I stood and cracked my neck before taking a long sip from my beer, contemplating what I would say to Chelsea. I held out the mug for Owens and made my way to the row of phones. I quickly dialed the number before I changed my mind.
“Hello?” A man answered and my hand reflexively balled into a fist. The knuckles of my hand that gripped the phone turned bone-white as I struggled to contain my composure.
“Put Chelsea on the phone,” I demanded through clenched teeth. The receiver made a sound as it was set down, and I could hear muffled voices in the background. I glanced back at Owens who stared back at me expectantly.
“Shane, how are you?”
“I need to come get my stuff.”
“Where are you?”
“I’ll be home in a few days. We got stuck in Germany longer than we expected.” My eyes glanced around at the other soldiers smiling and calling home to their wives and mothers.
“Well,” she cleared her throat, “no need to rush. I’ve boxed up everything and got a storage unit just outside the main gate. It’s paid up until the end of your tour.”
I laid my head against the phone as I struggled to maintain my breathing.
“What about Roxy? You shove her in a damn box too?” I at least wanted to see my golden retriever before I went back. She was getting up there in age, and I was sure she wouldn’t survive through the entire deployment.
“You know I love Roxy. This is her home.”
I shook my head, feeling like my whole world was crashing down around me. This man came in and took my girl, my home, and now my dog.
“It was my home too. You can’t do this. Please don’t do this.”
“I’m sorry, Shane. I have to go.”
The line went dead and I slammed the receiver of the phone down several times before sinking down and burying my face in my hands. My back jerked as I silently gave into the sadness and loss that I had kept inside for weeks.
Jenn
March 13, 2010, Saturday, 3:00 p.m.
I stood in front of the mirror for the tenth time staring at my baby-blue dress that gathered below my chest and flowed freely out to just above my knee. I couldn’t help but think how much better it would have looked on my sister.
I was already late for the date I had no desire to go on. I grabbed my coat, ran down the flight of steps to the ground floor of my apartment, and took off down Main Street toward the restaurant. It was only two blocks away and I was certain my father had chosen it so I had no excuse not to make it.
My flats clacked against the sidewalk as I hurried past the window shoppers and into the front door of the restaurant. Pulling off my pea coat, I struggled to even my breath, suddenly realizing I had no idea who I was meeting.
“I’m meeting someone.” I furrowed my brow as I stared at the host who looked mildly amused.
“Right this way, ma’am.” He turned and made his way through the maze of tables, topped with crisp, white cloths and battery-powered candles. The walls were a deep mahogany that shined against the dim lighting.
A gentleman pushed back his chair and stood with his hand outstretched. My heart rate picked up and I had to mentally count back from twenty as I begged my anxiety to stay at bay.
Shane
March 12, 2010, Friday, Somewhere in the Sky
“This trip is never going to end.” Owens hit the call button above his head for the flight attendant.
“Good.” I stretched my legs out as much as I could. My nearly six-foot frame was not made for commercial airlines.
“You need to get out of this funk, man. A little strange will do you some good.”
“Whatever.” I couldn’t even imagine being with another woman. Not because I was so hung up on my love for Chelsea, but because I wasn’t sure I could trust anyone else.
“I’m serious. What are you gonna do? Go back and declare your love for her? Beat your hands on your chest like a damn caveman? They will strip your rank before you can dip your toes back in the sand.”
“I’m not going to do anything. I’m not gonna fight for a girl who doesn’t want me.”
“Can I help you?” The flight attendant smiled as she leaned in over me.
“You got any of those little peanuts?”
She smiled and stood back up, running her hands over her uniform.
“I’ll see what I can find.”
“Thanks, doll.” Owens winked at her, causing her to blush as she made her was back down the cramped isle.
“So what are you going to do?”
I shrugged as I interlocked my fingers behind my head.
“Sleep.”
I closed my eyes and hoped that I could get a few hours of shuteye before my mind began to race with memories of war, or of Chelsea. Even the good memories caused my heart to ache and I wished I could just forget that chapter in my life.
As sleep began to take over, I dreamed of my childhood and the other woman in my life I had lost.
“I want to go, too!” I cried out as my aunt picked me up and quickly took me from the living room to the kitchen. My eyes stayed fixed on my mother lying on the couch. She was breathing heavy, labored breaths with a small trail of blood running from the corner of her lip. Her eyes fixed on nothing. My aunt sat me down at a chair at the table and squatted down to my eye level.
“Mommy is very sick right now. We can’t all ride in the ambulance with her or the doctor’s won’t have room to make her all better. Do you understand?” She squeezed my hands painfully tight as tears formed in her eyes. My throat closed and I was unable to speak, to cry out that I wouldn’t leave her.
“Janet!” my uncle screamed from the living room as the medics came through the front door and past us.
At six years old, my entire world was crumbling around me. My mother and I had been on our own since I could remember.
“Has she taken anything?” One of the men asked as my aunt sobbed loudly. They surrounded my mother’s body, and I craned my neck, struggling to catch a glimpse of her.
“Pills. I don’t know what they are. She has migraines, and she has been sick for a while,” she answered, her words coming out rushed.
“I’m gonna take you over to play with Jakey. That sound fun?” Uncle Joe smiled weakly, running his hand over his scruffy brown beard as he drew my attention back to him.
I didn’t know it at that moment, but that was the last time I would see my mother alive. My cousin Jake soon became my brother and my aunt my mother. But I never forgot about my real mom. I was supposed to protect her and be the man my father never was for her and I had failed. I carried that burden with me since the first grade.
Jenn
March 13, 2010, Saturday, 3:32 p.m.
“I’m so sorry I’m late.”
The man at the table stood and held out his hand to me.
“Not a problem.” He shook my hand as his other one rested on the buttons of his suit jacket. His hand was soft, not a man used to getting his hands dirty for a living.
I took a seat across from him and waited for him to settle into his seat again. The waiter immediately poured me a glass of water in a wine goblet.
“Thank you.” I cleared my throat and picked up the glass to take a sip.
“You look nothing like your sister.”
A blush crept over my face, embarrassed as I set my glass back down on the table and cleared my throat.
“It’s the hair color.” I pictured my sister’s long, sweeping blonde hair and large blue eyes.
“I like the dark hair. It suits you.” He smiled. His hair was dark brown peppered with gray. He looked to be at least fifteen years older than me, which made me uncomfortable. It was like being on a date with my father.
“My name is Eusse Waters. I’m not sure what your mother told you about me.”
“Jenn, and nothing really.”
“A little mystery isn’t a bad thing.” He smiled again and I relaxed a little, letting my shoulders sag as the waiter held out our menus. He was far from my type, but a nice meal with some new company wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
He waved them away and began to speak. “We will both have the filet mignon and lobster tail. Medium-well with a house salad, please. No dressing.” His eyes went to mine. “So many useless calories in dressing and it takes away all the flavor of the vegetables, wouldn’t you agree?”
I glanced up at the waiter and let my eyes fall to the table as I slowly nodded. He had more in common with my father than age. This was going to be a long night and I hoped the wine would flow freely.
“Good. Now tell me about this job of yours. Your father says it’s very important to you.”
“It is. I don’t really want to talk about work. Tell me about you.” I tucked my hair behind my ear and forced a smile.
Shane
March 13, 2010, Saturday,
Bangor International Airport, Maine
“You got a pen?” Owens tapped me on the arm, startling me awake.
“What the hell? I was finally sleeping.”
“Yeah, I know. We’re about to land. Give me a pen. I want to give that flight attendant my number.”
“You have a girlfriend.” I slipped my hand inside my top and grabbed a pen and the letter I had forgotten about from my cousin.
“She’s my pen pal, and we aren’t exclusive. Who’s that from?” Owens asked as he took the pen from my hand and wrote his number on a piece of paper.
“Does she know that? It’s that letter from my cousin. He’s in Maine.”
“So are we, man. We’re about to land.”
I sat up in my seat and glanced out the window. My eyes drifted down at the envelope in my hand. I flipped it over and ripped open the top.
March 1, 2010, Tuesday
Dear Shane,
May spoke to Chelsea. We wanted to plan a trip down to see you when you come home. I’m sorry. No one deserves to go through that. I don’t know if this letter will reach you before your mid-tour leave, but I’d like to see you. May and I have an extra bedroom and would love to spend time with you if you get the chance. Tyler and Zack ask about you constantly. I tell them you’re a hero and out fighting the bad guys. They can’t wait to hear your war stories.
I don’t like to share news this way, but we don’t get to talk much on the phone, so here it is. May is pregnant again. She swears it feels like a girl this time. Can you believe that? After six years, our persistence paid off. Hope everything is well with you. Give me a call sometime.
Jake
“Everything good?” Owens leaned forward and glanced down at the letter. I quickly folded it and shoved it back inside my pocket.
“Yeah, my cousin and his wife are having another baby.”
“Nice.” Owens smiled and sank back in his seat.
“Everyone knows about Chelsea.”
“Shit.” Owens scrubbed his face with the heels of his hands. “What are you going to do?”
“Well, I ain’t going home to be humiliated. So much for being a hero.”
“No one thinks this is your fault.”
“Please buckle your seatbelts and return your seats to their upright positions,” a man announced over the intercom system.
We didn’t speak until we were wandering through the airport, shaking hands with those who had come to welcome us home safely. People cheered and thanked us for our service. An elderly man wearing a Vietnam vet hat held out his cellphone for me to use. I took it, staring down at the buttons and wondering who I could call. I was dreading stepping foot back in North Carolina.
“Hello?”
“Jake? Hey, man! How are you doing?”
“Jesus, is this Shane? How have you been?” Jake pulled the phone away from his face and yelled to his wife. “Honey, you will never believe who is on the phone!”
“You busy?”
“Busy? What? No. Just getting the kids’ dinner ready. Where are you?”
“Bangor. I’m at the airport. I want to come see you if that offer is still on the table.”
“Yeah! I’ll be there in like… Just wait for me. It won’t take me a while to get from Bridgewood.”
“I’m not going anywhere, no rush. I think I need to grab a room for the night. Maybe meet up with you in the morning?”
“Yeah, sure. Just give me a call. Don’t be a stranger. Shane, welcome home.”
“Good to be home.” I lied and hung up the phone.
“God bless you and thank you for your service, son.” The elderly man took the phone and smiled up at me.
“Thank you too, sir,” I replied and made my way over to Owens who was shoving cookies into his mouth.
“Next flight is in a few hours. Texas, baby! When’s yours leave?”
“It doesn’t. Change of plans. I’m gonna visit my cousin.”
“Woah, you can’t just do that. You’re gonna unleash a shit storm.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll call whoever I need to call. I can’t go back there. You know it wouldn’t end well.”
“Yeah, all right, man. Stay safe.”
“You too. Don’t do that girl of yours wrong!” I yelled toward Owens as he began walking away. I grabbed my bags and headed out the front door of the airport. The sun was blindingly bright after being locked away in airports over the last few days. I wished I had arrived at night. It was easier to hide the sadness when no one could see into your eyes. The air was chillier than I anticipated and I was thankful I was still wearing my uniform.
I wasn’t about to waste anymore of my time. I walked through the crowds of travelers and made my way down to the main road that led into town. It wasn’t far until the rows of hotels came into sight. I glanced up at the tall buildings and opted for the local motel that was laid out in two stories. Tall buildings made you a target. My eyes scanned the other structures before I picked the area I wanted to stay. I stepped inside the lobby and dropped my bags to the floor with a thud.
“Hello?” A man answered and my hand reflexively balled into a fist. The knuckles of my hand that gripped the phone turned bone-white as I struggled to contain my composure.
“Put Chelsea on the phone,” I demanded through clenched teeth. The receiver made a sound as it was set down, and I could hear muffled voices in the background. I glanced back at Owens who stared back at me expectantly.
“Shane, how are you?”
“I need to come get my stuff.”
“Where are you?”
“I’ll be home in a few days. We got stuck in Germany longer than we expected.” My eyes glanced around at the other soldiers smiling and calling home to their wives and mothers.
“Well,” she cleared her throat, “no need to rush. I’ve boxed up everything and got a storage unit just outside the main gate. It’s paid up until the end of your tour.”
I laid my head against the phone as I struggled to maintain my breathing.
“What about Roxy? You shove her in a damn box too?” I at least wanted to see my golden retriever before I went back. She was getting up there in age, and I was sure she wouldn’t survive through the entire deployment.
“You know I love Roxy. This is her home.”
I shook my head, feeling like my whole world was crashing down around me. This man came in and took my girl, my home, and now my dog.
“It was my home too. You can’t do this. Please don’t do this.”
“I’m sorry, Shane. I have to go.”
The line went dead and I slammed the receiver of the phone down several times before sinking down and burying my face in my hands. My back jerked as I silently gave into the sadness and loss that I had kept inside for weeks.
Jenn
March 13, 2010, Saturday, 3:00 p.m.
I stood in front of the mirror for the tenth time staring at my baby-blue dress that gathered below my chest and flowed freely out to just above my knee. I couldn’t help but think how much better it would have looked on my sister.
I was already late for the date I had no desire to go on. I grabbed my coat, ran down the flight of steps to the ground floor of my apartment, and took off down Main Street toward the restaurant. It was only two blocks away and I was certain my father had chosen it so I had no excuse not to make it.
My flats clacked against the sidewalk as I hurried past the window shoppers and into the front door of the restaurant. Pulling off my pea coat, I struggled to even my breath, suddenly realizing I had no idea who I was meeting.
“I’m meeting someone.” I furrowed my brow as I stared at the host who looked mildly amused.
“Right this way, ma’am.” He turned and made his way through the maze of tables, topped with crisp, white cloths and battery-powered candles. The walls were a deep mahogany that shined against the dim lighting.
A gentleman pushed back his chair and stood with his hand outstretched. My heart rate picked up and I had to mentally count back from twenty as I begged my anxiety to stay at bay.
Shane
March 12, 2010, Friday, Somewhere in the Sky
“This trip is never going to end.” Owens hit the call button above his head for the flight attendant.
“Good.” I stretched my legs out as much as I could. My nearly six-foot frame was not made for commercial airlines.
“You need to get out of this funk, man. A little strange will do you some good.”
“Whatever.” I couldn’t even imagine being with another woman. Not because I was so hung up on my love for Chelsea, but because I wasn’t sure I could trust anyone else.
“I’m serious. What are you gonna do? Go back and declare your love for her? Beat your hands on your chest like a damn caveman? They will strip your rank before you can dip your toes back in the sand.”
“I’m not going to do anything. I’m not gonna fight for a girl who doesn’t want me.”
“Can I help you?” The flight attendant smiled as she leaned in over me.
“You got any of those little peanuts?”
She smiled and stood back up, running her hands over her uniform.
“I’ll see what I can find.”
“Thanks, doll.” Owens winked at her, causing her to blush as she made her was back down the cramped isle.
“So what are you going to do?”
I shrugged as I interlocked my fingers behind my head.
“Sleep.”
I closed my eyes and hoped that I could get a few hours of shuteye before my mind began to race with memories of war, or of Chelsea. Even the good memories caused my heart to ache and I wished I could just forget that chapter in my life.
As sleep began to take over, I dreamed of my childhood and the other woman in my life I had lost.
“I want to go, too!” I cried out as my aunt picked me up and quickly took me from the living room to the kitchen. My eyes stayed fixed on my mother lying on the couch. She was breathing heavy, labored breaths with a small trail of blood running from the corner of her lip. Her eyes fixed on nothing. My aunt sat me down at a chair at the table and squatted down to my eye level.
“Mommy is very sick right now. We can’t all ride in the ambulance with her or the doctor’s won’t have room to make her all better. Do you understand?” She squeezed my hands painfully tight as tears formed in her eyes. My throat closed and I was unable to speak, to cry out that I wouldn’t leave her.
“Janet!” my uncle screamed from the living room as the medics came through the front door and past us.
At six years old, my entire world was crumbling around me. My mother and I had been on our own since I could remember.
“Has she taken anything?” One of the men asked as my aunt sobbed loudly. They surrounded my mother’s body, and I craned my neck, struggling to catch a glimpse of her.
“Pills. I don’t know what they are. She has migraines, and she has been sick for a while,” she answered, her words coming out rushed.
“I’m gonna take you over to play with Jakey. That sound fun?” Uncle Joe smiled weakly, running his hand over his scruffy brown beard as he drew my attention back to him.
I didn’t know it at that moment, but that was the last time I would see my mother alive. My cousin Jake soon became my brother and my aunt my mother. But I never forgot about my real mom. I was supposed to protect her and be the man my father never was for her and I had failed. I carried that burden with me since the first grade.
Jenn
March 13, 2010, Saturday, 3:32 p.m.
“I’m so sorry I’m late.”
The man at the table stood and held out his hand to me.
“Not a problem.” He shook my hand as his other one rested on the buttons of his suit jacket. His hand was soft, not a man used to getting his hands dirty for a living.
I took a seat across from him and waited for him to settle into his seat again. The waiter immediately poured me a glass of water in a wine goblet.
“Thank you.” I cleared my throat and picked up the glass to take a sip.
“You look nothing like your sister.”
A blush crept over my face, embarrassed as I set my glass back down on the table and cleared my throat.
“It’s the hair color.” I pictured my sister’s long, sweeping blonde hair and large blue eyes.
“I like the dark hair. It suits you.” He smiled. His hair was dark brown peppered with gray. He looked to be at least fifteen years older than me, which made me uncomfortable. It was like being on a date with my father.
“My name is Eusse Waters. I’m not sure what your mother told you about me.”
“Jenn, and nothing really.”
“A little mystery isn’t a bad thing.” He smiled again and I relaxed a little, letting my shoulders sag as the waiter held out our menus. He was far from my type, but a nice meal with some new company wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
He waved them away and began to speak. “We will both have the filet mignon and lobster tail. Medium-well with a house salad, please. No dressing.” His eyes went to mine. “So many useless calories in dressing and it takes away all the flavor of the vegetables, wouldn’t you agree?”
I glanced up at the waiter and let my eyes fall to the table as I slowly nodded. He had more in common with my father than age. This was going to be a long night and I hoped the wine would flow freely.
“Good. Now tell me about this job of yours. Your father says it’s very important to you.”
“It is. I don’t really want to talk about work. Tell me about you.” I tucked my hair behind my ear and forced a smile.
Shane
March 13, 2010, Saturday,
Bangor International Airport, Maine
“You got a pen?” Owens tapped me on the arm, startling me awake.
“What the hell? I was finally sleeping.”
“Yeah, I know. We’re about to land. Give me a pen. I want to give that flight attendant my number.”
“You have a girlfriend.” I slipped my hand inside my top and grabbed a pen and the letter I had forgotten about from my cousin.
“She’s my pen pal, and we aren’t exclusive. Who’s that from?” Owens asked as he took the pen from my hand and wrote his number on a piece of paper.
“Does she know that? It’s that letter from my cousin. He’s in Maine.”
“So are we, man. We’re about to land.”
I sat up in my seat and glanced out the window. My eyes drifted down at the envelope in my hand. I flipped it over and ripped open the top.
March 1, 2010, Tuesday
Dear Shane,
May spoke to Chelsea. We wanted to plan a trip down to see you when you come home. I’m sorry. No one deserves to go through that. I don’t know if this letter will reach you before your mid-tour leave, but I’d like to see you. May and I have an extra bedroom and would love to spend time with you if you get the chance. Tyler and Zack ask about you constantly. I tell them you’re a hero and out fighting the bad guys. They can’t wait to hear your war stories.
I don’t like to share news this way, but we don’t get to talk much on the phone, so here it is. May is pregnant again. She swears it feels like a girl this time. Can you believe that? After six years, our persistence paid off. Hope everything is well with you. Give me a call sometime.
Jake
“Everything good?” Owens leaned forward and glanced down at the letter. I quickly folded it and shoved it back inside my pocket.
“Yeah, my cousin and his wife are having another baby.”
“Nice.” Owens smiled and sank back in his seat.
“Everyone knows about Chelsea.”
“Shit.” Owens scrubbed his face with the heels of his hands. “What are you going to do?”
“Well, I ain’t going home to be humiliated. So much for being a hero.”
“No one thinks this is your fault.”
“Please buckle your seatbelts and return your seats to their upright positions,” a man announced over the intercom system.
We didn’t speak until we were wandering through the airport, shaking hands with those who had come to welcome us home safely. People cheered and thanked us for our service. An elderly man wearing a Vietnam vet hat held out his cellphone for me to use. I took it, staring down at the buttons and wondering who I could call. I was dreading stepping foot back in North Carolina.
“Hello?”
“Jake? Hey, man! How are you doing?”
“Jesus, is this Shane? How have you been?” Jake pulled the phone away from his face and yelled to his wife. “Honey, you will never believe who is on the phone!”
“You busy?”
“Busy? What? No. Just getting the kids’ dinner ready. Where are you?”
“Bangor. I’m at the airport. I want to come see you if that offer is still on the table.”
“Yeah! I’ll be there in like… Just wait for me. It won’t take me a while to get from Bridgewood.”
“I’m not going anywhere, no rush. I think I need to grab a room for the night. Maybe meet up with you in the morning?”
“Yeah, sure. Just give me a call. Don’t be a stranger. Shane, welcome home.”
“Good to be home.” I lied and hung up the phone.
“God bless you and thank you for your service, son.” The elderly man took the phone and smiled up at me.
“Thank you too, sir,” I replied and made my way over to Owens who was shoving cookies into his mouth.
“Next flight is in a few hours. Texas, baby! When’s yours leave?”
“It doesn’t. Change of plans. I’m gonna visit my cousin.”
“Woah, you can’t just do that. You’re gonna unleash a shit storm.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll call whoever I need to call. I can’t go back there. You know it wouldn’t end well.”
“Yeah, all right, man. Stay safe.”
“You too. Don’t do that girl of yours wrong!” I yelled toward Owens as he began walking away. I grabbed my bags and headed out the front door of the airport. The sun was blindingly bright after being locked away in airports over the last few days. I wished I had arrived at night. It was easier to hide the sadness when no one could see into your eyes. The air was chillier than I anticipated and I was thankful I was still wearing my uniform.
I wasn’t about to waste anymore of my time. I walked through the crowds of travelers and made my way down to the main road that led into town. It wasn’t far until the rows of hotels came into sight. I glanced up at the tall buildings and opted for the local motel that was laid out in two stories. Tall buildings made you a target. My eyes scanned the other structures before I picked the area I wanted to stay. I stepped inside the lobby and dropped my bags to the floor with a thud.
