Thirty-Six and a Half Motives
Page 106

She procured a chair, then pushed me toward the elevator, chattering on and on like a magpie. I didn’t pay attention to a word she said, but I was grateful to her nonetheless. The silence would have strained us both.
Once we reached Mason’s room—thankfully a regular room—Neely Kate pushed my chair aside and knocked on the door. Maeve answered, looking exhausted and thinner than I’d ever seen her.
“Rose,” she said, smiling. “You are just what the doctor ordered. Mason’s been asking about you nonstop. I wouldn’t have put it past him to crawl down the hall to see you. But it felt wrong to ask you to come.”
“Rose has been the same way,” Neely Kate groaned. “I had to force her to use a wheelchair to come down here.”
“How’s he doin’?” I asked, twisting my hands in my lap.
Maeve’s smile fell. “He’s sleeping right now. He’s been in a lot of pain, and his spirits are low, but I think you’ll be a good cure for that.”
I nodded. I hoped so.
Neely Kate pushed me into the room and next to his bed. He was connected to various tubes and monitors, and like Maeve had said, he was sleeping.
Tears filled my eyes as I took in his pale face. He’d gotten shot because of me.
But then his eyes fluttered open. He smiled when he saw me, and some of my worries faded.
Neely Kate leaned toward my ear. “Maeve and I are going to get a cup of coffee. Press the call button if you need a nurse.”
“Okay.”
As soon as they left the room, I stood, pushing the wheelchair a few feet away.
“Rose,” he said, sounding hoarse. “You shouldn’t—”
“Hush,” I said, taking his hand in mine. “I’m only in that thing because it was the easiest way to get Neely Kate on board with comin’ to see you.”
He looked up at me, worry in his eyes. “You’re okay?”
“I’m fine. A concussion and some broken ribs. I’ll survive.”
“Your face . . .”
I grimaced, then flinched from the pain. “Everyone keeps telling me how bad it looks, but Neely Kate has shrouded the mirror. She even makes me eat my Jell-O with a plastic spoon so I didn’t accidently see myself.”
He squeezed my hand. “You’re beautiful.”
My heart melted. I loved this man something fierce, but I couldn’t ignore my unsettled feeling. “You saved me, Mason. And then you almost died. Because of me.”
“Sweetheart,” he said, searching my face. “I love you. I would do anything to protect you.”
I nodded, tears filling my eyes. “Me too.”
He smiled. “I know. You’ve proved that time and time again. Only, I was too stupid to acknowledge it.”
“Mason, no.”
“Rose.” He waited. “In some ways, I’ve treated you no better than Joe did.”
“That’s not true!”
“It is. We both know it’s true.” He paused. “I’ve never known anyone like you.”
I cringed. “I think that was a compliment.”
He chuckled, then tensed with pain. “The highest of compliments.” He looked down at our clasped hands and stroked the back of my knuckles with his thumb. “Sometimes I forget how young you are.”
My chest constricted, sending pain through my broken ribs. “What does that mean?” I asked, my voice sounding strangled. “I’m twenty-five years old, Mason. I’m hardly a child.”
His gaze lifted to mine. “But you were until last year when your mother died. You’d lived such a sheltered life. And then, like a butterfly, you were set free.” His eyes glistened. “But Joe held you back. We both know it, and I think Joe knows it, too, when he lets himself acknowledge it.”
I shook my head, ignoring the pain that shot through it. “What are you saying, Mason?”
“I’m saying you’ve only really been free for eight months, and during that time you’ve been in two serious relationships. You’ve never had the chance to find out who you really are.”
I started to cry. “That’s the biggest load of dog crap I’ve ever heard, Mason Deveraux. I know exactly who I am.”
“I think I’ve known it for a month or so, maybe even since our pregnancy scare. I would have married you in a heartbeat. I’d marry you right now without a single regret. But I never stopped to ask myself if you were ready.”
“Then why don’t you ask me, Mason?” I said, getting angry. “I love you—” My voice broke. “I risked everything to save you. How can you doubt me?”
“Oh, Rose. Sweetheart.” He lifted his hand to the back of my head. “I have never once doubted that you love me. When you love, you love with your whole heart. You glow with it. I know how blessed I am to have that.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“I’m saying I’m holding you back.”
“No.”
“Yes. Tell me the truth. Over the last two days, how many times have you thought of me or wanted to talk to me?”
I sucked in a breath, sending daggers into my side. “That’s not fair.”
“No, it’s not. I haven’t been fair to you,” he said. “I’m thirty-three years old. I’ve had my fun, but now I’m ready to settle down. I’m ready for a family.”
“And so am I.”
He shook his head. “No, you’re just starting to live your life. You need to experience it before you can settle down. You may be twenty-five, but you haven’t had a chance to experience a full life like most twenty-five-year-olds have. I don’t want to steal that from you. I don’t want you to resent me for it later.”
“How can you say that?”
“You found it liberating to do what you needed to do without checking in with me,” he said softly. “Look deep inside and tell me I’m wrong.”
I didn’t have to look too deep.
“I think I fully realized it yesterday, as I worried myself sick over you. When I saw you in the stairwell, I knew you didn’t need me like I need you.”
My chest hurt. “That’s not fair, Mason.”
“It’s not a criticism of you,” he said softly. “It’s only a sign that you’re not ready. You still have living to do.” When I didn’t answer, he said, “When you broke up with me, I panicked. It made me realize something. Besides my job, I’ve made you my whole world, but you have so much more.”