The Unfailing Light
Chapter Seventeen

Alix was still gone a few weeks later when I celebrated my seventeenth birthday. The headmistress discouraged extravagant celebrations for student birthdays, but allowed us to receive notes and small packages from relatives. My parents, who were still in Biarritz on the French coast, had sent a large package of cakes and fruits for me to share with my friends. I received letters from my brother and a mysterious parcel of Swiss chocolates in a heart-shaped tin. Elena smiled. "They are from Danilo, of course."
I was almost afraid to try them, worried they would be laced with some sort of Vladiki poison. But Elena sampled one without asking, and was kind enough to even offer some to Erzsebet and Augusta as well. I decided the candies were probably safe and chose one before Elena had given them all away.
It was delicious. I vowed to find more Swiss chocolates at Christmastime to give as gifts. Dariya and Countess Zina would adore them. So would my father.
Madame Orbellani had managed to find me a copy of the latest medical journal from Berlin. "This is to help you study your German," she said with a wink.
"Danke, Madame," I said, giving her a hug.
Sister Anna said a prayer for me and gave me a tiny icon of St. Katerina in a golden frame.
"Merci, Sister," I said, dutifully hugging her as well. I tried not to think about my namesake saint, the fourth-century virgin of Alexandria, who was beheaded at age eighteen for refusing to make sacrifices to the emperor's pagan gods. The daughter of nobility, she was one of the most highly educated young women of her time, which made her the patron saint of female students everywhere.
Dariya surprised me with a visit that afternoon, and we strolled in the garden, which was covered with fallen brown leaves. They crackled under our boots as we walked arm in arm just like we had for years together before, sharing secrets and gossip.
"How do you like being a lady-in-waiting?" I asked.
"It's dreadfully boring!" Dariya said. "Nothing to do but stand around in a scratchy old gown and wait."
"Wait for what?" I asked distractedly. A toad was hopping out from beneath the decaying leaves.
"Nothing, or anything!" Dariya said with a long sigh. "I go to balls and stand behind Grand Duchess Miechen waiting in case she needs a shawl, or waiting to see if she needs tea."
"But that is what the pages are for," I said. It was an honor reserved for only the brightest young men of the Corps de Pages, who studied at Vorontsov Palace, to be chosen to serve as a page to one of the imperial family members. It often sparked a brilliant diplomatic or military career.
My cousin shook her head. "Miechen likes to be surrounded by handsome young men in their smart uniforms, but she doesn't trust them to make the tea the way she likes it."
I'd had no idea the dark faerie was so particular about her tea. My cousin giggled when she saw the dubious look I gave her.
"Two sugars," she said, mimicking the grand duchess's faintly German accent. "And just a hint of cream."
"Cream?"
Dariya shrugged. "It is the English way," she said. "Perhaps one of the children's nannies introduced it to her."
Russians loved their tea, and we swarmed around the hissing samovar found in every house and every cafe or bakery to warm our hands and bellies with the strong drink. Some people liked it very sweet, and I'd seen my grandmother drink it in the ancient fashionable style with the sugar cube held between her teeth. I myself liked more lemon than sugar in mine. But to defile one's tea with cream? I couldn't help shuddering.
"I prefer raspberry jelly," Dariya said. "But I did try adding cream once, and really, Katiya, it wasn't bad."
I shook my head and looked at her in what I hoped would be stern reproach. "What would your stepmother say?"
She giggled. "My stepmother has already taken to drinking her tea exactly like the grand duchess. I don't think she likes it that way, but she pretends she does!"
It really did not matter to me how the dark faerie drank her tea. Or how the rest of the Dark Court drank theirs, for that matter. "Have you heard any news of the Light Court?"
Dariya narrowed her eyes at me shrewdly. "I've heard lots of news. Especially about a particular grand duke who is all the rage in Paris."
I blushed as she gave me a friendly nudge. "I was curious about Grand Duchess Xenia," I protested. "She is always kind to me."
"But she is not in Paris," Dariya teased. "I have heard that George Alexandrovich has found himself a new set of fast friends. Dangerous magicians," she added in a lower, less teasing voice. A group of younger girls wearing brown uniforms passed us on their way to afternoon music lessons.
The fact that George was destined to become the next Koldun was a secret I could not share with Dariya. Especially since she now owed her allegiance to Miechen. What damage could the dark faerie do if she knew the name of the Koldun who protected the tsar? Even if she did know who the current Koldun was, I would protect George's secret all the way to the grave.
Dariya went on, "There are several young officers in the Order of St. John who dabble in ceremonial magic. I hear they have secret gatherings in London and Paris as well."
"To do what?" I asked. This must be what Petya had written to warn me about. I prayed he wasn't involved.
My cousin shrugged. "I expect it's mostly for entertainment, just like seances. But I'm sure there are a few magicians who perform real spells and rituals."
I stopped walking to look at her. "Dariya. Have you forgotten how dangerous it can be when people 'dabble'?"
She was not teasing anymore. "Of course not. This is why I wanted you to know about your grand duke. It's not safe for him in Paris."
"What exactly have you heard?" I asked.
"That he has fallen in with a group of powerful dark wizards. That he is enjoying Paris and all that it has to offer."
"And what would you have me do about it?" I felt helpless, trapped here at Smolny. "I cannot leave."
"Why not? I honestly can't understand why you chose to return here in the first place, Katiya. I didn't understand your desire to go to Zurich either, but what on earth made you change your mind?"
I couldn't trust Dariya and tell her the truth. She knew about my powers, and she knew about Elena. But anything I confided to her now could be passed along to Grand Duchess Miechen. She couldn't learn about the empress's spell around Smolny, or that I was being held a prisoner here for my own safety. As well as for the tsar's. He needed me close by, and safe, in case Konstantin returned. I was certain that the empress did not want the grand duchess knowing of the threat to the tsar.
"I'm really too young," I said finally. "I only just turned seventeen, Dariya. Next year I will be ready." The tsar could not make me stay at Smolny longer than that.
"That is true," Dariya said, nodding sympathetically. "You'd probably be the youngest student at the university, and you would hate all the attention that drew. But tell me, how is teaching? I would imagine that the Blue Form girls are just as silly as ever."
I smiled. "They are. And yet, they seem so bright and eager to learn. I don't remember being so intelligent when we were in the Blue Form classes."
"Speaking of silly girls," Dariya said, "I did hear one piece of Light Court gossip that will amuse you. Grand Duchess Ella made the empress furious when she insisted on taking Alix from Smolny. She said Alix was very ill." Dariya's liveliness disappeared and she looked at me anxiously. "It wasn't the veshtiza, was it?" she asked.
"No," I assured her. "I'm positive it wasn't." I suspected it had to do with the empress's spell around the school. But if Alix was some sort of supernatural creature, like Elena and myself, how had Ella convinced the empress to release Alix? I remembered the way the carriage had passed through the spell's barrier with extreme difficulty. "How do you know the empress was angry?"
My cousin shrugged again. "Grand Duchess Ella has not been invited to dinner at the Winter Palace since. But I'm sure the empress will forgive her soon."
I wondered just how much magic was required for maintaining the spell around Smolny. The empress must have been more powerful than anyone suspected. Or she had someone or something helping her.
We were coming to the end of the path and Grand Duchess Miechen's carriage was waiting for Dariya. I embraced her when we got to the carriage. "Thank you so much for coming to visit. It would not have been the same if I'd had to spend my birthday here alone."
"We've been celebrating your birthday together out here in the courtyard for six years. Under this same birch tree! Since you would not leave Smolny, I had to come to you." Dariya smiled. "The grand duchess sends her birthday wishes for you as well. As does my stepmaman."
"Give them both my thanks," I said.
She turned around to look at me. "What are you going to do about your grand duke?"
"Worry." I could think of nothing else. It was not proper for me to write to him. And whom could I trust to send a message for me? Not Dariya.
Dariya sighed. "Then I wish I hadn't distressed you with the news. I would not have told you if I did not think you could do something about it. I thought you and the grand duke had an understanding."
I shook my head. "The only understanding we have is that he has his path to follow and I have mine."
My cousin crushed me in her arms. "I'm so sorry, Katiya. Perhaps it is for the best. You belong in the Dark Court, after all. With us. You deserve a proper Dark Court marriage."
I shivered at her words. Why was she so ready to claim her alliance with Miechen? Of course, it was the court we'd both grown up in, whether we were aware of it as children or not. I pulled away and stared at her. "What if I don't want a marriage at all?"
"That's ridiculous. You can study medicine if you wish and still be married. I've learned that there are girls who marry male students just so they can attend the university. Without their father's or guardian's permission, they simply find husbands of convenience. Usually for a large amount of money, of course."
"That is not what I want at all," I said. I remembered Dr. Bokova, the woman I'd met on the train. Did she have to marry a stranger in order to get her education? No wonder she thought I was privileged and spoiled.
Dariya smiled. "I believe you can create the life you want, Katiya. You are strong enough to make all of your dreams come true."
"And what about you? What about your dreams?"
My cousin shrugged. "I want the rich and handsome husband and the grand palace. That is enough for me, I think." She glanced around and, seeing we were still alone, she smiled. "And there are several rich and handsome young men that attend Miechen's court. Being a lady-in-waiting has its advantages. The grand duchess has been so kind to me. She's pointed out several eligible young princes."
I wondered if Miechen kept Dariya close because of her relationship with me. Was the grand duchess spying on me through my cousin? Surely she had other methods. "Don't be in such a hurry to get married," I said. "Enjoy your time at Miechen's court. Within reason, of course."
Dariya grinned. "It would be so much more enjoyable if you were there too. Perhaps I will see you at one of the balls soon?" Her eyes lit up. "The Smolny Ball is coming up!"
I brightened up at the thought, remembering my dance with the grand duke. Would the empress allow me to leave the school for the ball? Surely the Winter Palace would be protected from Konstantin and his magic.
I stood there at the gate and watched the horses pull Dariya's carriage away, taking my cousin with them. The carriage passed through the spell barrier easily. I hadn't felt lonely before, but now I felt incredibly alone. And cold.
The wind had picked up as the sun had begun to sink behind the birch trees. Shivering, I made my way back inside the institute. I had a nice bowl of borscht for supper, and a fruit tart. After dinner, Elena brought out a deck of cards she kept hidden underneath her pillow.
Erzsebet threw herself down on Elena's cot. "Are you going to tell Katiya's fortune?" she asked.
Elena looked up at me and smiled. It made my blood run cold. "I'd rather you did not," I began, but she interrupted me.
"Katerina, it is your birthday! Don't you want to know what the next year holds for you?" She shuffled the cards in her deck delicately before handing the pack to me. "You only have to pick one card."
Erzsebet and Augusta were looking up at me expectantly. Even Aurora, who was writing a letter on her own cot, glanced over at us with curiosity. Elena sighed sadly. "What if the cards can warn you of something before it's too late? Or prepare you for something exciting?"
I sighed and took the cards from her hand. I shuffled them again, knowing from watching Maman all these years that the cards would not read properly unless I'd touched them myself. I closed my eyes, willing the cards to say something benign about my future. Please, no Death card or Hanged Man, or anything else that would frighten the Bavarian princesses or cause them to whisper about me in the halls. And Aurora would be sure to tell Princess Alix if my cards foretold of evil and misery.
I held my breath as I handed the cards back to Elena. I pulled the card on the top of the deck and laid it down, faceup, on her quilt. The Queen of Swords. An elegant but unsmiling woman riding a horse, her sword held up like Joan of Arc. It was the same card the Montenegrins had sent me last year at Christmas. Fear made my stomach clench into knots.
"Oooh, how pretty!" Erzsebet said, shoving her sister aside to get a better look.
"Is she going to win a lot of money gambling, like the old woman in that Pushkin story?" Aurora asked.
Elena's face showed no surprise. "No." She picked the card up and examined it more closely. "But she will be taking dangerous risks, just the same." She looked up at me. "Every queen has her king. And Danilo is waiting for you to realize fate wants the two of you together."
I rolled my eyes, pretending the card had not spooked me. "Fate has nothing to do with it. Your ambitious mother wants the two of us together. But it's not going to happen."
She sighed as she wrapped her cards up in a silk cloth and tucked them back under her pillow. "Sometimes I do not understand you, Katerina Alexandrovna. You throw away happiness at every chance you get."
I went to sleep that night a little sad that I had not received any card or birthday token from the grand duke. Of course, it would not have been appropriate for him to send me anything, but social propriety had not stopped Danilo. I closed my eyes, wondering if George Alexandrovich even knew when my birthday was. Everyone knew the birth dates and saint days of the imperial family, for all of Russia prayed for each and every one of them. So all my life I'd been saying prayers for His Imperial Highness Grand Duke George Alexandrovich Romanov of Russia. Every April and every May, long before I'd ever met him.
I thought of his arms around me in the Crimea, his soft lips on mine, and hugged myself in the dark. The recently full moon was shining through our tiny window, illuminating the sleeping bodies of Elena and Aurora. I wiped the silent tears off my face, and made an attempt to quit feeling sorry for myself. Somehow, I did not think my blue-eyed grand duke, somewhere in the moonlit streets of Paris with his secret wizards, was saying any prayers for me. But I could still pray for him. I prayed that he would return safely to me soon.