The Savage Grace
Page 21

I attempted to wrestle my hands from his grasp. I wanted to hit him. Hurt him. Make him feel the pain I had inside. He should have been the one who got hurt! But Talbot pulled my arms around him and hugged me in a tight embrace, holding me against his chest, like he had before I realized he wasn’t Daniel. And for a few short seconds I contemplated melting into his arms, letting him hold me, letting everything go for just a few moments.
But I couldn’t.
“Let go,” I said. “What are you doing?”
“This is what you need, isn’t it?” Talbot said. “I heard what you said in the parish, that you miss having someone to hold you in his arms. I can do that for you.”
I struggled out of his embrace. “No, you can’t. I said that I missed Daniel holding me. And you’re not him.
You never will be. So this can’t happen.” I pushed his arms down and stepped away.
He stared at me from under the brim of his baseball cap. “How do you mourn someone who isn’t dead?” he asked.
“What?”
“At the parish, you said that it feels like Daniel is dead, even though he isn’t. When someone dies, you mourn him for a time and then you can move on. But how will you ever stop mourning Daniel if you haven’t accepted that he’s gone? At some point you’re going to have to realize that the part of Daniel that was Daniel is dead. That he isn’t coming back. That he’ll never hold you in his arms again—”
“Shut up.”
“Once you accept that, you’ll be able to move on.”
“I said shut up.”
Talbot put his hand on my arm like he wanted to pull me against him again. “He can’t hold you in his arms, but I can.”
I yanked myself out of his grasp. “You don’t get to do that. Leave me alone.”
“I’ll wait for you until you’re ready to move on.”
“That’s never going to happen!” My hands balled into fists.
Talbot stepped back. He dropped his arms to his sides, as if showing me that he’d submit himself to an attack. “I’m sorry.” He lowered his head. “I shouldn’t have said all that. I just … I just don’t like seeing you do this to yourself. I look at you, and I don’t see my grace anymore. And I miss her.”
“I haven’t gone anywhere … and I was never yours to miss in the first place.”
“You might be standing right here, but you’re not the you I met a few weeks ago. That girl had fire. That girl wanted to be a superhero. The you I see now is someone who is wasting away, forgetting everything she wanted for herself. When was the last time you trained? Or even ate?”
“You make it sound like I’ve done nothing but curl up in a corner and cry for the last week.” Okay, so I had just been crying in a corner of a stairwell—but still. “I’m not some weak little do-nothing. I’m doing everything I possibly can to bring Daniel back.”
“And that’s the problem. The only thing you have passion for anymore is trying to find something that can’t be found.” He lowered his voice, looking down at his large hands. “And I’m afraid you’re going to lose whatever is left of your old self in the process. You need to give up this search. The warehouse is gone, and you’re not going to find that moonstone in the parish yard.”
My fists loosened, and I found my own arms dropping to my sides. Talbot was right. I wasn’t going to find a moonstone by searching for it. I’d just said I was doing everything I could to try to bring Daniel back, but I wasn’t. There was still the thing I’d promised my father would only be my last resort.…
“Please don’t hate me, Grace, for saying all of this. But someone had to. I just want to be your friend. I’ve been on my own since I was thirteen, so I kind of suck at interpersonal relationships.”
“Yeah, you do,” I said, my mind still preoccupied with the revelation that was unfolding inside my head.
“I’m trying my hardest.” He shoved his thumbs through his belt loops. “Are you ever going to trust me again?”
I thought about how Talbot was trying to make things up to me. I remembered how terrified even hardened Slade had been by the fire at the warehouse, and I realized just how much guts it must have taken for Talbot to go into the burning corridor by himself in order to pull my father out. He was right. He’d tried his best. He might say idiotic things, but he deserved more from me than my perpetual disdain.
“Thank you,” I finally said.
Talbot looked down at me.
“You did what I asked you to do. You tried to keep my dad safe.” I put my hand on his arm. “We can be friends again. It’s what I need right now.”
“You have no idea how much that means to me.” He smiled. “All I want is for you to realize how much I care about you.”
“Don’t get too excited,” I said softly. “It doesn’t really mean much now … because I’m leaving.”
“You’re what?”
“I’m leaving,” I said with sudden conviction, even though I hadn’t known that was my decision until I said it. “You’re right. I’m never going to find that moonstone piece at the parish. It’s hopeless. And with the warehouse destroyed now … I have only one chance left to get a moonstone before it’s too late and Daniel leaves me forever. And that’s to go to Sirhan.”
“Sirhan? That’s crazy, Grace. You can’t go there.” His eyes were stern, and he gripped my arm like he could physically hold me back. “You go to Sirhan, and there’s a good chance you’ll never—”
“Return? I know. But if that’s the price I need to pay to get Daniel back, then that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll trade myself for a moonstone.”
“And then do what? How will that even help Daniel?”
“I’ll send it back to April. I don’t know.” I hadn’t thought that much of it through. “I’ll figure it out if … when … I get to that point. But I’m going, and there’s nothing that can stop me.”
“What about your dad? The rest of your family?”
“There’s nothing I can do to help my dad by staying here. I tried to do that healing thing on him with Gabriel, but it backfired and I ended up hurting him more.”