hits the stains, it flies across the table.” I laughed, trying to hide the sadness in my voice.
“You see a lot over there? Is this, like, a daily thing?” Jake held up two fingers to the bartender.
“Nah. I mean, you’re always on edge.” I shrugged as I took a drink from my mug. “No different from living in Detroit.” I laughed and grabbed my fresh mug of beer, nodding to the bartender. “It’s a job.” Joking about the reality of life at war helped me get through it. Only those who saw it over there with me truly understood the toll it took on someone’s mind. I pushed my back into the corner as my eyes scanned the other patrons.
“An honorable job.” Jake held up his mug and I followed suit, clinking the glasses together.
“Thanks.” We both drank in silence. “I think I’ve lost my tolerance.”
“Mine gets stronger every day.” Jake took a drink of his beer as his eyes fixed on a neon beer sign behind the bar.
“I’m sorry, man. I know you guys wanted a big family.”
“Everything happens for a reason, right?”
I nodded but didn’t agree. What was the reason my mother died when I was so young? Why did I lose the woman I planned on spending my life with? I had seen things overseas that would haunt me for the rest of my life and no one would ever understand. There was no great plan in life. Sometimes bad things happened to good people. Life was nothing more than a series of events with no rhyme or reason.
“I know you probably hate Chelsea right now.”
“I don’t want to talk about her.” I glanced over at my cousin, my brother, and narrowed my eyes.
“I don’t pretend to understand what you have gone through and I can’t even begin to fathom how hard it was for you. But it is hard for all of us here too. It takes a strong person to be able to deal with that. When her sister was diagnosed with cancer, she needed someone. She was all alone down there. It’s life.”
“I get it. It happens all of the time. No big deal. I’m better off on my own.” I sighed and took another drink wishing I could be spared the humiliation of talking about her.
“Don’t do that, Shane. You don’t have to be the superhero. You can have feelings. No one would blame you if you were hurt or angry.”
“I wasn’t there for her. I let her down. I don’t deserve to be angry.” But I was. I was angry at myself. Had I not reenlisted in the Army, I would still be the one holding her at night and chasing away all of her fears.”
“No one sees it that way, Shane. Life throws us curve balls and we either dodge them or let them knock us down. This one knocked you down, but you can get back up. The Shane I know is a fighter. What happened to that guy?”
“The same could be said for you.” I raised my eyebrow.
Jenn
March 15, 2010, Monday, 9:00 p.m.
The phone rang again. I reached out to my side, never letting my eyes leave my book as I grabbed my phone and turned the volume all the way down. A text message buzzed through while it was still in my hand.
Answer your phone. It’s an emergency. – Mom
I threw my book on my bed and dialed my mother’s number. I was sure what constituted an emergency would be my mother finally remembering my birthday. I breathed a sigh of relief, happy someone had remembered.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as soon as the call connected.
“Well, isn’t this nice,” my mother replied.
“Mom, you said it was an emergency. I’m very busy.”
“Why haven’t you called Eusse?”
“I’m not interested,” I replied with my teeth clenched as I lay back onto my bed and clutched my pillow in my arms. I mentally began to count down from twenty as I closed my eyes.
“Oh, I didn’t realize you were so picky. It’s not like you’re getting any younger,” my mother snapped angrily.
I didn’t need reminding that in only a few hours, I would be another year older and still alone. But that was still no reason to settle for someone like Eusse.
“I’ll think about it.” I hated the way my voice shook as I spoke to her.
“Jenn, you have embarrassed me enough with this man. You need to grow up and stop acting like a child.”
“This is my life and I will see who I chose. Your name is about to be kicked off that list.” Anger consumed me as I struggled to keep my composure.
“You watch your tone, young lady.”
“I’m tired of you and everyone else in my life telling me what to do and who to see!” I turned off my phone and slipped it into the stand beside my bed. I grabbed the tiny metal cord that dangled from beneath the lampshade and pulled it, drowning myself in darkness. My mind replayed the date I had with Eusse as I drifted off into sleep.
Jenn
March 13, 2010, Saturday, 5:43 p.m.
“No, thank you.” I waved away the wine bottle that Eusse held over my glass. It was our second one and I was more than a little tipsy after barely touching my steak and lobster. I would have been much happier with a cheeseburger and fries. “I don’t think I can hold anymore.”
Eusse smiled, revealing deep lines around his mouth and eyes. He was much older than I was, but he had aged well. He took his credit card from his wallet and slid it over the bill, nodding once at the waiter who quickly came to remove it.
“I hear you live nearby. Your mother said your place is…quaint.”
I laughed, knowing that what my mother meant was unlivable. She hated my place, which made me love it even more. It was mine and my decision.
“It is very cozy.” Picking up my glass, I drank the last drops of my pinot noir.
“I’d like to see it.” He removed a pen from his pocket as the waiter placed the check and card back on the table.
“Have a great evening.” The waiter smiled before backing away to tend to his other tables.
“I don’t take people back to my place. It’s not much for entertaining.” The truth was, I didn’t know this man and had no desire to extend the date any longer.
“At least let me be a gentleman and walk you home. It wouldn’t be right for me to let you wonder the streets in your condition.”
There was no polite way to tell him no. He was doing what any gentleman would do, so I simply nodded and stood up. He rounded the table and looped his arm in mine.
“Shall we?”
It was still early and the blast of sunlight as the left the restaurant was unexpected. I wasn’t much of a drinker and the alcohol seemed to affect me tenfold once I was standing.
